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I'm The Strong Friend & This Is Why I Embrace It
I have always been "the strong friend." I am not sure how or when I inherently earned this title, but somehow, I did. And If I am being completely honest, I'm tired of being the "strong one", let alone the strong everything. Not only am I the strong friend, but I am also the strong sibling, cousin, and co-worker, and I was once the strong girlfriend too. It sounds like a bitter rant, I know, but I promise it's not. I think it is conversation-worthy to explore the dynamics of friendships and delve deeper into the topic of being the strong friend. They say friendships are harder to maintain as you enter your thirties and forties anyways.
Friendships have been tried, tested, and questioned during this pandemic. I find myself annoyed with evaluating and reevaluating the friendships I have in this chapter of my life. I want to understand why strong friends are ignored and why it's hard for us strong ones to speak up. I have to catch myself when analyzing these types of things because the smallest of issues can trigger my anxiety. But I am also willing to build my current connections and manifest new reciprocal connections too. As an empath and a true Sagittarian, I am all about human connection.
I came across an Instagram post from the therapist, content creator, and writer Nedra Tawaab:
Every point in this list is worth incorporating into your self-care routine (if you don't practice any of the above, I suggest you start). And at least a few points on this list is worth some self-exploration. But let's pause and take note of the sixth bullet point.
Explore the reasons that people may see you as "the strong one".
I posed this question to a friend and we dove into a deeper conversation surrounding being "the strong one" and the aspects about you that make the people in your life gravitate towards you because of it. After some self-reflection, here are some of the traits I identify with that make me "the strong one":
Your Energy
Energy says more about you than words do. I am a people person, but I am also reserved by nature. Coupled with my energy type, this might explain how I am received by others. What I've learned is that I have Type 2 Energy and I am the Comprehender. I move through life making connections–both with people and with plans. I am naturally quieter; I ask a lot of questions and gather details. I sometimes feel people don't see me or hear me because of it. I also think in some ways I limit myself from letting all of me shine. I know I'm unique, but I'm learning to be limitless. It begs the question—what makes a friend receive your energy differently compared to another friend?
People Are Comfortable With You
I have been told my presence is comforting. I am the confidant in many of my friend groups. I am trustworthy, transparent, non-judgmental, solution-oriented, and I can see both sides of a situation. With that said, friends feel safe to be vulnerable with me. I don't mind being the friend to catch you when you fall. I am an empath. The level of compassion I have allows me to feel everything more deeply than most people would.
You Always Say ‘Yes”
When do you ever say "no" to someone? Do we ever say "no" to our family and friends? If you're like me, I tend to always say "yes" in fear of disappointing someone. Again, ignoring my priorities, needs, and wants. At the end of the day, you're busy filling everyone else's cup but your own. Then, you're left wondering who fills your cup and that is not OK. But let me just say, there is power when you learn to say "no" more often.
You Always Show Up
"I got you girl," is my typical response. If you're like me, you're the dependable friend who genuinely cares for her tribe. You're not the mother hen, but you are the responsible one. You are true to your words. You make the time and go the extra mile. Good, bad, ugly, or indifferent, you always show up. For me, I show up simply because I am asked to. There doesn't have to be a particular reason. That is just the type of friend I am. I choose to be there. I choose to be supportive.
You Make Life Look Effortless
You don't complain about anything. Literally. Even on the hardest of days, you get things done. You're organized, accountable to self, and tackle your day like a boss. In the words of Olivia Pope, "Consider it handled." You handle your ish because that's who you are by nature. You're independent. You realize no one is going to do anything for you. But just because "you got it" doesn't mean you don't need help. We all have our good and bad days. You deserve to be checked on and supported too.
Now that you know some of the traits of a strong friend, what are you going to do about it? Nothing because you're lit the way you are. You. Are. That. Bish. It's evident people like you, so you don't have to change who you are. Instead, learn to set boundaries with others and limit their access to you when needed. Express your feelings to others as uncomfortable as it might be. People don't know what you don't communicate.
Once boundaries are crossed or energy has shifted, you must learn to let go. And I'm the type where if you don't give a damn, I don't give a fuck. Friendships are harder to lose, and the loss is even harder to accept. Trust me, I have been through one or two silent friend breakups during this pandemic.
But I am here to tell you the title of the strong friend gets better. Wear that title with pride and know the friendships you have won't always be one-sided. The thing is, these same friends will show up in a later chapter in your life. They usually do. I can attest to this because it's not that these same friends didn't see your worth, they weren't ready to embrace you.
For now, go where your energy is celebrated, reciprocated, and wanted.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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If you’ve never heard of the word “anorgasmia” before, it’s the technical term that is used for women who have trouble achieving an orgasm. Actually, if we’re gonna get super technical about it, women who have infrequent ones (check out “Why Are My Orgasms So Damn Inconsistent?” and “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”) or women who experience orgasms that oftentimes lack intensity can also fall under this category.
And although everything from age and hormonal imbalances to stress/anxiety and even low self-esteem can play a role in why climaxing can be difficult, after touring with an organization that dealt with porn and sex addiction for almost 10 years, having countless sessions with married women and also researching and writing on sex for over two decades at this point, what I realize hasn’t been discussed enough is that a lot of women can have orgasms — just not vaginal ones via intercourse (check out “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”).
The next thing that should be brought up more in the discourse is the fact that many women have orgasms — they’re just not always earth-shattering ones (like the ones that you feel when you have, say, a blended orgasm).
Today, we’re going to hone in on the latter point. If you know (that you know that you know) that you have orgasms yet the more intense ones don’t happen nearly as often as you would like, there is something that you can do that has been proven to help you out — and the title of this piece is a huge hint as far as what that is. #wink
How Does Weed Help to Create More and Better Orgasms?
Weed and sex being a cool combination is not something that I haven’t addressed before. A few years back, I penned a piece for the site entitled, “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better.” So, why did I feel the need to write this one too? Because I think all of us (who’ve had sex before) can vouch for the fact that you can have a wonderful sexual experience and still not have an orgasm or the kind of orgasm that you’d prefer to have. And when that is indeed the case, well, something that can help you out is yep, marijuana.
For starters, did you know that there are literal studies to support that weed can help women to have more frequent orgasms? Yep. One article that I read stated that out of almost 400 people surveyed, 52 percent said that they had trouble climaxing; however, after a bit of weed use, orgasm frequency increased by almost 73 percent, orgasm satisfaction by 67 percent, and the ability to have orgasms more easily increased by 71 percent.
And since some of these individuals deal with something known as female orgasmic disorder (FOD), because the findings are so significant, there are some states that are actually pushing for FOD to qualify for medical marijuana treatment. Yep, that’s how effective weed use is proving itself to be in this realm.
So, just what is it about weed that makes climaxing a more probable experience for so many of us? For one thing, weed is seen as an aphrodisiac by many individuals. One reason is that it contains properties that help to relax your system as well as intensify the sexual experiences that you have by literally helping to make them feel more pleasurable.
Some studies also reveal that weed use can lower your inhibitions and increase the amount of time you spend engaging in foreplay too. If you add to that the fact that weed also amplifies the sense of touch — well, I’m sure that you get how all of this combined can help you to have not just more but better quality orgasms, for sure.
How to Effectively Bring Weed into Your Sexual Experiences
So, now that you know all of this, I’m sure some of you are wondering how to bring marijuana into your boudoir in a responsibly effective kind of way. Good question. For one thing, it’s definitely best to start off in small amounts (if you’ve never experienced weed before); you can probably do this best with edibles because many of them are sold in pre-dosed amounts. In fact, although you might think that, when it comes to weed consumption, “the more the merrier,” the reality is actually that overdoing it could decrease your libido instead of elevate it.
Also, it’s a good idea to remember that while CBD is good for ointments and creams that can help to reduce anxiety before sex or enhance afterplay (check out “Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The ‘Afterplay’?”), THC — the active ingredient that is responsible for getting you “high” — is what has a stronger reputation for making sex itself a more pleasurable experience; especially as far as women go. So, what you might want to do is start out with something like a chocolate edible (since it also is an aphrodisiac) with a low amount of THC in it along with a CBD-based lubricant.
Just make sure to keep in mind that edibles can bea bit unpredictable (as far as how high you will get and how soon along with how you will feel once you come down from the high experience), plus, their effects tend to last longer than smoking (edible highs can sometimes last six or more hours while smoking ones are around four or more) — so, if it’s your first time trying all of this out, a night before going to work isn’t a good idea; wait until the weekend instead.
On the other hand, if you’d consider yourself to be a bit of a “weed pro” at this point, you might want to experiment with some different strains of weed. Ones that are somewhat popular in the sexual stimuli department contain what is called limonene. It is actually a chemical that isfound in citrus fruit; however, when it’s combined with weed, not only can it help the weed to taste better, but it canelevate your mood, reduce your stress, andgive your libido and energy levels a bit of a boost as well.
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Listen, if there’s one thing that I’m gonna do, it’s provide a hack to make sex better for you — and there is just too much data out in these streets to not shout out weed as far as achieving quality orgasms go.
That said, if weed ain’t your thing, don’t force it to be just because you read this. There are other ways to have amazing orgasms (check out “15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall)”). Oh, but if it is (or if you’ve always been curious about it), why not approach cannabis from a strictly sexual angle? At the very least, you’ll get a bit of a euphoric feel. At the most, you’ll have an avenue to experience more of the orgasms that you crave.
Hell, sounds like a win/win to me, sis.
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Featured image by Peter Dazeley/Getty Images