

"I don't know what I'm doing."
How often do you have that feeling? Whether it's a new project we have been given to lead or a major presentation we are expected to deliver, as women, we will find ourselves in a mini-state of panic because we feel ill-equipped for these opportunities. "Imposter Syndrome", officially identified in 1978 by two psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, is that nagging and destructive mindset of inferiority that keeps whispering:
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"You're unqualified."
"You don't deserve this success."
"You're a fraud."
This self-doubt is what keeps us from pursuing our dream jobs, advocating for ourselves, showcasing our expertise in the workplace, negotiating for the money we deserve, and even launching the businesses we are passionate about. But before we take that negative energy into 2020, here are 3 ways to kick imposter syndrome to the curb:
1.Reflect on how you got here.
Unless you have a fairy godmother who has handed you every single opportunity to date, you have had to work and earn your way through your career. You had to complete your degree, you had to wow interviewers, you had to demonstrate your knowledge and experience to be assigned your current role in the first place. When I feel imposter syndrome creeping in, I tend to ask myself the seemingly silly but honest question, "If I truly were a fraud, wouldn't someone have figured it out by NOW?"
And reflect the achievements that you have realized over the course of your career. Those didn't happen by chance. No one else put the work in and just signed your name at the bottom. You had to dig your heels in and get it done yourself. Accept the fact that you have had an active role in your success thus far, and you truly belong where you are right now.
2.Eliminate comparisons.
Part of what will keep you doubting your own abilities is the comparison with other people next to you. "Stacy is five years younger than me, and look at what she's doing. She knows way more than I do. I'll just let her lead the project instead." "Kevin just got here last month, and he's already wowing management. There's no way for me to compete with him."
STOP IT. What someone else knows has nothing to do with what you know. What someone else has done cannot diminish what you can or have already accomplished. Don't sell yourself or your expertise short because you are looking to the left and right instead of straight ahead. Never forget that you are the powerhouse that has been selected because of the results and value that only YOU can consistently deliver.
3.Use imposter syndrome to show out!
You're probably thinking "Girl whet? I thought imposter syndrome was a bad thing." Yes it is, if you allow it to simmer and hinder you. But you can actually turn that negative energy into a positive push to take your performance to the next level.
Let me tell you a quick story. When I was assigned to lead a major cross-functional project in my first finance position, I left the director's office scared to death. I honestly had no idea why she picked me, and I was pretty sure I was going to fail miserably. To be completely transparent, I was literally shaking at my desk. So I got up, went to the bathroom, and gave myself a quick pep talk, "You can either fail and prove yourself right or you can knock this project out of the park and prove yourself wrong. What's it gonna be?" Right then, I chose the latter. Fast forward to the end of the project, I saved the company $4M and I received a promotion.
It is up to you to control your mindset and where you allow it to take you. It is up to you to speak positively to yourself and make the decision right now that imposter syndrome can either limit you or empower you to be the boss chick you already know you are. So, I'm asking you the same question I asked myself 11 years ago when I took on that project: "What's it gonna be?"
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
5 Ways To Overcome Impostor Syndrome
Self-Affirmations For When You're Feeling Inadequate
5 PhD Students Reveal How They Combat Impostor Syndrome
Rejection At Its Finest: You're Still The Ish After Constantly Being Told No
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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How Power Women Protect Their Finances With Smart Money Boundaries
No matter what it is, setting boundaries can be challenging, especially when those boundaries involve money. But if you want to sustain success and financial freedom, boundaries are important, both with yourself and with others.
Many wealthy successful women have mastered setting boundaries and prioritizing accountability so that they can ensure they remain that way. Let's face it: If you want a certain quality of life and you work hard to achieve that, you don't want to risk it by taking on habits that jeopardize your financial stability.
Be inspired to not only set money boundaries but keep them by taking heed to the common financial boundaries power women of today establish:
1. They pay themselves first.
Building consistent savings habits is important to wealth-building no matter how much you earn, and the practice is often one that continues even after you're well-booked and well-paid. Actress, producer, and philanthropist Queen Latifah has always been a proponent of this after learning from her mom to "save your money."
This is the epitome of the energy behind paying yourself first. You squirrel something away and take care of yourself by taking care of your future first, before paying any bills. You invest in yourself (within your means and with a budget in mind, of course).
2. They don't loan money without clear repayment rules and expectations are agreed upon.
It's awesome to be able to help people out by loaning them money, but when you don't communicate clearly about repayment (or what will happen if the money is not repaid) you set yourself up for a cycle of taking on other's debts and maybe even building more debt of your own.
Unless you're doing charity, set those boundaries early about when and how a loan will be repaid. And if you know you won't get the money back, rethink the loan altogether.
3. They create budgets that are realistic and reflect their current lifestyle.
In her book, What I Know for Sure, Oprah Winfrey wrote, “I hope the way you spend your money is in line with the truth of who you are and what you care about.” This is key for many successful women, especially when they're budgeting and investing.
Issa Rae told Money.com, "I don’t splurge just because. I will never have 17 cars. I will never have expensive jewelry. I don’t spend that much on my clothes, or shoes. I will spend money on a stylist, and a makeup artist, because those things feel necessary for work. But material things? No."
There's a clear indication that there are clear value systems sustained by what matters to them no matter how much they make, and budgeting is a huge part of that.
4. They consider the long-term effects of a rash purchase before proceeding.
It's totally okay to treat yourself, but if you find yourself impulsively buying things you don't really need or always living check to check because you've maxed out your credit card to take that sixth trip in one year, there's a problem that might put a damper on those financial freedom plans. (That is unless your trip is part of how you make your money, and it's a worthy investment into expanding your prospects.)
Successful women are conscious of the long- and short-term effects of purchases, small and large. They're always thinking about how one action can impact the bigger picture.
5. They are givers and believe in the reciprocity of that.
Many of us are familiar with the famous quote, "To whom much is given, must is required," and there's that undertone of service and charity that is a common thread for wealthy, successful women, especially those who run businesses or lead brands. Involving yourself in acts of service not only enriches your development and that of communities, but it increases your exposure, network, and credibility, often leading to more opportunities to make more money.
Most leading CEOs, entrepreneurs, and professionals are big on giving back, whether it is through resources, a nonprofit, money, or their time. "As you become more successful, it's important for you to give back. Even if you can't financially give back, kind words and sharing about other businesses on social media mean so much. Every little thing counts. Help out your friends and family with advice, encouragement, and support," said Angela Yee, award-winning radio host and entrepreneur.
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Originally published on August 16, 2024