It was actually pretty close to this time last year when I penned the piece "How To Get Through The Holidays If You Don't Observe Them". Unlike some of the other articles that I write for the site, I pulled that one from very personal experience. Being that my personality is very wired to "be good" on something once I know its origin, holidays are something that I tend to take a pass on; this includes Thanksgiving (some insightful reads on its origin are found here, here, and here). Still, this doesn't mean I'm not aware of the fact that many people use this time of year to reflect on their blessings and to say "thanks" for all the good that has come their way. Since I like to write on relationships a lot, I thought to myself, "Why not come up with ways for people to show gratitude to their significant other?"
Not only is it a kind thing to do, expressing gratitude can also be a proactive way to preserve your relationship as well. Why do I say that? It's because, more times than not, whenever someone talks to me about how their relationship has gotten to the point where it's basically on life support, one of the main reasons why is because they feel taken for granted and not appreciated.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Whether you've only been with your boo for a few months or it's been several years and counting, before you sit around a Thanksgiving dinner table to share all of the things that you are truly thankful for this year, please make the time to show your significant other why you're so grateful for them as well. If you need a little inspiration to come up with a cool way to do it, I've got a few.
1. Write a List of What You Appreciate About Them. Then Frame It.
"Appreciate" is a dope word. It means "to be grateful or thankful for" and "to value or regard highly; place a high estimate on." The reason why I think a lot of people feel taken for granted in their relationship is that their significant other tends to overlook another definition of the word—"to be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect."
All of us like to feel that the person we are seeing not only values us, but also have the desire to make sure that we're aware of just how much they do. To jot down a list of reasons why you love or admire the special individual in your life and then frame it, not only is that a sentimental gesture, it's something that they can hold close to them for the rest of their life.
2. Mail a Handwritten Thank-You Note for a Week Straight
While checking out an article onLifehack's site, it brought up some points about handwriting letters that I definitely thought were worth sharing. It said handwriting sentiments was a really classy thing to do. Plus, it showed that you cared enough about someone to take the time to write your thoughts and feelings down. It even shared a study that revealed writing things can make you feel happier and more self-satisfied.
These days, we're so used to everything coming in the form of an email or text that, imagine how surprised the object of your affection will feel to receive seven handwritten thank-you notes—one for each day of the week. The only thing that would impress them more is if you actually sent them through the mail. Because who doesn't like to see something other than a bill in their mailbox?
3. Send an Email with 10 Ways They’ve Inspired You
Not to say that emailing isn't also effective. If you take 5-10 minutes to think about what your boo has brought to your life since knowing them, you can probably easily come up with 10 ways that they've inspired you to become a better person. By expressing your gratitude in this way, not only will it be nice for your significant other to hear, but it can also remind you of why you're with them in the first place. It'll be the best email they've received in a while. I'd be willing to put a good amount of money on that.
4. Create an Appreciation Jar
One of the best gifts that I've ever received, hands down, was from two friends who gave me a box. When I opened it up, there were different colored pieces of construction paper on them. Each had a word that my friends said described my personality. Come to think of it, I've had that box for about 15 years now. It's still on display and I still adore it because it was extremely thoughtful. It also gave me insight into how other people see me.
Another way to show your partner just how much you appreciate them is to create something similar; maybe something like an appreciation jar. Go to a local art store, Walmart or Target to get a Mason jar (make sure it has a lid). Then, cut up some pieces of paper. On each one, type or handwrite one thing that you appreciate about them. Try and come up with enough things to fill the jar, at least halfway. It can be a great pick-me-up if they choose to place the jar on their desk at work. All they need to do is open it, pull out a piece of paper, and bam—they will have an instant reminder of why there is at least one person on the planet who values them and is truly thankful for them. Not just for one reason but many.
5. Make Them a Gift Basket
My godchildren's mom was recently telling me that she encouraged my older goddaughter to make the people in her life Christmas gifts this year instead of buying them. My godchild has very particular taste, even at eight years of age, so she wasn't impressed with her mom's suggestion. But I can honestly say that the things that I've gotten from my goddaughter that have moved me the most are things that she handcrafted. Just like my goddaughter, I think a lot of adults also underestimate the impact of what a handmade gift can do, especially if you're looking for ways to show someone how grateful they are to have them in your world. If you're open to considering making your partner something, how about a gift basket of some sort?
You can create one that centers around a theme like a pampering or a favorite memories basket, or you can just put a variety of random small special items in it. Items like what? Your partner's favorite cookies; a framed picture of the two of you; a CD that features some of y'all's favorite songs; tickets to a movie or upcoming concert; a bottle of wine that the two of you can share; some scented candles; a copy of a book that they've been wanting to read—these are just some ideas to get your creative juices going. Once you know what you want to put into your basket, all you need to do is go to a local arts and crafts store to pick up a basket, some cellophane to wrap everything up in, along with a big ole' bow. Just like that, you're good to go.
6. Treat Them to Something They Enjoy Doing
Something that a lot of guys tell me that they hate about dating is the fact that, oftentimes, the date is centered around what the woman wants to do, not them. Some of us don't even think about this when we're talking to our man about what to do the following weekend. No matter what your guy's love language might be, I don't know one man who wouldn't be moved by the "acts of service" decision to plan an entire date around the things that he enjoys most.
Maybe it's tickets to a game. Maybe it's doing something super adventurous. Maybe it's getting a meal from a favorite food truck and sitting in a car and talking for hours. The point is to hone in on what his likes are and then to show how much you adore him by customizing a date that is totally centered around those things. The thought itself is something that will deeply move him. It really will.
7. Have Some “Thank You Flowers” Delivered to Their Job
There's a platonic male friend of mine that I once brought flowers to. He had an acting debut and I thought that a bunch of sunflowers would be a cool gift. When I handed them to him, he said, "I've never received flowers before. I never thought that I would like getting them this much." He still talks about that to this day. That's why sending flowers makes this list. Although traditionally, we think of floral deliveries going to women, I think it would put a smile on a lot of men's faces to get a fresh bouquet at their place of business. Especially when it's from their lady and includes a sweet note.
As far as what kind of flowers to get, ones that specifically express gratitude include roses, irises, chrysanthemums, sweet peas, and any kind of yellow flower. If you want to be symbolic, that is.
8. Give Them a Personalized Gratitude Journal
Another way to show your boo just how grateful you are for them is to gift them with a gratitude journal. The reason why this can ultimately prove to be the gift that keeps on giving is that there is a significant amount of scientific evidence to support that expressing gratitude on a regular basis enhances relationships, improves one's physical as well as psychological health, improves our self-esteem and even makes it easier to sleep at night.
Make the journal an extra special present by getting it personalized with their name on it, along with a favorite love quote, song lyric, or an original sentiment about how you feel about your partner. Don't forget to write an inscription on the inside of the journal too. As far as where you can get a personalized journal, off the top of my head, I know that Etsy offers some that are at a pretty reasonable price.
9. Purchase Something Made Out of “Gratitude Crystals”
If you want to give a gift that comes in the form of jewelry or maybe even a keychain, how about giving your partner something that is made out of crystals that evoke feelings of gratitude by making the individual feel good about themselves? Druzy crystals promote feelings of self-love. Sodalites promote feelings of self-awareness. Danburite encourages people to let their light shine. Rhodochrosite symbolizes joy and compassion in one's life. Green Aventurine is both a comforter as well as a heart healer. A gift that has these kinds of meanings will make the receiver grateful to receive it, and grateful every time that they wear it (or use it) and the gift-giver comes to mind.
10. Get a Wall Calendar and Write a Memory You Cherish for Each Month of the Year
We are right on the cusp of a new year. Something else that you can do to keep your partner organized and make them feel appreciated is to get them a 2022 wall calendar. Then, for each month, write a memory pertaining to you two's relationship that you truly cherish. It's kind. It's thoughtful. And it's something that they can make use of for the next 365 days.
I can just imagine how much closer a lot of people would be in their relationship of expressing gratitude was a priority. Set the bar by doing something creative for your partner over the next few days. It will make both of you feel that much closer. Gratitude always does.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Originally published on November 27, 2019
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert