Women, especially Black women, can find it difficult to advocate for themselves at work. A lot of us were taught to be seen and not heard as children, and as adults, we've taken those mindsets into our work and personal lives. Sis, we're stopping that right now.
Taking a powerful approach of asserting the things you want and the things you need to be successful doesn't make you b**chy, entitled, or whatever else society will try to convince you. I decided to put my money where my mouth was and tried being more assertive at work for two weeks.
The lessons were hard, but here are a few major takeaways that will help you:
Emails are easy ways to practice without having to talk to someone.
Starting with emails was the easiest way to practice my hand at being more assertive. Women tend to use words such as "just" and "I think" a lot to cushion what it is that we're saying. I would write my emails out, and then read over it again and take out all the "fluffy" words I saw. Trust me, it was painful looking at that email two and three times, and it was extremely uncomfortable to read the email that was on the other end of those edits. But the more I read it, the more I realized that I hadn't said anything bad, dismissive, and rude. I had simply addressed what I needed to and left it at that.
If this is just TOO much for you, that's okay! Start off by going through your emails and removing the "I think"s out of your text. You don't need to convince anyone what you think, so just say it!
Speak up in meetings, check-ins, and anywhere else that lets you practice.
This was something that I challenged with the first week, mostly because I kept thinking, "What will people think if I speak up in this meeting or if I pose a new idea?" Then I started thinking, so what? I'm supposed to be in this meeting for a reason, and everyone else speaks up, so why shouldn't I? When I went to weekly sales meetings, I spoke up and vocalized what I thought we could do to increase proficiency and how that would support the company's bottom line. Sure enough, the fear of speaking out was more than the actual art of doing it.
When you speak up, speak up with some confidence. Don't shrink or hide behind the things that you want — if you have a certain opinion on something, or know something more effective that can help your business practices, do it and say it! Who knows, maybe that promotion you've been looking at, or that new responsibility you want to take on, is simply on the other side of fear. Just remember: Even when you're assertive, you can (and should) still be nice.
Celebrate your wins, yes, out loud!
If you have an office atmosphere where you may do a weekly email thread that celebrates accomplishments, or even a group channel that lets everyone lightly toot their own horn, toot yours! If your manager, your coworkers, or someone else calls out something amazing you've done, accept and receive their compliments. You've earned it.
After a successful workweek with a personal accomplishment under the belt, I started an email thread amongst a few coworkers, sharing this cool new thing I had learned. Immediately, other coworkers started sharing their personal stories and accomplishments of the week, and everyone was bouncing off accomplishment after accomplishment!
When you step out and take a leading role, you set others up to do the same! So go on and give it a try, you may just become better at being assertive than you thought.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
