
I don't know about you, but 2019 has been one for the books, and not all the stories inside are good. I decided to do a full 360 on my career, and along my journey, I had some wins, cool experiences that brought me out of my comfort zone, and met some amazing people along the way. BUT, because favor ain't always fair, I also had my fair share of setbacks and failures.
Nonetheless, even though 2019 has not been my favorite year, it has taught me a lot, and for that, I can appreciate it. This year, the biggest lesson that I learned was: "You've got to earn it to own it." As a new, full-time entrepreneur, 2019 has taught me that if you want something, you have to literally put in the work. If you don't work, you don't eat, and eating enough boiled eggs, oatmeal, and ramen (not the restaurant-grade kind) this year has taught me how to really work because sis, this boiled-eggs-everyday life ain't for me.
Recently, I had the opportunity to catch up with some other boss women and they candidly shared their biggest lesson of 2019. Keep reading for all the gems!
Annie Jean Baptiste, Head of Product Inclusion, Research, and Activation at Google
Her Lesson: “Intentional living is everything.”

Annie Jean Baptiste, Head of Product Inclusion, Research, and Activation at Google
"My biggest career lesson has been that you need to be intentional about using your voice for causes and projects that matter, but you also need to put yourself in the other person's shoes to create a compelling argument. What works for one person won't necessarily work for the other. But by bringing together data and coupling it with human stories, you can get people to care about the causes you are championing. When you can show people that you can do well and do good, they are more compelled to move. When doing that, I've been able to start speaking up around the power of underrepresented voices and how we should bring these voices to the forefront; not only because it's the right thing to do, but because all people deserve to be seen and represented beautifully and accurately."
Briana Owens, Founder of Spiked Spin
Her Lesson: “I can do anything!”

Briana Owens, Founder of Spiked Spin
"Opening the Spiked Spin flagship location in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn while also maintaining my full-time job and planning a wedding was one of the craziest decisions that I've ever made, but it was a decision that I believe was divinely timed. This year I have been stretched to capacity in every area of my life and while there were many days of frustration, there were days of complete joy and gained confidence in my purpose. This year has taught me that when I trust God, get out of my own way, move forward in the face of fear, I can literally do anything!"
W.E. Da Cruz, Co-founder of The VGC Group
Her Lesson: “You are defined by what you decline, not what you accept.”

W.E. Da Cruz, Co-founder of The VGC Group
"This year I learned our power is in our 'no', not in our 'yes'. We must learn to anchor people in our value from the start. People get accustomed to devaluing people unintentionally and intentionally when we as the service provider or product deliver cut prices. Additionally, you have to culture people to transact with you in an environment that works best for you as the provider to grow and succeed."
Ericka Perry, CEO & Founder of The Stork Bag
Her Lesson: “Don't let the medals distract you from running the race.”

Ericka Perry, CEO & Founder of The Stork Bag
"My biggest career (and life) lesson of 2019 is accolades can sometimes deter you from your purpose, but stay focused. Now, don't get me wrong, we all love praise, some more than others, but in a world driven by social media and grandiose images, chasing accolades can sometimes result in swaying away from your purpose--your why. As a minority female entrepreneur with a growing brand, I slowly began to allow the accolades distract me from my purpose. While I work darn hard and deserve all the awards presented to me, I recognized that all the smoke and mirrors started to take me away from my purpose, which is serving women and mothers. I found myself slowly becoming busier with the glitz and really started feeling these accolades so much that my 'why' began to fade into the background.
"The entrepreneurial journey can have a lot of twists and turns and sometimes if you allow yourself to forget why you became an entrepreneur, you can lose focus on what's most important. This year really taught me that, I became so busy with everything else that I started to forget why I started The Stork Bag and why I ever wanted to serve this population. Luckily, I realized what was happening and began to pull it back in, but I had to consciously get rid of some of the distractions and learn how to prioritize my time. If I could share a few lessons with aspiring entrepreneurs, mothers, and women in general, I would say this, find your purpose/passion and follow that path, remain focused and remember why you started."
GiGi McDowell, CEO & Founder of Fêtefully
Her Lesson: “Remember your ‘why’ in the face of rejection.”

GiGi McDowell, CEO & Founder of Fêtefully
"In many ways, 2019 was the year of 'no' for me. While building a technology company, there were so many people who told me 'no' this year. From potential customers, to partners, and sometimes the most painful, investors. When you hear a 'no' as an entrepreneur, so many thoughts run through your mind like, 'Is it not good enough?', 'Am I crazy?!', 'Is this even worth it?!' But 2019 has taught me to ask myself 'Why?' when I'm faced with rejection. Why am I doing this? Why does this matter? Why do I want this? After asking myself 'why' when receiving 'no' after 'no', I realized I am not building a company to hear 'yes'.
"I'm building a company to solve problems, to help others, and to transform an industry; not for applause. By remembering why I started, it was easier to remember why I had to keep going. Focusing on my 'why' allowed me to get back to the basics which enabled me to end the year with metrics 5X my initial projections while also developing customer acquisition channels and partnerships for 2020 that I could've never imagined! Rejection is hard and rejection hurts but remembering your 'why' makes it a little bit easier to persevere when things seem tough."
Marty McDonald, Founder of Boss Women Media Group
Her Lesson: “Dream bigger than big.”

Marty McDonald, Founder of Boss Women Media Group
"My biggest career lesson of 2019 has been centered around the idea of dreaming bigger than big. Over this year, I've learned not to take 'no' for an answer, and simply being bold and confident in whatever it is that I am asking for—whether that's pitching to brands for sponsorships or inspiring like-minded women to turn their side hustle into their full-time gig—keep going after your dreams even when you hear the 'no'! I've challenged myself to look at the no's as stepping stones towards that one 'yes', because that is literally all it takes is one 'yes' to keep you on the path of dreaming bigger than big."
Emerald-Jane Hunter, Chief Storyteller at myWHY Agency
Her Lesson: “Take a pause when things aren’t going your way and trust that the universe knows exactly what it’s doing.”

Emerald-Jane Hunter, Chief Storyteller at myWHY Agency
"My new mindset is now 'If it's not moving, it's not meant to be moved.' As PR professionals, we are used to making things happen. It's what we do. We imagine, conceptualize and snap our fingers and poof--magic! (Or so it feels). Not when it comes to entrepreneurship. There were several moments this year where I found myself pushing hard to force past employees to 'get' my vision, to want to work smarter, to crave the need to win for our clients. I went above and beyond to make people happy, thinking that would equal results with work output.
"I found myself pushing so hard to the point of burnout to meet some goals but for how hard I worked (literally), many things didn't pan out how I wanted them to.
"I had to take a step back and the moment I took a deep breath and said 'Let it go! Trust in God. Believe that what's meant to be will be', things shifted. A complete 360-change. I got clarity on so many pain points and I'm ending 2019 stronger than how the first half went. Lesson learned? When you're pushing, pulling, going so hard and things are stalling or not moving, that's a sign it's time to take a pause. Take a step back. Take a breath. It might not be meant to be -- the people, the place, that thing. It'll happen but perhaps not where, when and how you want it. We get so focused on what we want and forget that it's not by our might."
Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)
Featured image courtesy of Ericka Perry
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Your October 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Magnetic Love & Divine Timing
October is about the power of attraction. This is the month to set your intentions, create space for a new beginning, and find your balance between the past, present, and future. There aren’t many astrological transits this month, signaling more possibilities in the air and an opportunity to create that which you desire.
We begin the month in Libra Season, and Libra Season is always the time of year when love is the highlight. With Juno also entering Sagittarius on October 1, right as we begin the month, it’s about committing yourself to a new adventure, to the gifts of love, and to perspectives that heal and bring you closer to another.
October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Earlier this year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “10 Women Share What Gets Them In (And Out) Of The Mood The Fastest.” If you check it out, you’ll see some of the specific things that cause certain women to want to get it on vs. some very clear things that make them want to low-key hard pass on engaging in sexual activities.
Today, though, we’re going to get into why you might not be super interested in sex even though you just can’t seem to put your finger on the cause.
This is important to consider because, sometimes, it has to do with things that are transpiring outside of the bedroom — things that you would never even consider before reading this. That way, you can alter certain lifestyle habits and get your libido back to where it used to be (or you want it to be).
So, here we go — 10 things that could cause your sex drive to struggle a bit.
1. Too Much Sugar Consumption
GiphyI doubt that it will come as a surprise to you that, reportedly, 75 percent of people eat more sugar than they should on a pretty consistent basis. And when there is too much sugar in your system, this can lead to everything from high blood pressure and heart disease to diabetes and sleep issues.
Know what else a lot of sugar can do? Tank your libido. Sugar can make you more stress-filled. Sugar can lower testosterone levels (especially in men). Sugar can zap your energy levels. In women, sugar has a way of throwing sex hormones out of whack and it can even lead to vaginal dryness.
So, if deep down, you know that you’ve got a bit of a sugar addiction going on and you haven’t been up to having sex lately…it might be time to consider connecting those dots, sis.
2. Not Enough Vitamin D
GiphyThere’s no telling how many times I’ve said that we as Black people tend to have less vitamin D in our systems than we should. That’s mostly because our melanin makes it more challenging to absorb natural vitamin D from the sun. That’s why it’s important to spend time outside when you can, to take a vitamin D supplement and/or to consume foods that are rich in vitamin D like salmon, yogurt and mushrooms.
One way that your world will benefit if you do is your sex life will be better. Why do I say that? Well, believe it or not, when your vitamin D levels are low, that can weaken your estrogen levels — and estrogen plays a significant role in you having a healthy libido. Something else that vitamin D does is help your body to produce more dopamine and serotonin; these are neurotransmitters that help you to feel good, including while you are having sex.
I’m telling you — the more that we get into this article, the more you might realize that not being in the mood isn’t simply “in your head.” There could be some real health-related issues going on — ones that can pretty easily be corrected. Straight up.
3. Lots of Social Media Consumption
GiphyClose to two years ago, Psychology Today published an article entitled, “Do Sex Problems Rise With Increasing Social Media Use?” The paragraph that stood out to me this most was this one:
“The women who reported the most social media use were at increased risk of arousal problems, poor vaginal self-lubrication, orgasm difficulties, sexual pain, sexual dissatisfaction, and general sexual distress. The men who said they were addicted to social media faced a greater risk of low desire, erectile dysfunction, difficulties with orgasm, and overall sexual dissatisfaction.”
I mean, when you stop to think about the fact that social media has a way of triggering anxiety, impacting your self-esteem (and not always or necessarily for the better), pressuring you to compare your life to other people, putting your moods on an emotional roller coaster ride — not to mention all of this misinformation that it gives, even about sex…although most people spend a whopping 2.5 hours a day on social media, the advised amount is actually no more than 30 minutes every 24-hour cycle.
Listen, that might be hard to conceptualize doing but — do you want better sex or to be obsessed with scrolling through content that will be there tomorrow? Good lord. I hope you are going to choose the former.
4. Poor Communication in Your Relationship
GiphyYou don’t listen to each other. You’re hypercritical of one another. Your body language with each other conveys flippancy and dismissiveness. You hold grudges for days at a time. You’re both defensive and/or deflecting. You’re masters at giving each other the silent treatment. The two of you make lots of assumptions that oftentimes lead to baseless accusations.
These are just some examples of what it means to have poor communication in your relationship — and when you’re not mentally and emotionally connecting with your partner, that definitely can lead to less-than-satisfying intimacy. So, if any of this is currently transpiring in your relationship, the sooner you and your bae address your issues head on, the better things in your bedroom will be. I can just about guarantee it.
5. Certain Medications
GiphySome sources report that 50 percent of men and 40 percent of women say that they have some sort of challenges when it comes to their sex life. One of the things that causes those issues is the medications that some of them are on. Certain antidepressants can spike your serotonin to the point where it is hard to be in the mood for sex. Some blood pressure meds make it challenging for men to maintain an erection and women to have an orgasm. There are histamine blockers that can get people (especially men) out of the mood and mental health-related drugs that can make it hard to feel fully satisfied during sex. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you are on any of these types of meds and you do sense that they could be why you just ain’t feelin’ it, your doctor should be able to switch your meds or lower your dosage. That way, you can receive their benefits without them costing you sexual pleasure in the process.
6. Too Little AND Too Much Exercise
GiphyLife is all about balance — and something that truly emphasizes this point is exercise. Although a sedentary lifestyle is bad for your libido because it imbalances your sex hormones and keeps you from having the energy that you need to even engage in sexual activity, at the same time, too much exercise has a way of causing things that don’t exactly cultivate an environment for fulfilling sex: muscle soreness, sleep issues, irritability, elevated stress and less endurance (hmm…).
So, how much exercise should you get to keep this from happening? 150 minutes per week should just about get the job done.
7. Drinking Lots of Alcohol
GiphyWe’ve all heard it (somewhere) before that if you want to have a really (eh hem) good night, take a shot or two of tequila first. And although alcohol does have a way of lowering inhibitions (at least initially), in the grand scheme of things, it’s not the great sex elixir that you might think. Actually, research says that alcohol has a way of decreasing blood flow to the genital region, causing vaginal dryness and making it harder to orgasm once it really settles into your system.
Your better bet? Edibles or weed. I mean, if that is your thing anyway. Check out “Want More Frequent And Intensified Orgasms? Puff, Puff, Pass.” to gain a better understanding of why I say so.
8. Inconsistent Sleep Patterns
GiphyWhen you get a chance, check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand” and “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.;” both of them will encourage you to take sleep hella seriously if you want to have a consistent and fulfilling sex life. Sleep is essential because it helps to restore your system throughout the night, so that you are mentally interested in sex and physically capable to have the energy to engage in it.
9. Faking Orgasms
GiphyLife is too short to be fake — and I mean that in every way possible. And when it comes to sex, specifically, orgasms are too magnificent to be out here missing out, all because you are acting like you had one when you absolutely didn’t. And (pun intended) honestly, if that is what you are doing, I get why you wouldn’t be up for some action that often because who wants to be pretending like they are totally fulfilled sexually when that isn’t even close to being the case?
I am never going to be Team Fake Orgasm — ever. That said, if this is what has you ho-humming at sex, please check out reads like “15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall),” “How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.” and “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day.”
10. Stress
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that although sex is proven to lower stress levels, if you are completely stressed out, you might not be in the mood to have it in the first place. There are a few reasons why. Stress can raise your cortisol (stress hormone) levels which can, in turn, lower your sex drive. Stress can trigger you to rely on certain coping mechanisms like too much alcohol and/or caffeine consumption, staying up late at night (and not getting any sleep), not putting down your phone (or turning off your television) — and all of this can make you tired which can ultimately decrease your libido.
Stress can also have you so mentally and emotionally taxed that it’s hard to even get into the mindset to engage in sexual activities.
I’m telling you — a quote that I am gelling with more and more these days is a popular Bruce Lee one: “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
It reminds me to do what I can and not stress out about what I can’t. Besides, why let something get you so bothered that you can’t have sex because of it?
What in the world, chile? Absolutely not. LOL.
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Featured image by Giphy









