This post was originally published on MommiNation.
I want to take a moment to discuss a very serious topic. A topic that the success of our children, future grandchildren, and even our nation depends on. Let's have an open dialogue about wealth in the black community.
According to a study completed by Prosperity Now, "If the racial wealth divide is left unaddressed and is not exacerbated further over the next eight years, median Black household wealth is on a path to hit zero by 2053." $0?!? That is in less than 35 years. Personally, my son will only be 47, and I, for certain, cannot let this become his reality. We cannot let this become reality!
Reflect on the concepts you learned growing up around wealth. Where did you learn those concepts? Most likely, you didn't learn anything about wealth in school. I'd be willing to bet that whatever you learned, good, bad, or indifferent, you learned from the examples within your family dynamic. Have you noticed the difference between the wealth of blacks vs. wealth of whites? I'm sure you have. But how can we close this gap and how can we blur the lines to make it impossible to notice this difference?
The answer is within our children.
It is our responsibility to teach our children about generational wealth. It is one thing to teach our children how to have a healthy relationship with money, but if we are not passing wealth on to them, we cannot be sure they will acquire it. It is time we break the generational curse of scarcity and start securing our legacies. We can disrupt the wealth gap, but we must be intentional and forward thinking. Generational wealth is not just about money passed down, it is also opportunities, support, and investments to generate more money.
Let's talk steps:
Self-Care
GiphySelf-care is not only about taking bubble baths, meditating, and working out. Self-care is about preserving your health, which includes your financial health. If you have mountains of debt, poor credit, no savings/investments, or unhealthy spending habits, that is what you will pass to your children. Before your child can become wealthy, your financial independence is required. This is the first step to setting your children up for generational wealth.
Multiple Streams of Income
GiphyWe are talking about building wealth, therefore having only one source of income will not cut it. Take all of your eggs out of that one basket and start spreading the wealth. It is almost impossible to depend on a 9-5 to build wealth when lay-offs, pay cuts, and unforeseen circumstances can storm through your life at any moment. Multiple streams of income not only provides security, but it also builds wealth. Many financial books (as well as the internet… and you know the internet is always right) proclaim that the average millionaire has seven sources of income. How many streams of income do you have?
No Fund Me
GiphyLife insurance is not to protect you, it is to protect your family. Life insurance is important for several reasons. The most important reason is to ensure that you do not pass on debt to your loved ones. Leaving funeral expenses, debt, and financial burdens to our loved ones must stop! If you take nothing else from this article, take this. Go get a life insurance policy ASAP! I cannot see another GoFundMe as a substitute for life insurance. In addition to covering your debts, life insurance can leave a substantial inheritance for your family leading up to the time that you have successfully built wealth yourself.
Credit
On the personal finance scene, there is a big debate around the use of credit. Personally, I feel like credit is a necessary evil. When your child is 16 (as young as 13 with some companies), add them to your oldest credit card with excellent payment history, utilizing 10% or less of the limit, and ensure the company is reporting to the credit bureau. Warning: This should ONLY be done if you are an extremely responsible credit card user. If you are not, DO NOT take this action and see number 1 on this list immediately. Please do not ruin your child's credit before they are old enough to ruin their own. Building your child's credit at an early age allows them to immediately obtain business loans, an auto loan with a low-interest rate, buy a home, get an apartment, etc. If you are successful at building wealth, which allows them to cash flow all expenses, they will not need credit. But, it will not hurt to have a 700+ credit score at the age of 18.
Investments
I could write an entire blog post about investments and how important they are (and actually, I probably will in the future). But for now, I'll keep it brief. THIS is the part where you build wealth. In order to pass down wealth, you want to pass down assets that will continue to generate more assets.
Retirement Account
- First and foremost, you should have a retirement investment account. This will prevent you from working the rest of your life while continuing to generate passive income. Once you leave this earth, your contributions will be transferred to your beneficiaries (your family).
Real Estate
- Investing in property is arguably the most efficient way to build and pass on wealth. Real estate is a tangible purchase you can make that will appreciate and become more valuable over time.
529 Plan
- Invest in your child's education. Now this is one I am passionate about because I have a massive amount of student loan debt that has prevented me from living my best life and also put me behind the curve of building a legacy for my child. Recent studies show that the US student loan debt is $1.5 TRILLION and black women hold $890 BILLION of this total. Whether college is necessary is debatable, but I can tell you as a person that hires/fires in corporate America and a person whose income has tripled because of a Masters degree, having a degree opens more doors than not. Take advantage of a college savings plan at a young age and prevent your child from falling in the student loan trap that will make it difficult for them to build and pass on generational wealth.
Stocks, Bonds, and the Likes
- Stash money into low-cost investment funds for your children at a young age. Let compound interest do its thing, and your child will be set when they enter adulthood.
The transmission of wealth is often accomplished much earlier in life and in less direct ways than inheritances during late adulthood. Securing your family's legacy will take intentional small steps that will make a substantial impact. Start now! Finish strong! And let's secure the bag our children will benefit from for generations to come.
Were you set up financially for generational wealth? Have you utilized any of these tips to set your children up for wealth? Or were any of these tips utilized to prepare you to receive wealth?
Written by Mykal Steen
Originally published on MommiNation
Kids need a village and moms need a nation! MommiNation serves the tea on everything about motherhood you never thought you needed to know by bringing together many of your favorite mom bloggers and experts all in one place.
- Smart Women Finish Rich: Here's How To Break The Generational ... ›
- I Paid Off $40K of Debt in 18 Months - xoNecole ›
- 7 Types Of Investments All Boss Women Should Know About ... ›
- The Black Woman's Guide To Building Generational Wealth ... ›
- #BudgetBae: 4 Tips On Building Your Wealth From A Financial Pro - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Estate Planning Is The Secret To Building Generational Wealth In Our Community - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- The Future Of Real Estate Investing Is Female - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- Biggest Generational Wealth Transfer to Happen in the Next 25 Years ›
- Basic Black: Generational Wealth Gap & People of Color ›
- 14 Lessons on building Generational Wealth for Millennials ›
- A Massive Generational Wealth Transfer Is Why Everything Will Be OK ›
- What Is the Definition of Generational Wealth and How Can I Build It? ›
- Generational Wealth: Why do 70% of Families Lose Their Wealth in ... ›
- Generational Wealth and Your Financial Legacy ›
RELATED
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images