Before I begin, let me be clear, I love sex. There's nothing like a man that knows how to make love to your mind as well as your body.
However, while I have memories that I will always cherish, there are memories I honestly wish I could eliminate. The thing is, I knew I was having sex for all the wrong reasons. There were feelings that I didn't want to deal with and I used sex as a way to deal. I wasn't happy with my life, and it was nothing for me to call up one of my "junts" and release those feelings. I quickly learned that I only received a temporary release.
Nothing could take away the thoughts and personal issues I had with myself.
It didn't hit me that I was using sex as a drug until I was damn near going crazy without it.
Like drugs and alcohol, sex can become an addiction when used as a coping mechanism. People who are addicted to sex tend to use sex as a means to avoid stressful problems. Some sex addicts even find relief from boredom, discomfort, anxiety, and depression. I would literally stay up at night, looking at the wall because I quit cold turkey. I needed a break simply because sex wasn't doing it for me anymore; I would have a few sexual highs here and there but I was left with nothing but an empty feeling.
There I was sharing my body with men I didn't give two fucks about, nor see a future with. When I realized I used sex to avoid my feelings, I knew I had to stop.
One can walk a fine line between being addicted to sex and sexual gratification. An individual who is addicted to sex crosses this line without realizing the dangers of doing so. Sexual addiction can destroy not just the life of the addict, but also the lives of the people around them. This addiction can disrupt various aspects of one's life, like their relationships, careers, finances, psychological health, and emotional well-being. The urges related to sexual addiction can spiral from being intense to becoming obsessive. Moreover, the person who is addicted to sex will pursue sexual adventures to the point of no return. Sex addiction cases are more common than many people realize.
Sharing my feelings has never been easy. When I felt disappointed or frustrated, I used sex as a way to express my feelings with the guy I was seeing at the time. Not knowing what I was doing was not only harming myself but harming him as well. I couldn't keep looking at sex as an antidepressant. When I went that year without sex, I found my truth and I finally knew I had to face it. I didn't like where my life was heading. I was looking for any and every way not to deal with problems. I felt left behind. But I wasn't willing to put the work in to change my life either. I was literally waiting for a blessing to fall from the sky, without me working for it. It wasn't until I fell in love that I knew I had to change.
I had to face my demons before I took someone down with me and I knew I didn't want to hurt the love of my life.
So when I took that break from sex, my life changed and I grew a deeper self-control with my needs and body. I learned to go without it, and also to please myself without looking for a man to please me. When I discovered my worth, I had this guilty feeling of all that I'd done. While I didn't sleep with the world, I shared my body with men that didn't deserve me. Men who didn't deserve my spirit or time, let alone my body. For a long time, I felt guilty for my past mistakes and didn't feel like I deserve happiness because of my bad choices. Until I turned it into a blog, and now I'm doing pieces for a woman who deeply inspires me.
I've come to learn that some people used sex to seek that spiritual connection that they must find within themselves first. In this sense, the sex responsible for producing each of us connects us seamlessly with nature, with the whole universe, and with each other.
As I grew to learn about my body, sex is only as powerful for me when I'm laying down with a man I'm in love with.
In the Hindu Kama Sutra and Tibetan Buddhist Tantra traditions, spiritual development involving mastery of sexual energy in the context of mature male-female relationships reveal the possibility of a fruitful merging of sex and spirituality. Instead, we seek so many to please us, because we don't have a clue to how we need to please ourselves. We tend to consider the main purpose of sex as pleasure rather than either procreation or spiritual development. We seem to accept that "anything goes, as long as it does not harm anyone."
We aim for fidelity in pair-bond relationships but acknowledge this more as an ideal than a genuine goal. We just settle for sex because finding that timeless love is hard. However, once we change our thoughts and views on love, we will not only find what we want, but what we need. Peeling back the layers and unearthing the roots of my codependency on sex as drug taught me that.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Getty Images
RELATED
Anyway, one of them was recently expressing in the chat that, although, according to her doctor, her hormone levels seemed to be fine, she felt like certain perimenopause symptoms were telling her otherwise. She’s probably right because the reality is you can be in a state of perimenopause — the transitional phase that comes right before menopause — anywhere from 4-10 years (keep in mind that the average age for entering menopause is 51).
And so, after hearing about some of what she was experiencing and recommending things like evening primrose oil and raspberry leaf tea, it reminded me that I should also pen an article on seed cycling — a practice that is gaining more traction when it comes to all-natural ways of keeping certain hormones in balance.
If you’re curious about what seed cycling is all about, I’ve got a few details that may interest you — and might provide you with some perimenopausal relief — below.
What Is Seed Cycling and Why Is It Becoming More Popular?
GiphyProbably the easiest way to define seed cycling is it’s all about consuming certain seeds during certain times of the month in order to balance out your hormones — well, not only balance hormones but boost fertility and also decrease symptoms that are directly related to menopause.
The thought process of seed cycling is if you consume certain seeds during the first half of your menstrual cycle, it will help to balance out your estrogen levels; then if you consume certain seeds during the other half of your menstrual cycle, it will balance out your progesterone levels.
So, which seeds are you supposed to take?
Flax and pumpkin seeds during the first 14 days of your cycle and then sesame and sunflower seeds during the last 14 days. And what if your period isn’t on a 28-day cycle? Well, then what you would do is take flax and pumpkin seeds during your follicular phase (the first day that you start your period through the day that you ovulate) and sesame and sunflower seeds during your luteal phase (the time that happens right after your ovulate and ends once your period starts). And why these seeds in particular? Were they just pulled out of thin air? Nope.
Flaxseeds contain phytoestrogenswhich is a form of plant-based estrogen. Estrogen is low at the beginning of your menstrual cycle, so phytoestrogens can help your body build up your uterine lining. When you are going through the latter stages of perimenopause/menopause, estrogen levels can significantly decrease; phytoestrogens can help to bring your levels back up. That said, as far as periods are concerned, flaxseeds can help to regulate your cycle (which can also make it easier for you to conceive, if that is something that you are trying to do). As far as perimenopause and menopause are concerned, they can help to make their symptoms more bearable.
Pumpkin seeds are a rich source of magnesium and manganese which help to ease PMS symptoms and reduce menstrual discomfort. When it comes to perimenopause and menopause, magnesium can reduce anxiety and depression and help you to sleep better which can reduce symptoms that are associated with both conditions. And manganese? Manganese helps to regulate blood levels and improve bone density. Pumpkin seeds also contain a considerable amount of zinc that helps to regulate hormones. Fertility-wise, pumpkin seeds can increase testosterone levels and they can help you to have a healthier pregnancy.
Sesame seeds also have phytoestrogens in them; however, the reason why sesame seeds are recommended for seed cycling is because the zinc, selenium, vitamin E, and fatty acids in them are what help to give your progesterone levels a boost during the second half of your menstrual cycle. Progesterone not only creates a healthy uterine lining, if an egg isn’t fertilized, but it also helps your body to shed the lining. When it comes to perimenopause/menopause, progesterone is needed because it can help reduce the impact of hot flashes and menopause-related insomnia. When it comes to conceiving, sesame seeds can help to reduce inflammation and boost your immunity — making it easier for your body to get pregnant.
Sunflower seeds are loaded with vitamin Eand that alone makes them great when it comes to your menstrual cycle and dealing with perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms. That’s because vitamin E helps to reduce period discomfort and, if you happen to have heavy cycles, it can help to decrease the amount of blood that you lose during your cycle as well. For those dealing with perimenopause and menopause, vitamin E helps to bring relief to symptoms like hot flashes and vaginal dryness. Sunflower seeds can also aid in fertility, thanks to the fatty acids in them that can make it easier to conceive.
So, as you can see, there is a method to the madness when it comes to the seeds that are selected for seed cycling. Okay, but how do you actually incorporate seed cycling into your lifestyle? Good question.
How to Do Seed Cycling in Order to Receive the Most Optimal Results
GiphyIf you want to try seed cycling in order to see if it helps you and your hormones out, this is what you will need to do:
During days 1-14 (again, your follicular phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground flaxseeds and one tablespoon of ground pumpkin seeds.
During days 15-28 (again, your luteal phase), you will need to take one tablespoon of ground sesame seeds and one tablespoon of ground sunflower seeds.
The strategy here is if you do this consistently for 3-4 months, you should start to see an improvement when it comes to the imbalance of your hormones. It should also go on record that some health experts recommend adding 1200-1500 mg EPA/DHA to the follicular phase of seed cycling and evening primrose oil to the luteal phase. That’s because EPA/DHA are fatty acids that help to reduce bodily inflammation and evening primrose oil helps to decrease PMS symptoms as well as hot flashes.
As far as side effects go, there currently aren’t any drastic ones that have been reported. The main thing to keep in mind is that you may experience some gas, bloating, or changes in your bowel movement patterns for a moment. That’s because certain seeds are filled with fiber.
How These Seeds Will Benefit Your Health Regardless
GiphyNow that you know more of what seed cycling is all about, you might be wondering if it’s truly worth your while. The truth is that research is still being conducted which means that there are articles out in cyberspace that tend to Elmo shrug seed cycling more than anything else. My two cents? I mean, the fact that the four seeds listed have other health benefits, if you’re someone who prefers to take all-natural approaches to your health, it can’t hurt to up your intake of flaxseeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and sunflower seeds anyway. Here are a few (additional) reasons why.
Flaxseeds. Aside from the fact that flaxseeds are a beneficial source of fiber and protein, they are also good for you because they are rich in omega-3s (which reduce inflammation and decrease cholesterol levels), they can help to keep your blood sugar levels in check, they are good at assisting with weight management and they can strengthen your digestive system.
Pumpkin seeds. If you’re currently trying to eat less meat yet you don’t want to do it at the sacrifice of your daily protein needs, pumpkin seeds are the answer to your prayers. They are off-the-charts when it comes to how much protein is in them (almost nine grams per serving), plus they contain a solid amount of copper, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, zinc, and antioxidants. If you want to improve your bladder health, pumpkin seeds can help to make that happen. If you want a stronger heart, pumpkin seeds offer support in that department.
Something else to keep in mind is, that since pumpkin seeds have antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, antioxidative, and anti-ulcerative properties in them, they can also help your body to heal from minor issues and wounds faster — which is always a good thing.
Sesame seeds. If you are looking to get more fiber and protein in, lower your cholesterol and blood pressure levels, keep your bones in good shape, uptick your vitamin B intake, and/or strengthen your immune system, these are the areas where sesame seeds can be of great assistance. Something else that’s cool about sesame seeds is they have a reputation for helping to keep your liver and kidneys in peak condition as well.
Sunflower seeds. As far as snacking goes, probably the most popular seeds (on this list, anyway) are sunflower seeds. If they are something that you enjoy indulging in, you can feel good about that since they contain properties that fight cancer, help to regulate your thyroid, assist with preventing muscle cramps, provide you an energy boost, reduce your blood sugar levels, and make your gut (where 80 percent of your immunity resides) healthier.
Hmph. Looks to me that if you take these seeds in, your health is only going to improve — if that includes when it comes to your hormones, then that is just a bonus.
___
Now that you know more about seed cycling, of course, it is totally up to you if you want to give it a shot. Again, though — since all of these seeds are good for you, what do you have to lose in trying it?
I don’t see one damn thing, y’all. Not one.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Daniel de la Hoz/Getty Images