One look at Blue Kimble, and your mind may instantly play Trey Songz's "Panty Droppa" from his 2009 Ready album. However, what many may not know is that there's a lot more to him underneath those rock-hard abs and pearl-like smile of his - and I don't mean from the waist down.
Prior to his acting career, the born and raised ATLien played in the NFL with the Buffalo Bills (which would definitely explain his solid stature). Once he began to pursue acting wholeheartedly, Blue's resume stacked up as he appeared in shows and movies including The Game, Being Mary Jane, Fast and Furious 5, and TVOne's The Bobby DeBarge Story alongside Adrian Marcel. Just two short years ago, Blue starred in UMC's drama series Monogamy. And this year, he's added a starring role in television's newest drama series, P-Valley(which airs on Starz on Sunday nights at 9 p.m).
When first connecting with the 34-year-old heartthrob, his deep, warm voice embraced me with positive energy and light-heartedness as we exchanged stories about where we're currently located and how our mental health is being maintained amidst all that's happening during this time. As an actor, model, and former pro athlete, you can imagine that Blue must have women flocking to him, but according to the leading man, he's still looking for his leading lady and his DMs are open, accepting applications.
The eye candy who also happens to be soul food (you hear that, ladies?) talked to xoNecole about his favorite strip clubs, his trials and fears in love, and how he's willing to climb any mountain to help his woman reach her 'peak'. Here's what he had to say.
*Some answers have been edited for length and clarity.
xoNecole: Tell us about 'P-Valley', which is the highly anticipated stripper drama on Starz. How was the filming experience and what were some of the greatest things that you learned?
Blue Kimble: Wow, P-Valley coming to Starz. The stripper drama, like you said (laughs). First, off the bat, there's nothing on TV like that right now giving you an up-close, raw, direct look into the life that goes on in the strip culture and some Southern culture. It's just a taste of Southern culture - raw [and] gritty within a strip club. Katori Hall, the creator - she is a genius, award-winning playwright. The honor to work with her and the cast is amazing.
My character, Rome, he's a Southern hustler and former drug dealer turned music exec. We know that story has been heard and told a lot within the music industry (laughs), so I was just able to put my real spin on it from actual accounts and my Southern heritage and culture came out in the role. It was a blessing to pay homage to all that. I really like it and I know people are going to gravitate towards this a lot, and I can't wait for y'all to see it.
How would you say, if at all, you relate to your character?
Like I said, he's a Southern hustler, gentleman, [and] businessman - those are some of the things that I have grown up around and had a foundation of, being from the South, being from Atlanta. It's a culture. Every city has their own type of lingo, type of swag, type of attractions, and raw. Just like a street cat from New York is not gonna sound like a hustler from Atlanta, Tennessee, Alabama or Mississippi. Just to be able to pay homage and pull from real-life accounts, it was an honor.
When it comes to relationships, how do you balance your career, time for your significant other and time for yourself? I’m pretty sure as an actor, it’s already hard enough to find time to be on your own, so how do you balance that with the person you’re dating?
Look at you with more good questions. Jeez, you are on it. The industry is a difficult thing to handle within itself. When I fell into it after I transitioned from football, this was a whole new world, but a lot of it had the same connections with me as playing sports. Athletes get a bad rap and stereotypes within relationships, so to come from that and go right into my film career - which started afterwards and I was blessed to fall into - it's some of the same stereotypes. For some of the relationships that I've tried to have, it was hard for my significant other to just fathom the time that I would be away or what I was doing.
It takes a lot of understanding and time; sometimes I can make someone jealous. Not about what I'm doing or who I am or what I'm aspiring to become - jealous of the time that I'm not there to give the woman in my life. That has been a balance that I've been figuring out. Now I'm even older, wiser, more mature and I'm looking for all that. I'm still looking and searching. I'm not saying that I'm flipping over every rock in town looking for my queen, but when she reveals herself to me, I will be ready, willing and accepting.
"I'm still looking and searching. I'm not saying that I'm flipping over every rock in town looking for my queen, but when she reveals herself to me, I will be ready, willing and accepting."
Courtesy of Blue Kimble
How can you tell the difference between women who genuinely want you for you or just the clout and the attention that comes from being with you?
That's a good word that you used - genuine. You took it right out of my mouth. I try to surround myself with genuine people. You can only play and fool somebody for so long and the truth will always reveal itself. Who you really are is gonna come out; you can only play that you're genuine for an hour or two (laughs). The truth will seep out, leak out and reveal itself. I pay attention to those types of things and I try to keep myself around grounded people, people with like-minded energy and people who aren't going to use me or sponge me for my good energy.
That's what people gotta understand not just within relationships, but life period. Stop letting people drain you for your worth, your goodness, your light or your energy because that's what a lot of people are - they're leeches for the light, for the sun, for the good energy. Watch it and protect your energy.
This is a fun personal question for me because you’re an actor. Do you ever try to get into character for the bedroom with role playing?
Look at you with all the good questions (laughs). I'm a facilitator when I'm with the women that I'm with and my job is to please her. Whatever it takes to please her and get her to where she gotta go, that's what we're doing. If she wants me to put on a Superman costume, I'm doing it if that's what's gonna get her to the moon. Whatever it takes.
How can you say that your acting skills and your views on relationships have evolved from the beginning of your career to where you are now?
In the beginning of my career, I was younger, and I tend to grow daily - mentally, physically, spiritually. I'm definitely more mature than I was in my craft, acting, and delivering as well as I am within life, learning and relationships. Not saying that I was ever intentionally being a jerk or a bad person (laughs), because I try to be a good person as much as I can. But I still grow within my understanding of my actions and the actions of the people I'm around. I'm still learning and growing right now. When you stop growing, that's when you die. I don't ever wanna stop learning and I'm looking forward to some significant woman to come around and teach me some more. Come teach me, girl!
Do you think you’ll ever find true love one day? If so, what does true love look like for you and what do you look for in a partner, for all of the women who are about to submit their resumes to you?
Wow, you really think I'm about to get a lot of resumes. You really think it's about to go down like that? With myself and the woman I'm with, I like confidence. Show your confidence because confidence leads to sexiness and your sex appeal. Those are always good things and things that men will gravitate to in their significant other because at the end of the day, it's about attraction. You have to attract someone before you can see how much you can grow together and see if you have that bond. I'm open - my heart and mind are open.
Yeah, I do think that I will find that love that you spoke of. Now, I'm not gonna force it; a lot of people do that and try to force love. When it comes and reveals itself, I'm gonna be ready for it and I'm gonna receive it. All the ladies, or potential suitors like you said, that's putting their resumes out there - hopefully, I do. With my family, my mother and my father are still together; they've been married before I was born and they're still together and still in love. That's what love looks like to me [and] I know what love looks like. I'm a Black man that comes from a family that has embodied love.
With that being said, I also know what fake love is. Show me that real love. Like you said, I need genuine people around me. Do not come around me with that fake love. 2020 is all about 'real'. We need that real love going forward; 2020, no more fake love! People [have] been showing us fake love for a long time now. Reveal your truth.
"With myself and the woman I'm with, I like confidence. Show your confidence because confidence leads to sexiness and your sex appeal. Those are always good things and things that men will gravitate to in their significant other because at the end of the day, it's about attraction. You have to attract someone before you can see how much you can grow together and see if you have that bond. I'm open - my heart and mind are open."
Courtesy of Blue Kimble
So, what are some things that attract you to a woman initially?
You're cheating. You're not supposed to ask me about that. You're trying to get me in trouble.
Man, look, I’m just doing my job. I’m not, I promise.
I like a woman's smile - the smile does a lot, and the eyes. Because everyone else is gonna say body features like shapes, thighs, butts, chest and this, that and the other, but that only goes so far. When you get down to the eyes and the smile, that's when you're able to tell what's real and genuine about her. The eyes never lie.
What are your dating non-negotiables and how does it differ from when you’re casually dating a woman versus when you’re trying to be serious?
Like I said, I'm pretty open, but anyone who's disrespectful, I don't deal with. I don't like disrespect in any fashion, and not just towards me. Just that type of energy that you bring and that also relates to some negativity. I'm a very positive person and I like to keep positive people and energy around me. Disrespect and anyone going out of their way to be disrespectful - I just can't. I don't care how pretty you are or attractive you are, nastiness overrides all of that. I'm open and try to figure out and understand any and everything, but someone who's just trifling and disrespectful, I can't allow that.
You mentioned that understanding is a huge foundational element for you when it comes to relationships. What are some other important qualities that make a successful relationship for you?
Definitely communication and good communication comes from understanding. Once you're on a level of understanding amongst both of you, that's the growth and you will have reached that level and those bonds that are unbreakable. I just feel like a lot of people rush into relationships of titles and status without having a level of understanding between them and not even being friends.
Before you try to build with someone in that type of fashion, definitely like a relationship long-term, I feel that you need to be friends first before you can become anything else and people don't establish a friendship. The person you're in love with is supposed to be your best friend. Be in a relationship with your best friend - it's not a business arrangement. That's the genuine bond and that's what you have to establish to make longevity.
"The person you're in love with is supposed to be your best friend. Be in a relationship with your best friend - it's not a business arrangement. That's the genuine bond and that's what you have to establish to make longevity."
Courtesy of Blue Kimble
Lights on or light off - and why?
You almost made me spit my water out (laughs). There's levels to that. Like I said, when I'm with someone, I do what pleases them. If my partner prefers the lights off and candles and that type of vibe, then that's what we're doing. But if she likes the lights on and she wanna look and she wanna be able to see everything and check it out, then we'll do that too (laughs)! I like to look and see what's going on, personally. I'm gonna do whatever my partner needs to get her to the mountain top.
'P-Valley' is embedded in the world of strip culture, so it would be very remiss of me to not ask you what are your top three favorite strip clubs?
Everybody else wouldn't know them. That's Atlanta talk - I'm from Atlanta, so the world may not know. You have to understand that Atlanta is enriched in strip club culture and Atlanta has the most strip clubs per capita, at least that's what I've been told and it's hard for me not to believe. We have strip clubs on every corner downtown (laughs). We've always had a stripper culture. I went to my first strip club when I was about fourteen or fifteen years old.
[In] Atlanta, you gotta check out the Blue Flame, that's an Atlanta staple; Magic City, another Atlanta staple. See, there's this throwback for real Atlanta people - Club Nikki's. Club Nikki's was the spot and they shut it down; it's been shut down forever, but the building is still up.
Speaking of strip clubs and strippers, if the woman in your life was to surprise you with a lap dance, what’s the song to get you in the perfect mood?
I would probably be more excited about those things. I wouldn't care if she's doing it in silence (laughs). The song that's gonna get me in the mood and not her freaky stripper outfit…
Songs are important. You don’t want your stripper giving you a dance to The Jackson 5’s “ABC”, now would you?
Yeah, so what song do we need? (laughs). TLC, how 'bout that? That's a good one? "Red Light Special".
I like that. I’ll accept that answer.
That's a good one. The Tank song, "When We".
His song “Dirty” is a good one, too.
There you go. TLC for the old heads, Tank's "When We" for the young people and my young girls to show them some love.
For more of Blue, follow him on Instagram. Catch him on Starz's P-Valley on Sunday nights at 9pm.
Featured image courtesy of Blue Kimble.
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
ArtMarie/Getty Images
Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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