Since our energy is aligned with our bodies, emotions, and behaviors, we can easily assess what chakra we need to work with by observing emotional states, behavioral patterns, health issues, and physical symptoms. In our article, "How Opening Your 7 Chakras Can Transform Your Mind, Body & Spirit", we explained what the chakras were all about and how aligning and opening your chakras is the key to finding inner peace, ultimate happiness, and eventual enlightenment.
When we suffer illnesses that affect our physical bodies, we likely experience symptoms that go along with that sickness. This cause and effect experience works no different when it comes to our 7 chakras. The guide below will help you discover which of your chakras may be blocked or imbalanced.
THE IMBALANCED ROOT CHAKRA
Root Chakra GIFGiphyEmotional Symptoms of the Blocked Root Chakra
If fear in anyway is holding you back to the point where you are stagnant or unable to progress in any area of life, than you may have a blockage in your root chakra. If fear surrounding money, lack, debt, or financial security overwhelms your spirit, it is definitely time to ground your root chakra.
If you are feeling uptight, insecure, or out of place in your surroundings, this is also a symptom. If you are uncertain about the things you want for your life, the actions you must take, and are anxious about making concrete moves to elevate your experience, then working with your root chakra will lift you out of this blockage.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Root Chakra
If you are feeling antsy, unable to sit still, or focus on a task at hand, your root chakra is not engaged. If you go from one goal or desire to the next, without fully accomplishing said goal or achievement, your root chakra may not be balanced.
Having issues with non commitment in relationships and platonic friendships are an indication that you might have issues sticking to your word or feeling unsettled.
Feeling lazy, unmotivated, and refusing to follow up, is definitely a symptom of a blockage in your root chakra.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Root Chakra
Certain eating disorders are a direct manifestation of a wounded root chakra. If you are unable to keep food down, or lacking a consistent appetite altogether, this could be helped by working with the root chakra. Constipation, flatulence, large intestine, enzyme deficiencies, issues with your reproductive sex organs, and digestive upsets are most definitely a manifestation of a blockage in your root chakra.
If you are experiencing discomfort or recurring pain associated with your feet, knees, legs, bones, joints, lower back, and any issues from the base of your spine and down, working with your chakra can aid in healing your symptoms.
THE IMBALANCED SACRAL CHAKRA
Holistic Healing Affirmation GIFGiphyEmotional Symptoms of the Blocked Sacral Chakra
If you are feeling that you are not important, or that nobody loves you, or truly cares about you, this indicates an imbalance in your sacral chakra. If you have a hard time intellectualizing how you are feeling, or are consistently on an emotional roller coaster, there is definitely a blockage in your sacral chakra. Negative self-talk, guilt, and repressed emotions are other red flags.
If you struggle with being creative, free, and happy, opening and balancing your sacral chakra will remedy many of these issues. Lastly, if emotional issues surrounding sex, sexuality, and intimacy stunt your ability to express yourself fully in these ways, you have a sacral chakra issue on your hands.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Sacral Chakra
If you have a propensity towards toxic or dysfunctional relationships with other people, either platonic, or romantic, this is a big red flag! If you find yourself doing a lot of emotional labor without reciprocation, there is most definitely a wound in your sacral chakra.
If you continue to revisit the same negative or unpleasant situations, relationships, and experiences, you will need to get your sacral chakra in order.
Sexually, if you consistently have a negative relationship with intimacy, and/or unfulfilling, painful, or dull intercourse, your sacral chakra is begging you to adjust.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Sacral Chakra
Low sex drive/libido, erectile dysfunction, the inability to get naturally lubricated within your vagina, gynecological cysts, or fibroids, irregular menstrual cycles, infertility, impotence, constipation, urinary issues, any problems with your kidneys are all physical symptoms of a blocked or wounded sacral chakra.
Some of the mental health symptoms that come along with a blocked sacral chakra are: depression, low self-esteem, fear, insecurities, mixing reality with fantasy, unhealthy isolation, and addictions to things such as, sex, drugs, alcohol, food, and anything that involves an unhealthy overindulgence of pleasure.
THE IMBALANCED SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Solar Plexus Chakra
Where you have been immature in any area of life, is a reflection of a blocked solar plexus chakra. Emotionally, if you are too stubborn, or have an "it's all about me attitude," you might be suffering from an imbalanced solar plexus chakra.
If you feel that you are not good enough, capable, or worthy of having all that you wish to obtain in your life, or if you lack faith in yourself, this is definitely a red flag. If you have a problem figuring out who you are at the core of your being, or if you have allowed someone or something to stop you from being your truest self, working with your solar plexus chakra will help you immensely.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Solar Plexus Chakra
If you are more of a bystander in your life, instead of an active participant, or nothing inspires you to do/create/contribute, then you have a solar plexus problem on your hands. If you purposely under-accentuate your physical beauty, appearance, skills, and traits, or forego self-care and keeping up with your surroundings, your solar plexus is definitely imbalanced.
Having a nonchalant attitude about how you present yourself to the world, or coexisting in clutter or an unclean home is also a red flag. Not caring at all about your well-being, hygiene, physical health, and exercise is a manifestation of an out of whack solar plexus.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Solar Plexus Chakra
The solar plexus is connected to many bodily functions, and organs, including the large intestine, stomach, pancreas, liver, lungs, adrenal glands and the digestive system. If you suffer from irritable bowel symptoms, consistent fluctuation of being overweight or underweight, stomach aches, gas, and ulcers, pancreatic issues, gallbladders and stones, diabetes, and acid reflux, working with your solar plexus chakra can help you remedy many of these issues.
Overeating, and a lack of self-control when it comes to food, is another health issue controlled by the solar plexus. The overwhelming desire to munch on junk food all day, stems from this chakra when it is blocked or turned off.
THE IMBALANCED HEART CHAKRA
Affirmations Chakras GIFGiphyEmotional Symptoms of the Blocked Heart Chakra
Because this is the heart chakra, these symptoms are jam-packed! When you are emotionally unintelligent, or unable to commit to someone in a relationship, if you hold grudges from past grievances, if you are a people-pleaser, if you feel obligated to emotional labor for the sole benefit of the other person, if you have a hard time with resentments, letting go, and codependency or attachments, these are all emotional symptoms of a blocked heart chakra.
If you have trouble revealing your feelings, being open and honest, or if you find being compassionate and empathetic towards other people to be a problem, then these are huge red flags!
Lastly, if you are uncomfortable with practicing self-love and self-care, or you are unable to unpack past pain and dig deep into your heart to find answers to your problems, then you should most definitely be working with opening and clearing your heart chakra.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Heart Chakra
If you find yourself being mean-spirited, hateful, petty, cold, and without empathy for other people, or if your ego controls your actions and self-identity in a negative way, you definitely have a heart chakra problem on your hands.
If you are distrustful of everyone around you, and have a hard time achieving closeness with those who are trying to get to know you, or if you find yourself constantly nagging, nitpicking, or projecting any of your own fears and problems on others, you must open your heart chakra.
If you have not learned how to balance your masculine and feminine energies, or cannot accept yourself as you are, please work with your heart center.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Heart Chakra
Having a heart attack or any heart condition is a direct manifestation of a wounded heart chakra. Heart palpitations and irregular pulse and heart rhythms are a red flag. Other diseases and physical manifestations of heart chakra imbalance include: cardiovascular disease, coronary artery disease, arrhythmias and congenital heart disease, lung and respiratory issues including asthma, pulmonary disease, emphysema, chronic bronchitis and pneumonia can also manifest.
Anxiety that leads to panic attacks and hyperventilation also is an aspect of a blocked heart chakra. Even bad seasonal allergies are affected by a heart chakra that is out of whack.
THE IMBALANCED THROAT CHAKRA
Throat Chakra Affirmations GIFGiphyEmotional Symptoms of the Blocked Throat Chakra
If you are afraid to speak up for yourself, or express your truth, creativity, and opinions you most definitely have issues with the throat chakra. If you feel that what you have to say is not valid, or will not be received well or even taken seriously by others, so much so that you just don't say anything, you need to balance your throat chakra.
If you feel unable to articulate yourself, or if you let people overtalk you and drown out your expression, these are definitely red flags. If you are intimidated by people who are outgoing, or envious of someone who has the gift of gab, you might be internally avoiding or repressing this trait within your own self. You have a voice, don't be afraid to use it.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Throat Chakra
If you become very nervous when you have to communicate something to others, if you have a hard time finding the right words to express yourself, or if you are terrified of public speaking, your throat chakra might be out of whack.
If you have a problem with telling lies or fibs, no matter if they are big or small, that is a direct manifestation of a wounded throat chakra. If you find it difficult to be sincere and honest, or if you fall prey to being deceitful or manipulative by way of communication, these things ultimately comes from fear.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Throat Chakra
An imbalanced throat chakra can manifest into many physical illnesses including: laryngitis, dizziness, sore throats, strep throat, losing your voice altogether, nodules on your larynx and vocal cords, asthma, and fatigue.
The feeling of throat congestion, phlegm, a scratchy or itchy throat, a lump in your throat, and constantly having to clear your throat, is a physical indication that your throat chakra needs some work.
THE IMBALANCED THIRD EYE CHAKRA
Emotional Symptoms of the Blocked Third Eye Chakra
If you are feeling disconnected from your intuition, or your gut feelings, this is an indication of an imbalanced third eye chakra. If you feel unexcited or disengaged with your life and the world around you, or if you feel like your inner child and imagination has disappeared, this is a direct manifestation of a blockage in your third eye.
Emotionally, you might have scattered feelings, mixed emotions, a lack of clarity, and a skewed sense of self or understanding of others. You might feel like the glass is half empty, instead of half full.
You may either feel too in-tune with your current reality, which therefore depresses you, or so disengaged from the world that you get lost in your own fantasies and visions in order to escape.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Third Eye Chakra
Someone with a third eye that is blocked will always be stuck in a small mindset, unable to look at the bigger picture, and transcend their own restrictions. This person might also be stuck in a very regimented way of life, going day by day without any spontaneity, and rarely thinking outside of the box. This rigidity does not stop with how you go about living your life, but also might disallow you to accept, or consider any other alternative spiritual belief systems outside of what you might have been brought up believing.
Someone with a disengaged third eye chakra will likely be pessimistic or skeptical when it comes to believing in psychic abilities, energy, metaphysics, or anything out of their awareness or realm of reality. This type of person will ultimately call anyone who doesn't believe what they believe, a conspiracy theorist, pagan, or something comparable.
A blocked third eye chakra can negatively affect your motivation, self-vision, and zeal for life, which will stunt and lower the vibration of all your other chakras.
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Third Eye Chakra
Some of the physical ailments that can manifest due to a closed third eye chakra are: migraines, vertigo, tension headaches, ear aches, sinus issues, sciatica, seizures, poor vision, eye twitches, weak immune systems, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
Mental health related indications include: depression, delusion, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, paranoia, nightmares, night terrors, sleep paralysis, and any dissociative mental disorders.
THE IMBALANCED CROWN CHAKRA
Crown Chakra Affirmation GIFGiphyEmotional Symptoms of the Blocked Crown Chakra
If you are suffering from a blocked crown chakra, emotionally, you may be feeling alone in the world and disconnected from something larger or higher than yourself. You may feel that the only thing that validates your existence are your external circumstances and achievements.
You might have mixed emotions or feelings surrounding your purpose here as a soul, and possibly frustrated with the idea of the meaning of life.
When it comes to your belief in God or Source, you will likely be conflicted between believing that there is actually a God, or feeling that humanity as a whole is on their own. It is possible that you might not even believe in chakras to begin with.
Behavioral Symptoms of the Blocked Crown Chakra
Someone with a blocked crown chakra might consistently be in a state of flux mentally and spiritually. They may have scattered thoughts that don't make sense and an inability to compartmentalize confusion, feeling disoriented, and anxiety. This person might always be looking for reasons to disprove something or someone, and might have a hard time going with the flow of their lives.
If your crown chakra is not balanced, it might be hard for you to accept that everything is energy, and everything is connected by universal oneness. Spiritual awakening will be hard to experience, if your crown chakra is unable to receive infinite wisdom, messages, or ethereal "downloads."
Physical or Health Symptoms of the Blocked Crown Chakra
Some physical illnesses that can manifest due to a blocked crown chakra are: recurring headaches or migraines, nerve pain, thyroid and pineal gland disorders, neurological disorders such as Alzheimer's and dementia, schizophrenia and other similar mental disorders, and depression.
Some other physical symptoms include feeling uneasy, anxious, or intimidated by the strong spiritual energy of someone who considers themselves mystics, witches, shamans, lightworkers, empaths, psychics, multi-dimensional, or pagan.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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