Who said that Christmas is just for the kiddies? Personally, I think that if you've got a big enough imagination—and libido—there are at least a dozen solid reasons why Christmas can be us grown folks' favorite time of the year too. Sure, there is a lot of shopping, cooking and family get-togethers that you've got to figure out, but if you and yours are able to steal even one night away, I've got some ideas that will not only give you an incredible night of sex, but one that comes with a full-on Christmas theme too.
Are you ready to put on a little "Kissin' by the Mistletoe" (Aretha Franklin), "Santa Baby" (Eartha Kitt), "Give Love On Christmas Day" (Johnny Gill), "Be Mine for Christmas" (Kem) or "Let It Snow" (Boys II Men featuring Brian McKnight) to inspire you to get this party started? If so, here are 15 things—and ways— to have some of the best sex you've ever had…at Christmas!
1. Faux Snow
There's someone I know who takes Christmas observance to a level I've never really seen before—right down to having fake snow in her house. I must admit that it's pretty awesome looking, though. Whether you live in a climate where snow is a rarity or you want to feel like you and yours are huddled up in your own lil' winter wonderland, something like SnoWonder Instant Snow Fake Artificial Snow is something that you can put down in your room. It really does look pretty close to the real thing. Pretty cool, huh?
2. Twinkle Lights
I'm someone who likes to sleep in a room that is pitch black. Still, that doesn't mean I don't see the romance and sweetness of twinkle lights hanging over or even on a bed. Plus, during the Christmas season, it tends to go right along with the string lights that are displayed outdoors or on Christmas trees. If you're totally down and want to know which twinkle lights are best, check out "The 8 Best String Lights for Bedrooms of 2019".
3. Poinsettias
Fresh flowers in a bedroom are always a really nice touch. Well, to go along with the Christmas theme, rather than roses, put a few fresh poinsettias on your nightstands. Since they symbolize things like good cheer, success and celebration, they sound like the perfect flower to set the mood…if you know what I mean.
4. Naughty-or-Nice Gift Tags
If you want to surprise your boo with some sexy lingerie or another type of gift, give him a heads up that it's going to be a really good night by attaching a naughty-or-nice gift tag to it. Places like Amazon and Etsy sell them. Or, you can always make some on your computer and print them out yourself.
5. Put a Twist to Elf on the Shelf
Personally, Mr. Elf on the Shelf totally creeps me out. He kind of reminds me of the little figurines that came to life inTales from the Hood. But if, for some reason, you happen to have one or a few elves lying around, a cute way to make use of him/them is to place little notes about what you can't wait to do with your partner underneath him/them. Then place the elf in spots where your man would least expect to see ole' boy—in the shower, in the fridge…you get the gist. Either it will freak him out or make him laugh. Either way, you should get major points for Christmas-themed creativity with this one.
6. Love Dice
Sometimes, it really is the little things that can take sex from good to totally off-the-charts. In walks, a pair of love dice.
They're cheap, they're sexy and they're also a great way to bring a little spontaneity into the bedroom since you have to rely on how the dice rolls in order to figure out what to do—or do next.
I prefer some glow in the dark ones myself. You can cop a pair that say things like "lick" and "blow" here.
7. Mistletoe (or Edible) Condoms (in a Condom Case)
Unless it's your plan to roll into the new year with a positive sign on a pregnancy test, you might want to get an extra box of condoms. A website called Say It with a Condom happens to sell novelty ones with messages on the packaging like "Eat Me Gingerbread Man" or "All I Want for Christmas Is Sex". Or, if you want to take a bit of a walk on the wild side, maybe go with some flavored condoms instead. Just know that if the latter is your preference, they're more designed for oral sex than intercourse.
8. Candy Cane Lubricant
You know what they say—the wetter, the better. That said, peppermint is a traditional Christmas scent and flavor. And, thanks to the tingling sensation that the menthol in it provides, it's an awesome way to stimulate your mind and body as well. Why not get the best of both worlds by using a lube that has a candy cane taste to it? If that's something you're totally down for, you can purchase a can or two (or 10), here.
9. Kama Sutra Honey Dust
Honey dust is bomb. It really is. Not only does it make your skin glisten in the most subtle and sexiest of ways (especially underneath those twinkle lights that we talked about earlier), but because it tastes like honey, it's a great way to ease into some hot oral sex action. If you've never used any before, Kama Sutra Honey Dust Body Powder, Strawberry Dreams, 8 oz will prove to be money well-spent.
10. Holiday Sangria Massage Oil Candle
There are a few reasons why getting a massage before engaging in coitus is a good thing to do. Not only does it feel totally amazing, it can release stress (which can definitely work in your libido's favor) and, it can trigger sex hormones like oxytocin (which makes you bond to your partner) and serotonin (which can keep you in a positive mood) too.
A very sensual form of foreplay is engaging in a couple's massage. You don't have to master any technique; just pick up a couple of tips here. Then, really make each other feel all hot 'n bothered in the best ways possible by lighting a massage oil candle, dripping the hot wax onto one another and rubbing the oil in. Sangria is a nice scent because it is a signature smell for this time of the year. You can purchase a holiday sangria candle here.
11. A Sexy Christmas-Themed Cocktail
Whew. It's been quite a year, y'all. Reflect on how far you've come and where you and yours would like to be this time next year by toasting each other. Only, forego the typical wine or champagne and have a Christmas-themed drink instead. How about a Sexy Snowman Martini? All you need is some creme de cacao, vanilla vodka, white chocolate liqueur and a little bit of cream and you're all set (you can check out an actual recipe here).
12. “Tinsel Tickler”
There are studies which reveal that when our nerve endings are aroused, not only does it heighten our stimulation, it can intensify our orgasms too. One way to tap into this form of foreplay is to run a tickler lightly over our erogenous zones.
Feathers will get the job done, but since this is all about cultivating the kind of sex that has a Christmas theme, why not make a tickler out of some leftover tinsel instead?
An easy way to make one is to go to a local arts and crafts shop to purchase a plastic handle. Then wrap tinsel around one end of it, secure it with tape and boom—a fun way for you and you partner to "touch and tease" (shout out to R&B artist Case) all night long.
13. Christmas-Themed Sex Positions
For this one, I'll just say that Elite Daily published a piece entitled "7 Christmas Sex Positions You Have To Try During The Holidays" a couple of years ago, that is at least worth taking a look at. Shoot, if for nothing else than to gain an entirely new perspective on "Stocking Stuffer" (chile).
BONUS: A Hotel Room
If there are two places that aren't closed on Christmas, it's hotel rooms and Chinese restaurants. If you'd prefer to get a total change of scenery, book a room at a posh hotel in your city. Or, if you've been thinking about going on a last-minute trip, check out "15 Hotels That Ho All-Out for Christmas" and have your mind blown with how far some places go to celebrate the Christmas season. Shoot, you might even be able to land a discount on a room since Christmas just happens to fall on a Wednesday this year and room rates are typically cheaper during the week.
BONUS: A Homemade Mistletoe Kit
If you do decide to go the hotel route, an idea that I found to be really cute is to make two handy mistletoe kits. It's basically a small Mason jar that has a mistletoe on it, along with some gum, Chapstick, breath spray and a couple other items that you and yours will need to keep your breath fresh. A perfect final touch to this year's edition of Christmas-themed sex. Ho-ho-ho, in the best way possible, y'all!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?
Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
Giphy“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
Giphy“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
Giphy“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
Giphy“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
Giphy“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
Giphy“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
Giphy“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
Giphy“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
____
As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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