National Girls’ Night In Day Is This Sunday. Here’s How To Kick It This Weekend.
Raise your hand if you already know that September 22 is National Girls' Night In Day! And really, how cute is it that this year, it happens to fall on the eve of what I personally consider to be the best season of all—autumn? But before we get into some of the cool ways that you and some of your girls can celebrate it together, first a little history lesson.
My 'something new' for the day is the fact that the vodka company Ketel One is the one who is responsible for this truly awesome day of kickin' it with our female friends. Last year, they came up with the idea because they thought it would be great for ladies to have an official day, each year, to stay in, chill out, enjoy a drink or two and enjoy one another's company. Affirmative. The xoTribe could not agree more.
I will give this heads up, though. This year the holiday falls on a Sunday. This means that y'all might want to hang out on Saturday night until past midnight (you know so that you can say that you observed the actual day), meet up around brunch time on Sunday, or take it easy on any wine—or shots—that you'd like to take on Sunday evening. That said, if National Girls' Night In Day is something that you are totally down for, here are some of the ways to make it fun, memorable, and definitely worth marking down on your calendar every year.
1. Have a “Favorite Foods” Potluck
I don't know anyone who wants to do a night in and there not be any food around. But if you're the one hosting and money is tight, ask everyone to cook a dish that they are best at making. Also, ask them to bring along the recipe and a paragraph explanation of when they made it for the first time and their favorite memory surrounding the dish. You can compile all of the recipes and send them out to your friends later in the week so that everyone can learn how to make each other's best homemade meals.
2. Play the Online Version of Truth or Dare
C'mon. Does a round of Truth or Dare (or Never Have I Ever) ever get old? Especially when it's with some of your female homies? If you're not exactly sure what questions to ask, there's an online version of the game that lets you pick a category (such as "party" or "hot"); then it offers up questions (and dares) within that theme. If you want to take the dares up a notch, require that they be things that have to be done online like trolling an ex or posting a crazy statement on a Twitter account. Just remember that once it's on the 'net, it's documented somewhere forever, even if you do delete it. So yes, y'all, "dare" with wisdom—and foresight.
3. Hold a Dance Contest
Not too long ago, I was listening to Tha Dogg Pound'sNew York, New York on loop. What it did was two things. One, it reminded me that when everyone was making their top rappers list a few weeks ago, Kurupt should've definitely been on everyone's list. Second, it reminded me that a good song is timeless.
In honor of good jams, have everyone pull up their Spotify and share their favorite three songs, either from a particular year and era (y'all pick the year or era beforehand). Then have everyone try and find the dance that was big when those songs were out. Make sure some sort of prize goes to the one who remembered the dance without having to look it up first. Another prize goes to who could do the dance best. (If you need a 90s cheat sheet, you can find one here and also here. You can see some popular dances from the 2000s here.)
4. Bring Favorite Pics. Share Memories Connected to Them.
A lot of my besties, we've known each other for years now. But oftentimes, it's not until I see a picture of them that I've never seen before, and I get the backstory on it, that I end up learning something that I never knew. So yeah, another cool idea is to ask everyone to bring a baby picture, a picture from high school, and a college shot. Then have them share what was going on in their lives at the time. You can even make things interesting by coming up with a theme word and then have everyone take a shot for each time the word is said while everyone is in the midst of telling their tales.
5. Do an Affirmations Exchange
Several years ago, I was a bridesmaid at a wedding where the wife gave the sweetest bridal party presents. Instead of a piece of jewelry or paying for our shoes, she wrote and framed something that each of us taught her. Mine is hanging up on one of my bedroom walls; hands down, it's one of the best things that I've ever received.
Aside from the value of the affirmation, something else that I really like about her gift is it's a reminder that you don't need a load of dough to give a great gift to someone that you care about.
So, something else that might be cool to do is have everyone to write down something that they appreciate or admire about each individual, put it into a hat, draw them out, and share them. I guarantee that there will be lots of warm fuzzies shared by the time everyone is done.
6. Or Do a Clothing/Shoes/Jewelry Exchange
I don't know about you, but pretty much every friend that I have owns something that I wish was mine. Since the seasons are about to officially shift, something else you could do is have everyone bring the summer or fall pieces from last year that they don't want anymore—clothes, shoes, and jewelry included. Then, everyone can go through the stuff to see if there is anything that they want before you all donate them or give them to someone who might not be nearly as appreciative if they had it in their personal possession.
7. Teach Each Other Make-Up Hacks
There is not nearly enough time to get into all of the fly chicks who have online make-up tutorials. Today, though, I am going to shout out a channel that does do them but also has all kinds of other insightful and oftentimes very witty commentaries—nappyheadedjojoba.
You can connect YouTube to your television monitor and try and copy some tips from make-up experts like her and others (you can find more by putting "make-up tutorial for Black women" in the search field). Or, you can send out an email to your friends, asking them to bring some of their own make-up so that each of you can show one another a great tip, trick or hack. (You can even give out a prize to the best one.)
8. Watch a Favorite Movie. Then Have a Q&A Afterwards.
I really enjoy reading, so I fully support book clubs. But if you'd rather chill out than be all deep and philosophical, ask everyone to text their top five favorite movies of all time and show the top 1-2 of them once everyone arrives. Then afterward, just as you would in a book club meeting, go around and have everyone share what they loved about the movie, what stage of life they were in at the time, what the movie taught them, what they would do differently if they were the screenwriter or director—you know, stuff that encourages a stroll down memory lane and also sparks lots of conversation and laughter.
9. How About a Round (or Two) of 'Pick Your Poison'?
I've shared before that I'm a fan of Black web series. One that I checked out sometime last year that I really enjoyed wasDiary of a Cheating Man. Interestingly enough, my favorite episode was one entitled "Naomi". The reason why I say that is because, recently, a podcast popped up in my YouTube suggestion feed that featured the lead character from the web series and the girl who played Naomi. They currently have a show called Shots of Honesty and the episode that I watched featured the game Pick Your Poison (at least, that's what they call it).
I'm not on social media, but according to Julian (the male host), a variation of this game has been circulating for a while. Basically, what you do is compile a list of really great and really bad traits for a hypothetical person. Then you do this for 4-5 other imaginary individuals and ask your friends which guy they would choose. Other than it being able to give you insight into what your standards and deal-breakers are, it's also a reminder that no one is perfect; that, to a large extent, long-term relationships are all about figuring out what you can tolerate, what you can't, and what good things about a person can make you endure the not-so-good parts of them. If you want to take some shots in between like Julian and his co-host Starr did, please feel free.
10. Participate in a DIY Spa Session
Listen, just because it's about that time to pull out your ankle boots and close-toed pumps, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't give your feet some attention. And a facial mask? This is the perfect time of year to give your face some extra moisture as well. That's why, as far as a girls' night in event goes, you can never go wrong with having a DIY spa session.
Think about what you'd like to focus on most—hands, face, feet, etc.—look up the ingredients that you'll need and ask everyone to bring one of the items in the recipe. For instance, if you're gonna do foot soaks, ask someone to bring a big bag of Epsom salt and someone else to bring a large jar of coconut oil. Or, if it's a facial, ask one person to bring a couple of cartons of eggs and someone else to bring a couple of containers of honey. That way, everyone can get pampered without breaking their budgets in the process. (Click here for some foot soak recipes, here for some hand cream and lotion ones, and here for some DIY facial recipes.)
Oh, and while everyone is getting the DIY star treatment, serve a signature fall cocktail or mocktail that will forever commemorate 2019 Girls' Night In Day!
Enjoy every single moment of it, y'all! You and your girls definitely deserve it.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images