
I must admit that, unless it's some French toast on sourdough bread or maybe a bowl of Raisin Bran every now and then, I'm not the biggest breakfast eater. There's no real rhyme or reason as to why other than I tend to not really be in the mood to eat until right around brunch time. Still, I did grow up having the first official meal of the day, every day. Plus, the older that I get, I can tell that when I do force myself to at least have a piece of fruit, I feel a bit more energized. That's why, lately, I've been on a mission to find ways to motivate me to eat breakfast a lot more often.
In walks the reason for this particular article. Aside from the fact that having breakfast can do things like make you more productive, increase your levels of concentration, and suppress your appetite so that you don't go crazy come lunch or dinner, there are several breakfast foods that are like beauty meals for your hair and skin too.
The Best Breakfast Foods For Your Skin & Hair
While there are many, below I've enclosed 10. Ones that are packed with so many nutrients that you should start to see visible results within a month or so of adding these foods to your daily morning routine.
1. Almond Butter on Whole Wheat Toast

If time is tight and you don't have a ton of time to prepare a full breakfast, at least slice up an orange or tangerine (they are loaded with Vitamin C that will help your body to produce the collagen that your hair and skin need) and put some almond butter on some whole wheat toast. Almonds are full of fiber, protein, and magnesium. As far as direct health benefits go, they aid in lowering your blood and cholesterol levels, plus they are good for controlling your blood sugar too.
As far as your hair and skin are concerned, almonds are filled with Vitamin E. Your hair needs that vitamin because it not only moisturizes your hair, it helps to increase your hair growth too. Your skin needs Vitamin E because it's a wonderful way to keep your skin soft, supple, and moisturized.
And why whole wheat toast? It's high in fiber and aids in digestion. The more regular you are, the less toxins you'll have in your system; this results in healthy skin and hair as well.
Try this Recipe: Homemade Almond Butter
2. Oatmeal with Honey

There are all kinds of reasons why it can only do your body—and beauty needs—good if you have a hot bowl of oatmeal a couple of times a week. For starters, oats are a gluten-free grain that are packed with fiber, antioxidants, magnesium, zinc, iron, copper, phosphorus, and a ton of manganese, along with vitamins B1 and B5. The combination of these nutrients will help to keep your cholesterol levels low, your blood sugar balanced, and constipation at bay.
Beauty-wise, because of the antioxidants that are in oatmeal, eating it can help to reverse any of the environmental or UV damage that's been done to your skin. And, when it comes to your hair, the copper in oats can help to prevent premature greying as the B vitamins can keep your hair moisturized. Also, if you add a little bit of honey to your oatmeal because it's a humectant, your skin can be soft and your hair will be manageable.
Try this Recipe: The Perfect Bowl of Oatmeal
3. Whole Grain Pancakes

Whole grains are grains that are literally "whole". What that breaks down to is it's a grain that still has its endosperm, germ, and bran intact (refined grains only contain the endosperm). This means that whole grains have far more nutrients in them including protein, fiber, B vitamins, zinc, and antioxidants. Whole grains also have the disease-fighting plant compounds polyphenols, stanols, and sterols. All of this works together to lower your risk of heart disease, stroke, obesity, cancer and type 2 diabetes. There are even studies indicating that whole grains can aid in preventing premature death (due to health-related issues).
The antioxidants in whole grains will protect your skin from experiencing sun damage, the zinc will make your skin glow, and the traces of the mineral selenium that's also in whole grains will increase elasticity in your skin. Your hair will benefit from whole grains because the zinc will nourish your hair follicles and heal your scalp which promotes healthy hair growth.
Try this Recipe: Whole Grain Pancakes
4. Acai Bowl

I once read that an acai bowl can be summed up as being a thick smoothie that has something on top of it like oatmeal, granola, fresh fruit, or even peanut or cashew butter. That's a pretty accurate description. The smoothie part of an acai bowl can give you the antioxidants your hair and skin need in order to produce collagen and elastin. If you put granola on top of it, that can improve your gut health and reduce breakouts. Peanut or cashew butter can give you more iron so that your hair is stronger.
Try this Recipe: Classic Acai Bowls (Vegan & Gluten-Free)
5. Unsweetened Greek Yogurt with Banana Slices

Greek yogurt, in a nutshell, is strained yogurt. What that means is it's processed in a way where a lot of water and lactose (and some minerals) are removed so that there are also less carbs and sugar. Greek yogurt contains plenty of protein, probiotics, potassium, calcium and Vitamin B12. This makes it the kind of breakfast food that will give you a boost of energy while strengthening your bones, increasing your brain function, and keeping your immune system healthy.
Because your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin), Greek yogurt supports strong hair and length retention. Meanwhile, B12 not only aids in repairing damaged skin cells, it also helps to regulate the production of pigmentation too. What this ultimately results in is less dark spots and uneven skin tone.
Try this Recipe: Homemade Greek Yogurt
6. Lox Toast

If, like me, you prefer the kind of foods that are more brunch than breakfast, lox toast is right up your alley. For the most part, lox toast consists of salmon, cream cheese, tomato slices, and capers. Salmon is packed with omega-3 fatty acids, potassium, B vitamins, protein, and antioxidants. Cream cheese is also a great source of protein, plus it has quite a bit of vitamins A and B2 in it. Tomatoes are a fruit that is full of antioxidants, folate, and Vitamin K, while capers are also a fruit with nutrients that help to fight fungal infections, diabetes, arthritis, and even chest congestion.
The nutrients in all of these foods will make your hair stronger and your skin softer. In particular, the omega-3 in salmon can lubricate your scalp and reduce hair brittleness. When it comes to your skin, the properties in capers can reduce skin redness and inflammation, and even heal pimples and the scars that they leave behind.
Try this Recipe: Smoked Salmon and Caper Cream Cheese Toast
7. Quinoa Porridge

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What exactly is porridge? Basically, it's when a grain, cereal, or legume (or a combination of all three) is boiled with water, milk, or broth. This means that oatmeal is a kind of porridge but since we've already discussed what oats can do, let's look into another kind of grain—quinoa. Not only is quinoa gluten-free and rich in protein, it contains twice as much fiber as most other grains. Some other cool things about quinoa are it has iron, magnesium, and vitamins B2, B3, and B12 which is fabulous when it comes to rebuilding muscle cells. Quinoa also has the plant compounds quercetin and kaempferol; these are great at fighting body inflammation. As a bonus, quinoa has Vitamin E in it as well.
Since quinoa is one of those rare foods that is considered to be a complete protein (because it contains all nine amino acids that our body needs), you can probably guess why it's a food that's so good for your hair. Aside from it giving your locks a protein boost, the amino acids are able to repair the damage that's done to your hair shaft. The B vitamins in the grain can reduce the appearance of age spots while giving you a glowing complexion (Vitamin B3 specifically is able to fight breakouts and skin inflammation). Also, the Vitamin E that's in quinoa can fight off free radicals so that your body can give your skin the collagen that it needs.
Try this Recipe: Vegan Quinoa Breakfast Porridge with Strawberries
8. Amaranth Porridge

Amaranth is another kind of grain that falls into the pseudocereal category. What that means is that while it's not technically a cereal grain like oats or wheat, it's oftentimes prepared like it's one. Amaranth is cool because it's a gluten-free grain that has fiber, protein, antioxidants, manganese, magnesium, iron, selenium and copper in it. If you eat amaranth on a consistent basis, it can lower bodily inflammation, lower cholesterol levels, and risk of heart disease.
Your hair will love amaranth because it contains the amino acid lysine that moisturizes your hair and prevents hair loss. Many people also find amaranth to be a grain that soothes skin, slows down the aging process, heals breakouts, and improves the overall health of your skin over time.
Try this Recipe: Amaranth Porridge with Roasted Pears
9. Egg Frittata

Eggs are good for you due to the protein that's in them. Your hair is made up of mostly protein, so of course, eggs will only benefit it. As far as your skin goes, the amino acids found in eggs can help your skin to regenerate new cells so that it appears fresh and glowing.
That said, if you've ever wondered what the difference is between an omelet and a frittata, there are actually a couple of things. First, frittatas (which means "fried" in Italian) usually consist of fillings that are put into the egg while it's in the pan (rather than folded in the center like omelets are). Also, while omelets are designed to serve only one person because frittatas are sliced into several pieces, it is able to feed a few people. And finally, frittatas are able to be enjoyed while they are hot or even at room temperature.
Now, with that breakdown out of the way—an egg frittata made this list because of some of the basic ingredients that are in one. Ingredients like milk (protein), tomato juice (antioxidants), bone broth (it promotes collagen production), and herbs like thyme leaves (they have anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties) or veggies like spinach (it's got vitamins A, C and E in it). When you cook all of these things together, it's like having a delicious multivitamin; one that works wonders for your skin as well as your hair.
Try this Recipe: Basic Egg Frittata Recipe
10. Fresh Fruit Smoothies

Let's round this list out with fruit smoothies, shall we? Something that virtually all fruits have in common is that they are loaded with antioxidants. Something else that fruit tends to be is high in carbohydrates while being low in calories; this means they are able to provide a healthy source of energy (which means you don't have to overdo it on coffee or Red Bull) without you having to worry about packing on the pounds in the process. Nutrient-wise, most fruits contain potassium, fiber, folate, iron, and vitamins A, B, C, and E. Basically, fruits are just what your hair, skin, and nails long for. So, you can never go wrong with making yourself a fresh fruit smoothie, at least a couple of times a week. Drink up!
Try These Recipes: 21 Delicious Smoothie Recipes For When You Need A Healthy Breakfast On The Go
Feature image by Goran Bogicevic/Shutterstock
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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'Constant Reassurance' Is The Relational Orange Flag No One Wants To Address
Read more than scroll. Boy, if there is a motto that I would encourage people to implement, now more than ever in their life, it would be how important it is to read (actual books, researched data and fact-based information) over merely scrolling via social media. Because boy — every time I look out on apps to see what folks are talking about, I don’t know if I’m impressed with or appalled by how many nothing-more-than-emotionalized opinions are so boldly stated when, after five minutes on Google, it’s clear that there are virtually zero facts to back them up.
Not to mention the fact that so many folks literally don’t read (you know, past skimming) anymore — and yes, I have stats to prove it. I recently read that back in 2022, reportedly, a little over 48 percent of people read one book over the course of that entire year (that is not a good thing and proves that book reading is on a steady decline). Meanwhile, the amount of time that is spent on social media: 2.5 hours on a daily basis. That’s 150 minutes of listening to folks just say…whatever. And if you listen to it long enough, you could actually start believing it as gospel.
This includes what I am going to touch on today: the belief that if someone really cares about you, they should constantly reassure you. Y’all damn near are gonna have me join the world of social media again, just to address this one fallacy. For now, though, I’ll settle for making some points via this article — because as you can see from the title, I don’t agree with that conclusion at all.
In fact, I personally believe that thinking this way is a pretty big relational orange — if not red — flag.
Reassurance. And What It Does for a Child.
GiphyIf you’ve read enough of my content, you know that I am big on word definitions — and when it comes to the word “reassurance,” the meaning alone explains why this article has the title that it does:
Reassurance: something, such as information, praise, or an action or gesture, that soothes, comforts, or restores to confidence
Reassurance restores confidence. Bookmark that, please. I will certainly circle back to that point before I am done.
Okay, so when it comes to, say a child, there is absolutely a place for reassurance. That’s because they are still in the process of significant self-development and so they need reassurance in order to feel safe, secure and loved. It’s also a way for them to establish trust in others.
However, did you know that many mental health experts say that if a child deals with, say anxiety, constant reassurance can actually be counterproductive because they can start to rely on external validation to emotionally stabilize them instead of learning how to remain calm and relaxed on their own (yeah, bookmark that too)? Some other ways that constant reassurance can become potentially problematic is it can cause kids to create problems that don’t exist, to overthink and to jump to the wrong conclusions (hmm…very interesting).
And so, already, we’re seeing something pretty interesting, right? Although reassurance has its place, too much of it, even for kids, typically ends up doing more harm than good.
Let’s keep building.
How 'Lack' As a Child Can Manifest As an Adult
GiphyOkay, so we just touched on how constant reassurance can be counterproductive for an anxious child. Now what about when that child grows up? If they never learned how to properly and effectively deal with their anxiety, what then? Well, this is where attachment styles can very easily come into play — especially since one of them is literally called “anxious attachment style.”
Anxious attachment style is rooted in insecurity. It typically stems from experiencing the type of dysfunctional upbringing that resulted in one or both parents being unpredictable or inconsistent in their caregiving approach and techniques. As a result, the child deals with things like fear of abandonment or rejection and, without healing from that, they become an adult who is pretty much the exact same way.
In relationships, it can manifest in them being extra clingy, codependent, super jealous, controlling or — catch it — someone who is always looking for validation and reassurance.
Hmph. Did you catch that? Did you really catch that? Needing constant reassurance in a relationship IS NOT something that should automatically come with a relationship. In fact, if you’re someone who has this type of need or even expectation, there’s a really good chance that what you actually need is therapy — not for your partner to work harder to make you feel better about yourself or the relationship.
Which brings me to my next point.
Relationships Can Be Therapeutic. They Aren’t Therapy, Though.
GiphySomething that some of my clients will tell you that they’ve heard me say, more than once I might add is, “PARENT and PARTNER are not palindromes.” A palindrome is a word (line, sentence, etc.) that is the same whether it is spelled backwards or forwards — and while, of course, parent and partner couldn’t qualify as being that, what I mean is there are far too many people who think that partners should pick up where parents left off and/or dropped the ball — and that is a super unhealthy approach to relationships. Come to think of it, not only is it unhealthy but really unfair as well.
This is exactly why I’m not big on phrases like “the princess treatment” in adult relationships. A princess is the daughter of a king while a queen is the wife of one. For a grown woman to expect a man to do what a father did for her as a child without accepting that as an adult, there are far more responsibilities as a wife that comes into play? Yep, that is toxic thinking.
And you know what? So is expecting your partner to overcompensate for where your father and/or mother didn’t show up in the way that they should have. That is not your partner’s fault, their role or their assignment while dating you. If you feel otherwise, it really is time to speak with a professional who can help you to do a bit of “reprogramming” in your thinking because, for you to feel and/or assume that since your parents didn’t make you feel confident and secure or teach you how to value yourself, your partner should work overtime to make up for it? There is not one thing that is healthy, mature or emotionally solid about having that type of mindset.
And that is why I am also good for saying that, although relationships can be therapeutic (healing), they should never EVER be seen as therapy. Therapists are trained to deal with the mental and emotional challenges that people have. On the other hand, no one should expect their partner to have the knowledge and expertise that professionals do — and while we’re here, partners also shouldn’t trust that someone who needs the assistance of a therapist to become whole (again) would know exactly what steps are required for that to happen.
So yeah, if you’re someone who thinks that being loved means that someone needs to constantly make you feel good about yourself or secure in the relationship — you probably do have an anxious attachment style. See a professional to get that confirmed, though. Because no one should have to make you feel valued or worthy. That is an inside job.
And this brings me to my final point.
It’s Not Fair to Want Someone to Love You More than You Do
GiphyFor this last point, something that Christ once said immediately comes to mind:
“No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins break, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.” (Matthew 9:16-18 — NKJV)
A lot of times, Christ spoke in parables because it was easier for people to get where he was coming from (Matthew 13:13). Anyway, along these lines, what would be the point in pouring a liquid into a bottle that has a hole in it? It’s not built to contain and maintain the fluid and so, no matter how delicious the drink may be, no matter how many times it’s poured into the bottle, the bottle is never going to remain full — because it has cracks in it.
BOOKMARK THAT.
My fourth baby’s daddy (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”), while we were in the process of our “exit interview” (which is what I choose to call it) of our dynamic, he said something that has always stayed with me: “Shellie, your biggest problem is you receive compliments are revelations when they should be seen as confirmations.” Hmph. The irony of HIM saying that is kind of a trip and yet, at the time when we were experiencing each other, he was exactly right. I should’ve never had such a low sense of self-worth that whatever a man said to me had me so in awe that I either felt extremely grateful or became super addicted to his validation.
And y’all, that is exactly what needing constant reassurance looks like — because why does someone need to keep telling you that you are beautiful, keep saying that you are wonderful, keep letting you know that they want to be with you — keep restoring your confidence in yourself and in your relationship with them?
In other words, why should they work harder at making you feel good about yourself and solid in your relationship than you are willing to? Isn’t that just like pouring liquid into a broken bottle?
There is someone in my family tree who I had to distance myself from because he kept venting to me about his marriage and the fact that his wife was just like this. Sadly, it was never (and I do mean NEVER) enough that he chose her — whenever she felt some type of way about herself, here she came looking for him to fill her voids. After a couple of years of the nonstop needs for reassurance, he was worn out from doing it and I was exhausted from hearing about it. He was too scared to call her out and she was too unaccountable to get the real help that she needed. Whew. Toxic on top of toxic.
So Shellie, what are you saying — that we shouldn’t expect compliments, affirmations, support and encouragement in our relationships? Chile, if that is what you got out of this, you are choosing to think that way because that couldn’t be further from where I am coming from.
Again, you’ve got to remember what reassurance means: it’s about restoring confidence. A compliment is “an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration” yet if you already know that you are pretty, smart, funny, whatever, someone telling you that isn’t “building your confidence;” it’s cosigning on something that you are already aware of. Encouragement is about inspiring or stimulating someone and so yes, of course, the right partner is going to want to see you win in life and so they are going to offer up influence and motivation to help you — but what if they aren’t there?
Shouldn’t you be able to encourage yourself? ABSOLUTELY. However, expecting them to restore your confidence due to things that have nothing to do with them or because you simply lack self-confidence? That is not how relationships are to go. If you aren’t sure of yourself (which is a foundational definition of confident), get to the root of why and then figure what you need to do to become sure — that way, your partner doesn’t have to constantly “fill you up;” actually, what they do will be surplus instead of void-filling because your “bottle” will be unbroken.
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I’m telling you, if you pay attention to the relationship side of socials, at least twice a day, someone will talk about how they think that a relationship should entail receiving constant reassurance. Lies on top of lies. No one should think that love means trying to make someone else feel sure about themselves because they don’t know how to do so on their own.
And this is why I say that expecting constant reassurance is an orange, if not red, flag.
Because when you already feel good about yourself, there is no need.
And if you don’t, figuring out how to is an inside job — FIRST.
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