Why is it that you know "all the things" which can feel like information overload when it comes to your money; like spend less than you earn, save, and don't forget the "b" word: Budget. The one that makes you feel restricted in your pants after eating all the quarantine snacks with an aftertaste of guilt. What would it feel like to actually earn more, spend more, and save more?
April is Financial Literacy Month and, regardless of what is going on in the world, which may be bubbling up deep and painful insecurities around money, there's no better time to uncover the root of your money worries so you can own your money mindset and gain the clarity to create the life you imagine. As your resident Money Mindset Coach, I am here to guide you on your journey and raise your money consciousness so you can leave the shame, guilt, and avoidance around your dollars at the door.
To get to the fruit, we have to address the root. And that means going back to your foundation where you received your programming and conditioning that drives all of your behaviors. So many of you are running on autopilot, and that is why awareness is key.
After doing many case studies with my clients, whether they grew up in poverty, middle class, or wealthy, I have found similar patterns often accompanied by an excruciating pain around money that bleeds into other areas of their life like their personal and romantic relationships, work, and their own worthiness. Whether this shows up as memories of not having enough money for school lunch, being unable to buy things you wanted as a kid, or having your parents using money as a bandaid, measure of success, or as a way to control, the impact of childhood trauma is real.
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Talking about the limiting beliefs around money and shifting your thoughts is a good place to start, but it skims the surface. What did your parents or caretakers say about money? Rich people are greedy? Money is the root of all evil? Money doesn't grow on trees? There is power in words and these sink into your subconscious mind which develops during the ages 0-7 and then drives all of your behavior.
"The work" lies in reframing these beliefs and regaining your confidence around money.
But then we have to go a step deeper where the trauma lies. Did you have emotionally immature parents? Were your parents distant, inconsistent, or preoccupied with their own unresolved trauma? When we don't have safe and secure attachments, we seek our sense of worthiness externally and that's what comes at a great cost.
So what are the core childhood wounds that lead to unresolved issues with your money that could be costing you big time?
Feeling Unseen:
If your parents were playing out their own unresolved intergenerational trauma and felt unseen, maybe they found themselves in a pattern of "keeping up with the Joneses", focusing more on seeking external validation and sacrificing financial peace because they were taught money is a status symbol. You may find yourself using retail therapy as a way to manage difficult emotions.
Feeling Unlovable:
If your parents were self-absorbed (not in a blame-y way, just unconscious to their own pain), they may have felt like they weren't worthy of love. Instead, they chased money, fame, or social status to feel the void and to prove themselves worthy of love. For you, this may show up as overgiving, people-pleasing, and hustling for your worth in both your careers and relationships. And whew child, can it get expensive. The burden of success is real, and the guilt of feeling like you're the one that made it is heavy. The good news, it can be healed. Start asking yourself, "Am I doing this with love, or for love?", and watch your world change.
Fear of Abandonment:
Did your parents have a parent that left them? Whether it be physically through divorce, separation, death, or absenteeism? If so, the fear of someone leaving could unconsciously have you proving your worth, overspending, and caretaking. It could also keep you in toxic work environments, afraid to leave and find a more conducive situation. It's time to heal this, sis.
Not Being Enough:
If you grew up with very critical and harsh parents, you may have this deep inner feeling of not being enough. Your parents may have overcompensated in various ways when it came to how they used money, making up for the things they never had. For you, this may show up as buying friends, overgiving, and then feeling resentment when it's never enough. Sound familiar?
Whenever we FEEL we are operating from a place of lack (and I say feel because we are born worthy by our divine birthright), we operate from a place of scarcity despite the economic status of the family we were born into. And when this happens, we are in survival mode. Your pain is not your fault, but your HEALING is your RESPONSIBILITY. Your parents did the best they could with what they knew.
I want you to do an exercise.
Hold your breath. OK, now release. Now hold your breath for 30 minutes. Impossible, right? That's what it means to operate from survival mode and a place of scarcity. All you can think about is taking your NEXT breath stuck in the same negative thoughts, pattern loops, and traumatic experiences. If you are ready to stop just surviving and stop thriving, make the investment into your greatest asset: You. It's easy to be told you're worth it, but do you ACTUALLY believe it?
It's time to stop just surviving and start thriving, are you ready to make the shift?
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Featured image by Shutterstock
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Both women showcase Black women's impact on the world through their platforms. As a mega influencer, Davis takes pride in curating a brand representing brown-skinned Black women in spaces that don’t always cater to them. From partnerships with Nike to sharing affordable fashion finds on Amazon, she’s on a mission to empower people who look like her.
No stranger to the same ideation, McCaskiel launched Black Girls in Media to prevent the erasure of women like herself as they climb the ranks within the media landscape. It all started at their respective HBCUs.
“I would say homecoming as someone who went to an HBCU is really just a big moment of reflection,” McCaskiel tells xoNecole.
“You’re able to go on campus and think about where you were when you attended that university, and then to go back and just sit in your growth as a person, career-wise, and then to reconnect with all these people you went through that journey on,” she continues.
“It’s just a really good feeling. It’s so nostalgic. It’s fun and reassuring, comforting, all those things. It’s the best time, and just makes you love being Black and makes you proud of where you come from.”
Tasha McCaskiel
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“An HBCU homecoming to me essentially means family reunion, having a good time, creating new memories, seeing people you haven’t seen in years, looking at your old stomping ground where you used to take classes, where you used to stay, and just having a good time with the people you love,” Davis adds.
“Celebrating the number one HBCU, Florida A&M University, as someone whose business essentially started on campus was basically a liaison from FAMU that spoke to multiple HBCUs through clothing is everything.”
Homecoming is also a chance to represent your school to the fullest, argue about who is the best, or even crash the yard for another homecoming. It’s an annual holiday, but the HBCU homecoming is also about shining a light on the place where it all started.
“Every chance I get, I advocate for HBCUs, and I strongly believe, when it comes to HBCUs, it’s all about exposure,” Davis says. “A lot of kids are not exposed to HBCUs even though through recent advocacy that brands are doing now to shine a light on HBCUs, I still feel like it’s really important for content creators and anybody to advocate for HBCUs.”
As the person behind the design of Nike’s Florida A&M University Nike Dunk Lows, Davis has an affinity to all historically Black colleges and universities. Still, her love for her alma mater runs deep, especially since it is the very place that fostered her knack for creating content and learning to be self-sufficient in her work as a self-made businesswoman.
Launched in 2020, the Nike Yardrunners is an annual campaign celebrating HBCUs and their impact on culture and style. In 2022, Davis, alongside women from Tennessee State, Clark Atlanta, and North Carolina University, would design shoes that transform the popular Nike dunks into those representing their respective schools.
McCaskiel echoed the sentiment of ensuring that HBCUs are at the forefront when it comes to exposure, noting that her love for her community inspired her to launch Black Girls in Media, a platform committed to ensuring that women in the industry are exposed to the opportunities, resources, and skills needed to thrive in the space.
“Going to an HBCU and being surrounded by people who look like me and then going to grad school at New York University, which is just a lot more diverse, once I graduated, I kind of lost that sense of community,” she explains. “That’s what made me start Black Girls in Media. The full circle moment is that I always wanted to carry that culture throughout my career.”
When she launched Black Girls in Media in 2018, McCaskiel was on a mission to empower the women in the industry. Working in the space, she noticed the lack of people who looked like her and realized that the stories and experiences of Black women weren't adequately represented. What began as a group chat has now grown into a platform providing thousands of opportunities to a network of over 90,000 people worldwide.
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Both women understand the microscope they are often under in the real world as Black women. They also reflect how attending HBCUs instilled in them a confidence that's only possible to achieve by being in an environment where students, faculty, staff, and even leaders look like them.
It's why their respective brands constantly push the needle for representation forward.
“When I think of legacy, I just think of impact,” says McCaskiel. “When we’re no longer here, the people who have left legacies, whatever they do continues long after they’re gone, and that’s what I aim to do on a personal and a career level.”
“I just want to inspire people to lead by being yourself and following things you truly enjoy. I will always advocate for HBCUs, and that’s me. That’s who I am, but just living in your truth and being that girl from the inside out,” Davis adds.
As part of xoNecole’s Best in Class series for 2024, Caitlyn “Cait the Great” Davis and Tasha McCaskiel are perfect examples of using their platforms to uplift and inform the culture around HBCUs.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature images courtesy