Earlier this summer, the media chastised R&B singer Chloe Bailey for her rendition of Nina Simone's song "Feeling Good." Some thought her Juneteenth performance was too sexualized and took away from the meaning of Juneteenth. Many felt Chloe's performance represents the stigma of hypersexualized Black women. And I think Chloe might have thought a Juneteenth performance would be a safe space to show the world how she has evolved as a young Black woman.
A young Black woman that isn't scared to be her true self. Strong, sexy, bold, talented, successful, and everything nice. She also performed a less sensual version of the classic song on Good Morning America.
Chloe performs 'Feeling Good' on 'GMA' | GMAwww.youtube.com
Both performances differ in how she chooses to present herself to the world. But…the question isn't whether if how Chloe chooses to present herself is a good or bad thing.
The question is why are we criticizing a young girl for embracing her transition into a young woman?
As a society, we have always criticized women in general for being too much or too little of something. There is this notion of what a young woman should be, and how she should act. There is also this notion that we as women have to fit into a certain image or persona to acquire social status. If we don't fit into this overarching status of what a woman is supposed to be, it becomes a problem.
And it then becomes a bigger problem for Black women too.
Black women and other women of color already struggle with being their authentic selves from a cultural standpoint. As much as we have evolved as a society, allowing ourselves the freedom to be feminine and sexual beings is still seen as offensive when it shouldn't be. Women are now learning how to embrace all of their feminine energy.
And Chloe Bailey is too.
Chloe Bailey On Owning Her Womanhood
Chloe let us know she is ready to step all the way into her divine feminine. Whether it was through the Silhouette Challenge, Buss It Challenge, or dancing in a t-shirt and panties on the 'gram, she caught the attention of us all. She confidently embraces her curvaceous body through her choices in clothing, movement, and song. She is charismatic, playful, innocent, and soft. But it was the social media uproar Chloe didn't see coming. These social media trolls swayed her enough into giving an emotional justification for her behavior on an Instagram Live earlier this year:
"It's really hard for me to think of myself as a sexual being or an attractive being quite frankly. So, when I see all the uproar about my posts and stuff, I'm a bit confused. Like, I really don't understand because I've never seen myself in that way or in that light. ... I don't post what I post to get attention. I don't need that."
"For every woman out there, don't change who you are to make society feel comfortable. And, I'm telling myself that's not what I'm going to do."
"Even when I posted the video yesterday [pictured above], I posted it because I was saging and doing Palo Santo and I was like, 'Let's spread positive vibes. I didn't even really notice you guys were talking about my ass because I was like, 'OK, I'm just walking in from one seconds, two seconds. And I feel like I've shown my ass more than I have with that like if you look at our performance videos, the last performance we had in December."
"With my songwriting and producing, I feel so badass and I get the same feeling when I dance in my room, when I just own who I am and my body. And for so long, I used to think I was, like, fat, and like, I used to hate my stretch marks and my cellulite. But it's like now, I really love who I am."
If you ask me, Chloe's explanation is unwarranted. I don't think Chloe had anything to apologize for. She didn't owe her fanbase or followers an explanation for growing up or being her authentic selfauthentic self.
The issue is we knew Chloe and her sister, Halle Bailey, to be the sweet singing duo who emerged on the scene from the Disney television film Let It Shine, and YouTube song covers. They were kids. But as they have grown into young women, we are now learning who they are. We forget these adolescent entertainers eventually become young adults. We forget that their image will constantly change. While they may be in the public eye more often than most, we forget they are still human. Humans, with the same emotions, feelings, insecurities, and struggles we all encounter.
We don't criticize Cardi B, Beyonce, or Megan Thee Stallion for owning their sexuality when they take the stage or on social media. We expect it. So, why should we make Chloe feel bad for owning her sexuality? But this has been the trend for Black women and all women who grow up in the music industry.
What Critics Have Said
unpopular opinion: chloe bailey is forcing her sex appeal🥴
— courtney🌻 (@causeimcourt) July 13, 2021
Several media outlets have said Chloe is doing too much. A tweet onTwitterread, "unpopular opinion: chloe bailey is forcing her sex appeal." Another Twitter user came to Chloe's defense and tweeted:
"How's she doing too much? She's grown, super talented, and successful. She's not getting naked. Not stripping. Not doing porn. What's the issue? A grown black woman can't even own her own sexuality without other black women tearing her down. I don't get it."
And it's true. Chloe, let alone other Black women, cannot express their sexuality without commentary.
In a news article byMTV Australia, they stated:
"It's that sense of exploration, and exploration of female desire, which is discomforting for a predominantly patriarchal society to sit comfortably with, especially if it's not in charge of it."
It is also stated that because there are few Black women in major pop music spaces when a young Black woman wants to show their true personality, sexuality, and body, they are shamed for it. Author Sarah Raughley analyzed Chloe's emotional admission within the context of the industry forTeen Vogue where it was argued:
"If you're a Black girl trying to make music, it doesn't matter who you really are inside, Hyper-sexuality is what audiences demand you to be."
In a Refinery29 op-ed, writer Ineye Komonibo wrote:
"From a young age, everything about Black girls is placed under an intense sociocultural microscope. The way we dance, the clothes we wear — even the way that we style our hair can be seen as 'grown' or 'fast.'"
But for Chloe, her sexual expression is about her personal journey, self-love, and acceptance. In the January 31st Instagram Live, she revealed:
"When I perform, and make music, and dance, that's when I get to tap into the sexier side of myself. That's where I find my confidence. So, it really means a lot to me when I can finally get to a place where I share who I really am because I've been really insecure for a long time."
Black Women, Femininity, & Sexuality
I think Black women compared to any other women of color are judged the most for how they choose to express themselves. We are often labeled as oversexualized, loud, relentless, and angry. But there is so much passion in everything we say and do. And most perceive this innate passion for negativity. All because it doesn't fit into the narrative of how women of color should present themselves to society. We are told to use our voice, invoke thought, and encourage change. Yet when it comes to self-expression and owning our femininity, we are subject to limitations. How does that work?
Why should we apologize or restrict parts of who we are to make others comfortable? Pleasure, joy, and movement are key traits of femininity. Women are moved by emotions and feelings. Especially in art. And a true artist doesn't inhibit the flow of their creativity, they allow it to be seen, heard, and felt.
Unfortunately, this is what Chloe Bailey had to go through. Chloe chooses to show up as her authentic feminine self. A Black woman, a sexual woman, and an artist. She gives herself permission to "just be", allowing herself joy and happiness not just through music and movement but also as everything a feminine woman is. She gives herself permission to embrace her sexuality when most women don't dare to do this.
Whether that's through her social media presence or her performances. And was then ridiculed for expressing her emotions and feelings through her artistry.
Do you see what's wrong with this? I do. Regardless of the stereotypes and stigmas, I wish more Black women gave themselves permission to embrace all of their authentic selves. As a multi-ethnic woman of color, I didn't allow myself to be any of those things that Chloe is being criticized for in my twenties. Like Chloe, I didn't see myself as sexual or desirable either. But all women are intrinsically these things. It's not just inherited from our social environments, it's in our genetic code too.
The problem is we are taught to repress that side of us. I didn't want to become more of my feminine self until my thirties. And now that I am in my mid-thirties, I'm confidently wearing all the things and flexin' all over the 'gram too.
Despite the social media uproar, Chloe Bailey still continues to thrive. And more importantly, she continues to teach us how to be unapologetically feminine Black women.
If you ask me, we just need to sit back, watch, and take notes.
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The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak