Challenging The Narrative: Rethinking Support For Alleged Abusers In The Black Community
As social media is buzzing about the recent raids on Sean "Diddy" Combs' properties in Los Angeles and Miami, everyone is speculating about who will be exposed next. There is a pattern of behavior amongst certain Black men that continuously appears when women, specifically Black women, accuse successful Black men of harming them. It’s as though there is an unspoken “bro-code” that enables men who subscribe to it to blindly trust and defend other men who are under public scrutiny for their alleged behavior.
Now, one might argue that Black men in America have historically been wrongfully accused of sexual assault and violence against women, and this is why other members of the community rush to support them. We have examples of this steaming from Emmett Till to The Scottsboro Boys to the Groveland Four to the Central Park 5 and countless others. We also know the majority, if not all, of these false allegations were in relation to powerless Black boys and men, and that their accusers were white women.
In tandem with this truth, we also know that 45.1 percent of Black women will experience physical violence, sexual violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). The blind support and victim-blaming within the Black community leads to a culture of silence amongst Black women, which prevents them from speaking out against their perpetrators for years if they ever do.
Tanika Ray, former Extra host, and Combs’ dancer, shared an Instagram reel discussing an experience with Combs in 1996. “Women just want to live every day and feel safe, and when we revisit and revisit, we live in a state of victimhood.” Additionally, we also see when Black women go after influential Black men, they become a footnote in the story of the man’s life and road to greatness (i.e., Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas, Dee Barnes, and Dr. Dre, the little Black girls victimized by Eldridge Cleaver, and the list goes on.) These traumatic realities bring us to the intersection of racism and sexism, misogynoir, in America.
Though I would never dare claim that Black men in America, at any level of success, don’t still face racism even in 2024. However, what I am here to question is why it is second nature for some Black men to consistently and without solicitation support those who have been accused and or found guilty of harming Black women.
We see this with Tyrese speaking out in support of Combs the day after his two homes were raided, sharing in an Instagram post which has since been removed, “I love this brother he’s been nothing but kind and generous towards me and that’s the way I feel praying and praying for more of a better outcome of all of this is happening.” We see it with podcast hosts who are livid that Combs’ homes were raided and believe he’s being “made an example of.”
We see it with Floyd Mayweather, who, in an interview on The Pivot Podcast, said, "I'm not gonna speak bad about P. Diddy because he's still a Black man…Mistakes happen.” He continued, “Even if that happened to my daughter, I would be hurt, but that's the choice that my daughter made. So, I don't wanna kick nobody while they're down.”
However, Combs isn’t the only high-profile Black man who’s received similar support in recent years.
Drake continues to support Tory Lanez even after his conviction for shooting Megan Thee Stallion in 2020. Posting images of Lanez on his Instagram story on Feb. 26 with the caption “3 you” which many interpreted as a message to free Lanez. In addition to this, in his song “Circo Loco,” Drake raps - "This (expletive) lie 'bout getting shots, but she still a stallion," – implying Meg lied about the incident despite the fact there were medical records, eyewitnesses, and the jury found Lanez guilty. Similar support was, and still is, being given to Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, Chris Brown, and Trey Songz. All of whom have been accused and or convicted of traumatically harming Black women.
We have to analyze and question why so many individuals within the Black community find space to give Black men empathy and the benefit of the doubt when they’re accused of violating Black women. However, we don’t provide Black women with the same space and grace when they share that they’ve been assaulted or abused. In her 2013 book, Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America, Melissa V. Harris-Perry goes in-depth on how negative stereotypes of Black women create space in society for them to be perceived as liars and untrustworthy.
In 1962, Malcolm X said these words: “The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.” Though there was much more context around this conversation, the overall sentiment still rings true today. Black women are easy targets for abuse, neglect, and assault because there is limited protection within and outside of their communities.
When Black women do speak up or confide in others, they’re often not believed or told to stay quiet, and this isn’t just me going off statistics or hearsay. I speak from a point of lived experience and there is no greater disappointment in life than finally gathering the courage to speak your truth and it immediately being questioned or not believed. Likewise, having to choose between continuing to build your career or holding an individual who has violated you accountable is not an experience I’d wish on my worst enemy.
I am not here to serve as judge or jury regarding the ongoing investigation with Combs. Nor am I interested in seeing an innocent Black man go to prison, but I am in full support of people being held accountable for their violent actions against others. I encourage more people to believe and trust women, especially Black women, when they say they’ve been harmed.
And lastly, I would suggest we all evaluate how we speak about these conversations with others because you never know who’s struggling to share their truth.
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Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Meet The Black Woman Behind Cynthia Erivo's 'Wicked' Nails
Almost two weeks later, Wicked is still on everyone's lips. The high-grossing film stars Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande as Elphaba and Glinda, as their characters, tell a story about race and acceptance. However, what has captured audiences on and off the screen are Cynthia's and Ariana's looks as they play on their characters' styles.
Ariana, like her character Glinda, is often dressed in pink, and Cynthia, much like Elphaba, is covered in green. But what also has many people talking is the British actress' nails. Her nails are often long, blingy, and, of course, green. Many TikTok girlies are even doing their own versions of Elphaba's nails. But there's one person to thank for the green nail mania: Shea Osei.
The London-based nail artist has been working with the Wicked actress since she was 16 and shared all the tea on her epic nail styles with Unbothered UK.
Here what she said.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Being The First Thing We See Before Seeing The Character
I was ecstatic. I was happy. It was just great to see my craft, my artistry just out there, not just nationally but globally.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Representing Her Character Development
When we started with the first [nail] look, we chose nice, subtle green ombre nails that show who she is but a calm, chilled-out version of Elphaba. As she grew into herself, became more confident, and found herself, she was more like, yes, this is me, I’m Elphaba, I am who I am, and her nails became more daring. In the salon scene, when she had a transformation, her nails were, one, longer and two, they were more daring. There are many close-ups of Elphaba’s hands in the film, where you see her nails, and you see the difference in what they were [at the start of the film], so I feel like that helps to tell the story.
Shea On Elphaba's Nails Representing Black Womanhood
Yes, it was 100%. And I feel like, yes, the nails represented Black womanhood but also just being yourself. I just feel like the nails represented Cynthia as if to say, ‘I'm Black and I can be a Black witch’. This is who I am. And also, I can have braids and they can be done in any kind of way and can still be styled however is needed. I think we saw, if I'm correct, three or four different braid styles in the movie. Sim Camps, who styled the braids, did an amazing job — there would be mornings when she would be making sure the braids were intact and looked amazing on camera. So, yeah, definitely the braids were an ode to Black culture and the nails were 100% like, yes, we're doing it.
Shea On Seeing The Fan Recreation On TikTok
Yes, I have! If you are going to the salon and you want to recreate Elphaba's nails and let's say, you're going for the nails after the salon scene, where she just gets a fresh set, I would say ask for a plain black base and then ask if they have green foils to stick it on top to give that green effect. Then apply a shiny top coat. And it looks insane! The green ombre is more complicated with colours mixed to give it a green earthy colour.
Shea On The Importance Of Expressing Yourself Through Nail Art, Despite Some Criticism
We love it and don't want anyone to change. Let's look at athletes such as Flo-Jo, remember her nails? Now we have ShaCarri Richardson and her nails are always long and she's always got nice designs [on them]. It’s also Black people, not only Black women — because if you look at athletes that are men that make sure they get their nails painted as well. A$AP Rocky gets his nails painted. It's just so good to see that our culture is so colourful and also so inviting. It’s not only Black people that can have these kinds of nails, anyone can have them. I’m glad we can be the inspiration to everybody and they can draw bits of our culture and add it to theirs.
I like the fact that Cynthia is able to go out of there into the world and still be authentically herself. She hasn't changed for anything or anyone. This is how I am. I like my nails like this, my nail techs love doing my nails like this.
I'm over the moon that Cynthia can go out and still have her nails how she wants to. [Cynthia’s nails] has been a topic this entire Wicked press tour. Everyone will ask Cynthia about her nails in every interview and I love that. I love it because that's who she is. And if you see her you'll see that she's always got her nails done and she’s always got some banging heels on. Even on her down days, she’s always dressed. That's just how she is.
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