I was in a loveless relationship, having the worst sex of my life with a man I wanted to marry. Yes, you read that right.
I spent three years of my life trying to progress a relationship that was never meant to be my forever, but I was persistent in my pursuit to meet him at the altar because, well, I thought that was what you were supposed to do in a long-term relationship. My fear of missing out on being a wife with a dog and a white picket fence led me to stay in a toxic relationship that sabotaged us both. I loved him just because he was there, until one day I looked up, and he wasn't anymore.
It wasn't until two years after grieving and mourning the love that once was that I learned that my fairy tale ending could still be a reality, it's just that sometimes, you don't get the fairy tale right the first time. The brokenness I felt when that relationship saw its final curtain call did not define me, but it did teach me a lesson in the power of my choices. I think every woman comes to a crossroads in her life when she has to be clear about her intentions.
Ultimately, I had to decide what I wanted more: the fairy tale or the man, and in the end, I chose myself.
I've never met Cassie, and although I'm sure she's a dope individual, I can't speculate on what has or has not happened in her love life. What I can say is, it's a beautiful thing when a woman can become selfish enough about her own needs to find the good in goodbye.
Last night, Cassie and her baby zaddy/celebrity personal trainer, Alex Fine, announced that they would be welcoming a bouncing baby girl to the world with social media posts that broke the internet. The couple made their relationship public late last year and now only six months later, they're officially taking the first steps in becoming the Family Fine. While their heartwarming announcement sparked an emotional response that had Black Twitter in tears, it also sparked a debate about Cassie's previous relationship with Diddy.
While some praised the soon-to-be mom for moving on from a fruitless relationship and finding true love, others criticized Diddy for being a "waste of time" and an example for men who can't get their sh*t together, causing them to miss out on the one who "got away".
But, I would like to personally submit a request to the Black Coalition of Social Media Users that we leave Diddy out of this, mind the business that pays us, and just say congrats.
Cassie was never publicly critical of her relationship with her former lover, so why should we be? When a woman's ready to bust a move, she'll move, and Cassie did exactly that after she and Diddy's nearly 10-year relationship. It's quite possible that Cassie never wanted to get married or have a family with Diddy because being in a long-term relationship isn't enough to qualify a man as marriage material, sis.
Some users speculated that the couple's relationship has moved relatively fast, but when you know, you know; and judging by the articulately captioned posts by Cassie's bull riding boothang, it wasn't hard to tell.
Although we haven't gotten to the chance to catch a glimpse of Cassie's belly full of baby just yet, Alex captioned the announcement with open letters that will give you all the feels. In a public message to his unborn child, he apologized in advance for embarrassing forehead kisses at school dropoffs and his adamant disproval of potential suitors. He wrote:
"I will be the first man in your life and will show you the greatest love and affection now and forever. I never thought my heart could grow bigger after meeting your mother... then I found out we were having you and I instantly felt a love that is so indescribable. I promise to be at every dance recital, concert, sporting event, school plays whatever you decide to do I will be there and support you. I am your number one fan.I promise to be a man that you and your mother look up to and love. I will always listen and put the both of you first.I will show you a healthy relationship and how you deserve to be treated."
That part.
I don't hate my ex. I hope he finds great sex, a relationship overflowing with love, and ultimately gets his storybook ending one day, too. For now, I'm just happy for the lessons I learned during the process that prepared me to be a wife with a dog and a white picket fence one day, but only when the vision is right. Sometimes we don't get the fairytale right the first time, but take a page out of Cassie's book. Dust yourself off, sis, and try again with new intentions.
Now, can somebody tell Ciara and Cassie to step into this prayer closet and put an anointing on my life please, cause I need that scripture, sis.
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak