If you blinked, you might have missed Ava DuVernay's glow-up from filmmaker to icon over the past decade and a half. As the first Black woman to be nominated for Best Director at both the Academy Awards and Golden Globes, Ava is making it a point to have way more than a seat at the table, she wants to own the whole building and fill it with black women.
Earlier this month, it was announced that the 47-year-old filmmaker's latest series with OWN, Cherish The Day, has achieved gender parity with a staff that is more than 50% female, 18 of which are department heads. On Instagram, Ava wrote:
"Please never let folks tell you it's not possible. 'We can't find women to do that job.' Nonsense. We achieved full gender parity on our new show CHERISH THE DAY with a production crew of over 50% women, including 18 lady department heads. Because we tried and made it so."
Although Ava has had her foot on the industry's neck all damn year, her recent successes are only part of her journey from intern to boss. Ava picked up her first camera at 32 and 15 years later, she's created a lane in her own image and we stan for a queen that is in divine alignment. Here are three things we can learn from Ava about the Art of Bossing Up that you can take to the bank:
Trust Your Vision At All Costs
Ava picked up a camera for the first time when she was 32, so what was that about you being too old to pursue your dreams?
Our visions are given to us to impact more than just ourselves, and Ava is a true testament to this fact. Thanks to her intuition to put down journalism and pick up filmmaking, she's been able to create open the door for other women who have been previously shut out of the industry due to finances or lack of opportunity:
"I'm really fortunate to be in a position now to make work that I love, with my own independent vision. And to have the kind of muscle to put it into the culture is a rarefied honor. It really is. Especially for someone that looks like me, someone that looks like us."
Ava says that even today when she is faced with feelings of anxiety or doubt, staying focused on her vision is always sobering.
"I thought, 'Let me go back and stand on the things that I know I can do and that I feel I do really well.' And I really had to hope that those things I've always relied on would be able to carry me through and prop me up and move me forward. And they did."
Fear Is Essential
Comfort zones are where dreams go to die, and Ava knows this well. That's why calling out the Oscars, the NYPD, and anyone else who wants smoke has never been a problem for this Cali OG. According to Ava, although she's seemingly fearless AF, she understands that having a little apprehension can be healthy:
"A healthy amount of fear is a good thing. Let it drive you."
F*ck That Table, Sis
Black women have had to fight so hard for a place in the room, that we're only now being allowed to have a seat at the table. But the way Ms. Ava sees it, f*ck that table, sis. It's time to rebuild a new infrastructure that actually includes us in the first place. In her speech at the Glamour Women of the Year Awards, she said:
"My truth is I don't want a chair at the table. Or even three or even half anymore. I want the table to be rebuilt. In my likeness. And in the likeness of others long forced out of the room."
In her profile for Glamour, she explained further:
"You can't build the whole base of the table with everybody around the table, and then keep two chairs to include these other people. In the building of the table, in the very way that it was built, it needs to have everyone involved."
To read Ava's full speech, click here!
Featured image by Prince Williams/Wireimage
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images