In 1972, Lonnie Lynn was born on the south side of Chicago to a teacher and a youth counselor. At the time, his parents had no idea that their son would one day grow up to rock stages around the world, become an award-winning actor, and eventually, write a book that would change the narrative of how black men look at love, therapy, and childhood sexual abuse.
In Common's headline-making memoir Let Love Have The Last Word, he opened a lane for conversations that are typically taboo for entertainers in the rap industry. Along with opening up about being molested at only 9 years old by a distant family friend, he also shared his truth about his battle with love addiction, and ultimately making the decision to go to therapy.
Common was the most recent guest at Red Table Talk, and Jada and her squad dug even deeper into the man that is Lonnie Lynn. On the episode, Common opened up to the hosts about rebuilding his relationship with his 22-year-old daughter, Omoye, getting married, and even gave us a sip (and when I say a sip, I mean a sip) of tea about his relationship with Angela Rye. If you haven't had a chance to watch yet, here's what you missed:
Common On Going To Therapy:
Common revealed that his decision to go to therapy was largely based on his realization that something had gone terribly wrong in his love life. Although he had been told by friends in the past that he should see someone, he didn't take heed to their advice until he was confronted by his feelings head-on. He explained:
"I was in a breakup and I remember because it was strange, I was in the car with [his daughter] Omoye and we were about to fly somewhere and I had to get in the backseat to talk in private to the therapist, but I needed it right then and there, I was going through a pain that was just like, I gotta get this off me so I can be better for myself, for Omoye, for everything that I'm doing."
The stigma surrounding mental illness prevented him from seeking professional help for years, but he soon learned that he couldn't hide from his feelings forever. He later learned that he was experiencing love addiction, but it was a realization that he only made after seeking therapy. He was able to recognize the flaws that he had so desperately tried to ignore in his past relationships.
"When that in-love, honeymoon phase goes [away], I would go, 'This don't feel as good.' I would start coming up with excuses on why the relationship is not gon work. 'When I'm in relationships, I don't do work as well.' My albums are not as good or I don't focus. And I really believed that. When that feeling would go away and the real part of the relationships came, I was like, 'OK. Do I want this or not?' I wasn't ready to do the work. I obviously care for the person, but when things got tough and it was time to work through stuff, I wasn't willing to work through it."
On Rebuilding Relationship With His Daughter:
With Willow back at the Red Table this week, Common also opened up about how he rebuilt his relationship with his daughter, Omoye, after she pointed out a major disconnect between their father-daughter connection. On a 2 A.M. call that Common originally thought was no big deal, his daughter let him know how she really felt. He explained:
"My daughter Omoye confronted me. It was a late-night call so I thought I was getting a call like, 'I'm a cool dad.' It was 2 in the morning. I had to start a film the next day so I said, 'Ima call you back. Let's talk tomorrow.' And she called me right back like, 'Yo, you don't even care. You ain't even see where I was at.' And it really, it shook me for a minute. I was like, 'What are you talking about? I do care.' And her mother and I weren't together. Eventually, that conversation turned into her saying you weren't there for me, you didn't fight for me as a father. It made me feel defensive. I was hurt and I was mad too."
Ultimately, Common understood that despite how her words made him feel, it was her truth, and she had a right to it. Now, Common and his daughter have a great relationship, but that wouldn't have come without having the ability to be a good listener. He continued:
"I was like, 'You really believe some of this stuff?' What I really learned, after I got past my own ego, I said, 'Look, you right, I didn't fight.' And I had to acknowledge that. I just need to listen to her because this is what she's feeling. No matter what I think I've done and this and that, this is how she feels. And that was one of those the heavens open moments and how to apply love more."
On Becoming A Husband:
In the episode, Common also revealed that he's ready to give up the single life for good. Between his struggle with love addiction and societal expectation, Common explained that marriage wasn't always on his list of goals, but as he's matured, his perspective has changed drastically:
"I would like to be a husband. I think that for a long time, I was in and out with that. Do I really wanna be a husband or am I doing this because this is what society says to? Now, I just want that partnership to be able to experience life, where I'm growing as a human being and kind of just spark each other. It's fun too. I know it's hard at times."
Common On What's The Deal With Him & Angela Rye:
Now, when I said Common only gave us a sip of tea about what's popping off between him and Ms. Rye, I really meant that. The rapper was tight-lipped about his relationship with Angela, but he did spill the beans on his dating status and all roads lead to, "It's back on like Donkey Kong".
Along with a spiritual woman, Common said that he's seeking a wife that not only has a sense of humor but can also be a friend. He said briefly:
"I am dating and I have a great companion and that companion could be that person right there."
To watch the full Red Table Talk, click below!
Featured image by Noel Vasquez/Getty Images
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Maybe you feel the same way I do about getting braids in the spring and/or summertime — or perhaps March through September being your favorite months for this particular style is due to something else. Either way, if you’re gearing up for a braid appointment, I thought it would be cool to share 12 things that can help you get the most out of the time that you spend, along with the money that you invest to get those bad boys put in.
This way, not only will your braids look absolutely bomb until it’s time to take them out, but your own hair can remain healthy throughout the process too.
1. Choose Your Hair Brand Wisely
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With articles out here like The Guardian’s “Over 3,000 beauty products targeting Black women contain health hazards, study shows,” Harvard’s “Uncovering the dangers of hair products marketed to Black women, girls” and, as it specifically relates to today’s topic, Essence’s “A New Study Finds Carcinogens In 10 Synthetic Braiding Hair Brands” — now, more than ever, it’s important to be hypervigilant about doing research on and reading the labels of the beauty products that you buy.
When it comes to braiding hair, specifically, a braiding hair brand that’s made from repurposed banana stems isRebundle; it’s not the cheapest on the planet yet it is pretty quality stuff. Thankfully, Essence has a list of some other options here while Byrdie also features some here that you can look into too.
2. Go with Smaller Instead of Larger
When it comes to the shelf life of braids, once you hit somewhere around the six-week mark, it’s usually time to put on a movie and get comfortable for a couple of hours, so that you can take them down. However, if you want to try to squeeze even more time out of them, first, make sure that you tie your hair up (or put it into a bonnet) every night with a silk or satin scarf (in order to reduce frizz and tangling more than anything else). Also, consider going with smaller braids. Sure, it’ll take more time to install and it will probably cost a few more bucks as well — but if you can get 2-3 more weeks from the style, it’s actually worth it.
3. Try Dry Shampoo on Your Braids
Whenever I have braids in my hair, the thing that I hate the most is wash day. Why? Because that’s when the opportunity significantly increases for my braids to get looser and for frizz to transpire. Typically, my workaround is to cleanse my scalp with a good ole’ bottle of Sea Breeze and then rinse my hair while in the shower every couple of weeks (so that I’m not spending a lot of time rubbing on the braids themselves). However, something else that you might want to try is a dry shampoo (you know, a cleansing product that absorbs dirt, oil, and sweat without any water being involved).
One brand that gets a lot of praise in the braided hair department is Batiste Sweat Activated Dry Shampoo. Another is Amika’s Perk Up Talc-Free Dry Shampoo. At the very least, it can buy you some time until you have the time to cleanse your braids oh so very carefully with “regular” shampoo.
4. Apply a Lavender/Jojoba Oil Blend to Your Scalp
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If one of the things that you absolutely don’t look forward to when it comes to having braids is the fact that your scalp flakes up, something that you can do to reduce the chances of that happening is to keep your scalp well-moisturized. One way to do that is to apply a mixture of lavender oil and jojoba oil. Lavender is good for your scalp because it contains antimicrobial properties that help to keep fungi and bacteria from irritating your scalp (which means that it can help to prevent dandruff flakes).
Jojoba oil benefits your scalp because it is able to deeply moisturize your scalp while helping to prevent itchiness. Plus, the combo can help to keep your braids smelling really good too.
5. Use Sunscreen on Your Scalp Too
SUN. FREAKIN’. SCREEN. When you get a chance, check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.” so that you can get a good understanding of why it’s important to slow down the aging of your scalp. For now, I’ll just say that skin that isn’t protected by sunscreen is skin that is definitely going to age faster than you would like it to. Not only that but since braids cause you to have so much of your scalp exposed (due to all of the parts that are on your head), you definitely need to make sure that the UV rays don’t work overtime to irritate or damage it. Travel + Leisure has a few sunscreens for the scalp that are worth giving a shot. You can check them outhere.
6. Use a Leave-In Conditioner on Your Braids
Something that you definitely need to keep in mind if you’ve got longer hair tucked inside of your braids is you should wash your braids with a sulfate-free shampoo and you should apply a leave-in conditioner while your braids are air-drying. That way, your own hair can have some additional moisture added in which will also reduce frizz and fly-aways. Oh, and speaking of leave-in conditioner, don’t be afraid to refresh your hair with some of it one day a week.
It’s another way to smooth the cuticles of the braids and help to keep them flexible and shiny. For this tip, my two cents? Use a leave-in that comes in a spray rather than a bottle. It tends to be thinner in texture, so you don’t have to worry so much about residue and build-up.
7. Keep Gels to a Minimum
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Honestly, I’ll be glad when the super long lashes and the baby hairs that look more like bangs decide to take an indefinite hiatus (#lesigh). In the meantime, at least this article gives me a solid reason for discouraging huge baby hairs: gels can cause product build-up and, at the very least, that can make keeping your braids as fresh as possible hella challenging. So, if you do like to lay your edges down, try and take the minimal approach — both with the amount of hair that you use and how much gel that you apply to them.
Oh, and look for a flake-free edge control brand. One that I personally like is She Is Bomb (here). It’s super affordable, lasts a long time, holds really well, and nope, no flakes for me.
8. Dip Your Ends to Keep Them Smooth and Frizz-Free
Whether you want to reduce frizz or you want to add some waves or curls to your braids, you can do this by dipping your hair in hot water. I will say that if you don’t want to run the risk of burning yourself, you might want to enlist the assistance of a friend to help you out. However, if your braids are really long, you should be able to dip them on your own without any issues.
Whenever I want to add some waves to my box braids, I will section them, braid them, dip them, let them cool a bit, and then take the braids down. The waves last for weeks. Perfect! As a bonus, dipping your ends can actually keep them smooth and fresh-looking. For tips on how to DIY dip, check out this video tutorial here.
9. Steam Your Braids Every Couple of Weeks
Something that I’m surprised doesn’t come up more often is how beneficial it is tosteam braids. Not only is it a great way to give your scalp some relief if your braids are too tight when you first leave the shop, but it can also help to keep your scalp hydrated with as little hair manipulation as possible. Plus, steaming your braids can help to keep your braids looking shiny and new for a longer period of time. InStyle has a list of steamers that benefit natural hair mosthere. Best Products Reviews also has its own listhere.
10. Refresh the Front of Your Hairstyle
I remember a few years ago, I watched a YouTube video of a woman who said that her (originally) knotless braids lasted for almost four months because she would “simply” (SMDH) tie her braids into a knot once there was enough new growth to make that happen. Lawd, please don’t follow her lead. Not only does that lead to unnecessary tension (and weight) on your hair follicles, but it can make it complete and utter hell to take the braids (and knots) down without pulling out quite a bit of your hair in the process.
Instead, if you want a couple of more weeks with your braids, make an appointment with your braider to get the first couple of rows around the front of your head redone. You’d be amazed how this one step can do wonders for a braided hairstyle — not to mention that it’s better for your hair and (usually) a hella cheap approach to making your style last longer.
11. Try Not to Over-Style Your Braids
There is nothing like having some long, knotless, medium-sized box braids that were done right and well. Honey, it’ll have you out here acting like you should try every hairstyle you can find! Thing is, the more that you manipulate your hair, the quicker that your braids will come loose, the more frizz and fly-aways that will pop up, and the sooner that your new style will age. Am I saying not to play around with some looks that you like? Damn well you should. Just try to avoid doing a different style multiple days of the week.
Wearing them down, tying them up in a scarf, or putting them in a top bun (although you should move that bun around in order to not put tension in the same spot all of the time) will make enough of a statement because braids are beautiful…all on their own.
12. Take a Break from Your Braids
Final one. Braids are so damn pretty and convenient that I’m sure a lot of us would pull a “Moesha” (if you’re a real one, you caught what I mean by that) and have braids in constantly. Thing is, that’s not healthy for your natural hair because the tension and weight of your braids can lead to hair damage and even hair loss if you’re not careful. So, if you plan on going all spring and summer with some sort of braided style, try to at least take out a couple of weeks in between braid appointments to deep condition your own hair, pamper your scalp, and give both of them a break.
That way, you can be confident that your hair is ready for your next batch of braids — whether that’s for a summer vacation or some other time that you have in mind. Enjoy!
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