It was 2018 when I realized working in a toxic work environment and pursuing a high-stress career in Corporate America wasn't for me. But at the time, resources on how to take a career break were scarce. I researched, googled, and scrolled through Pinterest. I read blogs and listened to podcasts about other women who traveled and eventually made a career switch. But there wasn't a platform dedicated to strategizing an exit plan from the American lifestyle. At least, not for women of color. I was left to make these life-altering decisions on my own with little to no help or substantial resources.
I managed to execute my plan, and here I am still curating this new life of mine. I still dream of living life overseas too. It's going to happen, but I'm just not quite there yet. And in 2021, more and more American Black women have realized hustle culture or Black Excellence is not where it's at. Two years ago, it was highly uncommon for a Black woman or any woman of color to quit her job, sell her house, give up everything she owns, and catch a flight to a destination unknown and start a whole new life. It was just completely unheard of.
It went against everything our parents and the generations before us taught us about building the American dream. Life for an American Black woman embodies hard work.
Oftentimes, this means demanding and stressful careers. It's a constant state of chaos and, the thing is, most Black women don't realize this until they are forced to. And there is no telling how chaos decides to show up, but it usually manifests in unhealthy vices or underlying health problems. The idea of "taking a break" or moving abroad isn't a part of what we consider Black Excellence to be. So, we entertain the idea of a relaxed lifestyle only when we are eligible for retirement.
But in case you haven't noticed, we are no longer waiting until 65 to truly live. We are deciding to be present and live our best lives now.
The pandemic showed us what a life with balance and freedom can look like. It gave more and more Black women the permission to discover new ways to find joy. Even if that joy looks like leaving their homes and everything they know. Whether that is through a career break or a more permanent move, Black women have come to realize a life of constant burnout and mental health problems isn't a life at all. And Stephanie Perry and Roshida Dowe came to this same realization too.
Together, through their company Exodus Summit, they help other black women navigate the ins and outs of taking a career break or living abroad. "The idea for Exodus Summit started in the summer of 2020. Stephanie and I thought this would be a good way for us to collaborate and serve more women than we could serve individually," Roshida explained. "This year, we have invited back women who attended the summit last year to be speakers at this year's Homecoming. These women are coming back to share their roadmaps for how they made the transition abroad happen for themselves."
Meet The Creators Of Exodus Summit
Stephanie is a digital nomad. She has visited 12 countries in 12 months all at $1200 per month. Before making the leap overseas, she was a hospital pharmacy technician. Now, she's a year-round house sitter and pet sitter who helps Black women take a career break to travel on a budget through her websitevaycarious.com.
Roshida, aka "Shida D", is a passionate proponent of career breaks, sabbaticals, and grown-up gap years. In her previous life, she was a lawyer in high-pressure tech companies. It wasn't until a decade later that Roshida realized she wasn't in love with the life she built.
Stressed, tired, and burned out, Roshida decided to take the leap and travel the world for a year. It was then that she discovered her purpose. Roshida decided to help other women experience the freedom she had found on her own career break. She now coaches women on how to plan satisfying and sustainable breaks from their careers and leave burnout behind.
xoNecole interviewed Stephanie and Roshida on their personal experiences with taking career breaks and living abroad. Here's what they had to share.
Leaving The American Life
It's never an easy decision to leave the life you're accustomed to for an unconventional life. There are so many what-ifs, risks, and issues that come up. Not to mention self-doubt and limiting beliefs. It's an internal battle of:"Can I really do this?""Am I making the right decision?" and "What are people going to say?" Especially for Black and brown women. Our function in the United States is to work and take care of other people so that others can live out their dreams. To seek a desired of level freedom is almost considered unattainable and too far-fetched in our culture. But says who?
Stephanie and Roshida share their reasons for leaving this American life.
Stephanie: "I decided that I wanted to spend a year traveling full-time and I thought that one year was going to be enough. And I was going to return from that year and be like, 'I did it. I saw it all. Now, I'm ready to go back to my old life.' It turns out, that once I was out for a little while, it made me put my life and work in perspective. I started to see how other people in other countries don't make work their priority and try to fit other things in. They get to enjoy a full life. They get to live it 360 degrees and not just work most of the time and then hope and pray when they get to that magical retirement age that they are still able to do the things that they have always wanted to do. So, being able to experience life in other cultures for those 12 months changed the idea of what I wanted my life to look like."
Roshida: "I got laid off from my job when the company I worked for went out of business. The thought of getting a new job was overwhelming (I was totally burnt out from the last job). So, I did some quick math and realized I had enough money saved to travel for a year, and I was off exploring the world less than a month later."
Challenges Of Living In A Foreign Country
When you finally decide to build a life in a different country, there is no question there will be a few challenges. And it seems scary at first when you don't know how another country operates or how to establish residency, let alone get a job. But we live in a digital world. We have a variety of resources that allow us to educate ourselves about other countries and their cultures. From social media, YouTube, language and travel apps, blogs, and Google, we can easily travel to another country well-prepared. I mean, I did. While external challenges exist to living in a different country, most of the challenges are internal. It comes down to adopting a new way of thinking and allowing yourself to say "yes."
Stephanie: "Living in another place is simpler than what most people think it is. It's 2021 and there is a lot of information out there. You don't have to go into a place blind. There are communities of people, especially if you're a Black woman. There are communities of Black women all around the world that are sharing information so that you can get to places and know what neighborhoods you want to live in, the good doctors, and the good service providers in the area. So, you're not moving to a place with no clue.
"The real hurdles are in yourself. How do I reject everything I was told that I was supposed to be living for? We are stuck on the idea of Black excellence, which is a trap. It's doing things for outward appearance and forgetting about what you really want. You have to be these things so that other people can look at you and respect you. But what about how you feel about yourself?"
Roshida: "Beyond not being fluent in the language, getting used to the local customs can be a challenge. But when you find the perfect place for yourself (for me, it's Mexico City), those challenges seem like learning opportunities."
Earning An Income And Finding Work In Another Country
Stephanie: "Because I like to go to inexpensive countries, finding work overseas would not benefit me. I would be paid in their currency, and it would be worth less than the U.S. dollar. So, I instead make money in U.S. dollars online and stay, visit, or live in these other places. It turns out that I have a skill set that people were willing to pay me for that I had been doing for free. I'm a house sitter and people used to ask me all the time how to get started with house sitting and I would give them information for free. Now they pay me for it. That's my business. I make a living helping people become house sitters. Most of my clients are Black women from the U.S. and the Caribbean. I found a skill set that supports me so that I don't have to have a traditional job."
Roshida: "During my career break, I started helping other Black women take breaks as well, and that turned into a business. Building my own business, I get to set my own hours, work with who I want, and work from wherever I want."
Misconceptions About Living Abroad
Stephanie: "Misconception number one is that it's dangerous. I spend six months out of the year in Mexico and people always want to know how safe it is or what about the cartels. But if you don't have cartel business, you don't have to think about the cartels. Another piece of American propaganda is that we are better than other places. Especially when it comes to certain things like safety. I am not safer in the United States compared to when I'm in a different country. Mexico is a place where people just mind their business. There is not a group of people in Mexico who are waiting to harass you. If you have an interaction with the police in Mexico, it's not going to be a negative interaction. In the cities we live in, in the United States, we are probably in more danger than in any place that you're going to want to go to in the rest of the world."
"It's also not as expensive as people think. People price places based on what they see when they go on vacation. When you live someplace, it's a lot less expensive than when you are just visiting. It was less expensive for me to travel full-time, than it was for me to live in Wilmington, Delaware."
"Loneliness. When you are a solo traveler, you will meet people if you want to. It's so much easier to meet new friends when you travel solo. I have friends now that I would not have met if I traveled with other people, and we are still friends today."
Life Abroad Vs. The Black American Lifestyle
Stephanie: "When I'm abroad, it's the only time I get treated like an actual American with all of the rights and privileges that come with being an American. I also don't have to fear for my safety as a Black woman abroad. Dating is better for me as a Black woman abroad too. My self-care is better. We think self-care is manicures and pedicures, but not like actual rest. I have free time to do creative things and daily spirituality practices. All of those things are things I have time for because I don't work and live in the United States."
Roshida: "Living outside of the U.S. gives me a sense of freedom that I didn't experience in the U.S."
On Why Black Women Are Adopting A Life Overseas
Stephanie: "I think that we have gotten tired of living the life of other people. We want to feel that freedom, that right now, it's only felt when we leave the country. Also, it's helpful that the internet exists and that Black women are sharing what they have been doing so new people can be introduced to it. I have a YouTube channel, and people are like, I didn't even know that I can do this. I think the communities of people who are out sharing information are very helpful."
"And I think that we've hit a breaking point where either you're going to make a big change, or this environment is going to kill us. We are fighting for our lives. It's a fight for our peace of mind, for our safety, for children's safety, and our joy. There's a new emphasis on Black joy that has not existed in the past. It prioritizes what you want or what life you want to live. All of these have converged to make it so much easier and so much more realistic for us to go."
Roshida: "Life abroad comes with significantly less stress and a sense of joy and ease that is hard for Black women to achieve overseas. It's not a stress-free life, but most other cultures have a more relaxed way of life, and it's nice to get to enjoy that abroad."
Exodus Summit 2021 starts this weekend, from September 24-26. Learn more about the virtual event here.
Featured image by Getty Images
RELATED
Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
____
No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image Pheelings Media/Getty Images