

Y’all, I won’t lie — sometimes I will see a Black woman with a texturized TWA (teeny weeny afro), and I will have to talk myself out of pulling out my clippers and going back to the days when I had one. Not only was that look super cute on me (if I do say so myself), but because I have cut my own hair, shoot, most of my adult life, it’s a look that is also really easy to manage. So, why don’t I just do it? Because this journey of learning about my hair via growing it out has been a metaphor for me on so many different levels.
Now, I must admit that the “downside” to knowing how to use shears is I don’t have nearly as many inches as I would’ve if I had more self-control when it comes to turning trims into cuts. However, for the past several months, there has been a different level of progress thanks to 1) taking an iron and biotin supplement); 2) being way gentler with my ends, and 3) adding bond builders to my wash days.
And that last one? When I tell you that it has been a complete game-changer for my hair in just about every single way that I can think of? That’s why I had to pen a piece on it: to help some of y’all out if gaining more inches is a personal goal for you in 2024. Because if one thing has gotten me closer to my own wishes for my hair, bond building, one thousand times over, is it?
Why Bond Builders for Hair Are a Haircare Game-Changer
What Exactly Are Bond Builders, Anyway?
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I oftentimes compare hair to silk. The reason why is because, while on one hand, it’s hella strong (it is literally comparable to steel), at the same time, when it’s not provided the things that it needs, it can be extremely fragile, too. On the fragility tip, for instance, because I am borderline anemic and my periods can be a real trip on the blood loss tip during the first couple of days, I used to underestimate the need for an iron supplement.
As far as how iron affects my hair, without it, I can shed more than the standard 50-100 strands a day. Hair follicles? Did you know that there is such a thing as hygral fatigue? It’s when we end up damaging our hair follicles by applying too much moisture to them. And our tresses’ cuticles? Between heat, styling, hair dye, relaxers, and not giving our hair enough hydration, that can lead to breakage, split ends, and other drama that, unfortunately, is oftentimes irreversible — which means we have to cut our hair because there’s not much else that can be done. *le sigh*
And y’all, that last part is where bond building comes in.
Basically, bond builders are hair products that are loaded with structural proteins that help to both repair as well as strengthen the bonds that are within the hair fibers of your hair cuticles. What’s really cool about them is, unlike a lot of the hair products that claim to do stuff like fix split ends (there’s no such thing, for the record), bond builders actually penetrate your hair cuticles in order to restore some of what’s been lost deep within your hair strands.
As a direct result, your hair ends up becoming stronger (even after the first use), so that it’s less brittle, fragile, and prone to breakage.
Although it’s a bit of a complex process, probably the easiest and quickest way to explain how bond builders actually work is they strengthen your hair by “breathing new life” into the three bonds that make up your hair: the ionic, covalent, and hydrogen ones. The healthier those bonds are, the healthier your hair will be. Cool, right?
How To Know if Your Hair Needs Bond Builders
Okay, so you might be curious about who ultimately benefits most from bond-building products. Although honestly, everyone probably could on some level, many hair experts recommend bond builders to individuals who chemically treat their hair (including dyes) and those who use heat on a regular basis. Although I personally don’t fall into either category, the reason why I still apply bond builders on my wash days is because my hair is high porosity.
This means that my cuticles are lifted, which makes it easier for my hair to absorb moisture (good) and also makes it more vulnerable to losing moisture just as quickly, which makes it easier for my hair to get damaged quicker (not good). By applying a bond builder to my locks, my cuticles are smoother, which reduces frizz and makes my hair easier to manage while also keeping moisture in my hair for longer. I’m telling you, if someone wanted me to do a free commercial for bond building, I totally would! Few things have benefitted my hair so extremely as bond builders in a very long time.
Repair Bond + Resculplex Repair & Protect Leave-In Treatment
Marc Anthony
As far as the brand that I use, I’m a fan of Marc Anthony’s line. I started out with his Repair & Protect Leave-In Treatment and have added a couple of other products along the way. When I tell you that my hair IMMEDIATELY feels softer and stronger after spraying it with his conditioner and that it remains that way for days on end? I’m telling you, bond builders have totally changed my life as far as the quality of my hair goes.
Now, because I’m still relatively new to the whole bond building, I can’t offer much insight on other bond-building products. What I do know is bond building is gaining in popularity, so new ones seem to be popping up on a daily basis. So, if you want to read up on some other ones, Real Simple featured a few in an article that they published on bond builders close to around this time last year. You can look into it here.
What To Know About Bond Builders Before Adding It to Your Routine
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If more and more, bond builders are something that you think you’d like to try, just to make sure that I offer up as much information as possible, I want to leave you with three things to keep in mind.
1. There are three main things that bond builders will offer your hair. If you’re still trying to figure out if bond builders are a personal necessity, just remember that it’s great for 1) reducing breakage, 2) retaining moisture, and 3) bringing healing to overprocessed hair. That said, if none of these things is much of a struggle for you, bond-building products are likely to be unnecessary.
2. Not all bond-building products are created equal. When it comes to what I use, I think I was lucky because I know other people who had to go through quite a bit of trial and error before finding a bond builder that was ideal for them. And because some are (way) more expensive than others and/or they can have a sticky residue or odd smell, just be prepared to do some (not the cheapest) experimenting before committing to a particular product.
3. Bond building comes in different forms. There are bond-building shampoos, bond-building conditioners, bond-building masks, and bond-building serums. What I use is a mask and leave-in conditioner because, even when it comes to bond builders, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, especially since they are full of protein (and too much protein can also dry out your hair and lead to breakage). So, as you’re figuring out which route you want to take, try to avoid overkill.
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There you have it. A roaring endorsement of something that can help you retain length by keeping your hair strong from root to tip. Literally. Keep me posted (via the comments) on how bond building ends up working out for you.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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