How To Practice Gratitude When There's Grief At The Table

1.Manage anticipatory grief.

After losing a loved one, the thought of the holidays approaching can actually be more triggering than the holiday itself. The anxiety of it all may make people decide to cancel their holiday plans, not make any at all, or become filled with dread when it comes to planning. When we are grieving, it is normal to hope for things to be the same, but when a loved one passes away, things will be different and that’s okay too. Consider the things that are making you anxious as you begin planning and find ways to meet yourself where you are by focusing on how you would want to honor your loved one.

2.Honor the duality of your emotions.

As people, we often get stuck in black-and-white thinking which causes us to shrink the complexity of our humanness. It is important to remember that we are people who are capable of holding space for many feelings at once, which means as you make space for joy and gratitude, it is okay to honor and own that you are simultaneously feeling anger, sorrow, sadness, and more. We do not have to pick one over the other, we are allowed to let our feelings co-exist. Give yourself permission to feel all of your emotions, not just the good ones.

3.Stay connected to family and friends for support and comfort. 

Grief can be so painful to manage it might cause us to withdraw or isolate ourselves from others, but that only worsens the pain. Making space for gratitude can look like being connected to those you love and having an understanding of the grief that you are going through. The loss of a loved one doesn’t just impact you alone, it impacts the family system and others who are connected to it. Use this time to gather together with others and share memories and stories that honor the dead but also creates an atmosphere of support and comfort.

4.Make space for gratitude by finding ways to honor your loved one.

A beautiful way to tap into gratitude this holiday season is by honoring the person who passed on and the impact they had on your life. Actionable ways to honor them can look like cooking their favorite dish, using one of their special recipes, sharing stories about them, or even reflecting on the impact they had on you. Some reflection questions to think of include:

• I am grateful to have known this person because…
• This person positively impacted my life by….
• I want to honor their legacy by…

5.Create new rituals/traditions to cope with the loss of your loved one.

When a loved one passes on, it can be painful trying to keep the same routine or tradition so starting a new one might be a way to express gratitude for what was, as you make space for something new. New traditions can look like assigning new roles to people who may be assisting with hosting, prepping dinner, etc., opting out of cooking altogether and going out to a restaurant, or even trying new recipes to avoid being triggered by that dish your loved one always used to cook.

When dealing with grief, it is always important to remember this: You are allowed to grieve and express gratitude without feeling guilty. There is nothing wrong or bad about focusing on good things and positive memories. You get to decide what your heart can handle and remember that both grief and gratitude can co-exist.

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