12 Couples Reveal Why They're Happy With A Long-Term Commitment Instead Of Marriage
Listen, if you’ve been rocking with me on this platform on a semi-consistent basis, you know that if there’s one thing that I’m a fan of, it’s marriage. BIG TIME. I’m so in support of it that, as a marriage life coach, my niche is actually reconciling divorces (I Corinthians 7:10-11). At the same time, because I also write for a living, I’d be ridiculous if I was out here acting like the divorce rate is still holding steady and that marriage is on a steady incline; some studies say that there’s been as much as a 60 percent drop over the past several decades.
Yeah, marriage isn’t for everyone. And with articles coming out like Gallup’s “Is Marriage Becoming Irrelevant?” and even a piece that I published on here a couple of years back entitled “Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON’T Desire Marriage?” I thought that I would step out and speak with some couples who are totally committed to one another yet have no desire to call each other “husband and wife” just to hear their side of things. Because the reality is, very few things in life are a monolith.
Anyway, 12 couples agreed to share their voices, and I must say that, regardless of the side of the fence that you may be on, they do bring up some points that are worth listening to — and, when it comes to how they choose to love their partner, they share some feelings that are irrefutable too.
*Whenever I do interview pieces, I always prefer to go with middle names; that way, people can speak super freely. This article is no exception.*
1. Riley (28) and George (35). Been Living Together for Three Years.
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Riley: "My parents sucked at marriage. They're still together to this day, and they're just as toxic as I remember them. A lot of folks think I'm not married because of their example, but if that were the case, I wouldn't be living with someone, either.
"I grew up in the church, and the idea of keeping your vows to God and your spouse, I respect. I just don't want to feel like I should stay married out of obligation to those vows, so living with someone takes the pressure off. It works for me, so why change it?"
George: "I would get married if she wanted to. I always thought that women would like the security of things being 'on paper.' But since she's fine and things are running smoothly, I'm cool with this too."
2. Elanie (30) and Malcolm (32). Been Together for Eight Years.
Elanie: "I love who I'm with. I was engaged before him, and it just…marriage feels like it's going to totally switch up the expectations, for some reason. I think I feel that way because I've watched countless friends have great relationships until about a year after their honeymoon. Then there's less sex, more stress, and all kinds of new demands and expectations. We don't want marriage to kill a great relationship. Might seem weird to say, but it is what it is…"
Malcolm: "Anyone who knows how to Google knows that marriage never favors men. We get left the most and still have to pay alimony. It's just not a financially wise decision to me. Luckily, I found someone who gets where I'm coming from. She knows I've got her back, but the web of paperwork and then losing a ton of paper? I'll pass."
Shellie here: He's right. Reportedly around 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.
3. Michelle (43) and Jaxson (40). Been Living Together for One Year.
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Michelle: "If you've ever gone through a divorce before, you will totally get why I have no desire to get married again. It's not that marriage isn't beautiful when two people are right for each other; it's that 'right' is more difficult to find than people think, and unraveling your life from someone else is one of the hardest things you will do. I love love. I just don't like [that] there's this assumption that the only way to fully love someone is if you say, 'I do.' I love [Jaxson] more than I ever loved my ex. I think a part of it is because the stress is gone. It feels freer this way."
Jaxson: "My friends are all married, and they hate it. They say there's less sex, more stress, and most of them regret ever deciding to do it. That doesn't make me want to run out and buy a ring. Living together was a big decision, too, but [Michelle] hasn't switched up or expected anything more than when we were just dating. We like living kind of like we're married without all of the heavy expectations that come with it. It works for us better than marriage works for my boys, so…yeah."
4. Lydia (29) and Ezra (27). Been Living Together for Three Years.
Lydia: "I don't remember being a little girl who wanted to get married. I've never gone to a wedding and wanted to catch the bouquet. Wedding dress shopping was not a dream of mine. I dunno.
"I kind of hate that people think that all women want to be a bride or that we're incapable of romantic love unless we've got a ring on our finger. I love my man. I'm not going anywhere — unless he proposes. It's just not the way I see living my life."
Ezra: "Once I decided that I didn't want kids, I didn't see the point in getting married. Talk to a lot of men, especially Black men, and they will admit that choosing a wife is about looking for a good mom to raise children with. We want that structure for our children. That is off of the table for me, so marriage is too. I'm glad I found [Lydia] because all that matters is finding someone who is on the same page as you are."
5. Aimee (31) and Preston (26). Been Together for Two Years.
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Aimee: “I don’t want a man to love me out of obligation — marriage comes with obligation. Some of my girls will say, ‘Aren’t you afraid that he could just leave one day and you get nothing?’ and it doesn’t cross my mind until they start saying that sh-t. [Preston] and I were friends before we decided to date. Living together was a natural next move. But it stops there for us. I trust him because of who he is, not because of some document he signed. We’re good.”
Preston: “I think more men should do what we’re doing! At least try it before marriage because you want to make sure you know as much as possible before jumping the broom or whatever folks are doing these days. Marriage isn’t something I wouldn’t do. I just don’t see why it’s necessary. We live together. We’re monogamous. There’s no drama. I don’t want to jinx it.”
6. Wanda (36) and Richard (42). Been Living Together for Seven Years.
Wanda: "Know what's crazy? I've been with [Richard] longer than either of my marriages lasted. I was really young the first time, and my last marriage was more about being afraid of being alone. This relationship gives me space and freedom to heal and get to know myself better. Marriage always felt like I was constantly having to prove myself. Just being with [Richard], choosing him every day, with no red tape — I wouldn't change it for the world."
Richard: "I've never been married before, so I'm not opposed to it. [Wanda] has been divorced twice, so I'm giving her the space to decide what's best for her. Living together isn't a problem; for most men, it wouldn't be. So long as she knows I'm not going anywhere, I'm good. If, at some point, a ring is what she'll need, I'm prepared."
7. Patrycia (29) and Krew (29). Been Living Together for Five Years.
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Patrycia: "We're both super ambitious people, and I was raised that when you get married, your spouse comes before all else. I don't disagree with that in theory. I'm just trying to decide if that is what I want to sign up for. In the meantime, he and I are each other's biggest supporters, but because 'marriage' isn't looming over our heads, we don't feel guilty about putting our careers first. It's worked for us really well to be cheerleaders instead of spouses."
Krew: "Not one time has Patrycia ever called me upset because I'm working late. Not one time have I been mad when she had to stay a few days later on a business trip. We're like a weird version of business partners who love each other. I don't think we're together to make a family. We're together to drive us both into the highest realms of success."
8. Stacey (39) and Stephan (35). Been Together for 10 Years.
Stacey: "I guess I'm a real-life 'runaway bride.' I've been engaged twice, and about six months before the first wedding and three months before the second, I called it off. Both were great guys; that had nothing to do with it. I just think that I was programmed to think that I had to get married if I loved someone — and I don't feel that way anymore. I like my space. I don't want to share bills. At the same time, I love my man and desire no one else. All of those things can be valid, and women like me should feel okay about it."
Stephan: "I think if I were to get married, I would end up ruining it because all I'd be thinking about is what was expected of me as a husband, which could prevent me from being a great partner, if that makes any sense. Some people are so focused on word titles that they forget what it means to just love someone and have them love you back. Having the space to love [Stacey] is what's kept me in this relationship for this long. It's the best one I've ever had. She may not be my wife, but she's definitely my everything."
9. Nyla (26) and Luther (27). Been Together for Six Years.
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Nyla: "What's so great about being a wife? I'm serious. I don't mean that I don't respect a woman's choice to be one. I just mean that I don't get how that's a pinnacle for so many people. If I do end up getting married, it'll be after I check off the billions of things that are before it on my list. That's why he and I work so well together — we met in college, we both have huge dreams, and we push each other to reach them. Marriage isn't one of those dreams right now. Don't see why that's a problem."
Luther: "I was raised by my father, and what he instilled in me is how to be a self-sufficient man who doesn't settle. I don't want to be a husband or have kids any time soon. If it comes to that, I know exactly the kind of woman I want and the kind of man I need to be. [Nyla] and I agree that because we both don't want a family, we don't have to worry about if we're right for each other when it comes to having one. We're right for each other as encouragers to get this money and be successful, and that is our focus. She's my best friend, and I love her. That beats the 'wife' word for me at this stage in my life."
10. Desi (41) and August (39). Been Living Together for Five Years.
Desi: "I hate the assumption people have that folks who live together are 'less committed' than people who are married. We live together. We share bills, a bed, and a life. The expense of a wedding is dumb. So is having a piece of paper that makes other people feel better about what we have going on. I've never been married, and maybe one day, I'll find it appealing. But with the divorce rate as high as it is? Hell, I think he and I are actually helping to contribute to the fact that you can be totally in love and not end up a statistic. If you're never married, you can't get divorced…right?"
August: "I was married before. It wasn't bad. This is way better, though. I got married because I was given an ultimatum; I got married to not lose my ex, not really because I really wanted to do it. With [Desi], she doesn't pressure me to do anything I'm not ready to do — that helps me to trust her more in my own time. What she doesn't know is if she wanted to get married tomorrow, we could do it because I am not stressed into choosing her. I wish more people got how big that is."
11. Erika (44) and Brice (47). Been Together for 15 Years.
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Erika: "Marriage, in some ways, is the natural progression of things; I get that. I just think that it's progression for people who have the goal of getting married someday — and I don't. Believe it or not, I respect traditional marriage and gender roles in them, and that's a huge part of the reason why I'm not interested. My grandparents are happily married and traditional. My parents are too. It's a beautiful thing. I've always been a rebel, though. Why get married and make someone miserable because I'm pushing back all of the time? I'd rather just date exclusively and have my own space and peace of mind."
Brice: "I have everything I need without getting married. I think that says it all."
12. Eryn (45) and Alex (50). Been Living Together for 12 Years.
Eryn: "Have you ever asked people why they want to get married? If they're not giving you a blank stare like 'That's what you're supposed to do' or cramming the Bible down your throat, they are talking about all of the things that they expect someone else to do for them. Me? I don't want to get married because I don't have a good enough reason to do it. What I do have is a good enough reason to love a man, stay with him and be okay with that without needing his last name, a diamond ring, or something to prove that we love each other. I come home every night feeling like what keeps us together is integrity. We don't need vows because our word to each other is good enough. We are the walking example of 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.' We should get a welcome mat that says it."
Alex: "[Eryn] is a better woman to me than my wife ever was. She's more thoughtful. She's more supportive. And she's more generous. I used to think that you couldn't be loved the way she loves me unless a woman was married to you. [Eryn] has totally blown that theory out of water!
"Get married. Don't get married. Basically, look for someone who loves you completely and wants to live the kind of life that you do. I found that without being married, and it's made me a fan of living life…just this way."
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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Since turning 30, three years ago, I have been on a journey of self-improvement and healing. During this time, I've adopted daily practices like meditation, journaling, and speaking affirmations over my life. I also began reading spiritual and self-help books like The Alchemist and The Mountain Is You.
These tools have changed my life drastically as I have become more self-confident and developed more self-love. Lately, one of my go-to's for a spiritual boost is listening to podcasts. There are so many podcasts to choose from nowadays, and they aren't created equally.
However, if you're looking for a podcast that speaks to your soul and helps you in your personal development, then check out the 10 podcasts below.
Balanced Black Girl
Balanced Black Girl is a podcast focusing on personal development, self-care, and more. Hosted by Les, adding this podcast to your list is a great start to developing better habits.
Take Back Your Mind
Take Back Your Mind is a podcast by Agape Church founder and pastor Michael B. Beckwith. This podcast touches on various topics like spirituality, purpose, mindfulness, and more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty features many guests, from Big Sean to former First Lady Michelle Obama, as they open up about their tips for success and biggest life lessons.
Keep It Positive, Sweetie
Sistas actress Crystal Renee Hayslett created the Keep It Positive, Sweetie podcast, which hones in on discussions like family, second chances, and the art of submission.
Diary of A CEO
Diary of A CEO is more than a business podcast. It highlights many conversations like how to sleep better, the benefits of fasting, and how to reduce toxins in your body.
Being Her
Margarita Nazarenko has built a loyal fanbase on social media from her straight, no-chaser advice on dating, and recently, she launched a podcast called Being Her. The podcast digs a little deeper into feminine energy, manifestation, and, of course, dating.
Healed Girl Era
Gia Peppers hosts the Healed Girl Era podcast, and the name says it all. If you're in your healed girl era or want to get in your healed girl era, then this podcast is for you as Gia and guests tackle topics like self-love and finding your joy.
Super Soul
Oprah's Super Soul podcast features interviews from a wide range of thought leaders in health and wellness, spirituality, and entertainment.
Everybody's Crazy
Everybody's Crazy is hosted by best friends April McDaniel and Savannah James as they open up about their friendship and navigating life. However, their girl talk doesn't shy away from tough conversations like grief and mom guilt and how to overcome it all.
Therapy For Black Girls
Therapy For Black Girls is a mental health podcast hosted by psychologist Dr. Joy Harden Bradford. The podcast covers everything, from dealing with depression to superwoman syndrome.
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