It really is interesting how the Universe works. Just yesterday afternoon, I had a conversation with a friend of mine who was excited to tell me that, after several years of dating, two of his friends not only decided to get engaged, they are planning to get married before 2020 rolls around. Chile, you already know, with this way this year has been moving, that's like them saying that they're basically getting married tomorrow. Anyway, little did I know that it was probably right around that conversation that Cassie was doin' the damn thing herself by making it official with the man she just got engaged to, and we wrote about, almost a month to the day—Mr. Alex Fine.
When I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and saw the news about it, shoot, everywhere, I did what I'm sure thousands of others have at this point. I headed on over to her IG to see what she had posted. At the time that I'm writing this, since she announced her engagement, honestly, there hasn't been much. I mean, there's literally been three pictures. A dope casual one of her overlooking the ocean at sunset, a black-and-white shot of her and her beloved and, a picture that appears to be a portrait of Cassie and Alex using water as a bedsheet (that last one is what she posted yesterday). But no wedding announcement. No wedding pics (one of their friends posted the feature shot you see; that's how we know that it went down).
And to tell you the truth, that makes me like Cassie and Alex even more; they're too busy being into each other and actually living life to be out here constantly posting on the gram. Good for them. Really.
And while I could get into a media version of connect the dots (at least based on what we think that we know about Cassie's journey) or I could low-key troll to see what—eh hem—others have to say about this new season in her life, personally, I think all of that is totally unnecessary. I say that because there is a Jewish tradition called a mikveh. It's the act of immersing yourself in water to symbolize a new season in your life. Some Jews do it right before they get married. I dig the concept. To me, wedding days should be seen this way. It really doesn't matter what happened before you and the one you decide to commit your lives to have experienced. If you were paying close attention, it all prepared you for the moment when you look into each other's eyes and pledge to become one with each other. Everything prior to that is…fodder. Kinda irrelevant too. Because relevancy speaks to purpose. Your wedding day signifies a renewal and a purpose that requires leaving so much of who you were and what you did…behind.
Still, the reason why I wanted to shout Cassie and Alex out, just one-more-time-again, is because of something that Alex actually shared earlier this summer on his Instagram page. It was on June 12, to be exact:
"Letter to Cassie
"I promise you that I will do every single thing in my power to support you and help you. I promise that you will never be alone.I promise that you will be loved beyond expectation and we will show our children how to be in a healthy relationship. I promise to always come home with a great attitude and give our children and you undivided attention. I promise to always keep you and the child first nothing comes before you.
"I promise you will be showered in kisses and hugs every single day. I promise that I will be the best father/baby daddy. You two are my greatest loves I have and will ever have. I cannot wait for the rest of our lives together and to raise a beautiful happy child in our beautiful happy life."
Yes Alex. Beautiful Alex. We totally support you on this, Alex.
If you've ever read any article that I've written on celebrity news, I try my best to use them as teachable moments; to find ways to apply whatever I'm covering to our own lives. On the day following Cassie's wedding day, here are three takeaways that I hope we keep in mind in the midst of our own love journeys.
A man of his word is a man you can trust. A man you can trust is a man you can respect. A man you can respect is a man you can love—and shouldn’t be afraid to commit to.
I try my best to put the disclaimer in that we don't know what famous people have going on behind closed doors. All we know is what they tell us and what others have to think about it. But I will say that when I looked at Cassie, all beautiful in her wedding dress (I really dig the veil, Mrs. Fine), the part where Alex said, "I promise that you will never be alone" in his summer post did indeed come to mind. He just asked her to marry him on August 27, y'all. They got married on September 25. He didn't just say, "I mean, let's see how this thing goes" or "Let's just enjoy being engaged for a while". Alex solidified his promise with a lifelong commitment. At the same time, Cassie didn't hesitate to oblige. It's easy to just…move forward when trust, respect and love—all three, not just one—are in place.
If you're currently seeing someone and you desire to be married, please make sure that this winning combo is a part of your own relationship. That you can trust him and he can trust you. That you can respect him and he can respect you. That you love him and he loves you—and that there are actions to back up those three important words.
This brings me to my next point.
When men know, they know. And they move based on what they know.
I'm a marriage life coach, so I talk to married couples a lot. Of the healthy and happy ones that I've talked to, something that the husbands have always told me is they knew; they knew their wife was the one. And because they knew, they didn't want to drag their feet. They didn't need her to give them ultimatums. They weren't interested in long and drawn out engagements either.
Although I think a lot of people sleep on the benefits of eloping or having a small wedding, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with a having a big ceremony or taking the time that's needed to plan (and pay) for one. What I am saying is most marriage counselors, therapists and coaches will tell you that if you're engaged for longer than two years, that's something to really think long and hard about. An engagement should speak to the intention of getting married; not eventually but sooner than later. And if two people truly want to marry one another, why wait?
It's just my personal take on things, but whenever a single man, who's in a relationship, tells me that he's thinking about proposing, the two things that I say is, "Make sure you can pay for your ring upfront" (you'd be amazed how many wives are still paying on their own engagement ring because their husband financed it, fell on hard times and how she's having to pay it off) and "If you're not ready to say 'I do' within the year…wait."
We know that Alex was "'bout it" because it took—and by "took" what I really mean is wasted—no time. Cassie being his fiancée wasn't enough for him. He was on a mission to make her his wife.
Let God write your love story.
Oh, please believe that I get asked often if I ever get weary from being a never-been-married-before single woman and dealing with marriage so much. Not really because 1) being a marriage life coach has shown me a side of marriage that a lot of singles don't get to see; it has made me look at it from a much more realistic perspective and 2) I don't want someone else's love story; I want my own. How ever many chapters it needs to have, so be it.
You know, a quote that I really like is, "Your love story is different from those you watch in movies. Movies were written by screenwriters. Yours was written by God." If you're currently single and reading this, while you might be tempted to secretly envy Cassie, I'm going to encourage you not to do that. Be happy for her love story. Also, stay positive and excited about your own. Literally, this time last year, Cassie's life was very, very different. Your story is still being written. Simply relax and play your part (try not to do your own "editing" either. He knows best).
As for Mr. and Mrs. Fine, I couldn't be happier. Promises keep being made. Promises keep being fulfilled. Just how love should be. From the entire xoTribe, congrats and blessings upon blessings to you both. Keep enjoying the chapters of your own very special love story.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Sooo...Do You Want A Marriage? Or Just A Wedding?
Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'
You REALLY Want To Get Married. Why Is That?
Before You Marry Him, Check Out His Relationships With Other Folks
Feature image by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images for Mark's Club
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert