Thankfully, something that my ancestors blessed me with are thick eyebrows and long eyelashes. But because I actually prefer to do my own eyebrows at home (because sometimes the professionals shape them in a way that I'm not exactly thrilled with), there are times when I can get a little, shall we say overzealous, when it comes to removing sparse hairs. If you can relate to where I am coming from, then you know that it can feel like for-e-ver when you're waiting for your eyebrows to fill back in. Something that has helped are some of these all-natural remedies below.
Whether you're looking to have thicker brows or you want to be able to get a little more length on those lashes of yours, here are some things, that you probably already have at your crib somewhere, that can totally help you out and hook you up.
Jamaican Black Castor Oil
Personally, I'm a big fan of Mango & Lime's Jamaican Black Castor Oil line. Currently, my collection consists of their rosemary, lavender and vitamins A-D-E bottles. Jamaican black castor oil is dope because the properties in it are able to heal acne marks, deeply moisturize your skin and, it even contains antifungal and antibacterial ingredients that can help to heal skin infections over time. What I personally use this type of oil for is my hair. It conditions my tresses, helps to prevent breakage and even makes my hair thicker too. Something else that Jamaican black castor oil is able to do is nourish your eyebrows' and eyelashes' hair follicles so that they grow thicker over time.
How to Apply: All you need to pour about a half teaspoon of the oil into the bottle's top. Then dip a Q-tip into the oil and spread the oil over your brows and along your eyelashes. If you do this every night, you should notice fuller eyebrows and eyelashes in about a month. (Bonus tip: If you add a drop of vegetable glycerin to the oil, it can help your eyebrows to fill in even faster. Just make sure to NOT do this with your eyelashes. Vegetable glycerin can irritate your eyes if it comes into contact with them.)
Shea Butter
Shea butter is the ish. It really is. The reason why it's considered to be a "superfood for your skin" is because it has a combination of nutrients (including vitamins A and E) and essential fatty acids that helps your skin to produce collagen, soften scars, reduce skin inflammation, seal ends of your hair and heal chapped lips. It's a great base for DIY deodorant as well (you can cop a great recipe here).
Something else that's special about shea butter is it's able to coat your eyebrows' and eyelashes' hair follicles as it provides vitamins to help them thrive. It's pretty common to notice that your eyebrows seem thicker, even after your first use.
How to Apply: For your eyebrows, all you need to do is scrape a little bit of shea butter out of its container and gently massage your eyebrows with it. Then use an eyebrow brush to smooth your eyebrows over. For your eyelashes, just rub a tiny amount between one of your index fingers and thumbs until the butter melts. Glide your index finger along the top of your eyelid where your eyelashes are. Do this before turning in every night. Growth should be noticeable in 4-6 weeks.
Onion Juice
Onion juice is great for our health in a myriad of ways. Thanks to the sulfur, vitamins B and C and potassium that's in onions, if you consume them on a regular basis, they will help to maintain your heart health, fight cancer cells, boost bone density and fight off bacteria that can lead to infections up the road. Since onions also have properties that strengthen hair follicles while increasing your hair's volume too, that's what makes it another awesome treatment for your eyebrows and eyelashes.
How to Apply: Onions are pretty potent, so of course you don't want the juice to get into your eyes. As far as your eyebrows go, once you DIY some onion juice (there's a cool recipe here), you can apply it directly onto your brows. Dip a Q-tip into the juice and let it sit on your brows for 10 minutes. Then, with a wet washcloth, thoroughly wipe the onion juice off of them. If you want your eyelashes to get in on the action, drinking a little onion juice is the route that you should take. If you add some honey to it, you'll instantly have a potent all-natural cough syrup too.
Fenugreek
Something that I've been taking for a while now is fenugreek supplements. I do it because, believe it or not, it keeps my breasts "perky", thanks to the phytoestrogen that's in it (if you're a new mom, it helps to get your milk flowing too). Some other things that fenugreek does is it regulates blood sugar levels, boosts the libido in men as well as in women, balances cholesterol levels, relieves menstrual cramps, maintains liver and kidney health, and can even help to reduce a virus-related fever. Something else that the properties in fenugreek does is strengthen hair follicles. Plus, the lecithin that's in it can help your eyebrows to retain their natural color and even slow down premature greying.
How to Apply: This particular remedy is best for your eyebrows only. If you soak one-fourth cup of fenugreek seeds overnight and grind them into a paste the following day, it will create a paste that you can put directly onto your eyebrows. Do this twice a week. You'll see results in around five weeks.
Coconut Oil & Olive Oil
The combination of coconut oil and olive oil is a pretty impressive one. Coconut oil has fatty acids, lauric acid, Vitamin E and iron that all work together to support your brain, kill various forms of bacteria, viruses and fungi, satisfy intense hunger cravings, reduce eczema symptoms, improve oral health and deeply moisturize your skin. Virgin (unrefined) olive oil is loaded with healthy monounsaturated fats, vitamins A and E, polyphenols, anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties and antioxidants that will protect against heart disease, reduce type 2 diabetes risk, treat rheumatoid arthritis and even improve bone health.
The fatty acids in the coconut oil supports the protein that your hair is made out of while the Vitamin A in olive oil will stimulate the production of sebum in your hair follicles so that your eyebrows and eyelashes are both strong and well-conditioned.
How to Apply: If you scoop out a half teaspoon of coconut oil, add a half teaspoon of olive oil to that and stir them both together, you can then apply a thin layer of the combination on your eyebrows and over your eyelids. Do this at nighttime and you should see thicker and healthier hair within 3-4 weeks.
Vitamin E
If you don't have a bottle of Vitamin E (or a multi-vitamin that contains it), you definitely should. It's a fat-soluble oil that can deeply moisturize your skin, heal wounds, smooth out scars and fight signs of aging. Thanks to the emollients that it contains, Vitamin E can actually balance the sebum that your skin naturally produces. Also, thanks to all of the antioxidants that are in it, Vitamin E can also help to prevent infection too. Vitamin E is great on the eyebrows and eyelashes tip because it contains compounds that can increase blood circulation to your hair's follicles while strengthening the hair that comes out of them at the same time.
How to Apply: Vitamin E is super easy to apply. Use a needle to pop a hole into a Vitamin E capsule. As you squeeze the capsule, rub the oil over your eyebrows. When it comes to your eyelashes, because this type of oil is a little on the sticky side, just keep in mind that a very little bit goes a long way. Mixing a half teaspoon of almond oil with the oil from a capsule, then apply the combo to a disposable mascara wand. 3-4 weeks should give you some of the results you've been looking for.
Aloe Vera
Aloe vera is a plant that contains around 75 different components including vitamins A, several Bs, C and E along with calcium, magnesium, potassium, iron and copper. So, it's no wonder that it's such a powerhouse with regards to maintaining our health. If you consume 100 percent pure Aloe vera juice, it will build your immune system, maintain your digestion, lower your cholesterol levels, relieve arthritic pain and can relieve constipation. If you apply it onto your skin in gel form, Aloe vera has antifungal elements that can treat dandruff on your scalp, soothe psoriasis and, thanks to the antioxidants that are in the plant, it can relieve chapped lips and tone your skin as well. Also, if you apply Aloe vera, in gel form, to your eyebrows and eyelashes, it can strengthen your hair follicles so that there is less shedding.
How to Apply: With a disposable mascara wand, put a thin layer of 100 pure Aloe vera gel onto your eyebrows and eyelashes before turning in at night, then wash your face in the morning as usual. Noticeable results should occur within a couple of weeks.
Biotin-Rich Foods
Biotin is a vitamin that all of us need. It improves the quality of our skin, strengthens our nails, stabilizes our blood sugar levels, boosts our energy levels and even helps to keep our thyroid levels in check. You know what else it does? It makes our hair healthier as it helps it to appear thicker too. So, if you're looking for an "inside out" way to get your eyebrows and eyelashes to flourish, getting more biotin-rich foods into your diet is definitely one of the best ways to do it.
Foods You Should Eat More Often: Next time you're at the grocery store, make sure to pick up sweet potatoes, cheese, eggs, mushrooms, spinach, nuts, avocados, almonds and sunflower seeds. All of them will give you the biotin boost you've been seeking so that your eyebrows and eyelashes are more glorious than ever, girl. Enjoy!
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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