Sometimes you have to take care of business, even when you don't want to. No one knows this better than a breastfeeding mother.
When their babies are hungry, breastfeeding moms have been known to feed her chid in the middle of graduation ceremonies, while shopping for groceries, and in Brandi Hargette's case, as you're getting your makeup done before your wedding ceremony.
The 26-year-old recently married her husband, Chris Francis (27) in Maryland on Jan. 9. While she was getting dolled up for her special day, her one-year-old baby, Zora, got hungry, and of course Brandi had to take care of business. The result? An extremely beautiful moment between mother and child that was captured on camera.
Brandi told the Huffington Post that "breastfeeding her baby girl, Zora, while getting her makeup done on her wedding day encapsulated the perfect combination of self-care and motherhood." She feels that it was important that her daughter be part of their ceremony, whether she was breastfeeding, or even to just cry. She had this to say about the heartfelt photo,
"Zora’s a part of us... wasn't worried about her messing up the moment."
For many new mothers, breastfeeding during a special moment can feel confusing. Many people find pushback from others when they do something as natural as use their breasts for feeding their child. But not Brandi. Xonecole.com caught up with the loc'd beauty, and she told us that she's way more carefree about breastfeeding, and it's part of how she liberates herself was a woman.
"I'm not operating in fearlessness, I am intentional about being brave. I'd say that liberation is a daily practice. Not necessarily something I came to and then acted on."
Brandi is very brave, and loves to share her bravery on her social media accounts. She has words of vulnerability sprinkled across her Instagram photos as captions that highlight who she is–a mother that will breastfeed openly in Nike stores; a woman that brazenly discuss her body post-baby, and someone who isn't afraid to address the challenges of both woman-and motherhood.
@crsfrncs via Instagram
This is probably why her wedding photo is being met with such warm reception. In the past, the young mother has shared photos of herself breastfeeding her child on Instagram with the hashtag #NormalizeBreastfeeding. Even though breastfeeding is natural, Brandi finds it interesting that people are taken aback by such a natural act. She tells xoNecole:
In all sincerity, the fact that questions like this still need to be answered is exactly why I chose to share it. It wasn't a matter of necessity as much as it was a matter of sharing an everyday experience. With all the foolishness that is consistently shared on social platforms without so much as the blink of an eye happening in response, my child eating should be no more eye raising or controversial.
On a more soapbox'y note, the way society sexualizes the female body in parts but refuses to praise it as a whole for what it is literally created to do is beyond me. My body is capable of not just creating life BUT sustaining it. Instead of being amazed by how miraculous that is, folks want to focus on a boob that's not being displayed for their perverted pleasures. I reject that entirely.
But just because Brandi is more carefree about breastfeeding doesn't mean that she hasn't felt the sting of stares from people who disapprove of her breastfeeding in public. Fortunately, her husband has supported her, and is a champion for breastfeeding, and he hopes that society will be more accepting of women who have to breastfeed in public. Via Huff Post:
"I guess because the way society has conditioned our minds -- the same applies to breastfeeding as it does with other things...I want people to be more open to the fact that this is natural."
Brandi advises breastfeeding mothers to talk honest and openly with their partners about breastfeeding, and to tell their partnesr how exactly they can help assist them with safely breastfeeding in public.
If you're in a relationship, I'd also say be really intentional about the conversations you all have to set the boundaries for your experience. Conversations with Chris made it clear that I needed his support but also his protection in a sense, should something go wrong. I have friends who have had hostile confrontations with people for nursing in public. We both know that I'm the more confrontational person between us two, but should someone confront me (which has thankfully, never occurred), it's important that I not be that "crazy mom" without having his backing. His presence and passion about my being able to nurse publicly needs to match my own.
@crsfrncs via Instagram
In the meantime, Brandi reveals that her carefree attitude toward life is something she hopes will be a characteristic that her daughter adopts as she grows older. Huffington Post reported:
[Brandi] wants Zora to live and make decisions "consciously" throughout her life but to also enjoy being a "carefree black girl" -- despite living in a society where black lives are still marginalized.
"I feel carefreeness in itself is a revolution," Chantalle said.
As Zora grows into a big girl who is learning to potty train and wean, Brandi looks forward to the day Zora learns to soothe herself. But like any mom, she's going to miss the precious bonding time she had with Zora. Looking down into her eyes, she gets to see her beautiful daughter's smile as she's satisfied by the sweet nectar of her mother's milk. What mother wouldn't miss that?
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
