I've never been one to travel scared.
News stories, paranoid friends and family, and even movies like Brokedown Palace, will have you terrified to leave your home, let alone fly to the other side of the world. For me; however, the "see for yourself" mantra has always rang true.
That's why when I had the chance to check another adventure off my bucketlist in Jordan, I was beyond thrilled.
Jordan was a country I had dreamed of ever since Indiana Jones, along with his whip and sidekicks, ran through Petra on their Last Crusade. It had a magic that captured me instantly and even though I was just a little Black girl from Brooklyn, I knew I had to make it there someday.
Of course when I told my father about my plans, he immediately went into protective daddy mode:
“You're not going by yourself are you?"
“There's no way I'm allowing you to ride through the desert for hours with strange men!"
“If you insist on doing this, we need to set up a system of selfies and safe words."
Now, seeing as how my father thinks my overly grown self needs a safe word for trips to the supermarket alone, you will totally be able to understand why I paid him absolutely no attention. Until his last concern escaped his lips, “Do you even know if they like Black women or Black people over there?"
I didn't.
The more I researched my trip, the more my excitement became infiltrated by doubt and fear. Not too many people I know, even some of my seasoned travel friends, have been to Jordan. Those that have went in groups, on tours or with husbands. I was realizing that I didn't know how I would be received as a woman in Jordan.
A solo woman. A solo Black woman.
Sure I practically live in Abu Dhabi and visit often to hang with friends, but the UAE, despite its strict laws, isn't considered the “real" Middle East. It's Vegas on steroids, an over the top Jetson-like metropolis where foreigners come to play and indulge in their bougiest fantasies. Living and playing in the UAE can give you a false sense of security about how the rest of the Middle East operates, and it's a far cry from everything I was reading about Jordan.
Ok, now I was a bit scared.
But, I'm from Brooklyn, with all the “cough up a lung, where I'm from…" bravado that it entails, so I decided to put on my best screwface and face my fear head on. I was going to Jordan. Alone.
The minute I touched down in Jordan I kept my eyes open and guard up for any awkward stares or surly men wondering where my husband was. I met my driver and immediately took a selfie with him because my father is insane, then headed to my hotel in central Amman. Once I got settled I decided to take a trip down Rainbow Street and indulge in some shopping, food and people watching.
I was standing on a random corner trying to figure out where to eat when a group of young Jordanian women approached me, asked if I needed help and invited me to eat with them. I must admit that my first reaction was to give them the “Girl bye!" face because in NYC if a stranger approaches you on the street they are either a lost tourist, homeless or trying to rob you. Yet I threw defensiveness to the wind, went to lunch with these women and ended up bonding with them over our matching Jordans. Mine worn with jeans, theirs worn under abayas.
Next up was my trip to Petra. My driver returned for our four hour journey through the desert and immediately my nervousness returned. Four hours in the middle of nowhere, with a strange man on the other side of the world where I know no one. What if he killed me and left me in the desert? What if my father has to resort to living the male version of “Not with My Child" to rescue me and bring me home? Clearly I watch too much Investigative Discovery and Lifetime.
The drive ended up being full of laughs and adventure. My driver became like an older brother, cracking jokes on me, taking me to hang out with friends at random rest stops and educating me on life in Jordan. We explored Petra together, drank beer and played card games until the sun came up.
My first selfie with strangers turned friends
He signed me up for a Jordanian cooking class because family everywhere believe food is the path to marriage.
Sigh, brothers. I ended up loving the class while I never attracted that husband, I met other solo women from Turkey who were excited to see someone “brave" just like them. Perhaps Jordan wasn't so bad after all.
The next morning I said goodbye to my “brother" and made my way to Wadi Rum with another driver that would introduce me to my future BFF for life, Mohammed. Mohammed was a Bedouin who lived out in the deserts of Wadi Rum in the way of his forefathers, living off the land with minimal contact with the outside world. As a city girl I was not about this life. What do you mean there's no cell service and I can't check Facebook? Why is there no light in my tent? Why am I sleeping in a tent? This was going to be interesting.
Mohammed and I became fast friends and took more selfies together than the Kardashians combined. He made me a picnic lunch beneath a rock and played me traditional Jordanian songs on his iPhone (Apple is everywhere!).
We hiked mini mountains, visited friends and talked about relationship troubles, chased defiant goats, and watched the most beautiful sunset together before heading to our camp for the night where he prepared me a delicious chicken dinner that was cooked in the ground traditional Bedouin style. We stared at the stars shining bright above us and shared the hopes and dreams of two people so different, but very much the same.
That night, I fell in love with Jordan.
After riding a camel back to the village, I exchanged info with Mohammed, snapped a few pics of him with his friends (Jordanian men are yummy…praises.), said goodbye and headed off on a two hour journey towards the Dead Sea. I checked into my hotel and headed down to the beach to spend some time covering myself in mud and taking awkward pictures of myself floating while trying not to drop my phone in the water. So many people, local and foreign, came to chat with me, invite me to lunch or to dinner in their homes. It was refreshing.
As I stood in the water admiring the sight before me, for the first time I realized that I was no longer nervous or afraid. Unlike other countries where I needed to be on guard for my safety or couldn't go two feet without being reminded that I was strange black fruit, Jordan allowed me to be free.
It was in that moment that I realized I hadn't been scared since I arrived. That no one mentioned my race or gave me awkward stares. That the men my father was so worried about me driving through the desert with protected me like I was family. A trip that started out with fear had turned into one of the best adventures I've had so far, and after 70+ countries, that's saying a lot. Jordan was nothing like what I thought, nothing like what some media might have you believe. Jordan and its people filled my heart with so much kindness and love that I was never alone and instead of being scared I was able to open myself up to the world around me. New friendships, new experiences and memories that will last a lifetime.
As I headed back to the airport, after a night of partying because if you didn't already know, Jordanians get it in, a sense of sadness came over me. Not too many places evoke emotions from me, but Jordan had won my heart. I hugged my “brother," who came back to see me off, and cried like a baby on his shoulder. “I tell you, Jordan is amazing. You are one of us now, this is your new home," he said. He was right. I took one last look around and I no longer felt like a brown girl in an Arab world. I felt welcomed; I felt at home. And I can't wait to return.
Have you ever overcome a fear of traveling? Let me know! And feel free to check out more pics from my trip to Jordan below.
- 5 Ways To Travel Solo Like A Boss - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Top Worst Countries For Black Tourists - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Best and Worst Countries For Black Women Travelers - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Best and Worst Countries For Black Women Travelers - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Every Woman Should Travel Alone At Least Once In Her Life - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- Traveling While Black ›
- Traveling While Black - The New York Times ›
- The Best & Worst Things About Traveling While Black - The Blog ... ›
- 10 Insights On Traveling While Black | In Progress ›
- Traveling While Black | How Not To Travel Like A Basic Bitch ›
- Traveling While Black: 12 Hacks to Keep You Covered - EBONY ›
- 10 Countries Every Black Woman Should Visit | Traveling While ... ›
- My Experience Traveling While Black: Minority Nomad View ... ›
- Traveling While Black: What You Need to Know ›
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert