The film industry is notoriously one of those patchy playing fields where Black women struggle to succeed due to the intersecting obstacles of race, class and gender oppression. So when a Black woman like Shayla Cowan works her way up from being Hollywood superproducer Will Packer’s executive assistant to his chief of staff and now a producer of the 2022 Academy Awards alongside him, we have to celebrate. Shayla’s name may not be a household one just yet. Oh, but it will be.
“I'm supposed to be in this position,” Shayla told xoNecole over Zoom one sunny Saturday morning. It’s one of the few windows of time she has to chat while preparing for Hollywood’s biggest night. “I don't really get caught up too much in the hard work of it all. It's more about getting it done,” she said. We’ll get to witness all of Shayla’s and Will’s hard work pay off when the 94th Oscars airs live on ABC this Sunday, March 27 at 5PM / 8PM ET.
But we’ve already seen massive changes from the Oscars’ 93 years of being “so white.” Not only will this be the first time in history that the Oscars will be produced by an all-Black producing team, but Will and Shayla have made sure the night will be inclusive and historic, from the red carpet journalists, to the hosts and presenters and even the chefs at the famous post-Oscars Governors Ball.
This will be the first time in history that three women will host the Oscars: Regina Hall, Wanda Sykes and Amy Schumer. While Wolfgang Puck has been the chef for the Ball for years, this year, Bronx-based culinary collective Ghetto Gastro will collaborate with Puck on the menu. HBCUs will also be represented on stage with Mr. & Miss N.C. A&T University Zaria Woodford and Joshua Suiter serving as awards presenters. Following in the footsteps of Quincy Jones in 1971, Pharrell in 2012 and Questlove in 2021, Adam Blackstone will be the Oscars musical director this year. And Beyoncé, BEYONCÉ! is performing her Academy Award-nominated song from King Richard, “Be Alive.” Ok, #OscarsSoBlack!
Shayla Cowan and Will Packer at the 94th Oscars Nominee Luncheon in Hollywood
Courtesy of AMPAS
Will and Shayla’s focus for the Oscars is to make it about the people. “With what we've gone through in the last two years, it was so important for us [to do a show for the people], which we've always done with our projects because we've always had a specific demographic. But for this, it was like, one thing is for sure, across the globe, everyone loves movies. So why not bring everyone together for this special night, celebrating some of the best movies of the year with people who really have an opinion and who enjoy them?”
This is one of those stop and smell the roses moments for Shayla, who has been working with Will for over a decade. “To bring me in [as an Oscars producer], first of all, it just goes to show who [Will] is as a person…just always [with] the elevation and wanting to empower me in any way he can. I'm just forever grateful for that,” she said.
Shayla said she went from being a crew member on Will Packer Productions’ Stomp the Yard 2: Homecoming in 2008 to being Will’s executive assistant, to being his chief of staff in 2018 and now co-producer on the Oscars because of how she showed up to work. “I think the best way to describe me is consistent,” she said.
Consistency is king, especially when it’s mixed with one of Shayla’s other powerful characteristics: “I’m fearless.” It’s that fearlessness that led her to walk up to Will on the set of Stomp the Yard 2 and strike up the conversation that would change the course of her life. When the billion-dollar box office producer subsequently asked Shayla to be his executive assistant, she felt empowered enough to tell him yes, with one condition: “When you go make movies, I want to go with you.” Shayla went on to be an associate producer on box office-topping movies, Think Like A Man, Little, Girls Trip, and so many more. “We [Will Packer and I] literally built this,” she said.
The ability to build up to this magnitude in Hollywood hits different for a Black woman. Shayla shared, “I don't take it for granted. Every so often I wake up like, ‘this all could be gone tomorrow.’ So everyday I put my best foot forward to know that I am here for a reason.”
One of those reasons close to her heart is to help those coming behind her understand the business. She shared, “My job on this planet is to empower, support and connect because I am in a position to do so. Like with the Oscars, being able to bring in some of these folks, the Adam Blackstones of the world, who have done a musical moment in the show, but to be a musical director of the entire show? That's a moment!”
Shayla’s meteoric rise in the industry could be seen from the outside looking in as if she’s just been lucky, but that ain’t all it’s taken for her to get here. She said, “None of this was handed to me. Every inch of this journey literally was earned. As a Black woman in this town, it has not been easy, with all the mistakes, all the headaches, all the frustration – but also those special moments. Those history-making moments will be there forever, including this one with Will and I being the first Black producing team to produce the awards in Academy history.” Those are the moments that make her climb worth it.
When it comes to equity in the industry, “there's still more work to be done,” she said. Ever the optimist, she added, “There are more Black women in these chief of staff positions and high-level executive roles – I think we're being seen differently.”
Shayla shared a story about a woman recently asking her about being Will’s assistant despite the fact that Shayla has been his chief of staff for the past four years. “I was like, ‘Ma'am, what else do I need to do so that I can be seen as an executive?’ Not to take away from [that], because if I wasn't his assistant [first], I probably would not be in this position today, with the growth and all of the wisdom that comes with it. But sometimes I'm like, ‘What do I need to do to make sure that people know that growth has happened?’”
Whether folks see it or not, Shayla Cowan will continue rising. She’s a marvel whose Midas touch is opening Hollywood’s doors that have been locked to Black people for too long. When asked to give advice for those who see her career and want to be just like her, Shayla said, “I don't want them to be just like me. I want them to be better than me.” What she has is drive, determination and confidence, but she’s also got these other secret weapons that are her saving grace: humility and patience.
“You have to be okay with waiting for your turn. And I think oftentimes people are so quick, they just want to run to the top. You can't just run up that mountain. You’ve got to take your time. Slow and steady wins the race.” Good thing she’s a runner, she’s a track star–except when it gets hard, she faces the work and gets it done. And as Shayla continues to succeed in her career, she’s also building a beautiful life that she’s proud of. “I literally am living and dreaming in color, and I'm so happy, inside and out,” she shared. Who wouldn’t aspire to that?
Editor’s note, xoNecole is a subsidiary of Will Packer Productions.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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