Something that I definitely believe that we learn to appreciate more, the older and wiser that we become, is our friends. Well, let me back that up a bit—first, we discover what it means to actually have real friends. Then, once we get them, we value them in ways that are truly indescribable.
The friends that I've got? Oh, how I adore them. Aside from the fact that I write about relationships for a living, I think that's why I'm constantly pondering ways to be a better friend to the people I truly care about. Some of those ways, I've comprised into seven different hacks. Once you're done reading these, I'm thinking that they'll mostly be common sense. Still, sometimes, we need a bit of a reminder of what we can do to maintain and nurture the connections that we've got. I hope this article can make that happen for you and your peeps.
FRIEND HACK #1: Use, Don’t Abuse, Your Friend’s Support
One of the best things about having friends—true ones, anyway—is they are there to support and encourage us, through good times and bad. There's no doubt about that. However, just because someone is down for you, that doesn't mean that you should take this kind of gift for granted. What do I mean? I've got a former friend who I had to transition out of my life because I pretty much only heard from them when they needed something—and oftentimes what they needed was to vent and then be told that nothing was ever their fault; that they were always right. Not only was that untrue but it got to be mad exhausting; especially since, when it came time for me to share, either they were only halfway listening or their time was super limited.
Something that I adore about the Bible is there is pretty much a verse for any dilemma. When it comes to this particular point, Proverbs 25:17(AMPC) comes to mind. It says, "Let your foot seldom be in your neighbor's house, lest he become tired of you and hate you." Basically, this breaks down to making sure that you don't wear out your welcome. Be sensitive to your friend's lifestyle and schedule. Learn to read the room when it comes to their energy when the two of you do connect. Also, be open to giving the kind of support that you desire. Yes, your friends should be down for you (as you are for them), but they are only human. Sometimes they need space. Definitely some reciprocation too.
FRIEND HACK #2: Speak Your Friend’s Love Language
Some of my friends are quality time people. What this pretty much boils down to is, I can't make up for not hitting them up on the phone with gifts or affirmations. No, I've got to set aside time to converse with them; preferably in person. Some of my friends are acts of service folks. It truly moves them when I retain something that they said they were doing or needing and then I take care of it for them. Physical touch friends are interesting because they don't seem to do well with respecting personal space (LOL). They wanna hug when they first see me, they touch a lot during the visit, and they wanna hug again and maybe even kiss me on my cheek or forehead before they go. For years, I used to try and get my friends to not put these kinds of expectations on me. After learning more about how love languages apply on a friendship level, I realized that how they are isn't "weird" or "wrong", it's simply how they desire for love to be expressed to them. Noted.
While we're on this topic, it's also not a good idea to simply assume that you know what your friend's love language is. For instance, I have one friend who assumed that I was a quality time individual when I'm absolutely not that (shout-out to the ambiverts). I am absolutely a words of affirmation kind of gal. Before they knew this, sometimes they would plan dates that had me on the "Yeah, I'll pass" tip, simply because I wanted to stay at home. Then they would get offended. Once I explained that a card or affirming email is more than enough, we stopped butting heads in this way. I accepted that going out was more for their benefit than mine and so we met each other halfway.
I think I'm always gonna be a fan of love languages because they really do remind you that we all need to feel loved…differently. If you want to learn more about how to speak your friend's love language, check out "This Is How To Apply Love Languages To Your Friendships". It can be a real lifesaver when it comes to making your friends feel special in their own unique and specified way. Same goes for you as well.
FRIEND HACK #3: Don’t Dish Out What You Can’t Take
THIS. ONE. RIGHT. HERE. Have you ever had a friend who feels like they can just say whatever to you, even about you, and then the moment you're like, "Hold up, sis. You ain't Jesus", suddenly they either turn mad passive aggressive or they act all bent out of shape? One of the things that I adore about all of my friends at this point (and it took some sifting to get here, believe you me, chile) is we all want to see each other grow and win. This means that sometimes we ALL have to hear some things that are difficult to take in about ourselves.
If you're someone who believes that the definition of a true friend is someone who only compliments you and never calls you out on your ish, you might want to cop some self-help books on what healthy friendships consist of. In the meantime, if you know that you're too sensitive to take rebuke or correction, how about you don't dish it out? It'll reduce the drama in your friendships by at least 30 percent. No joke.
FRIEND HACK #4: Honor the Individuality of Each Person
A wise person once said, "Embrace your individuality. Love what you love without judgment." Along these same lines, there's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works." (Psalm 33:15—NKJV) Individuality is all about what makes someone distinctive, unique and a complete and total original. This means that there is no point in comparing one person to someone else because, how do two originals actually compete when they are both incomparable? When you really stop and think about it…they don't.
This is so important to keep in mind when it comes to your friendships. Each person is rare. Each person will benefit your life in ways that no one else can. Each person will cause you to think differently about some things than anyone else would. And each person is definitely not supposed to be your clone. So many people suffer in their relationships with other people because they act like their job is to "make" others become more like them. What a healthy and humble person does is accept the individuality of the people in their life and embrace how they complement them, on a person-by-person basis. They love the differences; they never seek how to alter them.
FRIEND HACK #5: Pay Close Attention to Their (Friendship-Related) Strengths and Weaknesses
One of my friends is an awesome listener but sucks at picking up her phone. That's funny to process, even as I'm typing it out, because it's like she really is the best communicator—when you can reach her. Because she's an introvert (along with her daily life demands), she just doesn't keep her phone around her much, so it really is kind of a catch-her-if-you-can or shoot-her-an-email-if-it's-dire kind of dynamic. Then I've got a friend who I can reach out to at any time. "Problem" is, there's absolutely no telling how many other things that she's going to be doing and how many times she's gonna cut me off as I'm trying to get my thoughts across.
Both of these things used to irk the entire hell outta me. That was until I decided to acknowledge what each of my friends' friendship-related strengths and weaknesses are. If I needed some really serious insight, I'll shoot my introvert friend an email to let her know that I need to speak with her sooner than later. If I just want some company, I'll hit up my friend who doesn't listen the best but is hilarious and always around.
Coming to this kind of understanding has prevented me from getting frustrated and from putting totally unnecessary pressure on my friends. Oftentimes, the universe brings us different people so that we can get certain things from each one. Assess how each friend works in your life. Thank the Lord for the strengths; try not to harp too much on the weaknesses.
FRIEND HACK #6: Mutually Discuss Each Other’s (Friendship-Related) Needs
Even though I wrote "10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins" two years ago with a New Year's Day theme, I encourage you to check it out when you get a chance. Unfortunately, some friendships come to an end, not because the mutual love and respect are missing; it's because one or both people feel like their needs are going unmet. What's really sad is the fact that sometimes, it's not that both people are incapable or even unwilling to meet the need; it's more like both individuals assumed that the other should know what those needs are.
Listen, just because someone cares, profoundly so, about you, that doesn't mean that they can read your mind or that they are spending every waking hour trying to figure out how to keep you happy. Plus, as life goes on, typically, our needs can change, so it's unrealistic to expect someone to just "figure that out" on their own.
I can't think of one friend I've got where we don't talk about what we need from each other, at least twice a year. Sometimes the needs are the same. Many times, they aren't. It's so beneficial for us both to get everything out on the table so that we can be the best kind of friend to one another. The only thing that makes that happen is open and honest communication.
FRIEND HACK #7: Expect Friendships to Transition and Evolve
Something that I'm amazed by when it comes to long-term marriages and friendships is the ability that the two people who are involved had to stay committed throughout their individual growth and transitions. A columnist by the name of Richard J. Needham once said, "You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being." And you know what? This is oftentimes the case with friendships too.
One of my very closest friends? When we met, she was single and taking a long (and much-needed break) from her music career. Over the course of our 13-year friendship, she got married, had two children (who are eight years apart) and signed a deal. All of these things have caused us to have to shift things like time times when we talk and, because our lives are very different, even what we talk about a lot of the time. I've got to endure potty training updates and she's gotta listen to me talk about past dudes who are still hitting me up (chile). Because we want to remain in each other's lives, we're intentional about not just…growing apart. That doesn't mean that this doesn't require effort and sacrifice on both of our parts, though. Evolution always does.
So yeah, I'm gonna close out this friendship hack by reminding you that one of the greatest challenges in relationships is accepting that sometimes people grow at different paces and—differently period. If the love, respect, communication and clarity about the purpose that each of you serve to one another is there, you can still be thick as thieves. You can still be the kind of friends that are very special and necessary. You can still withstand (pretty much) whatever comes your way—together.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 10 Hacks To Get Your Marriage Back On Track - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 6 Habits That Make Your Friendships Stronger - xoNecole ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The Kamala Effect: Top Black Women In Politics To Watch Now, Into 2025
With a landmark Election Day coming up soon, everyone will be watching to see whether Vice President Kamala Harris makes history by becoming the first Black woman to become president of the United States. And as she has gathered monumental support from Black women around the world (including the more than 44,000 who raised millions in minutes shortly after she announced she’d be running), other Black women politicians also stand to make history in their respective elections, running to serve local and statewide communities.
Just as there have been barriers to Black women serving as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies (with only four having been appointed to those roles), there’s a massive glass ceiling for Black women in politics as well. Only 0.4% of all members of Congress identified as Black, and only 13.4% of all women who have served in Congress to date have identified as Black, according to research.
To date, no Black woman has served as governor of a state (though there has been a Black woman lieutenant governor, which we’ll get to later.)
Glass Ceiling In Politics For Black Women
Black women face the ever-so-usual gender bias and racism when running for office, but they also have to deal with another major deterrent to launching a viable campaign: funding. According to the Washington Post, while campaign fundraising “overall” saw a boost for women in 2020 compared with 2018, “Black women across party lines raised significantly less money than White women.”
The publication further reported that in 2020, data reflected “that the 113 active Black women candidates running on all tickets raised nearly $81 million in the first three quarters compared to the nearly $811 million pulled in by their 379 active White women counterparts across party lines, according to data provided by the Center for Responsive Politics. More than $1.5 billion was raised by over 1,000 White men from all parties in the same timeframe.”
Paying staff, covering marketing and ads, travel expenses, and more are all vital and very costly, expanding one’s reach, impact, and exposure to land the votes. This is one major reason that, when Black women finally make it to the finish line with enough support to get a serious spot on the ballot, it’s more than a big deal.
So, here are a few Black women in politics who have made history, continue to push barriers, and powerhouses to watch as we near Election Day on November 5:
Angela Alsobrooks
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
A Maryland native, Angela Alsobrooks graduated from Duke University and the University of Maryland School of Law. She worked as a law clerk in the Howard County Circuit Court and the Baltimore City Circuit Court before taking on the role of Assistant State’s Attorney in Prince George’s County, a role in which she made history as the youngest and first woman in the role. She’s now running for the state senator seat in Maryland, which, if she wins, would make her the fourth Black woman in history to serve in the Senate.
Winsome Earle-Sears
Winsome Earle-Sears is a native of Kingston, Jamaica, who served in the United States Marine Corps. Before becoming the first woman to be elected lieutenant governor of Virginia and the first Black woman elected to statewide office, she served as the vice president of the Virginia State Board of Education and a presidential appointee to the U.S. Census Bureau, co-chair of the African American Committee and the Advisory Committee on Women Veterans to the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. She earned a bachelor’s degree in economics from Old Dominion University and a master’s degree in organizational leadership with a concentration in government from Regent University.
She has filed to run for governor of the state in 2025 and, if successful, would become the first and only woman (as well as Black woman) in the U.S. and its territories.
Lisa Blunt Rochester
Lisa Blunt Rochester represents Delaware in the U.S. House of Representatives and serves as an Assistant Whip for House Leadership. She also serves on the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. Raised in Wilmington, Delaware, she graduated from Fairleigh Dickinson University with a degree in international relations and later earned a master’s degree in urban affairs and public policy from the University of Delaware.
She’s also running for the state senate seat in Delaware and would make history if elected. If she and Albrook are both successful, that will be a first as well, as it would be the first time two Black women are serving in the U.S. Senate at the same time.
Carol Moseley Braun
A native of Chicago (who now lives in the Hyde Park neighborhood the Obamas also call home), Carol Moseley Braun became the first woman senator from Illinois and the first Black woman to serve in the Senate when she won in 1992 (and was the only Black woman to serve in the six years she held her seat.) She later served as U.S. ambassador to New Zealand, a visiting professor at Northwestern University, launched a food company, and now serves as chairman of the United States African Development Foundation. She graduated from the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Chicago Law School.
Lauren Underwood
Samuel Corum/Getty Images
Born in Ohio but raised in Illinois, Lauren Underwood was sworn into Congress in 2019, becoming the first woman, the first person of color, and the youngest (as a millennial!) elected to represent the state. A registered nurse by trade, she’s the co-founder and co-chair of the Black Maternal Health Caucus and the co-chair of the House Democratic Policy and Communications Committee. She also serves on the House Committee on Appropriations. Before that, she served as a senior adviser at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Johns Hopkins University.
Ayanna Pressley
Representing Massachusetts, Ayanna Pressley was the first Black woman to be elected to Congress from the state. Before that, she served as a member of the Boston City Council, becoming the first woman of color to serve in that capacity. In that role, she formed the Committee on Healthy Women, Families, and Communities, addressing issues including domestic violence and human trafficking. She empowered many, going viral and making headlines in 2020 when she revealed she has alopecia and unapologetically took off her wig to rock a bald head, shifting the narrative on Black women, code-switching, and appearance in political arenas and beyond.
Jennifer McClellan
Jennifer McClellan was sworn into the U.S. House last year, becoming the first Black woman to represent Virginia in Congress. A Virginia native, she earned a bachelor’s degree from the University of Richmond and her Juris Doctorate from the University of Virginia School of Law. She was previously elected to the Virginia House of Delegates in 2005 and served in that post until she was elected to the Virginia State Senate in 2017.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images