While it’s become popular to ask the question, "Why do people like Beyoncé’s music?" I’ve always wondered why some people don’t. With a catalog nearly 30 years deep, a distinctive voice so exquisitely mastered that it is as fluid as it is dextrous, a master of mystique and musical reinvention, countless awards for her craft, and the uncanny ability to surprise and awe, the reason behind her longevity in her decades-spanning career should be obvious.
When I think about Beyoncé and her music, there’s no question that she is the reigning Queen of Pop (if you disagree, argue wit yo mama). However, for me, and other Beyoncé fans alike, the love for the icon’s music goes far beyond that title, the accolades, and the global reach it brings. It’s the passion, the relentless drive that undercuts her strive to push past previous iterations of herself as an artist, her dedication to curating classic bodies of work that rival meme-able earworms on today’s music charts, and the “That Girl” energy she can’t help but emit in everything she touches.
I don’t care what anyone says, there is an innate confidence that washes over you the instant you play a Beyoncé song.
Whether you’re channeling your female rage ("Don't Hurt Yourself"), celebrating the unapologetic love of your Blackness ("BLACK PARADE"), kissing the scars from a cruel world that sought to turn you cold ("MY POWER"), twerking just because ("ENERGY"), making love to the person in your world who makes you see stars ("Rocket"), conveying the love you have as a mother to your daughter ("PROTECTOR"), learning to forgive who you once were in the face of love ("Resentment"), or you just want to feel yourself ("Diva") - Beyoncé has quite literally has a song to bless your eardrums and your spirit with.
No matter the track, you feel her and whatever the vocalist is trying to convey. Full stop. Even if her sonic explorations into the forays of country, Afrobeats, disco, house, trap, pop, and R&B still have you puzzled about why girls love Beyoncé, put some respect on her name today and every day.
In honor of Beyoncé Giselle Knowles Carter’s 43rd lap around the sun, some members of the xoNecole team take a beat to show love to a woman whose love for music has touched something within us all.
An introduction to Bey:
"I was in my early teens when I knew I loved Destiny's Child, but my favorites back then were LeToya (Luckett) and Kelly (Rowland). I could relate to their unique style and sassiness the most at that age. (I had the Kelly haircut back then and rocked it to my prom). After Beyoncé went solo in 2003, it wasn't until the Dangerously in Love album that I'd truly fall in love with her voice and artistry. I had the CD and played it until it would skip due to the scratches from it being on repeat too much.
"The cover reminded me of one of my favorite icons, Diana Ross, and when it debuted, that was a time of heartbreak for me. I really needed songs like 'Me, Myself and I,' 'Gift From Virgo,' and 'Signs' (with one of my all-time faves, Missy Elliott). The harmonies, the riffs, and the videos were everything. It's still my favorite album of hers to date."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"For me, Beyoncé's musical journey represents an empowered one of progression and self-actualization. I've been around since the days of Girls Tyme, so I saw her go from kiddie on the come-up, to playing the background with that big voice as part of Destiny's Child, to the powerhouse actress, entrepreneur, culture-shifter, mom, and global iconic brand she is today. She has really unapologetically grown into her womanhood and unique God-given purpose---both via the music and in the bits of her personal life she shares---right in front of us.
"She seems to be savvy in owning her narrative and not letting anybody tell her who she is, even as a multimillion-dollar brand with a lot at stake. That's revolutionary. I like that she uses her celebrity to do good---though it can get a bit contentious and dangerous due to the machine that is the superfan element among her fan base. Overall, for me, she represents what can be manifested through resilient hard work, full expression and development of self, strategy, and Black excellence."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "Drunk in Love"
"Drunk In Love," from Beyoncé:
"In mid-December 2013, Beyoncé surprised everyone with a striking and provocative social media marketing campaign for the album. The campaign was ahead of its time and has become a 'norm' nowadays, but she and her team were pioneers, of sorts. My 'drunk in love' early-January birthday weekend the following year included a beach, a few casinos, and more than a few wild public 'surfboard' nights with my guy at the time, a Brooklyn dude who I still chuckle about whenever I hear the song today.
"The DJs were still playing it on repeat around that time, and the song would shut the clubs down, especially if you'd had one too many glasses of Nuvo (remember that pink sparkling liqueur?! Ha!), D'usse, Dom, or that Hpnotiq-Henny combo. There are probably many saucy-sex babies conceived off of this song."
2. "BREAK MY SOUL"
"Break My Soul" from Renaissance:
"I adore that this powerfully liberating song features Big Freedia and a bounce culture I've loved for years. I also love the empowering lyrics, especially in these post-pandemic days where it just seems like everyone is stressed out, embracing doom mentalities, and forgetting that life is indeed a privilege and we should be empowered by that God-given privilege to take charge of our own joy, build our own tables, and go for our dreams in a way that is radically courageous and hopeful.
"She sings, 'I'm looking for motivation, and I'm on that new vibration. I'm building my own foundation,' while Big Freedia repeats 'Release ya anger, release ya mind... release ya love, forget the rest.'"
3. "Me, Myself and I"
"Me, Myself and I" from Dangerously in Love:
"I'd always lean on this song in hard times, especially when I felt very alone. I'd replace the word 'I' with 'God' and it really got me through some dark times in my life. The simple but self-affirming lyrics and her bold voice on this track make it an all-time winner for me that's timeless."
THE Beyoncé that changed everything:
"B'Day, her second solo album, is a soundtrack of life-changing memories for me. It was released the summer of 2006, and at that time, I'd just officially moved to New York full-time to advance my career after working at a small New York Times Co. publication in the South. I'd moved to New York with only my car and clothes and didn't really have a confirmed job at the time. A former friend's mom let me sleep on a blow-up bed in a tiny guest room that she was using for storage at the time, and by God's grace and the recommendations of a mentor, I actually landed a job at The New York Times shortly after.
"I started making a nice amount of money after that and would blow it on bottle service, parking tickets, and clothes! Ha! It was an exciting time both for New York entertainment and media culture, and for my personal life as a 20-something living and working there. That whole album features songs associated with my first New York City job, spending many of my after-work hours at rooftop parties, industry events, on dates in bars and over-indulging in VIP sections at Meatpacking District clubs, my first big-girl post-college situationships, my relocations all over New York (from the Bronx to Harlem, and finally to Brooklyn), and the new groups of friends I made that were a mix of born-and-raised New Yorkers and transplants."
What Beyoncé's journey has taught her:
"I think that Beyoncé's journey just inspires me to keep taking every day, one by one, to thrive in my lane, to unapologetically hold dear things private, and to mature more into fulfilling God's purpose for my adult life. I think her journey---the bit that she has shown us publicly--is simply empowerment in using whatever talent you have to fulfill the ultimate parameters of purpose in whatever multifaceted ways you can. Live life with boldness and purpose."
Chantal Gainous
Client Services & Campaign Manager, xoNecole
An introduction to Bey:
"I was definitely there from the start. Destiny's Child's 'Survivor' running on MTV/VH1 every morning before school was definitely a huge moment for me. It was 6 a.m. and I was trying to nail down those moves! She was 'that girl' then and she's still 'that girl' now."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"It's a direct result of hard work. Every body of work she has gifted us with is laced with inspiration and motivation. Whenever I'm trying to hype myself up - I think of what Beyoncé album could get me there."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "Smash Into You"
"Smash Into You" from I Am... Sasha Fierce:
"We still don't give I Am... Sasha Fierce enough credit!"
2. "Upgrade U"
"Upgrade U" from B'Day:
"A classic!"
3. "ALIEN SUPERSTAR"
"ALIEN SUPERSTAR" from Renaissance:
"THE ONLY ONE!"
"It would have to be Beyoncé self-titled [Beyoncé]. I always find myself going back to that album - it motivated me to get work done, it's helped pick me off the floor when I'm in a puddle of tears, I sing it with my girlfriends - there's a song for every moment of life on that album."
What Beyoncé's journey has taught her:
"Never think there isn't a new part of yourself you can't explore."
London Whitson
Contributing Editor, xoNecole
Her introduction to Bey:
"I was first introduced to Beyoncé when she was in Destiny's Child. My first memory of her was through their song 'No, No, No Pt. 2,' which I would listen to all the time."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"Beyoncé is such a powerful figure in music and also as a woman. She is a great representation of everything we can be: powerful, sexy, beautiful, smart, creative, and more."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "Drunk in Love"
"Drunk in Love," from Beyoncé:
"'Drunk in Love' is such a fun, sexy song and arguably one of her best songs."
2. "I Care"
"I Care," from 4:
"'I Care,' especially the Homecoming: The Live version is such a beautiful and emotional song that always gives me all the feels."
3. "Dangerously in Love 2"
"Dangerously in Love 2" from Dangerously in Love:
"'Dangerously in Love 2'" is a Beyoncé classic, so I had to include it."
THE Beyoncé album that changed everything:
"I will have to say B'Day was the album that did it for me. I've always felt like that era was quintessential Beyoncé, and it was the soundtrack to my 10th grade."
What Beyonce's journey has taught her:
"A lesson I've learned from Beyoncé is that we are unstoppable, limitless, and can create all that we can imagine."
An introduction to Bey:
"Definitely Destiny's Child. From the vocals to her center position to the signature blonde hair, I was just entranced with her from minute one. The first album I ever heard by them was The Writing's on the Wall and I was a fan from that point on. As kids in summer camp, my friends and I even did a performance where we created choreography for 'Say My Name.' I was Kelly (Rowland). I think I was 10 or 11. I have been a self-proclaimed Beyoncé enthusiast ever since."
What Beyoncé's music means to her:
"Oh, wow. The layers. I can tap into my most powerful self whenever I listen to Beyonce. Her music has been transformative for me in many ways. I have been able to literally grow with her over the years and it has been beautiful to see her growth as an artist. I've seen her become more sure of herself, her become more herself with each album, and I feel that in her music and what she chooses to say in her projects. Her music acts as an anthem for me and the multifaceted woman I want to be, but also the fullness of who I want to be.
"She transports me into different emotions, and when I am not feeling like myself, I turn something of hers on and am instantly reminded of this personal power that is always accessible to me at my fingertips. I can be so many things. I can do so many things. Her music reminds me of the magic of living and loving loudly for its highs and its lows. Different albums of hers have acted as soundtracks of different seasons of my life."
Her Beyoncé Big Three:
1. "FIND YOUR WAY BACK"
"FIND YOUR WAY BACK" from The Lion King: The Gift:
"Y'all, if there is one Beyoncé song that has seen its fair share of replay, it's 'FIND YOUR WAY BACK.' The message that resounds for me is that you are never lost, even when you think you are, you are finding your way, and because you're finding your way, you are where you're supposed to be. I know it's about Simba and The Lion King, and more specifically Black Is King, but how could that message not find me?
"Whenever I am in a state of overwhelm or uncertainty, or having a bad day and I feel like, 'Where do I begin?' Turning on this song, swaying my hips, and singing this song like a mantra feels like I'm grounded again. It puts me back into my body, and back into a state of knowing that I'll always find my way."
2. "Love Drought"
"Love Drought" from LEMONADE:
"Those first few seconds get me every single time. It's such a dreamy and airy listen. Honestly, the song as a whole reminds me of how delicate of a thing vulnerability is but also how powerful. To me, the song is about a relationship on the rocks and she is trying to bend without breaking while her lover does the same. She pleads for them to help her end the 'love drought' so that their love can heal.
"'All the loving I've been giving goes unnoticed, it's just floating in the air,' the lyrics are so beautiful in their simplicity but are somehow able to capture so much. Her vocal choices in the song makes them hit that much more. This song is one of my all-time favorites by her."
3. "FLAMENCO"
"FLAMENCO" from COWBOY CARTER:
"The harmonies! From the very start, the harmonies that start the song off pull you in. I loved a lot about COWBOY CARTER but by the time I got to this track, it was just something special about how haunting it sounds. I had to stop whatever I was doing to allow myself to fully take it in. I am not sure of its meaning, but I think it is a song about the sometimes heavy yet always ephemeral nature of life. This lyric 'I hope that God knows that I'm in need of help right now' feels like a call to that fact.
"And when she goes off at the end with her runs? The melody, the lyricism, I was blown away and continue to be whenever I hear it. At one minute, 40 seconds, it feels criminally short, but I also think that's what's really sweet about this listen."
THE Beyoncé album that changed everything:
"4. As far as I'm concerned, 4 is one of Beyoncé's most slept-on albums to date, but that's okay because I love it. I think this album shifted how I felt about her as an artist. Even though I loved her singles as a solo artist for years predating 4, I never revisited them to listen from beginning to end like I did with this one. I know we had 'Love On Top' and 'Countdown,' but there are truly so many gems like 'I Care,' 'I Miss You' and one of my all-time Beyoncé favorites, 'End of Time.'
"It grew my appreciation for her as an album artist. I love that she had a certain vision for an R&B album and she stuck to it. I feel like I've seen her dedication to crafting bodies of work as a throughline in much of her later work but 4 was that introduction for me. Also, if you haven't seen her perform this while pregnant with baby Blue at her Live at Roseland: Elements of 4 concert, you haven't lived."
What Beyoncé's journey has taught her:
"Don't let other people's comfort level dictate the life you see for yourself. If you can see it, you can be it. Sometimes even if you can't see it, you can be it. Dare to take up space as a Black woman and as a creative. Dare to be more yourself."
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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