I know that when a lot of us think of October (at least as far as holidays go), Halloween is what immediately comes to mind. But did you know that it's also National Pizza Month and National Emotional Wellness Month? Or that October 1 was National Hair Day? Some other unique days to acknowledge include National Stop Bullying Day (October 9), National Curves Day (October 10), National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15), National Black Poetry Day (October 17) and, a personal favorite, National Chocolate Day (October 28). But out of all of the days that are getting special shout-outs this month, I think the one that I appreciate the most is today—National Inner Beauty Day.
Let's be real. In a world of selfies, filters and fillers, it's not like the media—or society at large even—makes it a point to drive home the point that, no matter how much time, effort, energy and coins that we put into adorning our outer appearance, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter all that much if our inner beauty isn't all that, well, beautiful.
And even though your mama, granny and auntie probably told you this about a trillion times while growing up, did you ever wonder what "inner beauty" is actually referring to? In a pretty cool article that I read on the topic of inner beauty vs. outer beauty, the author said this:
"Inner beauty does not only have to be about loving what you're born with but also about what you are like as a person. Inner beauty is your intelligence, hobbies, aspirations—mostly what made you into who you are. It is also about the choices you have made in your life, your childhood dreams, how you are as a company."
To me, that speaks to two main things—our personality and our character. And yes, it is truly wonderful that there is an entire day set aside for us all to reflect on and then celebrate what is at the very core of our being.
So, no matter what else is already on your to-do list today, start (or finish) your Monday off right by focusing on what makes you the rare and awesome person that you are. Make sure to honor what exists even without any make-up, push-up bras or red bottoms. Love on what makes you truly shine—your inner beauty.
Inner Beauty Is Your Personality
"Your smile is your logo. Your personality is your business card. How you leave others feeling after an experience with you becomes your trademark."—Jay Danzie
"Personality" is the kind of word that a lot of us use, even if we can't concisely explain what the word means.
Basically, your personality is the various traits and patterns that cause you to think, feel and act the way that you do. It is truly the fingerprint of your being.
It's also the kind of word that garners all sorts of adjectives including—ambitious, funny, smart, snarky, creative, introverted, extroverted, reliable, compassionate, optimistic, spiritual…you get the gist.
One of the reasons why it's so important to figure out your personality and then protect it is because the more you know about what makes you unique, the more you come to understand that 1) probably not everyone is going to "vibe" with your personality which is totally OK, and 2) the things that you like about your personality, you need to nurture; the things that you don't, you can make adjustments to. Just make sure that you always keep in mind that personality speaks to individuality and that's something that you should love on, not downplay. Today or ever.
How to Celebrate Your Personality
Take a personality test (or series of tests).
One way to celebrate your personality is to get to know it better. Personality tests are a tool that can make that possible for you. When I took a (free) one on 16 Personalities, it told me that I was a "protagonist". When I read its breakdown of why, it made complete and total sense. Personality tests are cool because it can help certain things about you that may initially seem unclear easier to understand. Once the light bulb turns on, that can make it easier for you to settle into your own skin more.
Schedule a standing pampering appointment.
What does pampering have to do with your personality? Girl, a lot. I'll give you a personal example. I consider myself to be a creative. Mine is in the lane of writing more than anything else. And since I'm constantly hacking away on my laptop and I'm always looking at my fingers (and toes since they are usually propped up), a mani/pedi appointment, at least a couple of times a month, is something that I am totally unapologetic about. It's my way of not only giving my hands and fingers some extra special attention, but my nail tech is always rolling her eyes because she knows I'm going to come up with some crazy way to decorate my nails too. It's a way of having fun with the very things that work so hard to help me to fulfill my purpose.
So yeah, thinking about parts of your personality and what you can do to pamper some of your favorite traits is also a great way to celebrate your personality and inner beauty overall.
Buy yourself something that expresses your personality.
I say it all of the time. I am definitely a walking human billboard; tees are sho 'nuf my thing. Fairly recently, I purchased a shirt (shout out to The Trini Gee and all of her crowning wokeness) that has a picture of some freed slaves on it with a caption underneath that says, "stereotyped as lazy ever since we stopped working for free". It's a bit shocking and direct. I have the tendency to be the same way, at times. Also, every year, I make a point to purchase a piece of jewelry with a stone or crystal that represents my focus for the next 12 months. It's another way to express my personality.
Another thing that you can do to celebrate your own personality is to think of what colors or gemstones or items that you can customize that will distinctively convey who you are without saying a word. After all, one's style is one of the best ways to exude their personality, no doubt.
Throw a "Let's Celebrate Ourselves" party with some friends.
While you're out here celebrating your own personality, how about taking a moment to reflect on the fact that you've actually got people in your life who complement your individuality and that you are able to reciprocate that energy right on back to them? If that ain't worth sharing a bottle of wine, a dinner or something, I don't know what is!
If you do decide to throw an impromptu "Let's Celebrate Our Own Damn Selves" party, something that could be cute is for each of you to be assigned a friend. Then think of a personality trait that best defines them, get a small gift that exudes it and have them guess what trait the gift reflects. Having a party that is all about how dope you and your friends' personalities are? Can it get any better than that?
Inner Beauty Is Your Character
"Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."—I Peter 3:3-4(NKJV)
I know, right? Did you peep how the Bible put inner beauty right out there on front street? For the record, this doesn't say that there is anything wrong with caring about your appearance or adorning yourself. It simply says that it shouldn't take precedence over your heart and spirit. And, it shouldn't.
Whenever I think of character, I think of the quote by Paul Rabil that says, "Character is what you do when no one else is watching." Indeed.
What folks post on their socials isn't automatically or necessarily their character. What they are willing to do without an audience or if they knew there would be no consequences for their behavior? That is the core of their "moral or ethical quality".
And yes, that too is a part of what comprises our inner beauty (or inner ugly, if we're not careful). Character is what beckons us to mature, be self-aware and act like responsible human beings. Now, how in the world do you celebrate that part of you?
How to Celebrate Your Character
Treat yourself for doing something that stretched your character this year.
Something that someone in my world used to say all of the time, whenever I would ask her how she is doing is, "I'm building character." I don't know what 2019 did for you, but what it did for me was show me how to take ownership for my actions while not allowing others to manipulate me for theirs. As a result of being able to do that, I've been able to make peace with some folks who I used to be anything but peaceful with. And chile, that stretched me so much that you better believe I'm going to celebrate the growth!
Along these same lines, think of an area of your life where your own blood, sweat and tears have helped you to become a better and stronger individual. Whatever that is, do something special to commemorate it. Any time we "build character", that is worthy of recognition and jubilee—a few times over.
Find a motto, quote and theme song for your life.
I need to get a T-shirt made that says "B-Side" on it because I'm the girl who likes the songs that never becomes singles. Take Brandy's unreleased track "Freedom" for instance. There is something about her singing/saying, "Free to run on the water/Free to believe free to love/Free to speak that mountain off the ground" that hypes me up every time I hear it. A self-made motto that I live by is "Love is a gift, not a bribe." (Some of y'all will catch that later.) A quote that is a foundational truth in my life is a Leo Buscaglia one that I try to "sneak into" copy as often as I possibly can:
"As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming."
For me, all three of these things speak to true inner freedom which is what I desire to have a lot in this particular season of my life. As you're thinking of ways to celebrate your character, what are the mottos, quotes and songs that "trigger" you in the best ways possible?
Get yourself a new self-help book, journal or Bible.
At the top of the month, singer Erica Campbell was on The Breakfast Club. A part of what she talked about was her new bookMore Than Pretty: Doing the Soul Work that Uncovers Your True Beauty. When she was asked about why she believed that the book was needed at this time, one of the things that she said was it was all about "Being honest with the good and bad of you." Seems to me that her offering is right on time for what we're talking about.
Why not gift yourself with this book, some other self-help book, a new journal or maybe even a new Bible? Sometimes, the best way to honor your inner self is to seek out books and tools that will help you to dig deeper into who you are and what your inner being truly needs.
Set a Fruit of the Spirit goal.
Let's end this on a spiritual high note. Whether you are a Bible follower or not, the characteristics that make up the Fruit of the Spirit are divine and purpose-filled ones. According to Galatians 5:22, they are "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control". Something that I do every 16 months or so is pick one of these traits to "grow up" in. This year, it was peace. Next year…maybe gentleness. We'll see.
As I wind all of this down, in honor of strengthening your character and becoming even more radiant as it relates to your own inner beauty, consider also being more intentional when it comes to learning about love, joy or (have mercy) self-control. A Latin-American actor by the name of Dolores Del Rio once said, "Take care of your inner, spiritual beauty. That will reflect in your face."
Y'all, inner beauty is better than any lipstick, eyeshadow or anything else you could put on. Let today be a reminder that if you take care of your inner beauty, your outer beauty will take care of itself. Happy National Inner Beauty Day, everyone!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Here's How To Know You're At Total Peace With Yourself
I've Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul
Quick & Easy Self-Esteem Hacks That Will Have You Feeling Yourself
10 Things That Are Making Your Life Unnecessarily Complicated
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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