Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.
Chestine “Danni” Washington’s journey started off like so many others I know. Yet today, she’s made over $5 million in one month and casually took our Zoom call from a balcony in Cabo. Danni comes from a loving family who supported her. And while she may not have gotten everything she wanted growing up, she never wanted for a thing. But her path started to take a unique road when she made the decision to change her career journey from dentistry to psychology in college. Unfortunately, her parents didn’t see that as a viable career choice and made the decision to cut her off financially – thus fueling her journey.
Today, she's a multimillionaire who is grateful for them pushing her to be better, and that passion for mental health is as prevalent as ever. Previously, Danni earned two master's degrees and happily worked for three years as a therapist before transitioning to a behavioral analyst. But after having her second child, she decided to start a “side business,” which now has over 30 locations. She also owns a restaurant franchise, The Peach Cobbler Factory, and Chance for Change in Fort Worth, which helps men recently released from prison deal with mental health struggles and job placement.
So how did this woman conquer boldly following her passions while increasing her bag? She broke it down in this exclusive conversation with xoNecole.
Have you always been good with money?
Girl, no, not in college! I did what I wanted to do. I had my parents and everybody else helping out in the beginning. But I’ve always been a woman of my word. If I say I’m going to do or learn something, I will. It may take a little longer, but I’ll get it done. Every company that I own, I worked on it myself. From the EIN number to marketing.
For example, I remember I worked with an autistic child who was completely nonverbal. I helped the 4-year-old for 4-6 months and eventually got him to speak. Later as a thank you, the family tried to give me a check for $15,000, and I turned it down because I thought I’d get fired. So they ended up reaching out to my supervisor, and she advised me to accept it. I used that check to open my first tax office, and I still keep up with them.
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Wow, that’s a really different field. When you started that business, were there elements you were unaware of that you needed to grow your business? Can you talk to me about them?
Yeah, we all need great mentors to learn and grow. Like, if you want to be a millionaire, you need a millionaire mentor. An example that sticks out is once I had a brand new EFIN number (which is needed to file taxes as a company). Everyone was telling me with a new EFIN; you have to work under someone else to file taxes – which I had been doing. And it just so happened that this guy named Reggie answered the phone; today he’s still my mentor. He ended up giving me the bank products and everything I needed to go out on my own. To this day, he helps me market, save, and manage. Because I still want to buy different things sometimes, but I stop because I know I should invest the money.
What's your splurge?
I’m still working on that. (laughs)
I feel like when you work hard, you have to reward yourself. Just like when you’re working with a child with autism, if they do something right – you should award them. But lately, God has been telling me before you buy that new car, you should probably invest in that restaurant. The only time I save money, though is if it’s in an IRA. Money sitting in a savings account doesn’t grow. So I look at savings like I might as well spend it or invest it.
"The only time I save money, though is if it’s in an IRA. Money sitting in a savings account doesn’t grow. So I look at savings like I might as well spend it or invest it."
Okay, now I have to ask, how much do you make per year or what’s the most you’ve made?
Through my tax company, we have over 11,000 clients. So how it works is, you’ll start working in December and begin getting paid in mid-February. But we have the “big drop,” that means that with 11,000 clients, like 3,000 will drop at the same time. So that first drop was $2.1 million, the second was $1.3 million, and after that it was like $900,000. It keeps diminishing, but we keep getting paid until around October.
So for example, in the month of February, I made over $5 million.
Oh, my God. I think it’s important for people to know they can really work to change their finances like you did. So can you do me a favor? Hold on to what you just said, and take me back to when you were struggling financially.
You know I had great parents. We didn’t have what we wanted, but we had what we needed. That’s why I’m so humble now. We weren't wearing designer, but we had nice clothes. They worked regular jobs. I think my parents wanted me to be a dentist, but I always loved talking with others. So when I changed my major to psychology – they cut me off. I had to work two jobs in college, and I’ve had cars returned. But I’ve always been a person that knew I could figure it out. So I really thank them for that, because it made me stronger.
What’s the best and worst business advice you’ve been given?
The best is to hire people that other people look down on. And the worst has been the reverse, hiring popular people. I hire people who work at chicken and fish plants, fast food chains, warehouses, and etc. I like people who have a story to tell, and they’re more loyal. My director used to work at Church’s Chicken, and she made over $200,000 this year. I’m really happy for her because she’s opening her own office now.
Yes, love that! When your finances started to change, were there day-to-day changes you had to make to maintain your financial status?
It wasn’t about doing more. It was more about limiting baggage. Don’t get me wrong, I miss some friendships. But sometimes you have to eliminate partying and stuff. When I got my first tax location and made $80,000, I blew it. I bought two cars, and by the last quarter, I had $2,000 left to my name.
I really had to go into a corner and focus. I’m very friendly, but my peace means everything to me. People can really come in and throw everything off.
"It wasn’t about doing more. It was more about limiting baggage. Don’t get me wrong, I miss some friendships. But sometimes you have to eliminate partying and stuff. When I got my first tax location and made $80,000, I blew it. I bought two cars, and by the last quarter, I had $2,000 left to my name."
This sounds personal. Are you speaking from an experience you can share?
Yeah. I mean, it was an ex-boyfriend. By the time I started dating, I was used to managing money. But that person couldn’t manage money, and I was the backbone. It was draining. I don’t mind going 50/50, but 100% is a lot.
You seem like you’re managing a lot. I’m curious: who is in your tribe? Who do you vent to?
Honestly, I vent to God. I don’t confide in people. I have a set of good friends, but I don’t get personal with anyone except God – and maybe my mom. People feel like they can judge you, and I don’t like that.
That’s true. Well, do you have a specific prayer or money mantra?
I talk to my prophet every Monday. I do cleanses. I don’t pray every day, but I’m working on it. But I do keep to a routine. Keeping to a routine is how to be consistent in everything and a daily to-do list.
Lastly, what is your final goal? Is there something you’re still aspiring to do?
I want to start traveling to different countries and giving back. I’d like to do that for a year. I don’t think I’ll start another business venture for a while. There’s been so much confusion and work. I’m just traveling and enjoying life right now.
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Kirby Carroll grew up in VA but now calls Atlanta, GA home. She has a passion for creating content and helping brands grow through storytelling and public relations. When not immersed in work, you can find her sipping a mimosa at brunch or bingeing a new TV drama on Netflix. Keep up with her on social media at @askKirbyCarroll.
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Is It 'Sex On The First Date' If You've Been Virtually Talking For A While?
Aight. Even if the title of this article seems a bit…odd at first, hear me out. For starters, let’s begin with some data. Did you know that, reportedly, somewhere around 53 percent of people under 30, 37 percent of people between the ages of 30-49, and 20 percent of those between the ages of 50-64 either have used or are currently using dating apps (for the record, and I think this will come as no surprise, Gen Z actually prefers meeting people online)?
As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
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Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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