Without a doubt, celibacy was the best decision I've ever made. I gave far too much of myself in my last relationship, and when it started to deteriorate I made a promise that moving forward, I wouldn't compromise my morals for a man again. I walked into my relationship happy, and eager to have sex with a man I loved, but I walked out broken using my body as a means to keep us together when I knew years before, it was time to leave.
Ultimately, taking sex off the table altogether was the only way I knew I'd keep my word because I'd be setting boundaries with the next man from the door.
But the beautiful thing about celibacy is that it's taught me so much more than just how to abstain from sex and toxic men. It's brought me closer to God, given me immense self-control, confidence, and it's allowed me to tap into talents inside myself; I never knew I had. What hasn't come as easy in the journey is dating. Because let's be real, your dating pool decreases significantly and the ability to stay strong requires discipline. What's great though about what being celibate in 2020, is that it's slowly is becoming a lifestyle that's embraced in the mainstream with celebrity couples such as Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin, Ciara and Russell Wilson, and Chance The Rapper and Kirsten Corley. Even television shows are joining in by displaying characters like Nia from Lena Waithe's Twenties, David from Boomerang, and real-life couples discussing their journey on the hit TV show Black Love Doc.
So if you're considering celibacy, or you're celibate by force thanks to Rona, keep these tips in mind to help you tap into some self-control and, withstand your new normal.
1. Know your triggers.
Most people who are celibate will tell you to be mindful of what you watch and listen to, and they're right, but you should also ask yourself what triggers you specifically. Masturbation and watching porn are a no for me (because it was important for me to completely surrender to the process), but I can have drinks at the club with my girls, listen to R&B music (in moderation), and not be tempted at all. But dating a man who's consistent, baby, that can trigger me to want to be all in, and sex is the closest you can be with someone. Realizing what would cause me to go from playing "My Goodies" to "Body Party" helped me navigate those moments with men much easier because I was prepared.
2. When it gets hard, remember your why.
Sexual frustration is a real thing, and it can get to you if you aren't reminding yourself of the long-term goal. There are days where I want to just say forget this and have sex, but then I had to be real and ask myself, "Is sex worth me compromising what I know is important to me?" While it might seem like a moment to give in to something that feels good, you'll soon realize that it's actually self-sabotage, and you learn to avoid those moments because you see them from afar off. And because my celibacy is rooted in Christianity, I remember what my life looked like when I wasn't listening to God, and it didn't result in happiness.
3. Once you know you really like someone, tell them.
The question of when do you tell someone you're celibate is always something people who are new to this lifestyle ask me. The answer is there is no perfect time, but I'd say that once you know you're really interested, be upfront with them. It's a scary conversation to have because the reality is they may not be up for the challenge, but you don't need every person you meet to be open to celibacy - you need the one person that's for you to be on board.
4. Get an accountability partner(s) you can be vulnerable with.
Whenever I meet someone new, I make sure that I talk with my godsister and my best friend more than ever. They remind me of my triggers, give me the advice to stay committed, and if I get a little too close to a man, they call me out on it. It's also important to mention that both of these women aren't celibate, they just love me enough to support my decisions (I say that because many people feel like you need celibate friends and, while it's good to have them, your friends should support your journey period.)
5. Be prepared to get ghosted.
This journey is not for everyone so more often than not; you'll find that men will ghost you. My first year of celibacy, there was a guy trying to date me and I wasn't ready at all, but he was so persistent I gave it a shot. The second he found out I was celibate, that man was Casper; but it was a valuable lesson for me, and it gave me thick skin. Ultimately you don't want to spend years of your life with someone that has no intentions on marrying you so, while it hurts at first, getting ghosted is actually a good thing. Now when men run, I get excited because all that means is I'm one step closer to meeting the man that thinks I'm worthy of waiting for - my husband.
6. Read 'The Wait'.
The Wait, a book written by Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin on their celibacy journey, was the cheat sheet I needed to understand what this life would entail. If I'm honest, it's the reason why I'm celibate as it came out around the time I decided I would really change my life. The book covered everything I needed to know from controlling sexual urges, bouncing back if you slip up, discovering your purpose before marriage, healing from past relationship trauma; it was one of the best books I've ever read. What I loved most about it was they addressed celibacy from the perspective of a woman and a man.
7. Once things get serious, establish boundaries with your partner.
Once you meet someone willing to wait with you, you'll need to establish rules and specify what works for the two of you. Some couples don't go over each other's houses past a certain time, avoid the bedroom, or refrain from kissing each other in certain areas. Ultimately only you and your partner know what gets you hot and bothered, so once you're committed to being together, you need to be honest about what you need in order to make abstaining work.
Bonus: Celebrate the self-control you've tapped into.
Celibacy has taught me that if I can control my sexual desires, there's nothing I can't do. Establishing discipline in my sex life has allowed me to better decide what I eat, who I spend my time with, and what I work toward because my mindset is different. This lifestyle isn't easy, but the benefits are rewarding and, if you're focused, there's nothing you can't accomplish, including finding the love of your life.
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Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert