Lawd. If 2020 has been nothing else, it's been a 2.0 accelerated course in how to properly manage our stress levels. Let the Church say, "Amen!" But when you think about how worry, anxiety and maybe even a little bit of fear have affected you, have you ever stopped to factor in how these types of emotions can cause all kinds of wear and tear on your skin? The reality is, when we're stressed the TF out, the cortisol levels in our system tend to elevate. This can result in breakouts (including cystic acne), excessive dryness, a trigger of skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis, and a drop of collagen and elastin which can prevent our skin from looking young and maintaining that healthy glow that so many of us love.
All of this sucks and definitely doesn't make us, well, less stressed. That's why, I thought it'd be cool to offer up some all-natural tips that can help to keep your skin looking great on the outside, even if you are a little triggered on the inside. Let's hit it.
1. Make Your Own Exfoliant
Here's something that's a trip. Did you know that when the cortisol levels in our system rise, it can hinder our body from shedding as many dead skin cells as it normally does? That's because, when stress hormones are wreaking havoc in our body, it can cause everything to become more sluggish than it should. When it comes to our skin, specifically, that can result in our skin looking duller than we'd ever like.
The remedy? Making sure to exfoliate—not just your face and neck either; you need to take care of your entire body. One way to do this is to make your own exfoliant.
As far as your face and neck go, a little baking soda and manuka honey can revive them in some remarkable ways. The tiny granules in baking soda are great at removing dead skin cells while helping to balance your skin's pH levels (which I'll get more into in a sec). Manuka honey is a powerful type of honey that contains antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties that will treat and heal your skin simultaneously. All you need to do is combine three tablespoons of baking soda with a teaspoon of manuka honey, a teaspoon of Vitamin E (it helps to repair damaged skin cells), one-half teaspoon of cinnamon powder (to increase blood flow to your skin) and 2-3 tablespoons of almond milk (to soothe your skin). Let the mixture sit on your skin for 15 minutes, then rinse with lukewarm water.
As far as your body goes, a nice brown sugar scrub (one-part brown sugar and one-part olive oil; the sugar is a humectant and the olive oil is loaded with antioxidants) is always bomb. (Dry brushing is effective too!)
2. Use Some Avocado Oil
After sweet almond oil, probably my next favorite "skin oil" is avocado oil. It's got vitamins A, D and E in it. Avocado oil also contains antioxidants, fatty acids, beta-carotene and protein. If you apply this to your skin, either as a primer in the morning or as a way to pamper your skin before turning in at night, it will help to deeply moisturize you from head to toe, soothe symptoms that are related to eczema and psoriasis, speed up the healing process of pimples and protect your skin from damaging UV rays which will ultimately slow down your skin's aging process, if you're not careful.
3. Apply a “Chilled Out” DIY Eye Cream
What are some pretty telling signs that your eyes need a pampering break? If you're straining to read, they are itching or burning, you notice dark circles underneath them, you're increasingly more sensitive to light, they are extra dry or they are watering up—all of these point to eyes that first need a break from phone screens and monitors (and could probably use a couple of extra hours of sleep), but eyes that could stand to get a little bit of eye cream put on them too.
Not only can eye cream help to soothe the skin that's protecting your eyes, but it can lighten the circles, soften fine lines and ultimately cause your eyes to look brighter too. One of my favorite sites for at-home hacks is Wellness Mama. She's got a cool DIY eye cream recipe here. Take it up a notch by chilling your DIY cream in your refrigerator for an hour before applying it. The cool temperature will feel great and help to soften the appearance of the circles around your eyes too.
4. Rinse Your Skin with Lukewarm Water
If you've never stopped to think about what temperature is best for your skin (especially your face and neck), now is as good a time as any, right? According to the American Academy of Dermatology, lukewarm is best. For one thing, it makes whatever face wash you're using more effective at removing dirt and debris from your skin. Another perk is lukewarm is the temp that helps to keep the natural oils that your skin produces in balance.
5. Eat What Will Balance Your Skin’s pH
Did you know that your skin has a pH balance, just like the rest of your body does? While your body, overall, has a pH level of around 7, your skin tends to be slightly more acidic with a balance about 5.5. Making sure that your skin is at the right balance is what helps to decrease your chances of breakouts, dry skin and eczema and psoriasis flare-ups because when your pH balance is off, your skin is more vulnerable to germs and bacteria—and yes, elevated cortisol levels can affect this as well.
That's why it's important to eat foods that aren't going to trigger an allergic reaction or cause your hormones to go on a roller coaster ride. Reducing junk foods, dairy and sugar from your diet helps. So does consuming more foods that are featured in the article (from our site), "9 Foods That'll Actually Decrease Your Cortisol (Stress) Hormones".
6. Consume More Collagen Too
You might recall when I said in the intro that a peak in cortisol can slow down how collagen and elastin is produced in your skin. One way to combat that is to eat foods that are high in collagen. Some of those include fish, chicken, beef, bone broth, citrus fruits, berries, garlic, red bell peppers, dark leafy greens, eggs, chickpeas and spirulina.
7. Take Some Zinc
Personally, I'm a huge fan of the magnesium, calcium and zinc supplement combo because it's a wonderful nerve relaxant (especially if you take it about 1-2 hours before going to bed at night). But if you're noticing more zits than usual, upping your zinc, specifically, can help to make your pimples a thing of the past at a faster rate and with less scarring too. The reason why zinc is so effective is because, not only does it help to keep free radicals, viruses and bacteria from damaging your skin cells, it contains some pretty powerful anti-inflammatory properties too.
For the quickest results, an oral zinc supplement will hit your bloodstream the fastest. If you want to ensure that you won't experience any side effects, a topical treatment is cool too. Of course, there are also foods that are high in zinc that won't heal the pimples you've already got extremely fast but they are good for your overall health and well-being and can help to prevent future zits from creeping up. Some foods with lots of zinc in them include nuts, seeds, whole grains, potatoes, green beans, kale, red meat, yogurt, oats and dark chocolate.
8. Keep Some Tea Tree Oil and Lavender Oil on Tap
Two times when you can almost be sure that your skin will look less than its best is the week before your period and when you're stressed all the way out. And so, if you know that you know you've got a zit forming when and where you don't want it (or an acne scar that's creeping up because you've been taking your anxiety out on a pimple), dabbing some tea tree oil and/or lavender oil can be the perfect all-natural remedy for it.
I can personally vouch for the fact that tea tree oil contains some mad potent anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial properties that can take a pimple out, oftentimes overnight, if you apply it before turning in at night. Also, if your eczema seems like it's a bit worse due to how stressed you're feeling, tea tree oil has the reputation for being better at treating it than zinc oxide.
Mixing 2-3 drops of it into three tablespoons of grapeseed oil (which also has anti-inflammatory properties and can reduce itchiness) is a quick fix. Lavender oil? It kills bacteria-causing acne and has antifungal properties that can reduce the inflammation that's associated with eczema and psoriasis flare-ups. Just make sure to mix this with a carrier oil too. Grapeseed or coconut oil (thanks to the Vitamin E and anti-inflammatory properties that it's got) are pretty ideal.
9. HYDRATE
Something that the top layer of your skin does is protect the deeper layers from getting attacked by bacteria, dirt and debris. But when you're super stressed, the cortisol increase can work against your top layer from functioning at its peak. One way to make sure that it is getting all of the nutrients and oxygen that it needs from the inside out is to up your water intake. Plus, there are studies to support that the more hydrated you are, the better your system will be at keeping your cortisol levels in check.
You probably already know that you could stand to drink 6-8 glasses of water a day and that if you're thirsty, that's a telling sign that you're dehydrated. But if you know that you're stressed, add a couple of glasses of water to what you already naturally consume. You might be surprised by how feeling more refreshed can decrease your worry and anxiety levels—and how much your skin will thank you for it too.
10. REST
Did you know that sleep deprivation can totally wreck your skin? It's proven that when you consistently get less than 6-8 hours of zzz's, that can slow down collagen growth, increase skin inflammation, reduce how quickly your skin's wounds heal and it can make your skin extremely dry. So yeah, no matter how stressed you might feel, try and not let it keep you from getting some much-needed rest. When you're sleeping, that's when your body is able to repair itself and your skin is certainly not exempt. Besides, the more sleep you get, the less stressed out you'll feel and the better off your skin will be in the long run. Hmph. Funny how that all works together—isn't it?
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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