Awarding Purity & Preserving Patriarchy: Why I Don't Agree With Scholarships For Virgins
If you thought we were moving away from the topic of purity and premarital sex, guess again.
Brelyn Bowman’s Certificate of Purity set off a national conversation about publicizing and celebrating the status of your hymen last year and months later, the world is revisiting the subject with news of what South Africa is doing for their students.
The mayor in Uthukela, South Africa is awarding young women enrolled in schools with scholarships, not for excelling academically, but for remaining virgins during their time in school. Yep, there are scholarships for virgins. While the road and process to being granted a scholarship is competitive in most countries, students with exceptional academics are awarded grants to further support their education. But is it right to encourage higher education to women by solely making virginity the qualifier for the grant?
According to Mayor Dudu Mazibuko, awarding the college scholarships to female virgins helps students focus on school, while remaining pure–sort of like a rare two-for-one deal in the country. The mayor is said to award 100 scholarships annually to high school and college students in the area due entirety to recent, alarming statistics on pregnancy in the country. TheAssociated Pressreports that SA’s Department of Basic Education “recorded 20,000 pregnancies among girls and young women in schools in 2014, with 223 pregnant girls still in primary (elementary) school.” The recipients voluntarily keep their virginities and consent to regular checks to keep their annual funding.
“Those children who have been award busaries will be checked whenever they come back for holidays. The bursary will be taken away if they lose their virginity,” said spokesman Jabulani Mkhonza.
If you think South Africa is trippin’, it should be noted that virginity testing isn’t something new that spawned from Bowman’s controversy.
Those who advocate for the testing in the country–particularly those of the Zulu tribe, where it’s simply a part of their culture–believe it “promotes abstinence and therefore, reduces the risk of contracting HIV/AIDS or getting pregnant.” In what seems like a public spectacle, the young woman is to have her genitals checked to ensure virginal status. If your hymen isn’t intact, repercussions include isolation from family and the community, financial penalties, and the likelihood that marriage won’t happen for you. Remaining pure is revered and deputy president, Jacob Zuma, believes that more young women should take part in the testing, as a girl’s virginity is her family’s greatest treasure. But why not boys?
Although boys do undergo testing, affirming his virginity is dubious and it doesn’t occur as often as it does for young women, with many believing the testing of young men are to merely create an illusion of equality between the sexes. There is an intense emphasis placed on the woman to keep her legs closed so that she doesn’t contribute to the growing rate of unwed pregnancies, and to keep herself for her future husband so that there will be a higher bride price when she gets married, but it takes two to tango, am I right? Women of all ages are subjected to examinations or revert to presenting certificates from medical doctors, jumping through hoops and over hurdles to prove an intact hymen, while it boils down to accepting words for what it is from men.
It seems no matter where you live, the policing of women’s bodies is normative, sexist behavior, rooted and preserved in patriarchy. While I understand these examinations are cultural in South Africa and presenting purity certificates stem from religious backgrounds, I do believe it is a direct violation of our human rights. It is in these epidemic testings that women are stamped with labels, dividing the pure and holy from the ungodly and rebellious, and indicating the notion that young women are responsible for sexual activity alone.
While Mazibuko just wants to “say thank you for keeping yourself,” it is my belief that by defending the testing, the mayor isn’t aware of how many women seeking higher education are victims of sexual assault and incest. It’s unfortunate that those women, many of whom cannot afford tuition, won’t be afforded the opportunity because of their bodies. If they want to make a change and combat HIV/AIDS, why not offer sex education curriculums in places other than secondary school? It is unfortunate that girls as young as eight and nine are victims to sexual abuse at home or at school and become children raising children.
But not everyone feels like the scholarships are a violation of their human rights, especially after tuition hikes last year. It has helped one second-year pharmacy student enrolled at Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University who takes pride in being a virgin at her age. She spoke with All Africa about her experience and why she chooses to abstain from sex.
“The day I went there, they were awarding bursaries. The next day I received a phone call to bring my results and they told me to come to the municipality. I was surprised when I got a call from the municipality saying that they would pay for my school fees. They asked me if I was a virgin and if I tested regularly and I said yes. I am proud to be a virgin, I did not know it could open so many doors for me. I did not know I could get something out of it...I do get tempted to have sex, but I have seen things happening in this world and I don't trust men.My father has two wives and he is already struggling to cope. There are three of us at home. This motivates me to do well and give back at home. When I finish my studies I am going to give back by helping other pupils in my hometown.”
Where do you stand on the topic? Should you be awarded for your virginity or should your academic background do all the talking when it comes to scholarships?
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
WNBA star Angel Reese stuns on and off the court, and now she’s spilling her beauty and skincare secrets with us. The 22-year-old gave some insight into her beauty and skincare routine while speaking to Vogue, including her game day routine.
“My grandma used to always put mascara on my eyes when I was younger, and I used to go on the basketball court; that’s how I got the name 'Bayou Barbie' ‘cause I always had my nails, lashes, hair done,” she explained.
Below, Angel shares the skincare products that make her skin glow and her go-to makeup looks.
Check out her routines below.
Skincare
Vogue/YouTube
Angel starts with La Roche-Posay Hydrating Gentle Cleanser. “I love skincare. Makes me feel good, makes me feel cleanse, especially after a long day because I’m always on the go,” she said. “I play sports, so my face is always drenched with sweat, and I always gotta keep it clean.”
Vogue/YouTube
Angel uses two moisturizers. She uses Fenty Skin Hydra Vizor Invisible Moisturizer SPF 30 first and follows it up with Cetaphil Soothing Gel Cream with Aloe.
"You have to use the thinnest layer and then the thickest layer," she said. "I learned these tips because one time I posted a skincare routine and they were like, you need to run that back. And they taught me you need to do thin then thick and then I could see the complete difference with my skin."
Vogue/YouTube
She keeps Laniege Lip Balm with her at all times, including during games.
Vogue/YouTube
One-Size Setting Spray is her go-to for keeping her makeup fresh on the court. “I usually spray my beauty blender with my setting spray,” she said. “People usually wet the beauty blender under the water, but why not set it with this.”
Vogue/YouTube
She rounds out her beauty routine with mascara, brows, and her lip combo using Rare Beauty Kind Words Lip Liner and Covergirl Clean Fresh Yummy Gloss. But before closing, she made sure to give flowers to the WNBA stars before her who were also known for getting glammed on and off the court.
“I gotta give kudos to the girls who were wearing makeup before. Lisa Leslie, Skylar Diggins, Candace Parker. Everybody already had their edges and their lashes, lipstick on," she said. "Tina Thompson; she used to wear a full red lip on her lips during the game, but that’s something I could probably never do.”
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Feature image by Vogue/YouTube