I have always been "the strong friend." I am not sure how or when I inherently earned this title, but somehow, I did. And If I am being completely honest, I'm tired of being the "strong one", let alone the strong everything. Not only am I the strong friend, but I am also the strong sibling, cousin, and co-worker, and I was once the strong girlfriend too. It sounds like a bitter rant, I know, but I promise it's not. I think it is conversation-worthy to explore the dynamics of friendships and delve deeper into the topic of being the strong friend. They say friendships are harder to maintain as you enter your thirties and forties anyways.
Friendships have been tried, tested, and questioned during this pandemic. I find myself annoyed with evaluating and reevaluating the friendships I have in this chapter of my life. I want to understand why strong friends are ignored and why it's hard for us strong ones to speak up. I have to catch myself when analyzing these types of things because the smallest of issues can trigger my anxiety. But I am also willing to build my current connections and manifest new reciprocal connections too. As an empath and a true Sagittarian, I am all about human connection.
I came across an Instagram post from the therapist, content creator, and writer Nedra Tawaab:
Every point in this list is worth incorporating into your self-care routine (if you don't practice any of the above, I suggest you start). And at least a few points on this list is worth some self-exploration. But let's pause and take note of the sixth bullet point.
Explore the reasons that people may see you as "the strong one".
I posed this question to a friend and we dove into a deeper conversation surrounding being "the strong one" and the aspects about you that make the people in your life gravitate towards you because of it. After some self-reflection, here are some of the traits I identify with that make me "the strong one":
Your Energy
GiphyEnergy says more about you than words do. I am a people person, but I am also reserved by nature. Coupled with my energy type, this might explain how I am received by others. What I've learned is that I have Type 2 Energy and I am the Comprehender. I move through life making connections–both with people and with plans. I am naturally quieter; I ask a lot of questions and gather details. I sometimes feel people don't see me or hear me because of it. I also think in some ways I limit myself from letting all of me shine. I know I'm unique, but I'm learning to be limitless. It begs the question—what makes a friend receive your energy differently compared to another friend?
People Are Comfortable With You
GiphyI have been told my presence is comforting. I am the confidant in many of my friend groups. I am trustworthy, transparent, non-judgmental, solution-oriented, and I can see both sides of a situation. With that said, friends feel safe to be vulnerable with me. I don't mind being the friend to catch you when you fall. I am an empath. The level of compassion I have allows me to feel everything more deeply than most people would.
You Always Say ‘Yes”
GiphyWhen do you ever say "no" to someone? Do we ever say "no" to our family and friends? If you're like me, I tend to always say "yes" in fear of disappointing someone. Again, ignoring my priorities, needs, and wants. At the end of the day, you're busy filling everyone else's cup but your own. Then, you're left wondering who fills your cup and that is not OK. But let me just say, there is power when you learn to say "no" more often.
You Always Show Up
Giphy"I got you girl," is my typical response. If you're like me, you're the dependable friend who genuinely cares for her tribe. You're not the mother hen, but you are the responsible one. You are true to your words. You make the time and go the extra mile. Good, bad, ugly, or indifferent, you always show up. For me, I show up simply because I am asked to. There doesn't have to be a particular reason. That is just the type of friend I am. I choose to be there. I choose to be supportive.
You Make Life Look Effortless
GiphyYou don't complain about anything. Literally. Even on the hardest of days, you get things done. You're organized, accountable to self, and tackle your day like a boss. In the words of Olivia Pope, "Consider it handled." You handle your ish because that's who you are by nature. You're independent. You realize no one is going to do anything for you. But just because "you got it" doesn't mean you don't need help. We all have our good and bad days. You deserve to be checked on and supported too.
Now that you know some of the traits of a strong friend, what are you going to do about it? Nothing because you're lit the way you are. You. Are. That. Bish. It's evident people like you, so you don't have to change who you are. Instead, learn to set boundaries with others and limit their access to you when needed. Express your feelings to others as uncomfortable as it might be. People don't know what you don't communicate.
Once boundaries are crossed or energy has shifted, you must learn to let go. And I'm the type where if you don't give a damn, I don't give a fuck. Friendships are harder to lose, and the loss is even harder to accept. Trust me, I have been through one or two silent friend breakups during this pandemic.
But I am here to tell you the title of the strong friend gets better. Wear that title with pride and know the friendships you have won't always be one-sided. The thing is, these same friends will show up in a later chapter in your life. They usually do. I can attest to this because it's not that these same friends didn't see your worth, they weren't ready to embrace you.
For now, go where your energy is celebrated, reciprocated, and wanted.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
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If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
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Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
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In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
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Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Below, Angel shares the skincare products that make her skin glow and her go-to makeup looks.
Check out her routines below.
Skincare
Vogue/YouTube
Angel starts with La Roche-Posay Hydrating Gentle Cleanser. “I love skincare. Makes me feel good, makes me feel cleanse, especially after a long day because I’m always on the go,” she said. “I play sports, so my face is always drenched with sweat, and I always gotta keep it clean.”
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Angel uses two moisturizers. She uses Fenty Skin Hydra Vizor Invisible Moisturizer SPF 30 first and follows it up with Cetaphil Soothing Gel Cream with Aloe.
"You have to use the thinnest layer and then the thickest layer," she said. "I learned these tips because one time I posted a skincare routine and they were like, you need to run that back. And they taught me you need to do thin then thick and then I could see the complete difference with my skin."
Vogue/YouTube
She keeps Laniege Lip Balm with her at all times, including during games.
Vogue/YouTube
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Vogue/YouTube
She rounds out her beauty routine with mascara, brows, and her lip combo using Rare Beauty Kind Words Lip Liner and Covergirl Clean Fresh Yummy Gloss. But before closing, she made sure to give flowers to the WNBA stars before her who were also known for getting glammed on and off the court.
“I gotta give kudos to the girls who were wearing makeup before. Lisa Leslie, Skylar Diggins, Candace Parker. Everybody already had their edges and their lashes, lipstick on," she said. "Tina Thompson; she used to wear a full red lip on her lips during the game, but that’s something I could probably never do.”
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Feature image by Vogue/YouTube