So, it basically goes without saying that we are living in a new day—in the absolute best way. The liberation of basic racial equality has welcomed itself into our homes and told everyone that they live with us now (word to Christopher Columbus).
Additionally, with companies in such a rush to suddenly scream "Black Lives Matter", without monetary compensation or legislative outreach, lately we find ourselves side-eyeing major brands, being more intentional with how we spend our very valuable black dollar, and asking: yeah, that's cute, but what does your board look like?
In 2018, Black women gained just 13 seats of the 1,222 seats at the Fortune 100 table (32 were gained at Fortune 500 companies). And although this is a historical high, we undoubtedly have an extremely long way to go. Despite it all, sitting on the Board of Directors is a major accomplishment, so we're here to highlight a few women making their mark by doing just that.
Here are 10 pioneering women who are packing up their melanin, and pulling up to the C-Suite:
1.Susan Rice | Netflix
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Ambassador Susan Rice's resume comes stacked with foreign and political accolades that stretches from the east coast to the west coast. She served on President Barack Obama's Cabinet as the U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, and as a national security advisor prior to being appointed as a Board Member with Netflix. Rice is even up for consideration as a VP candidate for Joe Biden's upcoming election.
Cousin to former US Secretary of State, Condeleezza Rice, Susan has received more than 50 major awards for her work in expanding opportunity and advancing multi-racial democracy.
In other words, sis does not play.
Expect to hear more about her impressive background as she comes to the forefront. You can also learn more about her on her social media accounts, where she often shows off her work and beautiful family.
2.Ursula Burns | Uber
Ursula Burns is the first black woman CEO of a Fortune 500 company (Xerox), where she sat from 2010 to 2016. I'll say that again since it's 2020 and whatnot: Ursula Burns is the first black woman CEO of a Fortune 500 company. The first black woman CEO.
With Xerox, she managed to transform its business model and generate $18 billion in revenue. Again, I said billion.
Recently, Burns made headlines when she went on CNBC's Closing Bell and stated, "I'm part of the 1%, and I still worry when I'm approached by a police person." And to back it up, she has publicly called on other companies to diversify their portfolios, something that she is willingly taking head-on.
"Before you even look at the companies, look at the boards. Most of the boards still have zero or one African-American on board, and I think pressure in that area, can help to speed up progress and transitions for companies."
Whew, Ursula Burns ladies and gentlemen.
3.Edith Cooper | Etsy, Slack
Edith Cooper served as a Capital Management Head for Goldman Sach's for over 20 years before retiring and joining Esty and Slack's Board of Directors. She was named in Black Enterprise's 2017 "300 Most Powerful Executives in Corporate America" list, and was recognized by Crain's New York Business as one of the "Most Powerful Women", among many other awards and honors that would take days for me to list. So, it goes without saying that Ms. Edith is a chief in her own right.
According to her Linkedin profile, Cooper now acts as a co-founder of Medley, which is described as an organization that "harnesses the power of small groups to help people grow."
She credits her family life for making her more focused in life and at work, enhancing her ability to identify ideas and opportunities with impact. And what's even more inspiring about her representation, is she's not afraid to show up to her headshots with a killer twist out.
Queen.
4.Linda Johnson Rice | Grubhub
Queen Linda is the former CEO of EBONY and Jet—a position she resigned from last year. Since joining Grubhub in 2016, she has also served on the board of directors of Tesla, Inc. and Kimberly-Clark Corporation, so if there's one thing she knows about, it's a boardroom.
Rice now resides in Chicago, where she also is a Trustee at the Art Institute of Chicago, President of the Chicago Public Library board of directors, a founding member of the Council of the National Museum of African American History and Culture, and a founding member of the Adweek Diversity & Inclusion Council, Northwestern Memorial Corporation and much more.
#inspiring
5.Serena Williams | Poshmark, Survey Monkey
Jan Zahradka / Shutterstock.com
There's not much more that needs to be said about the greatest athlete of all time, but here's Serena Williams.
As if dominating an entire sport, while simultaneously being a loving wife and mother isn't enough, Serena also manages to sit on not one, but two boards: Survey Monkey (a market research software platform which she joined in 2017) and Poshmark (a consignment apparel reselling company which she joined in 2019).
And I could literally go on and on for hours about how amazing both her and her sister, Venus, are (Venus also sits on the board of Zeel)—but I mean, you guys know.
Additionally, in 2014, Williams launched, Serena Ventures, a venture capitalist company focusing on start-ups, to continue to build and provide opportunities to businesses—with some companies in her profile including The Wing, Daily Harvest, and Olly.
Expect to see even more monumental and superstar-caliber moves across the board from this giant.
6.Rosalind G. Brewer | Amazon
Rosalind Brewer is the current COO of Starbucks, and former President and CEO of Sam's Club. She is the first black person to both of those positions at each of those companies. Brewer also chairs the board of trustees at Spelman College, a prominent HBCU.
Most impressively, Brewer has been listed as the "57th Most Powerful Woman In The World" by Forbes, a title she has been given numerous times by the publication.
A bar that she has set at an airplane altitude.
7.Peggy Alford | Facebook
Like so many before her, Peggy is the first black woman to join her board and the second black person in Facebook's history behind Kenneth Chenault, the CEO of AMEX.
The self-proclaimed "unapologetically reserved" titan had gotten her start at eBay, after they acquired Rent.com and asked her to be CFO. Alford is currently an SVP of Global Sales at Paypal, with no plans of slowing down any time soon.
Outside of her resume, you can find her happily being a mom to her three boys, who she adores most and she credits to keeping her balanced.
8.Robin Washington | Salesforce.com, Honeywell, Alphabet Inc.
Robin Washington is a superhuman within her own right. As the former Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer of Gilead Sciences Inc., Washington has managed to become the only black woman on Salesforce's board, and one of the only two African-Americans—the other being Colin Powell.
And since her professional retirement in 2018, Washington has pivoted her career to include being a professional board member by also joining Honeywell and Alphabet Inc. (parent company of Google).
She has been named Financial Woman of the Year by peer organizations in Silicon Valley, continued to be a commodity in business and finance operations, and continuously provides strategic oversight in investor relations.
In other words, she is corporate royalty.
9.Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala | Twitter, Gavi, African Risk Capacity
And speaking of royalty, in walks the phenom Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. She's a Nigerian-born economist, specializing in international development. She joined Twitter's board upon Debra Lee's departure—directly appointed—and as the former Managing Director at World Bank, Okonjo-Iweala has somehow managed to fly under the radar of being a black woman you need to know.
But to put it blatantly, get to know her work. She is a major contributor to societal evolution and the merging of Black America to Nigeria, as well as other African countries. Per Forbes, she is the first woman to be the finance minister and the foreign minister of the West African country with a GDP of $502 billion.
In other words, a board is the least of her accomplishments.
Diaspora gap shrinkage, we see you!
10. Debra Lee | Marriott, AT&T
Jamie Lamor Thompson / Shutterstock.com
Debra Lee, Debra Lee.
This BET Networks constructor, who single-handedly took on the job of cleaning up and welcoming so many African-American programs into the forefront, is responsible for the careers and history-making moments of some of our favorite artists. She retired in 2018, after 13 years at the head of the table but sis is very much so still making her mark.
She has since joined both Marriott and AT&T's Board after retiring from Twitter's in 2019.
"When you have diverse people on your board, people are going to hold you accountable. Once you have one person in the room or a couple of people, you can hold the company's feet to the fire. I'm not going to sit in a boardroom, where I'm the only black woman, and not ask why there isn't another black woman, or why there aren't other people of color."
And to prove how much she backs up what she says, when she resigned from Twitter's board, she demanded her replacement be a black woman, which turned out to be Nigerian businesswoman, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala (also listed in this article).
Lee has recently hinted in possibly launching a tech fund for women of color, so stay tuned for what (and who) she is bringing to her table.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
____
It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
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