OK so boom, I like to masturbate. Whether I'm single or not, I make masturbation a part of my sexual self-care routine. However, I know the topic of masturbating can still be uncomfortable for a lot of women. Aside from pleasure, masturbation is an enjoyable experience that any woman should take pride and confidence in with herself. It is a profound way to practice self-exploration and self-discovery. Masturbation gives you the keys to understanding what you like to do and what you like to be done to you.
If you find yourself intrigued by sex and masturbation, but don't know where to start, a dope resource is the Instagram account Sexual Essentials. On it, you can learn essential sex tips (including solo sex) and access classes that help you reach your climax like hands-on masturbation, squirting 101, foreplay, and vaginal orgasms, to name a few. For any woman looking for the best tips and toys to use for solo sex, the founder and sex educator behind Sexual Essentials, Samia Burton, is a vessel of knowledge.
"I realized the first time I had successful masturbation, I never had a real orgasm and I was disappointed," she revealed. "After I got into masturbation, I started playing with certain things and it was just easier. You can tell someone, 'Hey do this,' because you felt it before. That matters!"
For women who struggle with having orgasms during sex, indulging in solo sex can be a powerful tool in getting into the flow of sex and taking control of your vagina. The end result could make it easier to achieve orgasm through sex. Samia explained,
"A lot of people don't understand orgasms are like muscle memory, so the more you orgasm the easier it will be to have another one. Also, the more you orgasm, the more you will wake the vaginal area up. Masturbation bought my sex life back and I had stronger orgasms after, but it took work."
When it comes to the work Samia speaks of, the sex toy you use matters. You need the right toy to give you the feeling and the climax you want to reach. I would just pick up a vibrator and go because I know that as long as my clit was stimulated I was good, but Samia quickly let me know that the right toy makes a difference during your solo sex sessions. As we get through this list, remember to keep an open mind and eventually open legs…
With that being said, here are the best toys for solo sex.
Satisfyer Pro Traveler Clitoral Stimulator
Satisfyer Pro
This is a travel-friendly clitoral stimulator with 11 speeds and a circular suction tip settles easily into place over your clit to help suck and throb when you're ready.
Pipe Dream’s Icicle dildo #55
Pipe Dream
The long and sleek double-ended dildo offers two oppositely-angled tips and a shaft-like texture for each. It's curved into nubs and swirls to give you a real dick-like feel while hitting that G-spot. Tip: make sure you're getting #55, that's the one you really want.
Basix Dildo w/ Suction Cup
This is another hands-free option with harness compatibility, suction-based Basix dildo from the Rubber Works collection. The 6.5 Inch Basix is made from a jelly rubber that's latex and flexible enough to get the perfect positioning, but firm enough to satisfy.
Fantasy For Her Ultimate Pleasure Clitoral Pump
Fantasy For Her
This toy has me the most intrigued. Not only is it a clitoral pump, but it actually has a tongue-like stimulator that's soft and temperature-sensitive. It licks and gyrates tirelessly which makes it perfect for your clit, nipples, and anywhere else you'd like. On the other end, there's a G-spot-loving silicone portion with 10 modes of vibration. Lastly, it comes with two suctions so you can attach it to the wall and really turn sh*t up.
Lubricant
This is not a sex toy per se, but necessary in the bedroom especially for solo sex. Samia recommends keeping some in your bedside drawer. Some good brands for lubricants are Astroglide and K-Y Jelly. You can also check out our cheat sheet for everything you need to know about using lubricants.
Featured image by Shutterstock
RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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What Is a Praise Kink?
The concept of praise kinks isn't new, but thanks to TikTok, a lot of people are now realizing they might identify as praise kinksters. Currently, the hashtag #praisek1nk is trending with 568.9 million views, with tons of creators posting about their love for compliments and words of affirmation during sex. I, too, love a good compliment during sex. I once had a lover sing my praises about how good I was at a certain bedroom activity. His affirmations gave me WAP, but does that categorize me as having a praise kink?
How To Know if You Have a Praise Kink
Just because you love receiving praise doesn’t mean you have a praise kink. Someone with a praise kink experiences an intense level of sexual excitement from being praised or verbally affirmed by their partner during sex. You might have a praise kink if hearing your partner tell you how pretty you are makes you cum or if the thing that makes sex go from good to great is hearing your partner's thoughts about how good you are at giving head. And if, during solo play, the thing that gets you all hot and bothered is recalling the times your partner called you a good girl, it’s probably a praise kink.
Generally, a kink is a sexual activity that is needed for someone to enjoy sex. When it comes specifically to praise kinks, if you need reassurance from your partner that you're sexy, or good in bed in order to orgasm, you have a praise kink.
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Examples of Praise Kink Phrases To Try With Your Partner
If you’re new to the term and looking to explore, you probably have questions about what phrases to use. It may take a lot of communication and some trial and error to figure out what phrases work best for you and your partner. Ultimately, the best phrases to use vary from person to person and are based on what sex acts you and your partner enjoy, or what parts of their body they like complimented.
To get you started, here are some generic praise kink examples to try out with your partner:
Praise Kink Examples:
- You're such a good girl/boy.
- You're so good at [insert skill].
- You look so hot when you [insert activity].
- Your [insert body part] is irresistible.
- You taste so good. I can't get enough of you.
- You just have the perfect [body part].
- Just like that… you’re doing so good.
- Who taught you how to be so good at [something?]
While many examples of praise kink involve specific verbal affirmations, praise can also come in the form of brief words or phrases like “yes,” “keep going,” or simply a moan. No matter what type you prefer, praise kink is all about finding what feels good and exciting, and turns you and your partner on the most.
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Originally published on November 4, 2022