

Black women emcees have been an essential part of sculpting hip-hop music since the late '70s. The genre has grown from the streets of New York City to become one of the most influential musical genres in the world. Though hip-hop is still a very male-dominated industry, women have made their way of snatching the sound and owning their place in the industry.
When female rappers entered the scene, they showed up with bars as prolific or better than their male counterparts — dressed from head to toe in a sexy tomboy flair that was beyond captivating on stage. Black women emcees have created their own lane, starting from battle rapping about systemic challenges in the Bronx, N.Y., to going all the way "Up" with Cardi B celebrating sexual liberation.
Bardi Gang GIF by Cardi BGiphy
However, some of the biggest challenges in hip-hop music lie in the lack of radical feminism in the genre that shows a vast display of Black women artists of every shade, size, and sexuality—without being hypersexualized. They all need to be seen and celebrated as a mass-market artist.
Over the last few generations, the evolution of hip-hop's purpose and sound has changed dramatically—mainly for mass production and consumption. That's expected because change is inevitable in every form of music, but hip-hop is unique. It was used to amplify the voice of the unheard and highlight systemic oppression related to race and class issues. However, its hypermasculine aspect has always made combating sexism one of the most complex areas to address and has posed a challenge to forging progressive, long-term opportunities for Black women rappers.
Hip-hop scholar Kylie Thompson states in the analysis, When Feminism Meets Hip-Hop, "Some female hip-hop emcees have been able to challenge the sexist culture of the industry and assert a black feminist voice; albeit the large-scale commercialization of hip-hop makes it especially difficult for women's voices to be heard in a political context that runs counter to pervasive patriarchal structures. Thus, women must carefully adapt, form, and manipulate language in order to make their music both marketable and political."
These circumstances have made it significantly more difficult for women rappers to compete in a market that could care less about women succeeding in it because a high percentage of the content is about objectifying them.
Black women emcees carry a different burden on their shoulders: to be Black, female, get the same opportunities as their male counterparts, and remain in high demand on the global charts. Black artists shouldn't just be the backbone to the sound. They should also be the face of the evolved sound.
This is a tribute to icons and holds them accountable so we can all show up better for all Black female hip-hop artists in the game, respectfully!
Let's take a deep dive into the evolution of hip-hop, amplifying the various forms of feminism throughout the genre's history, addressing hypersexuality, colorism, pretty privilege, and body positivity:
Black Feminism in Hip-Hop: Radical vs. Liberal
Before we can talk about the state of Black women artists in hip-hop, we must first broach the subject of feminism and the essence it carries in the music. Though every Black women artist isn't as intentional about being a feminist, most of the world automatically perceives them to be because of the lineage that several Black women iconic emcees started prior. There are two primary forms of feminism that are often conveyed in hip-hop; radical and liberal feminism, they are both needed, but the bigger question is whether they are both as appreciated by today's society.
Radical Black feminism came first because it was the only acceptable way to compete in the market with their male counterparts in the 70s. Hip-hop feminism centers Black women's voices via hip-hop as a means to increase agency, self-definition, and self-determination. Self-definition, according to scholar Patrick D. Bennett, refers to how Black women express their identities and experiences for themselves, while self-determination allows for Black women to choose who or what they want to be. In the documentary My Mic Sounds Nice: The Truth About Women and Hip-Hop, legendary hip-hop artist Roxanne Shantel said, "It wasn't about make-up or having outfits ready, I rapped in whatever I had on when I had a show or battle rap because it was about talent not looks."
In this timeframe of hip-hop, if you weren't a lyricist as a women emcee, you couldn't compete. And Black women rap artists like MC Lyte, Salt-N-Pepa, J.J.Fad, Queen Latifah, and the one-and-only Ms. Lauryn Hill, didn't hesitate to challenge sexism, addressing men and how they talk to or talk about women.
Hip-hop thought leader Imani Perry has written about this struggle within the male-dominated field, stating, "As a masculinist form with masculinist aesthetics, hip-hop and the art form's masculinist ideals of excellence and competitiveness have often forced women to occupy roles gendered male."
And the freedom men have to be anything they want to be, and most of society enables them without question, isn't the same expectation that applies to women—who are more likely to get harshly criticized by society collectively.
As hip-hop evolved in the 90s, the sound changed dramatically from women hip-hop artists, and liberal feminism became more mainstream and left radical feminism a bit in the shadows of hip-hop instead of it being its main focus. Kylie further states that "liberal feminism boils down to individualism, positing the individual as the 'be-all, end-all of social life. This line of reasoning essentially aims to change or undo the socialization of individuals so that women can have and do what men can have and do." Liberal feminism brought forth undeniable individuality but took away from perpetuating social change and ignored the more significant issue of patriarchy.
In comparison, radical feminism addresses the collective issues the patriarchal system often looks away from. There is space for both radical and liberal feminism. But when it becomes too much of one versus the other, it often becomes detrimental to Black women rappers' progression in the industry.
Hypersexuality orchestrated by female hip-hop artists has become one of today's modern-day forms of feminism — to some, it may be an illusion, and to others, it may be perceived as power. The rise of liberal feminism exploring sexual liberation stemmed from the '90s with female artists Lil' Kim and Foxy Brown, both having an aligned rise in the industry that led to a divine royal battle. They brought unapologetic power to Black women's stance in hip-hop; both of them were phenomenal rappers that everyone wanted to listen to.
If you weren't listening to Notorious K.I.M., you were listening to Chyna Doll. But their sexualized stance also subconsciously brought a lot of pressure to other Black women artists in the industry.
In the documentary, My Mic Sounds Nice: The Truth about Women and Hip-Hop, Missy Elliott talked about feeling that "maybe I gotta go a little tighter to be sexy to be more acceptable," after Kim and Foxy took over the scene.

KMazur/WireImage via Getty Images
This changed the game entirely for women emcees and has made it a lot harder for radical women rappers to have a chance at success in mainstream hip-hop because most music today is being based on sexualization and very little content that speaks to the reality of the everyday woman.
Feminist writer Ariel Levy affirmed this further by saying that such a culture isn't progressive when women are capable of acting as participants of their own objectification. So we can't just blame men for objectifying us when now we are taking part in the same perspective to convince society that Black women rappers are enough and are as valuable to their male counterparts and that we'll agree to produce what sells most, delivering a homogeneous perspective of female dominance in today's hip-hop climate.
We have to be held as accountable as our male counterparts if we want to see sustaining change.
Communications studies professor-Jared Ball of Morgan State University wrote, "Today's contemporary hip-hop from women paves a space for these women, instead, to become the representative, as they have been increasingly able to compete and succeed with the men in the same genre. Regardless of artistic intent and the artist's desire to claim agency of their own bodies, these still may not exempt them from objectification."
So though Black women rappers are finally taking up more of the spotlight, their integrity is being challenged based on how they'd like to present themselves. Do all women in the game want to show more skin, or is it encouraged by people behind the lens of those scenarios?
To paint a picture of how powerful hypersexuality is in the industry, let's think of some of the most popular Black women rappers, Nicki Minaj, Cardi B, and Megan Thee Stallion. Though Minaj may be a bit more well-versed in the content she raps about, her biggest hits stem from the hypersexual lens. Lyrics like these featured in her song "Boss Ass Bitch":
P-p-p-pussy like girls
Damn, is my pussy gay?
It's a holiday, Play-With-My-Pussy Day
Pussy this, pussy that, pussy taken
Pussy ride dick like she a Jamaican
Pussy stay warm, pussy on vacation
You loose bitches need a pussy renovation
Y-y-you could eat it with a pussy reservation
P-p-pussy 'bout to get a standin' ovation
Clap, clap, clap for this pussy, nigga
The line, "But I can't give this pussy to a pussy nigga" depicts the imagery of manipulation and power plays gained through sex.
Most of Megan Thee Stallion's Billboard hits are all hypersexualized, from "Body," "Cry Baby," "Thot Shit," and "Savage," to "Hot Girl Summer."
In Stallion's song "Cry Baby," she raps:
Lay on my stomach, toot it up, do the crybaby (crybaby)
Look back, hold it open, now he annihilated (yeah)
Moaning like a bitch when he hit this pussy
Damn, he probably wanna wear my hoodie (ah)
Choke me, spank me, look at me, thank me (thank me)
If I give it to another nigga, he'll hate me (he'll hate me)
Spit, slurp, give him that work
Fell too fast for me, now the nigga hurt."
And as a result of parading the excess liberal feminism, she was recently awarded three Grammys in 2021 for "Best New Artist," "Best Rap Song," and "Best Rap Performance"—so in more ways than one society is fully here for hypersexuality being the center of the conversation.
And Cardi B's Billboard hits like "Up," "WAP," "Wildside" have been in high demand based on the several weeks they stayed glued to the top 10 spots on the Billboard charts. So at this point, their success sets the mark for what's in demand from Black women artists compared to vice versa. Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion's "WAP" came in at No. 2 on the staff's pick of the best rap songs for 2020, and it spent four weeks as the No.1 spot on the Billboard charts.
Then you have our good sis Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda," which spent 26 weeks at No.1 on the Billboard charts and perpetuates the image that appeals to mass audiences. Because of its success, this type of music will continue to be produced.
In that sense, liberal feminism supersedes the industry beliefs of radical feminism and its ability to sell. Sex sells, and songs about the collective do not.
Paras Griffin/Getty Images
The one-and-only Lauryn Hill's "Doo Wop (That Thing)," produced in 1998, was No. 1 on the Billboard charts for 22 weeks? The insanely talented and lyricist Missy Elliott still doesn't have a Billboard No.1 hit to this day, which is disheartening because of the impact she has had on hip-hop music, coming through with unmatched energy and bars as charismatic as any man or woman before or after her—yet it is not as valued collectively by music executives and society.
Where does the hip-hop industry allow women like Rapsody, Tierra Whack, Noname, Chika, and Little Simz the same opportunity to shine like most mainstream women artists that often project the homogeneous lens to thrive and compete in this highly ego-driven industry?
In many ways, we can't fully blame liberal women artists because they are trying to compete in a market that was never built for them, but the question is at what cost? Hip-hop scholars mentioned, "Many women have turned to claim or embrace their sexualities under the guise of true empowerment because they feel valued as a sexual object... But this liberal sexual empowerment, claiming the right to assert the individual agency to sexualize oneself, is only an illusion because the power given still comes from men and the male gaze."
And the biggest question of them all is why are most mainstream Black women artists light skin, bi-racial, or racially ambiguous, and the majority of the underground women rappers are dark skin women?
It's far from ironic that this is very much on script with the extensive history of colorism that affects Black women more than Black men in the music industry.
Colorism, Pretty Privilege And Body Positivity In Hip-Hop
Colorism to many ears may come off like a tiresome topic, but it's a very much-needed conversation in regards to dark skin Black women being misrepresented in the industry. And often, feelings of inadequacy crafted by colorist themes materialize in Black female rappers as well. Years ago, Lil' Kim spoke about her deep-rooted insecurities based on her complexion and body, leading to her extensive obsession with tons of cosmetic surgeries and skin bleaching.
Kim stated, "I have low self-esteem, and I always have. Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know, the long-hair type, really beautiful women that left me thinking, 'How can I compete with that?' Being a regular black girl wasn't good enough."
Lil' Kim's struggle with being a "regular Black girl," and the apparent rejection of her Blackness by Black men even before entering the rap industry shows that America's European standards of beauty produce a proclivity for light skin by men and a lack of self-confidence in Black women, as seen in Lil' Kim.
With these European standards of beauty palpable in every part of the media and pop culture, its presence in rap is not nonplus. However, rap could change this narrative of "light is right." That toxic mindset and pretty privilege often co-exist in the hip-hop industry, allowing many individuals instant success if they fit a certain aesthetic. An interesting exception was when Saweetie went viral after she dropped her single "Icy Girl" and Hot 97's Ebro Darden didn't perpetuate the same narrative during an interview in February 2018. He described her freestyle as "basic" and mentioned she needed to work harder to "impress" him.
Regardless of his commentary, the bar is very low for certain female rappers to have easy access to success over their peers based on complexion. The industry is not as much fixated on thought-provoking lyrics and their impact. When you add the layers of additional intersectional walks of sexuality, particularly darker shades of women, and fatphobia–there is an inevitable amount of trauma and rejection to work through.
Grammy-nominated artist Chika told The Root, "I am not the spokesperson for body positivity. I'm not the spokesperson for being dark-skinned. I'm not the spokesperson for having a nappy-ass dread head. I am none of those things. Stop asking me questions that you should figure out for yourself."
The reality is Black men aren't pressed because they are dark-skinned or wear their fades or cornrows, but Black women are often trolled for their Blackness, and the guidelines are incredibly rigid and overwhelming to maneuver through. It's like just being Black and a woman is a more significant problem.
When white women wear the same hairstyles and get the additional surgeries enhancements, it's edgy and glorified, but let a Black woman be herself, and it's a problem. In Lizzo and Cardi B's song "Rumors" the duo challenges stereotypes of their personal trauma of not ever feeling like they amount too much, Lizzo is tenaciously working through fatphobia commentary.
And Cardi B recently addressed rumors about her BBL and other surgeries to enhance her assets. The reality is, there have been underlying, deep-rooted issues in hip-hop that normalize the practice of artists suppressing their pain and insecurities.
This needs to be dismantled so Black women artists can have the space to not always feel like they need to take life-threatening measures for validation or to compete.
The Future For Black Women In Hip-Hop
The moral of the story: We need the balance of both worlds—radical and liberal feminism. There is room for both conversations to be had; everything does not revolve around sex, we can also make space to address the other hundreds of topics that we face as women. The market is currently too fixated on one area over another. And it continually takes away many opportunities from radical artists and leaves women questioning their integrity regarding showing more skin than they're comfortable with to be competitive in this market.
Some of the things women mainstream rappers can do to help shed light on rappers opposite of them is to seek them out and propose a collaboration. Whether it be a single, being an opener at their show, or just promoting their work to change the narrative of there being only one main type of women rapper in today's hip-hop.
The world may have found ways to commodify the sound, but there is power in unity and sculpting a new art form of hip-hop music.
Featured Image via Giphy
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Ajeé Buggam is a content writer and fashion designer from New York City and an alumna from the Fashion Institute of Technology. She specializes in writing about race, social injustice, relationships, feminism, entrepreneurship, and mental wellness. Check out her recent work at Notes To Self
Your April 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Softening Into Love & Speaking Your Truth
April is a month to slow down and to fully grasp what has been. The month starts in fiery Aries Season, but we are also in the thick of Retrograde Season as we begin the month as well. Thankfully, Mercury finally goes direct on April 7, after being retrograde mid-March, and communication matters are clearing up. This is a month of mental clarity, a fresh start, and not being afraid to dream a little bigger.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, and this Full Moon brings relationship and financial matters full circle. This is the time to let go of what doesn’t make you feel balanced or in harmony and to create space for more peace to enter your life. Venus goes direct in Pisces on the same day, after being retrograde since March 1, and love is healing. With Venus now direct, there are more opportunities for commitment and longevity in love, and there is overall a greater feeling of romance, receptivity, and compassion in the air now.
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
ARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
SCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Hmph. I know there has got to be at least three times a week when our grandparents will hear about something that folks present as being revolutionary that causes them to just roll their eyes, shrug their shoulders, and continue to go on with whatever they were doing. Listen, call it old-fashioned thinking if you want to but if you want to avoid a lot of unnecessary regret in this life, hang out with your elders (and actually listen to what they are saying) sometimes — they’ve already been where you are and, since when it comes to them, you can’t say the same, you just might get a few gems (in fact, I can almost guarantee it).
Take sobergasms, for instance. Oh, I’m willing to bet that a senior in your life has mentioned them, just in another way, before. If you’ve never heard of the term, it’s actually a pretty good one because it means just what you think it does: SOBER ORGASMS. And just to make sure that we all are on the same page, it’s sex — that hopefully includes orgasms — that involves very little to no alcohol.
I thought that it was important to address this term for a couple of different reasons. One is for the reason that is mentioned in the origin story of sobergasms that I will address in just a sec. Another is because…people who are in long-term committed relationships? I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless they both have some sort of substance abuse situation going on, most of them have sex some, if not most of the time, without alcohol (and certainly without drunkenness) being involved. Those who engage in casual/recreational sex, though? Well, I’ve got some stats included in this piece that will show you how much alcohol and copulation go hand in hand in a lot of those instances.
And although some studies say that casual sex (i.e., hook-up culture) isn’t quite as rampant as it was, even just a few years ago, at the same time, let’s not act like it isn’t still happening. Hell, every time we hop on social media, we see evidence (and sometimes fallout) of that. Plus, while many people are out here declaring that they don’t want or need marriage anymore (chile) — do you hear them saying that they feel the same way about sex?Yeah…exactly.
With all of this being said, let’s take a moment to look into what sobergasms are really all about and why, if you are sexually active and are not in anything serious, you should strongly consider having (more of) them.
The Origin Story of Sobergasms Is…
Aight, so here’s the backstory of sobergasms. Last year, right around the holiday season, the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney decided to partner up with an alcohol-free drink company (CleanCo) to create a mocktail (I will share the recipe in just a sec) — you know, a cocktail that doesn’t have any alcohol in it. They did it because their UK (where they are based) research revealed that people tend to drink almost 40 percent more during the holidays (in the US, Americans reportedly drink twice as much as they usually do around that time).
If you add to that the fact that Lovehoney conducted their own study which cited that 64 percent of participants have admitted to having sex while being intoxicated and yet only 20 percent said that they actually enjoyed it.
And that was the main motivation for why Lovehoney came up with sobergasms: it’s a way to encourage people to be more intentional about going without drinking (so much) so that they can engage in the kind of sex that they will actually find to be pleasurable; especially since their findings also discovered that only 29 percent of men and 11 percent of women have consistent orgasms when they are drunk compared to 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women who do when they are sober.
As I thought about all of this, I decided to go on my own fact-finding mission about alcohol and its relationship to sex. It helped me to come up with even more reasons to cosign on sobergasms — and I’m hoping that it will do the same thing for you.
Before I share 10 interesting stats, first, the recipe for the mocktail that Lovehoney and CleanCo came up with:
Sobergasm Clean Drink
25ml fresh lime juice
50ml CleanCo Clean T
1 tbsp fresh orange juice
1 tbsp hot honey
Sea salt, chili flakes, and lime for garnish
You can click here for thorough instructions on how to make it. Over on this side of the pond, we’re pretty big on mocktails ourselves and so, if you'd like to test out some other recipes, check out “10 Spring/Summer Cocktails (& Mocktails) That Your Vagina Will Truly Enjoy” and “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too.”
And while you’re pondering which mocktail you would actually like to try first, let’s get into some other reasons why oftentimes “less is best” when it comes to mixing sexual activity with alcohol consumption.
10 Stats to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Mixing Sex with Alcohol
When it comes to how many people partake in alcoholic beverages, Gallup cites that 65 percent of Americans who are over the age of 21 claim to do so. Out of those, the average amount of drinks that they consume on a weekly basis is around four. The preferred drink of choice? Wine (31-35 percent) with liquor being a close second (30 percent). Now factor all of this into your mind as you read the following information about alcohol and its relationship to sex:
1. One study revealed that almost 30 percent of participants were less safe when it came to their sexual decisions due to them having alcohol in their system.
2. About half of the sexual assaults that happen on college campuses involve alcohol whether it’s the perpetrator, the victim, or both.
3. Among college-aged women, when they are having sex while in a relationship, alcohol is involved 20 percent of the time. When it’s casual sex? Alcohol is involved 53 percent of the time (heavy drinking happened a whopping 36 percent of the time).
4. 42 percent of college students binge drink and 400,000 of them have sex without using a condom while consuming alcohol.
5.One study revealed that almost 72 percent of college students regretted their sexual decisions at least once. Out of the ones surveyed, almost 32 percent said that alcohol was involved when they did.
6.Of people aged 18-25, more individuals regretted having sex while having alcohol in their system than they did when it came to weed or ecstasy.
7. Women tend to participate in “non-traditional” sexual acts and masturbate more when they are intoxicated than when they are sober.
8. Although a small amount of alcohol in a woman’s system can arouse them sexually, high amounts will decrease it and can even make it harder for them to become naturally lubricated.
9. Alcohol increases the probability of having more sex partners for women.
10. Alcohol can make it more challenging for women to climax.
When you take all of this in, although I certainly appreciate how Lovehoney has brought to our attention that too much alcohol can make sex less physically pleasurable, as you can see, it can also make coitus more risky, potentially more dangerous and it can cause us to make some pretty unwise decisions, if we’re not careful as well.
And so honestly, this additional intel should further solidify why you should be uber cautious and super careful if you are going to bring alcohol into the picture when it comes to having sex with another person — again, especially if it’s recreational sex. Because even though intercourse, on average, lasts between 3-7 minutes (Google is right there), that small window of time can result in a lifetime of consequences that you may not wish to experience.
Besides, it’s not like sober sex doesn’t have its own benefits…
5 Benefits of Having Sex While You’re Completely Sober
You know what’s interesting about the word “sober”? It doesn’t just mean that you aren’t drunk; it also means that you are “rational,” “self-controlled” and “level-headed” — and yes, when you are about to have sex with someone who you aren’t in a serious, long-term or exclusive sexual relationship with, it’s best that you are all of these things. Because while alcohol can initially make you feel like sexual activity will be more fun, sober sex has the following five proven things to offer.
1. You can better trust your decisions. Recently, I watched a video of four women who taped and posted themselves driving drunk. Moments later, all of them were ejected from the vehicle that they were in and only one survived (and she is in critical condition). Imagine if they could go back in time and go without having alcohol in their system before getting in that vehicle. SMDH.
When it comes to today’s topic, no matter what pop culture tries to tell you, any act that can potentially result in you conceiving or contracting something that doesn’t have a cure is serious as all get out. That’s why, especially when it comes to casual sex, you want to make sure that you go into the act as level-headed as possible — and you can only really do that if/when you are sober.
2. You can clearly articulate your needs and expectations. We’ve all seen a movie (or personally know someone) where a woman got tipsy and wanted to do certain sexual things; however, as alcohol began to affect her system even more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go further or not. When you’re sober, it’s so much easier to articulate what you want/don’t want and what your expectations are. T
hat said, there are so many people who have sex-related regrets and a big part of the reason is because alcohol totally clouded their judgment and sometimes altered their thoughts and words. Definitely something to (always) keep in mind when it comes to consuming alcohol in the presence of others.
3. You’re more present. I also want to make sure that I touch on some of the things that prompted Lovehoney to come up with sobergasms in the first place. As far as the purely pleasurable side of sex goes, ask anyone who has a satisfying situation in their bedroom and I’m willing to bet that one thing that they will advise is to not overthink the experience and to remain in the moment.
When you’re intoxicated, your mind tends to be all over the place. When you’re sober-minded, it’s easier to remain focused.
4. Sex definitely tends to be more pleasurable. I’ve already shared with you that you are wetter and it’s easier for you to climax when you don’t have a lot of alcohol in your system. A part of the reason is that, since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it’s important to keep in mind that alcohol has a way of negatively affecting the communication pathways of your brain; when that happens, it can cause your moods to become erratic and you tend to become less coordinated too.
Not well-lubricated. Not climaxing. In a bad mood. Do those that sound like the keys to an awesome sexual experience? Right…absolutely not.
5. There is a lot less regret. Once you have sex with someone, you can’t take it back. That’s why it’s so important that you go into the act feeling like this is something that you really want to do (the person and the acts included); you significantly decrease the chances of you having this type of certainty when you’re not sober. And sexual regret can sometimes be one of the hardest things to get past.
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Sobergasms. Although there seem to be new terms that come up daily, one that I can definitely get behind is that. Because it encourages everyone to be sober-minded and sexually responsible in order to ultimately have a more fulfilling sexual experience.
And I will certainly raise a mocktail to that.
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