When I was pregnant, I just knew I was going to breastfeed my daughter once she arrived. But when I had a C-section 10 weeks early after being diagnosed with severe preeclampsia, I had no idea what breastfeeding really required. Every mom's story is different, but there were things I wish I would've known about breastfeeding before going into the OR (I had no clue the short-lived journey would start just a few days after).
Whether it's the power of pumping, methods to boost your milk supply, and of course getting the little one to latch, there's so much that goes into learning how to breastfeed, and it can be a bit overwhelming and tempting to give up. To help with that, we've curated a guide for you to dig in before your breastfeeding journey.
When To Start Breastfeeding
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Once you decide to breastfeed, it's vital to mentally prepare right away, because your life will change for quite a few months ahead. A couple of days after her arrival, I was still in the hospital and hadn't yet seen my baby girl when the lactation consultant wheeled in a pumping machine. I told her I wanted to ultimately breastfeed and she immediately showed me how to pump (if you have a full-term newborn, you could start breastfeeding as soon as an hour after giving birth, according to Medela). The gist is, it's vital to start as soon as possible.
How Often Should You Breastfeed?
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Breastfeeding in the first 24 hours can be a wildcard. You and your bundle of joy are working on finding a rhythm together, and each baby will be different. When your liquid gold (a.k.a. milk) makes its arrival, your newborn could eat up to 12 times a day (yes, even in the overnight hours). While it's a well-known fact that getting up to feed a baby at two in the morning every day is exhausting, this can also serve as a beautiful time for you to bond.
Breastfeeding sessions can last between 10 and 45 minutes. While your little one might not get on a schedule right away, they'll get the hang of it over time.
Does Breastfeeding Hurt?
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A rule of thumb is that breastfeeding will be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be too painful. Fortunately, there's nipple cream that doubles as a lifesaver. While I didn't breastfeed like I hoped (ultimately, my supply was just too low but that's another story), I did pump my breasts until kingdom come, and I don't know what I would've done without nipple cream. Since everyone is different, it's best to see a lactation consultant about any concerns you have.
How Much Breastmilk Is Enough?
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It's understandable to wonder if your newborn is really getting the nutrients they need. If you're staying consistent with feeding every 2-3 hours, they should be just fine. A couple of signs that a baby isn't getting enough breastmilk include:
- Your baby not gaining weight,
- Your baby taking too little or too much,
- Latching goes beyond discomfort and is extremely painful.
Because we like to celebrate wins too, signs that a newborn is getting enough milk include:
- Your baby gaining weight,
- Regular pooping and peeing (at least 6 to 8 wet diapers a day after their fifth day of life),
- Latching every two to three hours,
- Hearing your baby swallowing while breastfeeding and seeing breast milk in their mouth,
- Your breasts could also feel softer and less full compared to before feeding.
How To Boost Your Milk Supply
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Hydrate girl! Drinking lots of water does wonders for boosting your milk supply. As new moms, it can be hard to even find time to get a sip of water, let alone enough for the day. But knowing that it can help increase your breast milk supply could be enough to stay motivated.
Other ways to increase your supply include: keep feeding on demand (every two to three hours), switching back and forth between breasts (this is especially helpful if the baby falls asleep while eating), pump between feedings, and getting as much rest as you can. There are also a few nifty products out there like lactation cookies.
Breastfeeding Vs. Formula Feeding: Which Is Better?
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Any way a mother decides to nurture her child is her decision. Once I came to terms that breastfeeding wasn't going to work out the way I hoped, I realized that #fedisbest and what really matters is that she's getting the nutrients she needs.
Breastfeeding does have undeniable benefits, from boosting a newborn's immunity to helping with brain development. But if formula feeding is your only option or just the one that works best for you, it's not a bad one. It just might not be ideal. For me, I didn't have the capacity to breastfeed, and my little one came home on a high-calorie formula. It took a while to come to terms with this being our journey and getting over the guilt of not being able to breastfeed her once she was developed enough to latch, but after almost three months of being home, she's doing just fine (and sis doesn't play about her meals).
Whatever you decide, don't give in to the pressure to go one way or the other. Know that you're doing your best and the person who knows what's best for your newborn is you.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak