The film industry is notoriously one of those patchy playing fields where Black women struggle to succeed due to the intersecting obstacles of race, class and gender oppression. So when a Black woman like Shayla Cowan works her way up from being Hollywood superproducer Will Packer’s executive assistant to his chief of staff and now a producer of the 2022 Academy Awards alongside him, we have to celebrate. Shayla’s name may not be a household one just yet. Oh, but it will be.
“I'm supposed to be in this position,” Shayla told xoNecole over Zoom one sunny Saturday morning. It’s one of the few windows of time she has to chat while preparing for Hollywood’s biggest night. “I don't really get caught up too much in the hard work of it all. It's more about getting it done,” she said. We’ll get to witness all of Shayla’s and Will’s hard work pay off when the 94th Oscars airs live on ABC this Sunday, March 27 at 5PM / 8PM ET.
But we’ve already seen massive changes from the Oscars’ 93 years of being “so white.” Not only will this be the first time in history that the Oscars will be produced by an all-Black producing team, but Will and Shayla have made sure the night will be inclusive and historic, from the red carpet journalists, to the hosts and presenters and even the chefs at the famous post-Oscars Governors Ball.
This will be the first time in history that three women will host the Oscars: Regina Hall, Wanda Sykes and Amy Schumer. While Wolfgang Puck has been the chef for the Ball for years, this year, Bronx-based culinary collective Ghetto Gastro will collaborate with Puck on the menu. HBCUs will also be represented on stage with Mr. & Miss N.C. A&T University Zaria Woodford and Joshua Suiter serving as awards presenters. Following in the footsteps of Quincy Jones in 1971, Pharrell in 2012 and Questlove in 2021, Adam Blackstone will be the Oscars musical director this year. And Beyoncé, BEYONCÉ! is performing her Academy Award-nominated song from King Richard, “Be Alive.” Ok, #OscarsSoBlack!
Shayla Cowan and Will Packer at the 94th Oscars Nominee Luncheon in Hollywood
Courtesy of AMPAS
Will and Shayla’s focus for the Oscars is to make it about the people. “With what we've gone through in the last two years, it was so important for us [to do a show for the people], which we've always done with our projects because we've always had a specific demographic. But for this, it was like, one thing is for sure, across the globe, everyone loves movies. So why not bring everyone together for this special night, celebrating some of the best movies of the year with people who really have an opinion and who enjoy them?”
This is one of those stop and smell the roses moments for Shayla, who has been working with Will for over a decade. “To bring me in [as an Oscars producer], first of all, it just goes to show who [Will] is as a person…just always [with] the elevation and wanting to empower me in any way he can. I'm just forever grateful for that,” she said.
Shayla said she went from being a crew member on Will Packer Productions’ Stomp the Yard 2: Homecoming in 2008 to being Will’s executive assistant, to being his chief of staff in 2018 and now co-producer on the Oscars because of how she showed up to work. “I think the best way to describe me is consistent,” she said.
Consistency is king, especially when it’s mixed with one of Shayla’s other powerful characteristics: “I’m fearless.” It’s that fearlessness that led her to walk up to Will on the set of Stomp the Yard 2 and strike up the conversation that would change the course of her life. When the billion-dollar box office producer subsequently asked Shayla to be his executive assistant, she felt empowered enough to tell him yes, with one condition: “When you go make movies, I want to go with you.” Shayla went on to be an associate producer on box office-topping movies, Think Like A Man, Little, Girls Trip, and so many more. “We [Will Packer and I] literally built this,” she said.
The ability to build up to this magnitude in Hollywood hits different for a Black woman. Shayla shared, “I don't take it for granted. Every so often I wake up like, ‘this all could be gone tomorrow.’ So everyday I put my best foot forward to know that I am here for a reason.”
One of those reasons close to her heart is to help those coming behind her understand the business. She shared, “My job on this planet is to empower, support and connect because I am in a position to do so. Like with the Oscars, being able to bring in some of these folks, the Adam Blackstones of the world, who have done a musical moment in the show, but to be a musical director of the entire show? That's a moment!”
Shayla’s meteoric rise in the industry could be seen from the outside looking in as if she’s just been lucky, but that ain’t all it’s taken for her to get here. She said, “None of this was handed to me. Every inch of this journey literally was earned. As a Black woman in this town, it has not been easy, with all the mistakes, all the headaches, all the frustration – but also those special moments. Those history-making moments will be there forever, including this one with Will and I being the first Black producing team to produce the awards in Academy history.” Those are the moments that make her climb worth it.
When it comes to equity in the industry, “there's still more work to be done,” she said. Ever the optimist, she added, “There are more Black women in these chief of staff positions and high-level executive roles – I think we're being seen differently.”
Shayla shared a story about a woman recently asking her about being Will’s assistant despite the fact that Shayla has been his chief of staff for the past four years. “I was like, ‘Ma'am, what else do I need to do so that I can be seen as an executive?’ Not to take away from [that], because if I wasn't his assistant [first], I probably would not be in this position today, with the growth and all of the wisdom that comes with it. But sometimes I'm like, ‘What do I need to do to make sure that people know that growth has happened?’”
Whether folks see it or not, Shayla Cowan will continue rising. She’s a marvel whose Midas touch is opening Hollywood’s doors that have been locked to Black people for too long. When asked to give advice for those who see her career and want to be just like her, Shayla said, “I don't want them to be just like me. I want them to be better than me.” What she has is drive, determination and confidence, but she’s also got these other secret weapons that are her saving grace: humility and patience.
“You have to be okay with waiting for your turn. And I think oftentimes people are so quick, they just want to run to the top. You can't just run up that mountain. You’ve got to take your time. Slow and steady wins the race.” Good thing she’s a runner, she’s a track star–except when it gets hard, she faces the work and gets it done. And as Shayla continues to succeed in her career, she’s also building a beautiful life that she’s proud of. “I literally am living and dreaming in color, and I'm so happy, inside and out,” she shared. Who wouldn’t aspire to that?
Editor’s note, xoNecole is a subsidiary of Will Packer Productions.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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