Summer is about to be reckless AF. I foresee people acting as if they have never been outside before. With that said, I'm ducking and dodging because I'm not a messy bish. And I don't like messy situations. I am never one to create some mess or be in some mess either. But these dudes will surely have you in some shit you never wanted to be in if you let them. I wish men would understand the more transparent they are about how they're moving in these streets, they're less inclined to get caught up. And they would be more inclined to get the box without the drama.
Let's be real, they would be less likely to waste a woman's time by stating what it is and what the fuck it's not. But instead, these dudes want to roll the dice and end up hurting multiple women in the process. And I'm the type that doesn't need to feel like I'm being courted or wined and dined if I am just keeping it casual with someone.
A few months ago, I was caught up in some type of entanglement and I didn't even know it. I had met this guy who I thought was dope AF. Those words don't come out of my mouth too often. It takes a lot for me to say someone is dope, let alone for someone to keep my attention. I'm a Sagittarius – I'm attracted to highly unique people because "average" just doesn't do it for me. I feel deeply, and there is so much depth to my waters. And if I allow my softness to be seen, it says a lot about how I hold you. I had a good time with the guy I had met.
I looked forward to seeing him again too. But if I had known what his situation was, I would have moved so differently. I wasn't given the option to choose what I wanted to do because dudes stay fumbling their words when asked the question, "Are you seeing anyone"? or "Are you dating anyone right now?" In the end, I was disappointed, and he went about his business leaving me to question the connection I thought we had with no explanation. But I have come to understand the universe puts people in your life for a reason and removes them with reason too.
After I took the time to process my feelings about what had happened, he fumbled, not me. How things played out was disheartening, but it probably saved me from a situationship I was not meant to be a part of. I have to thank the universe for that and the lessons that came with it.
As this pandemic slowly comes to an end, we're outside, and we're ready to play. Here are nine rules to casual dating every woman should know this summer.
1.Be Honest About Your Dating Status
Animated GIFGiphyWhat men (and some women) don't realize is that by not being straight up from the get-go about their dating status, they fuck up the whole damn play. By the time they say what it is, it's too late. Someone already catches feelings, or someone gets hurt. Save yourself the drama and be transparent about your dating status. Let homeboy know you're dating openly or seeing different people. And if he tells you he's dating other people, you need to be OK with it.
If you can't be OK with it, casual dating isn't for you. And if he doesn't state what his dating status is, always assume he's dating other women.
In my dating experience, I have had only two guys respect me enough to be direct about what they wanted with me. And I have always appreciated them for letting me decide if I wanted to be involved with them or not. I am still really good friends with one of the two guys today. That's the homie for life.
2.Ask The Right Questions
Some men don't like when women ask "too many questions," but one thing about me is I'm going to ask your business. Especially, if you fail to be transparent with me. Because it's my feelings and my vagina on the line. And I hate finding out things later. It's my number one pet peeve. The issue is women aren't asking men the right questions when it comes to casual dating or casual sex at all. I used to be this way, but after recent events, not no more. Don't just ask if homeboy is dating someone. Nah, bruh.
Ask questions like, "Is there anyone that would be hurt, if they saw us together?", "Is there anyone that perceives they are in a relationship with you? Watch his body language. Listen to see if he gives you a vague answer. If he fumbles his words or avoids the question, take that as your answer. If he can't give you a simple yes, no, or explain his situation, there it is. We're grown, there is no need for mixed messages. Until a man makes it clear he wants to be exclusive with you, please unapologetically do you. There are to be no fucks given. And you don't owe anyone an explanation for how you move in these streets.
3.Know What You Want
Sis, you can't be out in these streets if you don't know what you want. This is where it can get messy too. You can end up hurting yourself by looking for something in someone who isn't going to give it to you. You have to move consciously by knowing what you want. Are you out here just trying to meet new people? Are you just wanting to have fun? Are you just wanting good sex? Are you dating with intention? Are you looking for a partner? Are you dating to marry?
Figure out what it is you want in the season that you are in and unapologetically go after it. In my situation, he and I were cool. We knew we were energetically connected. After being so closed off for so long, I was open to seeing what kind of connection we had. In the words of Kehlani, "It was good until it wasn't good." But I guess I was meant to experience him in the way that I did. I have no regrets. My heart is full of gold and my love is pure magic.
4.Don’t Forget About Boundaries
After you figure out what you want, don't forget about setting boundaries. Don't be afraid to do this. There is a fine line between just being cool with homeboy and getting too personal with him. Create boundaries for yourself, so you don't catch feelings or get attached.
You're not his sounding board, confidant, or therapist. And don't think you're special because he chooses to tell you all his personal issues. Sis, you are not fixing anyone this summer. You are out here to experience and live.
Boundaries in casual dating or casual sex can look like limiting how often you speak to each other or how often you see each other. It could also look like engaging in only surface-level conversations and not asking each other too many personal questions too. So, if the question doesn't concern what y'all have established, don't ask. Save yourself the headache and the heartache.
5.Clear Out Your Baggage
If you're still emotionally attached to an old relationship or haven't healed from a past lover, you don't need to be outside. I'm sorry sis. But I am speaking from my own experience. What you need to do is get all the way uncomfortable with yourself and process your feelings. This is the only way you will be able to heal and be able to move forward with your life. I'm not saying you can't be in these streets, just don't go adding a man to the mix.
Do all the things that make you happy this summer. Explore all the things you are in the season you are in. But don't think moving on to the next guy who catches your attention will heal you. It won't. This is called avoidance. Your unhealed relationship trauma will still be there after he leaves. And will continue to linger and carry over to your next relationship until you choose yourself.
6.Self-Awareness and Emotional Development
I Am Enough Self Awareness GIF by OWN: Oprah Winfrey NetworkGiphyConsciousness is key. If you're still struggling with self-awareness and achieving emotional stability, then the streets are not for you. One thing you need to understand in casual dating is that how a man behaves is a reflection of him, not you. You cannot take everything he does personally. But you can learn to control your reaction to his behavior. For example, ghosting and inconsistency. When this happens, don't give him a pass, just keep it moving.
Women also need to pay attention to their own patterns and behaviors. We need to be able to emotionally check ourselves by understanding our own reactions in our dating life.
For example, some of us constantly get in our feelings when a date cancels or things don't go as planned. I mean, why waste good energy by being upset? If this happens to you quite often in your dating life, where you have no control over your emotions, shift to focusing on more self-work and less dating.
7.Have An Exit Strategy
basketball wives goodbye GIF by VH1GiphyStay away from toxic situations at all costs. I know the dick might be amazing, and he might come across as amazing, but no dick is worth toxic energy in your life. You have to remember sex is an energy exchange. Any human interaction is an energy exchange and can create internal chaos in the body and manifest as disorder in your life. Trust me, you don't want that. Don't be afraid to cut him off at the first sign of toxic behavior.
When I say toxic, I mean the first sign of disrespect, narcissism, and abuse of any form. Feel free to block homeboy too if he is acting out of pocket. I almost fell victim to a situation like this too. Homeboy was fine AF, and there were a few red flags. But I thought to myself he would be fun to chill with. Thankfully, my homegirl snatched me up real quick. She saved me from a situation that I didn't need to be in. She knew that's not what I wanted or deserved.
8.Understand That STDs Are Real
Safe sex is great sex. I don't know which hip-hop artist wrote this lyric, but I'm here for it. Don't trust every man's penis to be a clean one. Most men don't care about their health, let alone their sexual health until they have a reason too. These men are brave out in these streets. And since most men aren't upfront about their dating situation, don't think you're the only one he's having sex with or spending time with either.
Nowadays, no one is truly single anymore. We got all kinds of situations going on. Protect yourself by practicing safe sex.
If this means that you and he both get tested before you engage in any sexual acts, do it. If that means you have to create some kind of agreement or understanding between each other, do that too. We value well-protected vaginas over here. But also, be upfront if you're having sex with multiple partners too. And you have the right to ask him about his sexual partners too because again, it's your vagina. As awkward or uncomfortable as these conversations are, they still need to be had.
I say all these things so you can protect your heart out in these streets. Watch for the red flags and the yellow flags too. Energy doesn't lie, you'll know if something is off. Don't let these men play you. Don't let yourself be caught up in some mess you're not supposed to be in. Don't let these dudes dictate how you move in these streets either. And at any rate, always choose yourself first.
As for me, I'm going to keep glowing and keep moving. Summer is mine. I've taken the time to heal, and it's time for me to live my best life. All I want to do is create endless memories. I want to pour into life the way life has poured into me. I'm going to stay outside and do my thing. But I mean it when I tell these men don't bother me if they're with the shit. Because if he fumbles me, there is no me coming back.
You see the material. It's my energy, aura, and my spirit.
Sis, I'm living this summer. Are you?
Featured image by Dean Mitchell/Getty Images
- How To Take Things Slow With A Guy In Dating ›
- 'Tis The Season: Is You Cuffin' Or Nah? - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 5 Rules For Having Friends With Benefits Relationship - xoNecole ... ›
- Are You Wasting Your Time With "Expiration Dating"? - xoNecole ... ›
- 9 Men On Love, Courtship & Casual Dating - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 6 Things To Consider Before "Seriously Casually Dating" Someone ... ›
- How To Take Things Slow With A Guy - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Copy of 'Tis The Season: Is You Cuffin' Or Nah? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The Kamala Effect: Top Black Women In Politics To Watch Now, Into 2025
With a landmark Election Day coming up soon, everyone will be watching to see whether Vice President Kamala Harris makes history by becoming the first Black woman to become president of the United States. And as she has gathered monumental support from Black women around the world (including the more than 44,000 who raised millions in minutes shortly after she announced she’d be running), other Black women politicians also stand to make history in their respective elections, running to serve local and statewide communities.
Just as there have been barriers to Black women serving as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies (with only four having been appointed to those roles), there’s a massive glass ceiling for Black women in politics as well. Only 0.4% of all members of Congress identified as Black, and only 13.4% of all women who have served in Congress to date have identified as Black, according to research.
To date, no Black woman has served as governor of a state (though there has been a Black woman lieutenant governor, which we’ll get to later.)
Glass Ceiling In Politics For Black Women
Black women face the ever-so-usual gender bias and racism when running for office, but they also have to deal with another major deterrent to launching a viable campaign: funding. According to the Washington Post, while campaign fundraising “overall” saw a boost for women in 2020 compared with 2018, “Black women across party lines raised significantly less money than White women.”
The publication further reported that in 2020, data reflected “that the 113 active Black women candidates running on all tickets raised nearly $81 million in the first three quarters compared to the nearly $811 million pulled in by their 379 active White women counterparts across party lines, according to data provided by the Center for Responsive Politics. More than $1.5 billion was raised by over 1,000 White men from all parties in the same timeframe.”
Paying staff, covering marketing and ads, travel expenses, and more are all vital and very costly, expanding one’s reach, impact, and exposure to land the votes. This is one major reason that, when Black women finally make it to the finish line with enough support to get a serious spot on the ballot, it’s more than a big deal.
So, here are a few Black women in politics who have made history, continue to push barriers, and powerhouses to watch as we near Election Day on November 5:
Angela Alsobrooks
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
A Maryland native, Angela Alsobrooks graduated from Duke University and the University of Maryland School of Law. She worked as a law clerk in the Howard County Circuit Court and the Baltimore City Circuit Court before taking on the role of Assistant State’s Attorney in Prince George’s County, a role in which she made history as the youngest and first woman in the role. She’s now running for the state senator seat in Maryland, which, if she wins, would make her the fourth Black woman in history to serve in the Senate.
Winsome Earle-Sears
Winsome Earle-Sears is a native of Kingston, Jamaica, who served in the United States Marine Corps. Before becoming the first woman to be elected lieutenant governor of Virginia and the first Black woman elected to statewide office, she served as the vice president of the Virginia State Board of Education and a presidential appointee to the U.S. Census Bureau, co-chair of the African American Committee and the Advisory Committee on Women Veterans to the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. She earned a bachelor’s degree in economics from Old Dominion University and a master’s degree in organizational leadership with a concentration in government from Regent University.
She has filed to run for governor of the state in 2025 and, if successful, would become the first and only woman (as well as Black woman) in the U.S. and its territories.
Lisa Blunt Rochester
Lisa Blunt Rochester represents Delaware in the U.S. House of Representatives and serves as an Assistant Whip for House Leadership. She also serves on the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. Raised in Wilmington, Delaware, she graduated from Fairleigh Dickinson University with a degree in international relations and later earned a master’s degree in urban affairs and public policy from the University of Delaware.
She’s also running for the state senate seat in Delaware and would make history if elected. If she and Albrook are both successful, that will be a first as well, as it would be the first time two Black women are serving in the U.S. Senate at the same time.
Carol Moseley Braun
A native of Chicago (who now lives in the Hyde Park neighborhood the Obamas also call home), Carol Moseley Braun became the first woman senator from Illinois and the first Black woman to serve in the Senate when she won in 1992 (and was the only Black woman to serve in the six years she held her seat.) She later served as U.S. ambassador to New Zealand, a visiting professor at Northwestern University, launched a food company, and now serves as chairman of the United States African Development Foundation. She graduated from the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Chicago Law School.
Lauren Underwood
Samuel Corum/Getty Images
Born in Ohio but raised in Illinois, Lauren Underwood was sworn into Congress in 2019, becoming the first woman, the first person of color, and the youngest (as a millennial!) elected to represent the state. A registered nurse by trade, she’s the co-founder and co-chair of the Black Maternal Health Caucus and the co-chair of the House Democratic Policy and Communications Committee. She also serves on the House Committee on Appropriations. Before that, she served as a senior adviser at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Johns Hopkins University.
Ayanna Pressley
Representing Massachusetts, Ayanna Pressley was the first Black woman to be elected to Congress from the state. Before that, she served as a member of the Boston City Council, becoming the first woman of color to serve in that capacity. In that role, she formed the Committee on Healthy Women, Families, and Communities, addressing issues including domestic violence and human trafficking. She empowered many, going viral and making headlines in 2020 when she revealed she has alopecia and unapologetically took off her wig to rock a bald head, shifting the narrative on Black women, code-switching, and appearance in political arenas and beyond.
Jennifer McClellan
Jennifer McClellan was sworn into the U.S. House last year, becoming the first Black woman to represent Virginia in Congress. A Virginia native, she earned a bachelor’s degree from the University of Richmond and her Juris Doctorate from the University of Virginia School of Law. She was previously elected to the Virginia House of Delegates in 2005 and served in that post until she was elected to the Virginia State Senate in 2017.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images