

If you're someone who only speedreads or skims and you want the bottom line of what I'm about to share, it's actually a two-fold answer as to whether you can truly be in love with two people at the same time. First, love comes in levels and secondly, it is pretty difficult to truly be in love with two individuals simultaneously. For those of you who are already sayin', "You're trippin'. I've done it before", while I know it might feel that way, just hear me out for a sec.
No matter how old you are, what relational status you currently hold or even what your values are based on/in, I'm pretty sure that, if there's one thing we all can agree on, it's the fact that love is something you learn more about as you evolve as an individual. Just think about it—the way you thought about love in your teens is very different than the way you think about love now. Different people and experiences play a direct role in that; so does how you feel about yourself as you maneuver through those situations.
Take my first love vs. the last man who I profoundly loved.
At 19, my brain hadn't even fully developed and honestly, because I was still reeling from childhood abuse, I was looking for someone to tell me what love was all about; someone who would define it for me through their actions towards me. So really, more than anything, I was "in love" so to speak with him showing me what he thought romantic love was all about because, for the most part, I had absolutely no clue. Was sitting on the phone all hours of the night love? Was singing "Weak" to one another every chance we got love? Was having sex love? Was letting him drive my car, giving him money and forgiving him for every time I found out about some random chick that he was messing with love? Was allowing him to enter in and out of my life for years to come…love?
The last guy? Chile, there was so much praying, fasting and implementing of I Corinthians 13 (the Love Chapter) that, in hindsight, I realize that more than merely being "in love" with him, I was in love with him being a tool that taught me how to love God and myself more (when someone keeps you on your knees in prayer, you learn more about God's grace and mercy than ever!). Plus, after that particular journey? Listen here—if I don't know nothin' else, I know that I know that I know how to love a man. When you can come out of something long, revelatory and sometimes even emotionally painful and you only respect love and the Source of Love more because of it, on some level, you come to realize that it served some good. No matter how hard it was to go through—or get over.
And that's just the thing. I've been with 14 guys. 80 percent of those partners, I was really close friends with. While pondering what I know about the stages of like, love and being in love now, I believe that while I liked all of them and even loved some of them, I have been in love with four men. In some ways, I still love them (when you've been truly "in love" it doesn't die; it transforms). At times, as I was still trying to figure out who belonged where in my life, it felt as if I was in love with a couple of them simultaneously. But time and wisdom have brought me to the convicted conclusion that that is not even remotely the case.
Here's why.
In the article "Like, Love & in Love: How to Really Know the Differences" that was published on the site earlier this year, something I shared is the reason why I believe that "in love" is ill-defined and misused a lot (which is why a lot of us can end up being so-called "in love" all by ourselves) is because of the two prepositions that come up whenever we say "I'm in love with so-and-so." Did you catch 'em? IN and WITH. As I said in the article, "The word 'in' means to be in a place, position, or type of relationship. The word 'with' means to be accompanied by." What's my point?
Something that my male friends and I discuss fairly often is the emotional resilience of a woman. While we're out here "falling in love" (I'm not a fan of that phrase; it makes me think of something that Albert Einstein once said—"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.") multiple times throughout our lives, men may do it three tops—and that's pushing it. They tend to have a first love, a wife (or long-term companion) and someone in between or following her. Other than that, they're good. Whenever I ask my male friends why that is the case, most of them say something along the lines of love is really serious to them, sometimes almost scary to them and so they are not open to doing it a ton of times.
It's not that they don't love love, it's that they take it more seriously than a lot of us give them credit for.
This means that since they are not out here running and rushing to be in love, it's rare that they will ever be in love with two women at once time. I mean rare like a UFO sighting! In like (to take pleasure in; find agreeable or congenial)? Sure. In lust (intense sexual desire or appetite)? Absolutely. In interest (something that concerns, involves, draws the attention of, or arouses the curiosity of a person)? Of course. But in love? The answer is simply "no".
How can I say that so confidently? Because in love is not something that should be treated casually. For a man, I venture to say that once he reaches the in love portion of the program, he's got courtship on the brain. Courtship is not to be confused with chivalry. Courtship isn't about opening doors and turning off cell phones on dates. Courtship, by true definition, is about seeing someone as a partner for life and putting the steps into place to make that happen. And no, I don't personally know any man who has done that even a handful, let alone dozens of times. Also, of the men I know who take courtship seriously, two women did not overlap either. They may "have love" for someone other than who they are in love with, but actually in love with the other chick? No.
So, if the only way that any of us can be in love is if someone accompanies us in that type of relationship, this means that in order for any of us to be in love with two men at one time, they have to be along with us for the ride. In other words, they have to be exactly where we are mentally and emotionally. Oh, and relationally. Two men who are doing exactly that, at the same time, with one woman is highly unlikely. There's more though.
I'm pretty sure most of us have heard a variation of the quote "If ever I am just an option, don't choose me." There's not enough time or space today to get into the fact that if you're truly in love with yourself, you would never allow someone to tell you that they are in a duality with you and someone else (and if someone else is in love with themselves, they wouldn't settle for that either). But there's another reason why I'm bringing that quote up.
When I sit and reflect on the four men that I loved—that I really and truly loved—at the time when I felt as though I was in love with them, there was no confusion going on. If I had to choose anyone else on the planet, it was only one of them, period. I believe it's because when you're in love and someone is in love with you, that experience is so consuming that it's hard to even consider someone else sharing that space.
What about the times when I wondered if I was in love with more than one of them?
Remember how I said at the top of the article that love comes in levels? My first and last love are two men whom I've loved more than just about any other human being on the planet. Both journeys lasted for several years. In fact, my first love came back into my life for the billionth and final time while I was still caught up in the last guy. Because of how much I once loved my first love, because he and I discussed where we were now and what we should do with those feelings, on the surface, it could appear as if I was in love with two men. But here's the thing—if I had to choose between him and the other guy, there really was no contest. Something being tempting doesn't mean that you're "in love". Something that you may reminisce about doesn't mean that you're "in love".
The one you would choose, above all others, no matter what? That's who you're truly in love with.
And what if you can't decide between two guys? Do yourself and them a favor and replace "in love" with "love" because that's actually where you're at. And, real talk, if you're somewhere in the headspace of "If I could create a hybrid of the two, I'd be so happy", there's a chance that you should play Outkast's jam "Prototype", take the pressure off of yourself and wait for the one who wouldn't have to compete with anyone else. Including and especially those two fellas. Because another thing about being in love is you are all in with someone and you can't do that fractionated.
Being in love keeps you with a singular focus. It's designed to be that way.
So yeah. Whenever someone tells me that they are in love with two people, if their heads are out of the clouds enough to listen, what I'll typically suggest is they consider that what's really going on is they love two folks and they are in confusion about what to do next. How do they get out of that confusion? One way is to decide who they would choose if they had to choose (someone always has the upper hand). Another way is to discuss with both individuals how they feel about them. Because there's no point in contemplating over being in love with someone who isn't thinking about choosing to be in love with you.
Bottom line, saying that you're in love with two people may be popular but it's not really accurate.
Now that you see things from this perspective, who are you truly in love with?
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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This Is What It Really Means To Heal Your Relationship With Money
Riddle me this: If money were your partner, what kind of relationship would you be in?
Would the relationship be one that's supportive and secure? Would it be built on things like trust and mutual respect? Or would it be more like a rollercoaster, varying between hot and cold, stressful, ridden with anxiety and insecurity? For a lot of us, the parallels might be parallel-ing, as the relationship we have with money mirrors some of the same unhealthy patterns we’ve had in romantic ones: fear of abandonment, emotional avoidance, lack of boundaries, or the belief that we have to earn our rest, ease, or abundance.
Now, I've read enough of The Psychology of Money to know that our relationship with money is an emotional one. So, it's not just about what you make or how you spend, it's about how money makes you feel. And like any relationship in your life, if you're not paying attention to the emotional patterns controlling your reality, money can quickly become a source of shame, anxiety, stress, or self-sabotage. This is why healing your relationship with money has to start within.
That's something Sasha Suresh knows firsthand. As the founder of Jolii Cosmetics and Full Ritúal, an award-winning wellness brand, she’s built a 7-figure business rooted in soulful alignment, intention, and yes, financial abundance. But it didn’t begin there. Now through her 1:1 coaching and signature course The Million Mastery Method, Sasha teaches women how to rewrite their money stories, shift out of survival mode, and reclaim their power.
“There have been key moments when I realized that money wasn’t just about numbers,” she shares. “It was deeply connected to how I saw myself.”
For Sasha, that turning point was recognizing how financial anxiety was showing up as a mismatch between the value she created and what she believed she deserved to receive. “I also saw that the more money I made, the more fear I had about losing it all and the need to be wanting more and more. This recognition marked the beginning of my journey to heal and redefine my relationship with money because money is essentially just energy and should be viewed as just that. Money is the means for us to do other things and it is not the end all be all.”
Unpacking What's Holding You Back
A lot of us are carrying hidden beliefs about money we don’t even realize we’re repeating. These money beliefs might sound like:
- “Money is hard to come by.”
- “More money means more problems”
- “I’m not good with money.”
- “I'll be paying back this debt forever.”
- “I’ll never make more money.”
And while some of those beliefs may seem harmless or even rational depending on your financial situation, Sasha explains these are signs of unhealed money wounds. “There are so many signs indicating an unhealthy relationship with money and most of the time these go unnoticed because we’re so conditioned to see them as the norm and they’re a part of us,” she says. “I used to have major financial anxiety where even small financial decisions would cause me stress or I would be swiping my cards like there was no end to it. There was no in-between. My financial decisions were dependent on my emotions which can be very detrimental in the long run.”
She continues, “The tendency to undercharge for your services or accept a lower pay than what you truly deserve is a sign that your inner narrative about worth is still catching up with your actual value. And the most common of all might be avoidance – steering clear of detailed money management because it brings up old, unresolved feelings.”
At the root of it all? An unhealthy relationship with money and a nervous system that had learned to equate money with fear.
Where It All Begins
Oftentimes, our relationship with money is shaped long before we ever earn our first paycheck. In fact, our relationship with money tends to mirror what we saw while growing up from our parents or what we've experienced through societal conditioning. “If you grew up in a home where money was a source of stress or secrecy, you might carry invisible beliefs like ‘I need to suffer before I can succeed’ or ‘My value is tied to how much I earn,’” Sasha says.
She notes that many of us have internalized the idea that wealth must come through sacrifice, hustle, or even through compromising our morals. In some communities and cultures, money can even be viewed as a source of corruption.
“This conditioning often leads to cycles of overworking, guilt when money flows effortlessly, or self-sabotage to return to the 'comfort' of scarcity. We’re taught that success must be earned through hardship, so you might dismiss opportunities that feel joyful or aligned as 'not real work,'” she explains. “These narratives can create subconscious resistance to abundance, where earning more triggers guilt rather than celebration.”
Healing Your Money Wounds
Healing your relationship with money isn’t about making dramatic shifts overnight. It's about becoming aware of your wounds, knowledgeable of your patterns, and living a life more aligned with a different belief system that is rooted in feeling worthy, feeling safe, and allowing flow.
Below, Sasha shares some of the most common money blocks she sees in her coaching work, and how to begin healing them:
1. Scarcity Thinking
One of the biggest blocks to abundance is the belief that "there's never enough." A scarcity mindset creates a loop of anxiety that leads to clinging to every dollar like it's your last, rejecting opportunities even when there's alignment, or constantly feeling like you're behind in life even though you're right on time. “Your scarcity script writes your reality,” she explains. “If you narrate limitations, your world shrinks to match exactly that.”
She encourages shifting this mindset by asking yourself: What if I acted like abundance is already here? Making aligned decisions from that place can be transformative.
2. Fear of Success or Rejection
Sometimes, the fear isn’t about failing, it’s about what might happen if you succeed. You may wonder if more money will change how others perceive you, or worry that you’ll lose yourself in the process. “This fear often manifests as procrastination, undercharging, or downplaying wins,” she says. A helpful shift is to start celebrating through what Sasha calls “micro-victories.” “Each celebration rewires your nervous system to associate success with safety, not threat.”
3. Undervaluing Yourself
If you constantly discount your services or avoid negotiating your worth, that’s usually tied to deeper beliefs around not being deserving. “If you don’t feel deserving, you’ll leak wealth everywhere—discounting services, tolerating underpayment, or avoiding negotiations,” Sasha echoes.
“Your self-image becomes your financial ceiling,” she explains. She recommends tuning into where your resistance is coming from. Try writing “I am worthy of abundance” ten times slowly, really feeling each word. Notice what emotions or discomfort come up. That’s where your work begins. As Sasha says, this is where your inner narrative about worth can catch up to your actual value.
4. Emotional Avoidance
If you're prone to avoiding money altogether, i.e. skipping bills, ignoring your budget, avoiding your bank account balance, or pushing off conversations about finances altogether, these could be signs of deeper unresolved feelings or shame.
To begin healing, Sasha suggests starting small and approaching money from a place of compassion rather than resentment. Acknowledging your finances through intentional money management, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day, is a powerful first step toward creating a better relationship with money.
How Healing Your Money Mindset Creates Space for Growth
Healing your relationship with money doesn’t just change how you manage it, it changes how you show up. Sasha knows this shift well. As a wellness founder and the creator of the Million Mastery Method, her business began to grow in new ways when she did the internal work around her money story.
“When you begin to see money as a tool rather than a source of anxiety, your decision-making improves. This is exactly what happened for me in my business – as I shed my limiting beliefs around money, I became more authentic in my interactions with clients and partners,” she says. That clarity translated to more ease, more aligned clients, and more income, without the burnout or over-giving she once defaulted to.
“When you’re not battling internal money anxieties, you have more mental and emotional energy to dedicate to creative and strategic endeavors. This increased focus opened so many doors for me without me chasing them,” Sasha explains. “With a healed money mindset, setbacks become lessons rather than confirmations of scarcity. You’re more resilient and adaptive, which is essential for long-term business success. Your business starts to feel like an authentic extension of who you are, leading to a deeper sense of fulfillment and sustainable growth.”
So, Where Do You Begin?
According to Sasha, the first step in healing your relationship with money doesn’t begin in your bank account, it starts in your body. It's about shifting the way you feel about money before you ever shift the actual numbers. “Start by envisioning and feeling what financial abundance looks and feels like, and let that inner truth lead you in making decisions,” she says. That vision can be as simple as imagining yourself feeling safe while checking your bank account, confidently setting your rates for your services, or tipping without hesitation.
These small but powerful acts create new emotional pathways that support the idea that money is not something to fear, instead it’s something you can trust yourself to handle. “When you align your inner world with the abundance you desire, every single aspect of your life changes,” Sasha explains. “From the way you price your services to the opportunities you attract.”
Anything worth having doesn't come easy, and that goes double when it comes to inner alignment and getting your relationship with your money right. Sasha is honest about this and the discomfort that sometimes arises as we heal, our money wounds included. “Things will get uncomfortable and may not come to you naturally,” she says, “but just know that getting to the other side of your fear, self-sabotage, and anxiety means you’ve reached your desired state—which is a state of ease, flow, and abundance.”
That’s what financial healing really is: a reclamation of your sense of safety, your self-worth, and self-trust. It’s a recommitment to self-belief. When you start showing up as the version of yourself who believes she is worthy of wealth, aligned decisions and opportunities begin to follow. You no longer have to force abundance, it starts to meet you where you are because you already are.
“Embrace this inner transformation,” Sasha encourages, “and you'll find that financial healing becomes a natural extension of your newfound self-belief.”
Money, after all, isn’t inherently good or bad. “It’s energy that reflects your boundaries, your self-worth, and your vision,” she reminds us. “You don’t have to choose between wealth and integrity. When you align money with your mission, you step into your power.”
Love is cute and all, but building an empire together? That’s the real flex. Tap into our new series Making Cents to see what financial compatibility really looks like when love and legacy go hand in hand.
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