When it comes to my semi-sordid-somewhat-random sexual past, something that I'm pretty open about is, I had a pattern of sleeping with my male friends. What was that all about? Well, to this day, I've never had a one-night stand before and, I wasn't very quick to have sex with people either. For me, I needed more than just a physical attraction or even chemistry; there needed to be a true emotional connection of some sort—and that tended to manifest via my male friendships. Now, for a guy and I to get to a point of "showing each other our parts", clearly we were never truly platonic (check out "The Word 'Platonic' Is Sacred. Literally.")—yet, at the same time, there was enough of an attraction to wonder what it would be like to "take it there".
To tell you the truth, I'm still trying to figure out if that mindset was crazy or not. At the time, my rationale was, "I like him and I trust him. I don't really want anything super serious right now so, sex with a friend seems like the best of both worlds: the buddy and the booty." (That last part is a line that Queen Latifah said in the movie Brown Sugar). But when I tell you that sex, even so-called casual sex (also check out "We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'"), changes the dynamic of a relationship—any kind of relationship—it is so true. Sometimes, it alters it in ways that you wouldn't quite expect. Take if you engage in sex with a friend, believing that it will be all good and then, when it's all said and done, it's bad. Shoot, worse than that.
Even if you both went in, not expecting to pledge your undying love for each other, less-than-stellar sex can still bruise egos and make things hella awkward (I'm saying that from personal experience). So, if it ever happens to happen to you, what can you do to preserve your friendship? These five questions can hopefully help to bring you some peace and your relationship, moving forward, with some clarity.
What Made It “Bad”?
Bad sex. If you're on this planet long enough (and you are sexually active while living on it), you'll experience some at some point. Thing is, the reasons can run the gamut. You may lack sexual compatibility. Someone may not be as "sexually knowledgeable" as they let on to be. What you fantasized in your mind may not be even close to the reality. Maybe your partner is selfish, boring or both. Like I said, the possibilities are pretty endless. But knowing what made the sex not so impressive is what can help you to figure out how to proceed.
Take one male friend who I had sex with. I always refer to him as my Cirque du Soleil-in-under-15-minutes experience because, I don't know what the brotha was trying to prove, but it was like he was trying to do everything possible in the time it takes to watch half of a sitcom. Before the sex, while I wasn't interested in being in a romantic relationship with him, I did find him to be fine as hell; so, I wanted to see if he was as good in bed as he looked (hey, I'm just being honest). He. Absolutely. Was. Not. Purely on the physical tip, the sex was so wack that it was almost comical. It was so bad, in fact, that there was no reason for us to fall out or anything. In fact, in hindsight, the end result is we became just friends. It was even hard to see him as fine anymore.
But if it had been bad because he mistreated me, lied about some other situations he had going on, gave me an STD, etc., etc.—well, I could see how that could produce an entirely different outcome. So yeah, if you are trying to figure out how to recover from a bad sex session with a friend, getting down to what made it so horrible in the first place is the first thing that I'd advise you to do. That, right there, can reveal…a lot.
What Was Your Motive for Doing It in the First Place?
An author by the name of Paul David Tripp once said, "We rarely do anything with one single motive." That really is so true. A motive is what causes us to act a certain way or it's the goal that we set to attain by saying or doing certain things. Keeping this in mind, a person's motive (or set of motives) tends to reveal quite a bit about them. That said, when you decided to sleep with your friend, what caused you to do it? What end game did you have in mind? If it all boiled down to curiosity, horniness or simply trying to "scratch and itch", for the most part, those reasons are pretty superficial and, like a surface cut or wound, you can "heal" from that pretty quickly. In time, the two of you might even be able to laugh about it (maybe). But if it even remotely had to do with some of the stuff that I said in the article "When He Just Wants To Be Friends, But You Want More...", that is another matter entirely.
One of the biggest gambles that comes with having sex with a friend, even if it is just so-called casual sex, is it still has the tendency to connect you to your partner on another level (after all, oxytocin doesn't know if you like, love or are in love with who you sleep with).
So, if you weren't honest with yourself before engaging with your friend, you could be lying to both of you about what your core motive was. On top of that, what made sex bad for you could be about more than just the physical. Maybe you were hoping it would start off casual but end up with him seeing you in another light. Or, maybe you thought that you would put it on him and it could become a steady thing, while he had more of a one-and-done mentality about everything. Yeah, a lot of us end up with our feelings hurt or being the peak of pissed because we weren't forthcoming about why we set out to do something. If you are "feeling some type of way" about the sex that you and your homie had, get back to the foundation before doing anything else. Ponder what your true motive was for taking things there.
Does He Feel the Same Way That You Do?
For this particular topic, I decided to hit up a good friend of mine in order to get the male perspective, since I happen to know that he's had quite a bit of experience when it comes to sleeping with female friends. As we were discussing a message I once heard about the fact that women deal in "wire" or string (everything tends to connect to everything else) while men deal in "boxes" (they tend to compartmentalize stuff), he shared with me that this fact actually applies to this scenario.
"When it comes to us, sex has to be really bad for it to totally suck. Like, for me, I would say that if it would be easier for me to get a nut by jacking off than having sex with someone…yeah, that means she's bad in bed. Otherwise, even if the sex isn't great, I probably won't even bring up that my mind wasn't blown. For me, it's more about if you are bringing drama to the friendship outside of the sex. Can I still talk to you about other women? Are you about to have unrealistic expectations? Are you trying to be more than friends on the sly? If we can still maintain our friendship, I'll be real with you—we can still be friends and probably have sex because guys don't look at sex as being 'good' or 'bad' so much as who is better or best."
Interesting. I asked a few other fellas I know to share their thoughts on this, and they basically nodded their heads in agreement. To me, what this all boils down to is, unless your male friend has been secretly crushin' on you, chances are, you don't have to worry about unimpressive casual sex with him ruining anything. That is, unless you choose for it to.
If It Was Truly “Casual”, What’s the Problem?
I'm pretty word particular. That's why, personally, I'm not a fan of the word "casual" being used in the context of relationships. Casual means without serious intention. Casual means careless. Casual means apathetic and unconcerned. Seems kind of weird that two friends—two true friends—would intentionally participate together in anything that falls in line with those definitions. But if you have, again, I get it. Because I didn't think all of this through super deeply at the time, I've been there.
And you know what? A part of what caused casual sex to ruffle some feathers in my friendly hook-ups is that I expected the sex to be casual but not the "aftercare" that followed. Meanwhile, my male friends were like, "If we're having sex with serious intention, why should I be penalized for not being super concerned if you didn't enjoy it as much as you expected to or if I'm exactly the same afterwards? We just friends, so what's with all of the 'extra'?" And, to a large degree, those guys would have a point.
If the two of you had sex one night and had some really bad sex, all with the understanding that it shouldn't have happened and neither of you want it to happen again, there really shouldn't be (too) much more energy put into it. But if something about the definitions of casual trigger you, when it comes to what went down between you and your friend, well, something tells me that it might not be as casual as you've been trying to let on. Something tells me that, even if you don't have serious feelings for your friend, you are looking for a little more interest and empathy on his part. And, if that is indeed the case…you should probably ask yourself "why?".
Do You (Still) Value the Friendship More than Anything Else?
Out of everything that we discussed in this, at the end of the day, what it all boils down to is what you value the most—holding onto a disappointing sexual experience or preserving your friendship. Now, if something about the sexual experience has caused you to question your value or self-worth, please get down to the root of that as soon as possible. No matter how unimpressive a sexual experience is, if it's with a friend, it still shouldn't affect or infect you in that way. But if it really just boils down to the bad sex making things weird and awkward, remember that this is your friend that we're talking about. Like my male friend said, chances are, it's eating at you far more than it is your male friend. Plus, he probably wants to get past it all so that you can get back to being just friends.
The main thing to keep in mind is that sex with a friend, whether it's good or bad sex, tends to alter things more times than not. And, many times, how it does that is unpredictable. If you're not prepared to deal with those odds, you might want to stay out of the bedroom. After all, there are so many other options out here. Why take this kind of risk with your male friend(s)? For real.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Who Knew There Was Such A Thing As "Bad Orgasms"?
When Your Sex Drives Aren't in Sync
These Are The Deal-Breakers You Shouldn't Hesitate To Have In The Bedroom
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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