There are many things from my childhood that I thought I wanted: a spouse, a college degree, a job. With age, I’ve realized I don't want them anymore (though my bills insist otherwise!). One of the few things that have persisted and even grown over the years is my desire to have kids.
In recent years, I’ve committed myself to the idea of having as many as six kids, with the hopes of adopting the majority of them. But two – if the Lord had allowed me – I would physically birth myself. I’ve dreamt of a house full of bustling noise that only a mother can be endeared by, in between spurts of annoyance. I’ve dreamt of recitals and soccer practices and a chorus of laughter and cuddles. I’ve longed for the days when tiny hands would grasp for me while trying to form the word “mom” in its fledgling mouth.
So it broke my heart recently when I realized that that dream might never come to fruition. With the recent news that the Supreme Court of the United States intends to overturn Roe v. Wade, it brought attention to all the other reproductive injustices that continue to rage on in this country. From the recent baby formula shortage to the ongoing maternity death rates that disproportionately impact Black women, to gun violence and climate change and state-sanctioned violence and and and…
I’m not alone. When I asked on Twitter how many people who were once interested in having kids considered no longer pursuing parenthood because of systemic factors, I was overwhelmed with the immediate and strong responses that poured into my DMs. Many people echoed my sentiments about fearing the death rates for pregnant Black women, the pandemic, and other societal issues. One respondent, a 29-year-old woman, said that she was apathetic about the idea of having kids. “The older I get and look at the blazing dumpster fire that is our planet,” she says, “the idea of bringing children into it is more and more repelling.”
Another respondent, a 41-year-old woman, says that while she already has kids, she doesn’t want anymore because “this world is WILD…I have two already and the way these last two years and a half years have drug me through the mud and made me struggle is incalculable,” she says. “From homeschooling to having to live in various states of constant quarantine because my youngest is unable to be vaccinated because he's a whole baby and then the rise of openly racist and terrified white fantasists,” are all reasons she’s uninterested in bringing any more children into the world.
Despite not wanting to have their own children, others expressed their desires to still be a part of a community or a village that’s committed to raising the children in their lives. “I’m a full spectrum doula, so being able to bring life into this world is still a possibility for me just from a different lens,” says 27-year-old Rach Junard, who said they are on the fence about having their own kids. “I’ll do everything I can to make sure everyone in my community is taken care of. Having kids just may look a little different for me.”
Whether I’ll have kids is still a decision I haven’t completely landed on. And it’s a decision I broach delicately, especially since these conversations can veer quickly into eugenics or ecofascist logic about population control and who “deserves” to have kids and who shouldn’t. So, I want to be precise: there’s zero shame in anyone who decides to bring a child into this world. Starting a family can be a treasured joy for many people to experience. But because of the compounding systems of oppression that continue to rage on, that joy is often sullied into something ugly and traumatic for many marginalized people– including me.
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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How Power Women Protect Their Finances With Smart Money Boundaries
No matter what it is, setting boundaries can be challenging, especially when those boundaries involve money. But if you want to sustain success and financial freedom, boundaries are important, both with yourself and with others.
Many wealthy successful women have mastered setting boundaries and prioritizing accountability so that they can ensure they remain that way. Let's face it: If you want a certain quality of life and you work hard to achieve that, you don't want to risk it by taking on habits that jeopardize your financial stability.
Be inspired to not only set money boundaries but keep them by taking heed to the common financial boundaries power women of today establish:
1. They pay themselves first.
Building consistent savings habits is important to wealth-building no matter how much you earn, and the practice is often one that continues even after you're well-booked and well-paid. Actress, producer, and philanthropist Queen Latifah has always been a proponent of this after learning from her mom to "save your money."
This is the epitome of the energy behind paying yourself first. You squirrel something away and take care of yourself by taking care of your future first, before paying any bills. You invest in yourself (within your means and with a budget in mind, of course).
2. They don't loan money without clear repayment rules and expectations are agreed upon.
It's awesome to be able to help people out by loaning them money, but when you don't communicate clearly about repayment (or what will happen if the money is not repaid) you set yourself up for a cycle of taking on other's debts and maybe even building more debt of your own.
Unless you're doing charity, set those boundaries early about when and how a loan will be repaid. And if you know you won't get the money back, rethink the loan altogether.
3. They create budgets that are realistic and reflect their current lifestyle.
In her book, What I Know for Sure, Oprah Winfrey wrote, “I hope the way you spend your money is in line with the truth of who you are and what you care about.” This is key for many successful women, especially when they're budgeting and investing.
Issa Rae told Money.com, "I don’t splurge just because. I will never have 17 cars. I will never have expensive jewelry. I don’t spend that much on my clothes, or shoes. I will spend money on a stylist, and a makeup artist, because those things feel necessary for work. But material things? No."
There's a clear indication that there are clear value systems sustained by what matters to them no matter how much they make, and budgeting is a huge part of that.
4. They consider the long-term effects of a rash purchase before proceeding.
It's totally okay to treat yourself, but if you find yourself impulsively buying things you don't really need or always living check to check because you've maxed out your credit card to take that sixth trip in one year, there's a problem that might put a damper on those financial freedom plans. (That is unless your trip is part of how you make your money, and it's a worthy investment into expanding your prospects.)
Successful women are conscious of the long- and short-term effects of purchases, small and large. They're always thinking about how one action can impact the bigger picture.
5. They are givers and believe in the reciprocity of that.
Many of us are familiar with the famous quote, "To whom much is given, must is required," and there's that undertone of service and charity that is a common thread for wealthy, successful women, especially those who run businesses or lead brands. Involving yourself in acts of service not only enriches your development and that of communities, but it increases your exposure, network, and credibility, often leading to more opportunities to make more money.
Most leading CEOs, entrepreneurs, and professionals are big on giving back, whether it is through resources, a nonprofit, money, or their time. "As you become more successful, it's important for you to give back. Even if you can't financially give back, kind words and sharing about other businesses on social media mean so much. Every little thing counts. Help out your friends and family with advice, encouragement, and support," said Angela Yee, award-winning radio host and entrepreneur.
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Originally published on August 16, 2024