If memory serves me correctly, Cassie was 20 when she first officially made her way onto the music scene as a newly-signed Bad Boy artist. Her first single was "Me & U". I remember watching the video and being like, "She's cute." But for me, it wasn't until I saw her in the moviePerfect Match, starring as the love interest of Terrence J. a few years back, that I was like, "Look at Cassie. She's grown grown." It was then that I noticed her having the kind of sexiness and style that puts you—well, at least me—in the mindset of Rihanna in some of the very best ways possible.
But you know what? These past several months, Cassie has captured my attention in a way like never before. First, she got mad respect from me for how graciously she supported Diddy during the loss of Kim Porter—a true love of his life and the mother of three of his children (although he also claims Al B. Sure's son Quincy as one of his own too). Something else that I really esteem about Cassie after this year is the fact that, although Black Twitter has been incessantly lightin' Diddy up for missing out on a good thing (being Cassie), she hasn't said much, if anything, about their relationship. Instead, she's been focused on her new life and new normal—her relationship with her man and now fiance' Alex Fine, and preparing for the entrance of their baby girl. There is something about how Cassie's been letting her Instagram account do the talking that has come off us mature, dignified and totally self-aware. Not only that but she seems to be at peace, living in the moment and very much in love.
You can see all of this resonate via the post that she shared of her engagement. Even though she turned 33 yesterday—Happy Belated Birthday, sis!— you'll see that her caption says that it was actually Saturday (8/24) that was her best day ever. If you make the time to check the video out (and also scroll on her page to check out some shots of her baby bump), it's very apparent why that is the case.
As I watched and oooed and ahhed with all of the others who have caused Cassie to trend on Twitter today, I thought about the fact that, while most of us will probably never be within fifty feet of her, there is something about her late 2018-2019 glow up that hits home for us all. In some ways, she's been the best kind of teachable moment. For me, here are the six lessons that observing her and how she moves has taught me.
Lesson #1. Do Something Different to Get Something New
I've written in the entertainment lane long enough to have learned to be very careful about commenting on famous people's personal lives like I actually know them and have all of the facts. Therefore, I have no clue what the true inner workings of Cassie and Diddy's relationship were; this includes not knowing if she was fine with being in a decade-plus relationship that didn't move to the point of them jumping the broom. However, what I do know is that the minute that she—at least to us—quietly made her exit out of that dynamic, it wasn't too long after that we started to see Mr. Fine. Some party shots from last December caused a lot of us to be like "Oh?" and now, eight months later—she's about to be a wife and a mom.
So yeah, I don't think that any of us need to know the details to be able to come to the confident conclusion that if you want something different than what you currently have going on, you've got to be willing to switch some things up—to let some things go, to try something new, to be open to leaving the past behind you. That's my first takeaway from Ms. Cassie's ever-evolving journey.
Lesson #2. If It’s Not Working…IT’S NOT WORKING
I once loved a man for 10 years. I spoke with him not too long ago and if there's one thing that we can agree on, it's the fact that we actually loved, and still love, each other. The challenge is that I desire to be married someday and he? He has no clue what he wants to do in that arena. That's the thing. Unless you've been in something similar, it's probably hard for you to understand that just because you may be involved with someone and the relationship doesn't go how you planned (or others think it should go), that doesn't automatically or necessarily mean the relationship sucked or the guy is a jerk. Sometimes you simply want different things and, because feelings are there, it can be hard to let one another go so that you can get to what you truly desire.
What makes you finally walk out? I won't speak for Cassie, but I'll speak for me. Sometimes loving another individual teaches you how to love yourself more, better or differently than you did before knowing them. And when that love has solidified, you can love yourself enough to say, "I don't know what the future has in store, but what I do know is this isn't serving me anymore. So, I love you, but I love me more. And since I am single and my top priority, I need to do what's best for me, regardless of what you think about it or even how it affects you, really."
Somebody needs to hear this loud and clear. You can still love someone and know that since something is not working, it's an act of love—love for your future and whatever the other person needs to learn without you being so present in their lives—to move on. PLEASE DO.
Lesson #3. The Right Man Is Ready, Willing and Totally Able
The Universe is both cryptic and hilarious. Right around the time when Cassie posted a pic of her then-boyfriend-now-fiance', I had an article published on here entitled "One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material". I don't know if Diddy is a commitment-phobe or marriage just ain't on his menu (yet). At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. What I do know is the third lesson that Cassie has taught me, actually comes from her man this time. It was basically in December that they went public and, not even a year later, this man literally saddled up, rode up to his lady, got down on one knee and sealed the deal. It didn't take 10 years, or even five or one. He knew what he wanted and he made it happen. And clearly, a part of what he wants is to be a husband. Cassie's husband.
A lot of us waste time with a man, not because he isn't a good man, but because he doesn't want what we do or he isn't at a point in his life to prepare for it. If we stay anyway and, as a direct result, only end up wasting more time, really…whose fault is that? That's my third lesson. (Thank you, Alex.)
Lesson #4. Timing Really Is Everything
I write a lot, so I can't remember exactly when or where I said this, but I know that I've shared that one thing about lessons of the heart, no matter how great or heart-wrenching the experience may have been, is they all are able to teach you some things that you probably wouldn't have learned any other way.
Again, I don't know Cassie, our paths have never crossed in any shape, form or fashion, but I'm willing to bet some pretty good money that she'll tell you that the woman she was at 20 is totally different than the woman she is now at 33. And yes, her past relationship(s) play a direct role in that. And because of what she's learned, she is able to take that wisdom into her upcoming marriage and her new season of motherhood. For that alone, she is grateful for the experiences and the growth. It was all preparation. All of it.
Speaking of motherhood, I must say that when I looked at her baby bump, I thought about something I heard someone say about how to tackle feelings of low self-esteem—"Automatically, you are a fighter and a winner because out of all of the sperm that made it to your mom's egg, it was you. YOU." Keeping that point in mind, while looking at Cassie, I thought, "Now that she's in the kind of relationship that she desires in this stage and season of her life, love is birthing new life."
Lesson #4. The right kind of love isn't just about feelings. It's also about well-placed timing too. You can't do it all. Just do your part. Let timing do the rest. As timing sees fit. Believe you me, it knows some things that you absolutely do not.
Lesson #5. What You Seek Is Seeking You
I don't know the full history of Cassie and Alex. I do know that it's been reported, countless times, that he was hired to be her trainer once upon a time. There's been plenty of speculation about what transpired since that initial meeting, but when I briefly revisited all of the gushing that Alex did on his Instagram at the news of Cassie's pregnancy, all I could think about is the Rumi quote—"What you seek is seeking you."
Sometimes, the thing that we hope or even try and make happen with someone isn't working out because they aren't truly what we're looking for. What I mean by that is, well, my favorite quote by author and speak Leo Buscaglia expresses it all perfectly:
"As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming."
If who you're with doesn't line up with what you want, always remember that real love is about your constantly evolution and the Universe seeks to bring you what you truly desire—and need. If the person you're with can't honor you in that way, the Universe will beckon you to look elsewhere.
Maybe towards your trainer. Maybe somewhere else. #winkwink
Lesson #6. Love Does Not Hurt. Love Nurtures, Heals and Fulfills.
Did you see how BIG Cassie's smile was at the end of the engagement video? No two people are perfect, no love relationship either. But what I haven't seen since the entrance of Mr. Fine is anxiety, confusion or pain. Cassie really does seem happy. No, she seems like she has joy. Happy is fleeting. Joy is a state of being.
And if that is what you want, no matter how much you love or even want to be with someone, if joy isn't coming your way, you've got to be willing to comply with whatever needs to happen so that you can get to the kind of love—and lover—that you truly deserve. A love that nurtures. A love that heals. A love that fulfills.
So yes, Ms. Soon-To-Be Cassie Fine, I'm happy for you today like I'm one of your homies or something. Because in many ways, you represent the love journey that may of us are on. And you are living proof that if we're willing to learn, apply and wait, good will come our way. Enjoy all of the blessings of this new season. We're rooting for you, Alex and that sure-to-be beautiful baby girl of yours. We really and truly are.
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Feature image by Alex Fine/Instagram
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RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
Scouting For Christmas (Hallmark)
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Queens of Christmas (BET+)
Screenshot/ Queens of Christmas
Doris and Julia, life-long friends and feuding neighbors, learn the true meaning of ‘sisterhood’ and Christmas while hilariously competing for the annual title of ‘Queen of Christmas.'
Air Date: December 19th
24-Karat Christmas (OWN)
Screenshot/ 24-Karat Christmas
When Trish (Samantha Marie Ware), an unlucky-in-love jewelry designer, accidentally sends a set of Christmas wedding bands off with the wrong person, she and the charming best man, Book Mosely (Curtis Hamilton), must work together to track them down and get them to the wedding on Christmas Eve – in the process learning that you can’t wait for love to find you, you have to go out and find it.
Air Date: December 21st
Blended Christmas
Screenshot/ Blended Christmas
After a freak accident, a new bride cancels her tropical Christmas honeymoon to take care of her husband’s ex-wife and kids with a little help from a holiday angel.
Air Date: December 25th
Have you seen any of these films yet? Sound off in the comments, and don’t forget to stream and support each and every one of these films and the actors who made the characters come to life. Happy Holidays xoFAM!
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Feature image screenshot/ A Very Merry Christmas