I Have An Insatiable Appetite For Sex
If you were to ask me how many times a day I thought about sex, I wouldn't have a concrete answer for you.
Whether it is deemed normal or appropriate no longer bothers me. It's about what makes me happy, and if I'm being perfectly honest, sex makes me insanely happy. It could be the thrill of the chase, the challenge of riding the waves until the surrender of an orgasm, or the orgasm itself, but sex is an amazing, intimate endeavor that I am in love with and I am not ashamed to admit it.
I've always known I had a burning fascination with sex, beginning at the tender age of six. I would draw pictures of what I wanted my naked body to look like and send it to the boy who was the object of my affection. I saw a penis for the first time around that time. My childhood friend Hiram and I were being babysat by a woman infatuated with soap operas. One afternoon while she slept in front of her TV set in the lounge, we disappeared into a spare bedroom and tried to replicate what we saw so many times before on the TV screen.
We took off our clothes and just sort of stared at each other. "Where was the rest of mine?" I wondered foolishly as I looked at myself in comparison to what was his. We were children, but it fascinates me now as an adult that we could have such curiosities back then. Or maybe it was just me and my faulty wiring. I wouldn't lose my virginity until I was 17, but I found healthy ways to fulfill my inner desires in the meantime, whether it be a pillow or vibrator. I learned my best lessons through pornography, finessed them with the lovemaking I experienced with my first, and have harnessed my power from soul to soul since becoming liberated from that relationship.
I've always had a thirst. And I've learned to never deny it.
It never really stuck out to me just how different that made me until I was older and single. I identified the fine line where my sexuality and ravenous appetite would be marveled as a thing of beauty, and where it would have me ridiculed or the object of intimidation to a man because “if I was like this" for him, "I was like this for everybody." Those men who fell victim to their insecurities fail to realize that just because I am a sexual person does not mean that I can't be monogamous, that I can't know intimacy, that I can't know loyalty, or that recklessness is my middle name – but it begged questions of where I was when I didn't answer phone calls at night because the men I allowed into my body knew how much I craved that feeling of being filled always. “She's gotta have it, so she can't just be f-cking with me."
Your insecurity has nothing to do with me.
It never ceases to amaze me, even now, how something as beautiful as a woman being confident in herself, in her body, in the power of her sex could be twisted into something dark, something shameful, something dirty.
For a long time, I was blinded to its beauty because of that. I felt like I had to answer to society before I answered to myself and allowed parts of me to be hidden because I was afraid of what would happen if I let that truth out.
My insecurity had nothing to do with you.
I allowed myself to feel like there was something wrong with me to just want sex from a man. Did I not deem myself worthy of deserving more? Did I think so lowly of myself to feel like I should be just a body and no heart or soul? I was looking at myself through society's lens and not speaking to myself enough. Why look at myself from a lens of lacking when I know exactly who I am and what I want? My insecurity had nothing to do with them. It had to do with what I was always guilty of doing, allowing others to shape how I felt about me. The amount of malice that laced my ex's words when he told me I was “sex-crazed" during a heated argument, the accusations, and assumptions—those things were dictating how I felt about myself and turning something beautiful into something ugly.
To me, owning my sexuality means owning my power as a woman, and what makes me feel like a woman.
To me, there is beauty in the essence of that possession.
There is an unfair assumption that just because you find joy in sex without the title of “long-term relationship" or “boyfriend/girlfriend" that you have a low value on yourself, but I view it as the exact opposite. I think you know what you want. I think you put yourself and your orgasm first, and what's more beautiful than that? I've learned that women will either love you or hate you for that, and that men will love you and hate you for those reasons, too. But I'm tired of people telling me what a woman should be. Who, what, and how I should be. Define yourself for yourself. Do what you want to do. And in that same breath, do whomever it is you want to do.
If I want sex, I will look through the contacts in my phone and pick the guy I want and send him a text inviting him to share a space with me because I want it.
I love my thirst for it.
I love my hunger.
I love the way certain words act as triggers and send a chill down my spine and make the walls of my core spasm out of sheer anticipation.
I love how aroused I get from kisses on the back of my neck.
I love the way being entered feels like home to me.
Feels like arrival. I love that once our bodies have finished meeting, I am up for another round immediately after. I love how often my mind wanders to it day in and day out. I love the “it's yours" that spills from his lips when I've found the right spot.
I'm me. I'm straightforward and blunt.
I love sex almost as deeply as I am in love with love.
I love owning the aspects of me that make me full and complete. And if that isn't a thing of beauty, I don't know what is.
Originally published on Self-ish Diaries
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
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Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
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The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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