Minds. Letters. Your favorite restaurants. These are only some of the things that are best when open. Apparently, relationships now belong to that list. While Millennials and Gen Zs are engaging more in this type of relationship, it is not just a trend today. Open relationships date back since time immemorial and have been a part of different cultures around the globe. But what, exactly, are open relationships? And most importantly, is it for you (and your partner/s)?
“Open relationship” is an umbrella term encapsulating other forms of nonmonogamous relationships like:
- Polyamory - A practice and philosophy of loving multiple people simultaneously—intimately and romantically.
- Monogamish - Two people in a primary relationship but open to others strictly sexually.
- Swinging - A social practice of swapping sexual partners or joining group sexual activities as a shared bonding experience of a coupled relationship.
- Relationship Anarchy - A relationship approach that rejects rules and expectations. Instead, the people involved will follow their core values (not social norms) to navigate the relationship.
If you’re one of the 26% of Americans interested in having an open relationship, there are general guidelines, boundaries, and agreements to consider before you swing (heh) your shot.
There’s no non-negotiable, all-encompassing “rule” to follow as each individual and relationship differs. Still, establish ways to ensure you practice ethical nonmonogamy and provide emotional safety for all parties involved.
1.Do it for the right reasons.
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Start by identifying what an open relationship means for you. First, look internally—why are you interested in opening your relationship? People enter this type of arrangement for various reasons, like exploring their sexuality, a kink or fantasy, or mismatched libidos, among others.
Whatever your reason is, you shouldn’t start an open relationship to solve the problems of your current relationship or fill your dissatisfaction with it. Kicking off a nonmonogamous relationship for the wrong reasons builds a shaky base. And what does that do to an unstable foundation? It will easily topple over.
2.Honesty is key.
Honesty is the baseline of trust for any form of relationship—open or not. It means never lying, never hiding the truth, and never omitting or misdirecting from the fact INTENTIONALLY. And it’s even more imperative in a relationship involving more than two people. Being honest facilitates healthy and open communication for a functional relationship.
You need to be able to talk openly and have confidence in the person’s authenticity, transparency, and straightforwardness.
3.Always talk about your relationship.
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Open relationships are neither novel nor rare—with 4% of Americans in open relationships and 20% of them having entered open relationships at some point in their lives, according to the same report above. Hence, it should be a topic you can discuss freely, especially with your partner/s. Communication isn’t a one-time, done deal. Set a schedule and space for these communications, like a date night or staycation to nurture the relationship.
Also, determine which and how much detail to convey. Some people want to know Every. Single. Detail, while others prefer to be left in the dark on some information.
4.Identify each other’s emotional boundaries.
Emotional boundaries are hard to define and set. Still, they should be discussed. The concept of feelings is complex. And while couples often turn to a “No Emotions Allowed” rule, you might be setting yourselves up for failure as—as cheesy as it sounds—you can’t know for sure who you’re going to fall in love with.
But you can take baby steps. Start by discussing these two questions:
- Can you have sex without developing feelings for the other person?
- If you do, how will you and your primary partner address that situation?
5.Set sexual boundaries.
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And be explicit and specific while you’re at it. Set sexual boundaries in your open relationship by defining the following:
- Which sex acts are on or off limits?
- When or how do you display affection?
- How often can sex occur (weekly, monthly, or so on)?
- How many partners at a time and where?
- Is penetrative sex okay? How about oral sex and kissing?
- Will sex toys be used and shared?
I know. It gets weirdly specific and personal. But you should clarify all these stipulations and logistics before going forth and unleashing your sexual vigor out there.
6.Practice safe and consensual sex.
Aside from the emotional baggage involved (or not) during sexual activities, sexual boundaries also center around sexual risk management. You and your partner will engage in sexual acts with multiple people, which translates to higher chances of contracting STIs. But you can protect yourself by establishing safe sex guidelines. And always ensuring everything is with CONSENT for all parties involved.
For example, make sure you use condoms. Simple, readily available, and effective—when used correctly. In fact, nonmonogamous individuals are more likely to use condoms and get tested for HIV and other STIs. Great!
7.Allot time to check in with your partner.
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Regular check-ins with your primary partner are ideal to ensure they’re nurtured, respected, and excited in the aspect of open relationships, especially when it’s new. Over time, you can make these check-ins less frequent when you and your partner get into the swing of things.
And (!) don’t forget your secondary partner(s) as well. All parties in the relationship should feel comfortable, respected, and cared for.
8.Jealousy is your enemy.
Ahh, jealousy. The elephant in the room.
Jealousy is often the crux of open relationships. And that’s normal because humans have feelings, needs, and wants. Some also assume people in open relationships don’t have the right to be jealous. That’s a no-no. These feelings are entirely valid, and you can work through them.
This is where everything comes in full circle—you’d need that trust, honesty, and open communication to cope with jealousy. Reevaluate your needs and boundaries as an individual and as a couple. Then, you can build a healthy and happy relationship if you work through it with your partner.
There are many nuances to people, relationships, and emotions. Continue educating yourself more on practicing ethical nonmonogamy if it’s something you want to practice.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert