I don’t know about you, but I’m making "gratitude sex" a thing this season. I’ve felt such a positive shift in my life since leading with an attitude of gratitude, and I thought, why not apply that to how I approach my sex life? Sex for me has always been a space for connection, renewal, and restoration.
Whether I’m on my knees, in complete control on top, or relishing in surrender while on my back, the pleasure I feel, the vulnerability I experience, and the touch, sight, and sounds of the man I’m writhing against as I reach my peak of completion are reminders of the power of great sex. Every time I breathe out “oh sí, oh sí” in rapid succession and the stroke hits my center just right, I’m also served a reminder of the gratitude that comes with cumming. But gratitude sex is more than being grateful for the actual act of sex, it's about placing yourself in positions (pun intended) where you can be on the receiving end of pleasure, attention, and appreciation.
This season, and any season really, I encourage you to add some gratitude to your sex life and give yourself permission to be the object of desire. As women, it turns us on to be the turn-on in sexual situations. And lately, the sex positions on my radar are a testament to that sentiment. The ‘gratitude’ sex positions below are positions that make my pleasure the focus. And trust and believe, the sex positions below are making sure your pleasure is served.
Keep reading for gratitude sex positions to try whenever you want to feel like the main course.
(Editor's note: "Receiving partner'" refers to the partner receiving the penetration. "Giving partner" refers to the partner doing the penetration.)
1.The Pretzel
Qori B.
Depending on who you ask, this sex position is referred to as the Pretzel or even the Linguini. Either way, it is a purveyor of earth-shattering orgasms (due to the depth both parties feel) that not enough people pull up on their sex position rotation. To do it, the receiving partner lies on their side. The giving partner will then kneel behind the receiving partner's ass before pushing one of their knees in between the receiving partner's legs for access to penetrate.
The receiving partner can relax while the giving partner does the work in this position but can also opt for using a headboard as support to throw it back. Anal play is also easy to add to this position.
2.Begging for Mercy
Qori B.
Although I am a big fan of doggy, I understand those who aren’t the biggest fan of the position. But if you love the depth of doggy style but don’t want to sacrifice a feeling of intimacy, look no further than this position. In this variation, instead of the receiving partner being on all fours, both partners will kneel and position themselves upright. The giving partner will enter from the back and the both of you will rock against each other. For maximum pleasure, the giving partner can play with your clit as the two of you writhe. Orgasms unlocked.
3.Asian Cowgirl
Qori B.
Very similar to the OG Cowgirl position, Asian Cowgirl is a variation of the classic woman-on-top sex position. I say if you have the knee and leg strength to do it, give this one a go because it's great if you're looking for a more intense ride and deeper penetration while being on top. In order to do this, the receiving partner will get on top of the giving partner and squat over them, resting their feet on the bed. The receiving partner will then move up and down along the giving partner's length, using the giving partner's legs or chest for support as needed.
4.The Bridge
Qori B.
The giving partner might have to put a little more work in for this one but the clitoris access makes it so worth it. For The Bridge position, the giving partner will prop themselves up on their hands and feet by making an arch. Once they are in position, the giving partner will kneel in front of the receiving partner and penetrate them. And then, the receiving partner just receives as the giving partner puts in the work with their stroke.
For added support, the giving partner can lift the receiving partner’s ass while thrusting. The giving partner can feel free to add some breast and nipple play into the mix while they’re at it for even more intensity.
5.Bent Spoon
Qori B.
A variation of the classic spooning sex position, the Bent Spoon is highly regarded as a catalyst for G-spot orgasms to be made possible. Balance is most definitely required, but the fruits of your labor will truly taste sweet. In order to do the Bent Spoon, the giving partner needs to lie on their back. After that, the receiving partner will get on top of the giving partner. In the end, they will both be facing upward while they are on top of each other. The giving partner will then spread their legs and bend their knees slightly to balance themselves.
Once they are both balanced, the receiving partner will bend their legs, bringing their knees higher to their chest as the giving partner begins their thrusts. For further support, the receiving partner can prop their feet on their partner's knees.
6.Rock the Boat
Qori B.
In this kneeling position, the giving partner will get on their knees and sit down against the backs of their legs. The receiving partner will then get on top of them by sitting down in a squat and taking in the giving partner’s length slowly. The magic is in the teamwork for this one. The receiving partner will use their legs for strength and balance as they move up and down the giving partner’s length. If additional support is needed, the receiving partner can wrap their arms around the giving partner’s neck.
7.Polar Opposites
Qori B.
You know what they say, opposites attract, and for this sex position, Polar Opposites highlight exactly why that is. To do this sex position, both partners will lie down facing upwards but in the opposite direction (as illustrated above). The giving partner will lie down first with their legs closed and the receiving partner will position themselves on top of them in the opposite direction. The giving partner will penetrate from behind while the giving partner is positioned on top of him. For more intensity, the receiving partner can close their legs more tightly, allowing the giving partner's head to rest comfortably between the receiving partner's feet.
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The answer I gave her is what today’s article is all about: she doesn’t celebrate herself enough. Y’all, I’m so serious about how important it is to do that on a consistent basis that I’ve actually done research on why it’s not a very popular practice for most people. The reasons vary. Some folks don’t celebrate themselves because they think that it’s an arrogant thing to do. Others don’t celebrate themselves because they never really learned how to make themselves a priority (in that way).
Still, others avoid it because they are so used to making a big deal out of others’ accomplishments that it never crosses their mind to give their own selves the same type of intention and energy. And gee — that is so unfortunate because when you make it a point and practice to celebrate the things that you set out to do, it can boost your self-confidence, it can solidify your self-esteem and it can give you the “fuel” to make and meet even more goals in the future.
Why Celebrating Yourself Matters
If you’ve been rocking with me for a while now on this platform, you’ve probably heard me mention that one way to celebrate yourself (that I actually do quite often) is to pop open a bottle of champagne, wine, or sparkling cider and toast yourself at the end of every day or week (check out “10 Ways To Make Monday Your Favorite Day Of The Week,” for example). However, if you want to come up with other ways to improve the quality of your life, get more things done, and have so much (more) fun while doing both, learning how to celebrate yourself fully starts with really understanding what the word means — and requires.
And so, give me a moment to break all of this down for you by sharing five words that actually help to define what it means to…CELEBRATE…yourself. I’ve got a feeling that once you let it all sink in, you will want to start celebrating you and your life immediately and yes, that will absolutely change your life for the better. I guarantee it.
5 Ways To Celebrate Yourself & Honor Your Wins
OBSERVE: to see, watch, perceive or notice
GiphyLet’s begin with the fact that it’s pretty hard to celebrate something if you don’t pay a good amount of attention to what you are actually celebrating in the first place — and by this I mean, you should have clear and concrete things that you want to do — today, this week, this month and then this year.
For example, when it comes to the day that I am actually writing this: TODAY, I am going to open up an account to do online stocks on; this WEEK, I am going to get my will together (because grown folks should have one); this MONTH, I am going to pay off a tax debt that I have (1099s can kick your butt; stay on top of those), and this YEAR, I am going to go on vacation (which is something that I haven’t done since my 20s…no joke).
And yes, every time that I accomplish each of these things, I am going to commemorate it by celebrating myself. After all, another definition of observe is “to regard with attention” — and there is absolutely no sense in “seeing something” that you are not going to be paying real attention to (lawd, that will preach on a few different levels, come to think about it!).
PROCLAIM: to announce or declare in an official or formal manner
GiphyOnce you know what you want to do, you should proclaim it — which basically means that you should hold yourself accountable for even saying that you are going to accomplish it, whatever “it” may be. A good example of this in my own world is, last year, I declared that I was going to publish my third book and my godchildren’s mom declared that she was going to complete her upcoming album. Thing is, I kept dragging my feet until I ended up doing what I seem to do with all of my books: I wrote it in six weeks (even though I had six months), and my godchildren’s mom? She is on the tail end of finishing her latest LP now.
A part of what held us both to the wire is us asking each other, “So, did you finish your project yet?” and that’s because, oftentimes, if you don’t have someone reminding you of what you officially announced to them, you will let life get in the way and procrastinate and/or make excuses (to yourself) and/or never do what you initially proclaimed that you were going to. So yeah, the next step that gets you to the point and place of being able to celebrate yourself is verbally proclaiming that you are going to do what you have started to give a certain amount of attention to.
BLESS: to bestow good of any kind upon
GiphyDid you know that a synonym for celebrate is bless (all of the words that I’ve provided are synonyms for celebrate, actually)? And goodness — how cool is that?
Once you’ve decided that you are going to do something, it’s important to not just declare it and get an accountability partner for it — you also need to bless your intentions. To bless means to request God’s favor on it. To bless means to be intentional about protecting it from dark forces (person, place, thing, idea). To bless means to bring nothing but good energy, good resources, goodness, period, its way.
This can come in the form of prayer, meditation, positive mantras, favorite quotes, a personal mission statement — anything that will put you in a state of confirming (a synonym of bless) that what you plan to do is going to be for your greater good and then honoring (another synonym of bless) that fact — because if it’s for you good (and you remain consistent in executing that goodness), that is definitely something that is worth celebrating. AMEN?
PRAISE: the act of expressing approval or admiration
GiphySometimes, when I’m talking to married couples, a Scripture that I will bring up is Amos 3:3 (NKJV): “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” To be in agreement means that you 1) give consent to something; 2) are on one accord about something; 3) are in harmony about something; 4) are CONSISTENT with something, and 5) have determined that the “something” is suitable. You know what? It’s not only relationships that should be in agreement — you should also be in agreement with yourself.
The way that manifests is, well, let me share a quote that I made up years ago that I have featured in one of my email accounts: “If your mind, body, and spirit are not all in agreement…pause.” It’s another message for another time that “trinity” is not a word that’s in the Bible (the Godhead is more appropriate and accurate — I John 5:8). Trinity simply means “three in one” and yes, your mind, body and spirit are certainly an example of a trinity.
And when trinities are in agreement, they can approve of what they are doing and even admire what they have done because, when there is no internal conflict, there is plenty of reason to praise what has manifested. That said, when it comes to your plans — do your mind, body, and spirit all agree that it — whatever “it” is — is a good idea. If not….why not? If so, it’s time to move on to the final word.
PERFORM: to carry out; execute; do; to carry into effect; fulfill
GiphyNow that you see what comes with getting to the point of being able to celebrate yourself — because, clearly, celebration is a methodical process — how could you NOT want to carry out, execute, fulfill an idea or plan to honor yourself for doing what you have just…done?
If you walked out the celebration steps, what’s wrong with: planning a self-care day; treating yourself to your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant; taking a personal day off from work; sending your own self some flowers; booking a night at a hotel; loading your bathtub with rose petals; getting dressed up and taking your own self out on a date; staying in bed all weekend; going on a solo road trip and/or purchasing pampering items? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
Because once you have observed a mission, proclaimed it to someone else, blessed and approved it — you have already celebrated the mission and so it makes no sense to not also celebrate the vessel that put it all together: YOU. And when you’re in a constant cycle of celebration, how could it not significantly improve the quality of your life…right?
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A sex therapist by the name of Dr. Chelsea Page once said, “Celebration is the climax of self-love.” If you love yourself, celebration should be a common practice that represents that fact. So, whether it’s your relationship, your professional aspirations, your health goals, your money missions, or habits that you want to break and/or implement — if you want a hack to instantly change your life for the better, learn how to CELEBRATE YOURSELF.
It’s how to set goals, reach them, and honor them. Over and over again...in the best way possible.
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