If you’ve been anywhere on the internet as of late, you may have noticed the rift between men and women in modern culture. From online debates about splitting bills to the decline in the art of game — most recently coined as “rizz” — you might find it hard to recall a time when having boy problems was (dare I say…) fun.
Blame it on our raging hormones or the blissful cluelessness of what the patriarchy was, but having a crush that was worthy of your daydreams and exercising your romantic delusions was once a joy of girlhood. Fantasizing about the next time you’d run into “you know who” or gushing over his encrypted Instagram messages had a way of keeping the butterflies fluttering for the dream boy you created in your head.
Only now, finding a crush, let alone keeping one, seems like more of a chore than a willful decision. Still, for some women, the intense and sometimes obsessive interest in men has never wavered — making them perpetually boy-crazy.
The term "boy crazy" is a term used to describe a woman with a strong infatuation or fascination for men, particularly in a romantic or sexual context.
In most cases, this could be the homegirl who has a way of bringing your everyday conversations back to the topic of boys. It’s what she thinks about, talks about, dresses for, and pursues when going out. In other words, her world unapologetically revolves around men and her proximity to them.
People who are considered "boy crazy" often prioritize their romantic interests above other aspects of their life. This infatuation or “obsession” with men can often lead to a preoccupation with finding a romantic partner, seeking validation and attention from them, and can shift their mood if their efforts don’t match their predetermined expectations. This can have an effect on their emotions, which can run high with hope and optimism or take a drastic turn depending on the male attention or affection they did or didn’t receive.
While this may sound like an emotional rollercoaster for some, other women enjoy the rush. They find a sense of bliss and freedom from their option to choose what men they’d like to keep in their rotation and which ones get put back on the bench.
While some may judge the “boy crazy” gals in their life, one can’t help but be even a little intrigued by the stick-to-it-iveness on their journey for love, companionship, and romance. Their elastic heart and ability to bounce back from “boy hurt” is a place that us guarded girls can only imagine getting to one day.
Which begs the question: is it really so bad to be a little boy-crazy?
Dating coach and matchmaker Shaneeka McCray says to answer this question, you must first ask yourself what this need for male validation is rooted in.
“Figure out yourself first because all the relationships you're attracting are a reflection of you,” she tells xoNecole. “They're a reflection of who you are and what you believe you deserve.”
McCray often tells her clients that the men they meet and engage with are “you pushed out,” meaning what’s inside of you will typically attract what’s outside of you. Whether your boy-craze is coming from a place of insecurity and a need for validation or a place of confidence and self-assurance, getting a handle on your self-concept is the key to understanding the root of your romantic needs and how they show up.
“So if you're not really appreciating the experiences you're having, then one, you might need to fix your self-concept in terms of, ‘how do I think people see me? And how do I see myself?’” she adds. “Have those positive conversations with yourself because people will always show up the way that you think, and we want to think that we're the sh*t first.”
According to McCray, one of the things that our boy-crazy ladies do get right is their approach to dating with a roster. Having a slew of men on-call can actually serve as a tool for self-discovery in understanding your preferences, boundaries, and, ultimately, yourself in romantic relationships. It makes for “good practice.”
“Most of the time, that's where we can learn a lot of tools,” she says, “A lot of times, we think we're going to just instantly meet that [special] person right away. But be more present in the process, ask questions, and fill your time with things and men that actually make you feel good instead of making you feel worse. There will be people that come along to help you get to the best version of yourself.”
Whether you lean more on the side of dating one guy at a time or don’t mind picking up a new potential boo out at the club or grocery store, there’s something we can learn from the boy-crazed and the boy-detached. Ultimately, we’re all trying to get to the same end goal, which is our forever love, just with different methods.
Oh, the joys of being a woman.
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Feature image by Klaus Vedfelt/ Getty Images
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak