There’s a lot of discourse around butt stuff…always. It’s just one of those forever taboo things. However, butt play is very nuanced, which means there’s lots of space to explore – it doesn’t have to, nor should it feel like some sort of hazing bit. Truth is, butt play has the potential to be very sensual. Butt play is a spectrum that ranges from external touch (read: massage) to internal play with toys, and for some, it can get a little kinkier.
Perhaps you’re completely disinterested in being penetrated by an actual penis but are curious – you might start with a finger. But maybe you’re someone who gets the ick when thinking about certain bodily fluids making contact with you. You might then find yourself interested in an option like butt plugs! And I’m not trying to be funny. I’m just trying to say there are options before you rule out butt play.
Butt plugs offer a build-up of pleasure and can make for mind-blowing foreplay and, thus, even better sex if you decide to go all the way, as I know some of you masochists love edging (bless your willpower). The anus has lots of nerves, so it makes sense that playing with this erogenous zone will send you over the moon in excruciating pleasure.
According to a Reddit rabbit hole I went down, a good butt plug is the best thing since apple pie!
I wanted to get an expert opinion, so I spoke with the plugs themselves – the team at Shop Enby, a Black, Trans-online shop, and the owner of Feelmore located in Oakland. Here are some approved butt plugs, and trust me, they’ve got range.
Protip: Accessorize your mini skirt with a butt plug (wear it) to provide easy access. Take it out for a spin, as every step increases the intensity and lubrication.
Mind you, this is simply from my rabbit hole on Reddit, but Shop Enby came through with tons more on the tip front. Here's what they, specifically, had to say.
“Exploring booty play can open up a hole 😈 new world of pleasure.” - Shop Enby
1. B-Vibe Anal Training Set
Shop Enby
Not sure exactly where to begin with your butt basics? This B-Vibe Anal Training Set comes highly recommended by Shop Enby. This is some bargain shopping for that ass as it comes “with three plugs of various weights and sizes, lube applicator, enema, travel bag, and a complete guide to anal play. This set is definitely worth it!” All of the plugs are made from body safe silicone and have a narrow tip, round that allows for easy insertion. In case you’re wondering, the enema that’s included allows for you to undergo a deep cleaning before opening Pandora's box.
2. Cute Little Fuckers - Princette Puppypus
Shop Enby
If you’re someone who is still uncertain about diving into butt play and not interested in investing money in quality toys that are solely for anal play – Princette Puppypus is going to be your BFF. Princette Puppypus by Cute Little Fuckers not only serves as a vibrating butt plug, but it can act as a “stand alone vibrator with a ring of independently buzzing legs on one side and a larger curved vibrating head on the other. Both the legs and the head make this easy to hold and can slide between fingers for an open-handed explorative grip.”
Shop Enby
3. B-Vibe Vibrating Snug Plug
The B-Vibe Vibrating Snug Plug’s body has a unique marshmallow shape that differs from so many of the others on this list. It’s my thought that this design allows the toy to provide the ultimate level of fullness. With four vibration levels and six vibration patterns, the snug plug offers an exhilarating sensation–maybe wilder than anything you’ve ever experienced.
4. ROMP Amp Anal Beads
Shop Enby
The Romp Amp are a set of anal beads and “the perfect place to start,” according to the Enby team. Now, you may be wondering how anal beads and plugs differ outside of the obvious (design). With plugs, the pleasure and stimulation come from the feeling of fullness and pressure. Whereas beads stimulate the nerve endings surrounding your anus. And as for this set of beads, well, they’re described as “small and flexible silicone anal bead, designed to be worn during play or pulled out at just the right moment to heighten orgasm.”
5. Vedo Bump Vibrating Anal (w/ Remote)
If you’re looking for good vibes only, the Vedo Bump has ten of them – “ten rhythms of vibration,” to be exact, with six intensity levels. Made from silicone, this plug is waterproof, allowing you to enjoy aquatic aerobics at your leisure. (But, leave the remote behind as that bit is not waterproof, and you’ll want to go manually with this go-round.) This fabulously phallic plug offers 5” in length!
6. njoy Pure Plug - Medium
Shop Enby
This medium-sized plug is coming in at a cool 1.25 inches (hey, there are exceptions to every rule) – allowing the njoy Pure Plug to heat things up both inside and outside of the bedroom. While the plug as a whole is medium, the head is rather large, offering a “delicious stretch of penetration.” It’s also crafted from stainless steel, making it hypoallergenic. But beware, though highly regarded, this toy is for “more advanced players.”
Enby Team Tip: Run under cold or hot water to add an element of temperature play, or grab the loop to rock the toy back and forth for even more mind-blowing sensations!
7. Anal Adventures Curve Plug
With a sleek design, this body-safe Anal Adventures Curve Plug offers immense pleasure as said curve is placed right at the tip. This placement offers optimal “prostate pressure” and, thus, pleasure. The other thing that stands out with this plus is that of its three insertable inches, the curves ebb and flow, making it the perfect toy to grow with as you have different girths to work with.
8. GLAS Candy Land Juicer
Shop Enby
The GLAS Candy Land Juicer offers an added layer of pleasure with the detailed glass, texture, and a rather larger circumference (that’s the head) of 4.75 inches. Though they didn’t say it themselves, I’m going to dare to say this toy falls more on the advanced side of the spectrum. Due to its material, this toy offers some hot-cold sensation play as you’re able to both heat and cool this toy at your leisure.
Enby Team Tip: Once inserted use the handle to rotate the toy whilst it's inside. The textured bumps offer an internal massage that will open up a whole new world of pleasure!”
Hopefully, this range of toys has minimized any uncertainty and anxiety you might feel around bringing butt play into your bedroom. Just like so many other things in regards to life but especially sex, there isn’t a binary but rather a spectrum. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing immediately. So give yourself grace and go for it.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Now, before I continue, I’m not trying to be a fearmonger, but I do think it’s important to know if you’re unintentionally doing something that can have a negative impact on your health.
In the interview, toxicologist Dr. Yvonne Burkart talked about everything from plastics being harmful to avoiding fragrances and how a lot of products pose potential health risks like cancer and infertility.
Many of our everyday products, like plastic containers, makeup, and non-stick cookware, are laced with phthalates, bisphenol (BPA), and PFAS chemicals, which are endocrine disruptors.
“In the human body, we have eight endocrine glands. So they’re little centers in our bodies, and they secrete hormones, and these hormones regulate pretty much everything that you can think of,” Dr. Burkart explained. From sleep, wake, digestion to how well your brain works, cognition to metabolism, to how quickly you can burn calories.
“How much fat you deposit, how much fat you can lose, and also your fertility, if you’re able to have children, someday. So endocrine disruptors are coming in, and they’re basically disrupting just as the name indicates. They’re throwing the balance off. They’re messing up the signaling. They’re causing everything to go haywire in our bodies.”
Black women especially have a higher risk of endocrine disruptors. Harvard Health reported that haircare products sold in mostly Black, low-income neighborhoods have more toxic chemicals than in white, affluent neighborhoods.
“I think the vast majority of people are entirely unaware of this and studies show it because there are studies showing that the earlier you start using cosmetic products, the higher your chance of coming down with breast cancer,” she said.
“And the people who had the highest prevalence were African American females. So I think it’s a combination of the fact that there is some level of racism, environmental injustice, but also a cultural and societal preference for certain products.” She even suggested that some of the creators of Black-owned companies may not even be aware of the health risks. While the government is slow with updating regulations and clean beauty is still far and few between, it’s up to us to make these changes.
Below is a list of four common products with toxins and what you can do to lessen risks when using them.
Scented Candles
Anna Efetova/ Getty Images
It’s popular to use scented candles, air fresheners, and incense to make your home smell good, but it can also make your home toxic. According to the National Library of Medicine, scented candles (with paraffin wax), for example, have carcinogens such as formaldehyde that, when lit indoors release harmful gasses. These gasses can cause respiratory issues, headaches, throat irritation, and overall, indoor pollution.
Dr. Burkart suggested that it’s also best to avoid soy blend candles as it can also have paraffin wax.
What you can do: If you want to use scented candles, it’s best to use ones that are made from beeswax, essential oils, and have wooden or cotton wicks as regular wicks can contain lead.
Plastic Containers
Our society has become so dependent on plastics. We drink out of plastic bottles, we store food in plastic containers, and we even heat food with plastic on top.
The Geneva Environment Network reported that “the toxic chemical additives and pollutants found in plastics threaten human health on a global scale. Scientifically-proven health effects include causing cancer or changing hormone activity (known as endocrine disruption), which can lead to reproductive, growth, and cognitive impairment.”
Dr. Burkart took it step further by revealing that microwaving plastic containers are worse because the heat releases it into “billions of microplastic particles” that then gets released into the food. This also applies to restaurant to-go cups with hot coffee or tea. Microplastic doesn’t break down in the body and can even be found in newborn babies.
Even BPA-free plastic bottles/ containers aren’t technically safe, because at the end of the day, it’s still plastic.
“We’re becoming plastic. We’re actually known as the plasticine epic. Humankind is more plastic. Eventually we will become more plastic than we are humans if we continue at this rate,” she said.
What you can do: Use reusable glass and stainless steel bottles, silverware, and glass food storage containers. Dr. Burkart suggested that if you have a glass container with a plastic lid, keep the food from touching the lid. Also try to buy loose fruit and vegetables versus packaged ones.
Non-Stick Cookware
Rebeca Mello/ Getty Images
Many of us may have used a non-stick pan at some point. If not, then you’ve seen them in the cookware section at your local retailer. However, research shows that non-stick cookware isn’t safe.
“PTFE is the chemical name for teflon, so teflon is used to create the non-stick coating and it is believed because it’s so chemically stable that it wouldn’t come off the pan into your food, but that’s not true,” Dr. Burkart said.
“There’s evidence showing that there is transfer from the cookware in normal cooking conditions into the food. Not only that, when you heat the pan high enough, it will vaporize and get into the air and if you inhale it, you run the risk of experiencing what is known as teflon flu.” Dr. Burkart explained that teflon flu feels like getting the regular flu.
PFAS are also found in non-stick cookware, which are linked to kidney and testicular cancers and thyroid disorders. It also increases the risk of miscarriage, pre-term labor and pre-term birth, preeclampsia, PCOS, endometriosis, and obesity.
What you can do: Stainless steel and cast iron cookware are safer options.
Skincare Products
Unfortunately, most skincare products have phthalates, which is disguised as fragrances (parfums). “The reason why they’re (phthalates) in fragrances and manufactures love them so much is they’re what are known as film formers,” Dr. Burkart said.
“So it helps the fragrance to stick to surfaces like your skin, your clothing, and it helps to make it last longer and linger. So if you’ve ever sprayed something on yourself and are still able to smell it hours later, that’s a telltale sign that you’ve been exposed to phthalates.”
What you can do: While we love our perfumes, a solution can be to not wear it everyday. Another solution is to use essential oils instead.
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