When we speak about certain personal goals, sometimes we don't fully have the expectation that they'll happen sooner rather than later.
Instead, we set goals and allow the Universe to manifest the work we put behind them. For my husband and I, our goal was not to have a baby within our first year of marriage. But, here we are, 36 weeks in our pregnancy, and absolutely loving the journey!
He and I talked about children on our first date, so we knew we were in the same boat with having children…eventually! We got married this past year in May and the original goal was for me to accompany him to China, as he was about to embark on his newest contract as an American Football Coach. I had been teaching high school English in Cairo, Egypt where he and I met and this would be the first time I would not work in 15 years (I'm 30 btw).
So, in the conversation of having children, we agreed on waiting a year “or so", while getting accustomed to traveling together with each new contract and giving me the time and space to start my own business.
Somewhere in the mix, we had enjoyed our “newlywed" status a bit too vigorously.
I remember Mother Nature meeting me a few weeks after he and I got married and then she came no more. I had never missed a cycle and knew that my body had not been playing tricks on me.
And it also helped that the two pregnancy tests that I got from Target popped up two blue lines within seconds. When I told my husband, he was ecstatic. Although planning to have kids was something he and I planned for our future, we were both mentally prepared to be parents in the present as well.
As the time approached to leave for China, I was often flooded with questions and concerns for my health abroad.
People couldn't fathom the idea that I would accompany my husband on a six-city tour in China, while this new life continuously grew and molded itself inside of me. I had friends and family try to convince me to stay in The States, so that I could keep my doctor and be around family and just be on what they considered the “safe side". But, I was going to China with no hesitations.
The decision was mainly because pregnancy was a journey that my husband and I were going to embark on together, much like going to China. We were partners in this venture and I wanted my husband to be around for the first of everything, as this would be both of our first experiences with having a baby.
My husband left out for China a week ahead of me, which left me to fly into the country solo. I had never had a fear of traveling solo because that had been a hobby of mine prior to he and I ever meeting. I flew into Beijing, China in my second trimester at 17 weeks. I had been warned by my husband that the smog level in Beijing was very high and he had equipped me with a face mask for the moments I would be leaving our hotel.
Each week, we traveled to a different city in China, each time I had to fly solo, as the league my husband was employed by purchased all of the tickets in advance for players, staff, and executives – no wives included.
I found myself enjoying the adventures of growing life and maneuvering through domestic airports where “toilet" and “exit" were about the only words in English that were not foreign to me. Tedious, at times, but overall travel gave me a boost of excitement. After Beijing, we traveled to Dalian, China and, as the tour progressed, we ended with six cities that we had explored within a six-week period.
After Dalian, we went to Qingdao, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, and lastly, Shanghai. In those six weeks, I saw the doctor, got my blood drawn, urinalysis, tests, an ultrasound, and all was good with the world. Baby and I both were healthy, even though people tried their hardest to keep me off my feet or from doing anything for myself. We were going to explore as much as his schedule allowed.
I walked a lot and stayed pretty active in China, but as the season came to its end, my husband and I were looking forward to a nice vacation (babymoon) in Thailand. Yup, we were off to another destination. He and I knew that the season would take a lot out of him and we both planned that by this time, we weren't going straight back to The States.
We spent a month in Pattaya, Thailand where we got the most of soaking up the sun, swimming, cheap massages, cheap food, and temple exploration. We also rented a motorbike, that I hopped on readily and some jet skis that I also jumped on the back of with no hesitations. And just for kicks, we flew over to Bangkok a few days before heading out to enjoy what the city had to offer.
The wildest part was as we had enjoyed our vacation, we still didn't have a clue where we were going to be having the baby. I, for my own reasons, had been adamant about not having the baby in The States. Hubby seconded my emotions, however, had two new contracts on the table – one of which was in the states. As we made our way back to the U.S. post-vacation, the Universe had undoubtedly been on our side and we would be having our baby in (drumroll) POLAND! Yes, in Poland.
As nomads, we get up and go.
Onto new destinations, in search of adventure, life, and peace of mind. My husband's career allots the opportunity for us to be in a different country frequently, but only for a few months and then it's onto the next one. As his wife, that's what I had signed up for. My decision to travel while being pregnant stemmed from the notion that traveling provides me a euphoria that could only be a constant release of oxytocin.
For women who have had children and those yet to bear, know that being in your best self and being of a clear, positive mind cultivates an awesome environment for the one you bear in your womb. If I was a celebrity, I'd probably name my child "Zen" because ever since finding out we were pregnant, I vowed that this child would be cultivated and born in that type of atmosphere. Although people have had their concerns, had I listened to others' fears, I don't believe my pregnancy would have been the positive experience that I needed it to be.
So, here we are in Poland at 36 weeks, prepared to bring this new life in the world. Of course, we are making a quick trip to Berlin, Germany as a last adventure before I'm nestled in the house. This is a true testament that pregnancy doesn't have to be done any one specific way. As a pregnant woman, you don't have to be a stereotype or stuck based on the fears and/or standards of others. Life is meant to be lived, for your baby and for YOU.
Granted, not everyone will be able to tell this particular story, but do things in your pregnancy that make YOU happy and allow YOU to feel your best. Just as people find it important to go to a million doctor's appointments or take prenatals, it is just as important to find environments in which you feel you can thrive and be happy.
Go see a movie and a have a nice dinner. Have a girls' night with some friends. Meditate. Travel.
Pregnancy isn't a handicap and we can undoubtedly live life on our terms when bringing another life into the world.
Have you been pregnant or are you currently pregnant? Is there anything that you would do or are doing to get yo' life while you prepare to give life? Let me know in the comments below!
Imani Bashir is a writer, wife, and soon-to-be mother who spent five years as a Sports Broadcaster before a sporadic move to Egypt where she taught English Literature. Imani does not look to stereotypes to dictate her fate and lives by the narrative, "Women everywhere, can be anything they choose!" Follow her journey on IG @SheIsAbroad_ & Snapchat @SheIsImani.
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Check out the following 15 things that you can do (five per category), beauty-wise, to embrace all that spring has in store — things that will have you out here looking even more radiant than you already do!
Hair
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1. Clarify your hair. Sweat, dead skin cells, product build-up, minerals in your water, excessive sebum, whatever falls into your hair when you’re outdoors (like pollen) — all of these things play a significant role in why it’s important to clarify your hair from time to time and clarifying is simply about using things that will help to get rid of the residue that’s on your strands. Clarifying is actually why I don’t cosign with people who say that you should NEVER use sulfate shampoos; I just believe that you should ONLY use them to clarify your locks (so long as they aren’t too harsh on your hair).
So, what are some signs that your hair needs clarifying?
If your hair feels oily or sticky; if it’s hard for it to hold a style; if your scalp is itchy or irritated; if you notice that your hair is shedding more than it should (which is 50-100 strands a day); if your hair is dull and/or (bonus) if you are about to color-treat your hair (because build-up will make it difficult for the color to “take”). You can clarify your tresses with a clarifying shampoo (check out a list here). Or, if you’d prefer to take the all-natural route, apple cider vinegar, baking soda, bentonite clay, and even Aloe vera are awesome options (click on each of the words to learn why and how to apply them in this way).
2. Exfoliate your scalp. Honestly, the main way that I know it is time for me to wash my hair is when my scalp tells me so. When it’s itchy and/or flaking, that’s my cue. Oftentimes, what I will do is either provide my scalp with a good rinse (I really like TPH BY TARAJI Master Cleanse Scalp Treatment) or a scalp exfoliant. That’s because, just like your hair can experience residue, your scalp can as well (especially when it comes to dead skin cells and product build-up). Plus, a scalp that isn’t exfoliated can end up having clogged hair follicles which can ultimately mess with your hair growth.
If you want to go the exfoliant route, there are scalp scrubs that you can buy. You can also crush some aspirin up, add a bit of water to it, and rub it on your scalp, create a brown sugar and oatmeal scalp scrub or you can check out some other recipes here.
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3. Address those ends. It can’t be said enough that, if you’re trying to grow out your hair, it doesn’t matter how much you take care of the roots of your hair if you’re neglecting your ends in the process. In fact, a huge part of the reason why a lot of people don’t end up reaching their hair (length) goals is because their locks end up breaking off just about as fast as their hair grows from their scalp. One way to avoid this from happening is to “baby” the entire mess out of your ends — and y’all, a product that I’ve been using that helps me to do this oh so very well is Amika Starfruit Oil. Listen, stuff that has worked for me personally, I do my best to shout-out and this product right here? It’s the truth! It’s a lightweight oil that feels kind of like a serum that really does create shine, lessen frizz and help to make your hair feel so much stronger — including your ends. Now, it ain’t cheap; still, a little bit goes a long way which makes it worth the expense (at least it does to me). Anyway, whether it’s getting a trim, dusting your ends (removing split ends and fairy knots on your own) or just giving your ends some much needed TLC, this would be the time to do it…especially so.
4. Toss out expired hair products. Be honest with me and yourself — you know you’ve got some hair products that should’ve gone on to glory a long time ago, simply because the lettering is faded and/or you really can’t remember when you purchased it (check out “Resolving To Kick Your Product Junkie Habit? Here's Your Game Plan For 2024.”). I’ll be real with you, unfortunately, most hair products don’t come with an expiration date; however, a good rule of thumb to follow is if your products change color, smell, or texture, it’s probably time to toss ‘em out.
And when it comes to shampoos and conditioners specifically, many experts say that around six months is when it’s time to get some new stuff. Oh and also, please wash your brushes, combs and clean out the teeth of your hair dryers, and thoroughly wipe off your flat irons. You’d be amazed how much gunk can get caught up in all of those things. #yuck
5. Replenish your collection with lighter water-based ones. Since warmer weather tends to lead to hair that has more oil and residue than during the cooler months, if you’re going to buy some new hair products make sure that they contain less oils and butters and more water instead. The reason why is because the last thing that you want is for it to be a nice spring-like day with the wind blowing and yet your hair doesn’t move one bit because it’s so weighed down by all of your hair products. If you’d like a few recommendations of what to get for this season, check out BuzzFeed’s “27 Products That’ll Take Your Hair From Winter Drab To Spring Fab.”
Skin
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1. Get a professional facial. It’s pretty common that, as it heats up outside, you may want to wear less make-up — at least during the daytime hours because between the sweat and everything? It can just be easier to take the “less is more” approach. If that is exactly how you roll (or you do like make-up and you would like for it to go on more smoothly), consider getting a professional facial as soon as possible. I’m good for getting a back facial at the turn of every season and there is nothing like having a professional esthetician get all up in your skin and treat issues in ways that you simply can’t (because you haven’t been trained to).
When it comes to your face, professional facials are bomb because they can deeply cleanse, exfoliate, hydrate, improve the texture, and treat trouble areas all at the same time. I promise you, after getting a facial from someone who really knows what they are doing, your skin will glow on a completely different level!
2. Clean all of your make-up tools. Chile, guess how often the average American changes their sheets (SMDH): every 24 days…that’s damn near once a month. Now guess how often you’re supposed to do it: no less than once a week and actually every 2-4 days if you have pets or allergies. If most folks aren’t doing this, I can only imagine how few are cleaning their makeup brushes, etc. And how often should you do that? Every 7-10 days (more often than that, if you can). And although you shouldn’t wait for spring to do this, this is just a reminder to set aside a day to clean everything at once.
For tips on how to properly clean your brushes, check out the YouTube channel ItsMyRayeRaye’s post here. Tips on how to clean cosmetic sponges? Roxslayofficial’s page can help you out here. And if you tend to put your brushes and sponges in a drawer in your bathroom, invest in a nice vase for your brushes or something like a magnetic brush organizer. As far as your sponges go, a cute soap dish that has holes in it or an egg case will work.
3. Look for skincare products that contain antioxidants and ceramides. Since there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll be out in the sun more often, you need to make sure that your skin is protected from the damage that free radicals, air pollution, and UV rays can do. One way to do this is by looking for skincare products that are packed with antioxidants. Ones that immediately come to mind include vitamin C extract, and vitamin E oil as well as products that have niacinamide (vitamin B6) and polyphenols listed on the label.
Something else to look for is skin products that contain ceramides;they are lipids that easily makeup 50 percent of the outer layer of your skin. When you apply skincare items that contain them, those ceramides help to hydrate your skin, protect the barrier, and slow down the signs of aging. I use ceramides on my neck at night and baby, no regrets. Not a damn one.
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4. Go without make-up more often. Whenever someone tells me that I don’t look my age, I thank genetics and the fact that I didn’t start wearing make-up (other than mascara and lipstick which is pretty much how I get down now) until I was well into my 20s. There is no way around the fact that prolonged cosmetic use (especially when it comes to certain ingredients), yes, can speed up the aging process of your skin. It can also lead to breakouts; cause your pores to appear larger than they actually are; throw off the pH balance of your skin; create the appearance of fine lines, and it can weaken your skin’s barrier. That’s why it’s a good idea to give your skin a break by going make-up-free sometimes.
Since spring cleaning is the theme, focus more on skincare than cosmetics so that, by the time the summer season arises, if you go swimming, you don’t have to worry about going au naturel because your natural skin will be so on-point on its own (check out “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.,” “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday” and “These 12 Things Will Make Your Skin Glow All Of The Time” for some prepping tips).
5. Don’t forget about sunscreen. BLACK WOMEN NEED SUNSCREEN — and yes, I am yelling it because I know far too many of us who were told that because our skin is so beautifully melanated, sunscreen isn’t really necessary. The lies you tell. Problem is, when you read articles like Healthline’s “The Sunscreen Gap: Do Black People Need Sunscreen?” you’ll notice that — surprise, surprise, and totally insert my sarcasm here — some medical professionals don’t emphasize the importance of us using sunscreen which causes some of us not to prioritize it.
However, the reality is that UV rays can damage our skin just like anyone else's, not to mention that sun drama can also lead to things like hyperpigmentation. So, if you’ve never used sunscreen before, make this the year that you absolutely do. Some of the best sunscreens for our skin are located here, here, and here.
Nails
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1. Opt for a shorter length. Not to brag but I actually have some really pretty hands and nails. That’s why, before the pandemic, I was in the nail shop all of the time; however, once we went into lockdown, I decided to keep my nails low and I haven’t really grown them out since. Something about watching all of those videos about how many germs get trapped up in there just creeped me out, chile.
Anyway, since it’s spring and you’ll be outdoors, pollen is flying everywhere and you may be doing things (like outdoor sports) that require you to use your hands in a more active way if your nails are currently on the longer side right now, you might want to go with a shorter length. Not only is it hygienic and practical, from what I’ve seen (here, here, and here), but it’s shorter nails that are also trending right through here too.
2. Do a deep hand and foot soak. While certain — cough, cough — folks are out here debating about how often you should wash your feet (the things that have tons of sweat glands and literally spend most of their time on the floor or ground), I’m encouraging you to go above and beyond and do some regular foot (and hand) soaking. They’re relaxing. They exfoliate your skin. They can also help to deeply hydrate your skin. They increase blood circulation. They also help your hands and feet to look youthful for a longer period of time.
Although there are a variety of different hand (here) and foot (here) recipes to choose from, one of my faves is to soak in an herbal tea blend — one that also has some Epsom salt and coconut milk in it. Chamomile tea can help to soothe you. Sage contains medicinal properties. Hibiscus can help to even out your skin tone. Epsom salt is great because it also helps to exfoliate and hydrate. Coconut milk is awesome because it deeply moisturizes, stimulates the production of collagen and it also exfoliates too. Soaking your hands and feet for about 30-45 minutes can make your skin’s texture feel totally different. Try it and see!
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3. Pamper your cuticles with an essential oil blend. The base of your fingernails and toenails is your nail bed and right underneath those are your cuticles; the purpose of your cuticles is to keep bacteria from infecting your new nails as they grow out from your nail bed. Honestly, it wasn’t until I started getting hangnails that I started to pay my cuticles some real attention (in between professional manicures). I was getting them because my cuticles were dry which means that I was neglecting them. Now, I’m on top of that because hangnails are ANNOYING (and sometimes even painful).
I care for my cuticles by keeping my cuticles trimmed, pushing them back and making sure that they are well moisturized. Although there are cuticle creams that you can buy, I prefer to apply a blend of tea tree oil (it kills bacteria and fungus), geranium oil (it has astringent and anti-inflammatory properties), and avocado oil which deeply moisturizes. It makes my cuticles feel and look great.
4. Go without polish for a while. Listen, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna do, it’s get a pedicure — usually twice a month. I’m so serious about it that, even the day that my house literally blew up a few years ago (check out “My House Burned Up. Three Days Before Christmas. What It Taught Me.”), after I assessed the damage (95 percent of my stuff was gone) and talked to the fire marshal about what caused it (my HVAC), I went on to my nail appointment (dead serious). Polished toes always make me feel better and you can’t steal my joy. That’s why I hate it when my nail tech will tell me that it’s time to take a polish break sometimes.
Still, I heed the advice because, when your fingernails and toenails aren’t given the opportunity to breathe, that can lead to fungal and bacterial growth, weaker nails, dry nails, permanently stained nails, and all sorts of other drama. Ideally, since your toenails especially are covered up more in the fall and winter months, that would be the most ideal time to follow through with this particular suggestion. If you didn’t do that, though. Give your nails a month or so without any polish over the next few weeks. It might feel rough at first but it’s worth it in the long run.
5. Return to polish with lighter hues. When it comes to nail polish hues, I tend to lean into the darker ones. Spring isn’t really the time for that, though. Yeah, if ever there is a time to go with some Easter egg colors, the spring season would be it. And as far as spring color trends for this year go, you’re super stylish if you go with light neutrals, bright green, or pearly shades — or you can get super creative via InStyle’s “20 April Nail Ideas to Freshen Up Your Manicure.”
And speaking of polish (and spring cleaning), I’m pretty sure you’ve got some old bottles that need to go. For the most part, their shelf life is between 12-24 months. If it’s been longer than that, let them babies go. It’s spring. Time for new things, sis. NEW THINGS!
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