Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
August is a month of opportunity, and having patience with your progress. There are a lot of new beginnings and successful experiences flowing through the stars, but Mercury also goes retrograde this month, and there is a need to slow down right now as well. The month begins in Leo Season, and whenever the Sun is in a fire sign, it is always a more dynamic, passionate, and intense time for the collective.
With the New Moon of the month in Leo as well on August 4, things are heating up pretty quickly in August. The New Moon is the perfect time to set your intentions for the month and to also set your intentions for your self-confidence, personal success, and what’s going to make your heart shine. Not only do we have a New Moon on August 4, but Venus also enters the earth sign Virgo on this day as well, where she will remain until August 29.
Venus in Virgo brings more stable energy to relationship matters, and this is a time when the heart heals, priorities are recognized and unconditional love is favored. Venus in Virgo is selfless and gives love for the sake of being there for someone.
This is a good time to gain clarity within romantic matters, and to figure out what is going to be best for your health and well-being overall.
What August 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Mercury goes retrograde in August and will be retrograde in Virgo from August 5 until August 14, and then in Leo from August 14 until August 28. During the Mercury retrograde in Virgo transit, it’s all about the mind and finding healing here. Mercury is Virgo's planetary ruler so there is overall more magic felt with this transit than your typical Mercury retrograde because Virgo understands Mercury and vice versa.
While Mercury is retrograde in Leo for a few weeks, this energy may bruise some egos but overall allows people to gain clarity on self-expression, how they show up, and how they want to show up.
With all Mercury retrograde, communication matters should be taken with some extra precaution, hold off on signing any contracts unless necessary, and be more flexible with plans and changes that occur.
On August 19, we have one of the more potent Full Moons of the year, and that is the Supermoon in Aquarius, which also happens to be the Blue Moon of the year. This Supermoon is bringing in a lot of change, a lot of clarity, and the outcomes of what you have been committing to. This is a good time to let go of restrictive, self-imposed ideas of yourself, honor your freedom, and look at your authenticity with a renewed vision and sense of love. The Sun in Leo will be beaming support to us throughout the month, and this connection and support from the universe will especially be felt on this Supermoon.
Virgo Season officially begins on August 22, and it’s time to get organized, heal, do the work, and give a helping hand. When the Sun is in Virgo, we feel more inspired to get things done and take care of our well-being and the well-being of others, and this is overall a time when a lot is accomplished.
Venus enters Libra on August 29 before the month ends, and Venus is the ruling planet of Libra and feels at home here. We are leaving August with a sense of love renewed, the mind healed, and the past put behind us for good.
Read for your sun sign and rising sign below to see what the month has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
August is a month of claiming your peace, Aries. You are in a place in your life where you have learned a lot and grown even more, and now it’s time to live in this space of renewal. You are mentally ready to heal, and there is support and encouragement around you to do so. The month begins with the Sun in your 5th house of romance, hobbies, happiness, and self-expression, and with a New Moon here on August 4, you are walking into August feeling a little more optimistic than usual. Set your intentions for the things you want to see highlighted more in your life.
Moving further into the month, there is a Super Blue Moon in Aquarius happening on August 19, and this Supermoon is a chance for you to gain clarity within your friendships and community in life.
This Full Moon is the perfect opportunity for you to let go of the idea that you are separate from the people around you, and to find gratitude in the support that is coming in for you now. Before August ends, Venus moves into your opposite sign, Libra, and this is good news for love. You are ending the month with a new sense of well-being, self-trust, and emotional harmony.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
August is all about letting go, Taurus. You are working through a lot right now, and with the stars aligning in your 4th house of home and family for most of the month, you need some extra support and protection. This is the time to let go of the idea of how you thought things would be right now and to trust more in where they are. When Venus moves into your house of romance from August 4 until August 29, you are going to be in a good space to receive love but will have to remember to let it come to you more rather than force it.
On August 14, Mercury goes retrograde in your 4th house, and this is a good time to review matters of the home. Is your environment a space where you feel comfortable and authentic? Or are there certain things you can move around or different people you can be around? It’s all about checking in with your emotional world this month and starting from there. Before August comes to an end, a Supermoon is occurring in your 10th house of career, and some work matters are coming full circle for you now. You are receiving more support and recognition as you end the month, and remember this is a reflection of the work you’ve done within, and the love you have for yourself.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
August is a month of success and empowerment for you, Gemini. You are feeling on top of it right now and are being seen as the successful being you are. Even though the month begins with your ruling planet going retrograde, you are navigating this time with inspiration and empowerment, and are seeing progress made. The New Moon of the month is occurring on August 4, and this New Moon is creating a breakthrough for you communication-wise. Channels are clearing, and you are getting a fresh start to use your voice, speak your mind, and create a bridge of connection to others.
Mercury, your ruling planet, will be retrograde in your 4th house from August 5 until August 14, and this is a good time to heal, spend more time at home, and nourish your inner world.
Challenges with family or close loved ones may arise during this time, and it’s showing you overall what you need to feel supported and what those around you may need as well. On August 19, there is a Supermoon in your 9th house of adventure, travel, and the higher mind, and you are moving through life with clarity. This Supermoon is a big eye-opener for you, and you are moving mountains and chasing dreams. Overall, you are rising above and claiming your power in August, Gemini.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
You are renewing financially this month, Cancer. August is a month of stepping up to the plate, working on your goals, and receiving more positive feedback. A lot of the focus of the month is on your finances, with the Sun in your second house for most of August, and you are creating a new sense of abundance in your life. With Mercury going retrograde for a few weeks at the start of the month, you are taking this time to heal any miscommunications you have been having and to take more time to understand yourself and your mind.
As a Cancer, the Full Moon of the month is always an important time for you since you are ruled by the Moon. This month, we have a Super Blue Moon in Aquarius on August 19, and you are feeling especially emotional, passionate, and empowered during this time.
This Supermoon is a chance for you to take the lead on the transformations you are moving through in your life, and to let go of some of the fears that have been keeping you away from living your truth and feeling as abundant as you should. Before August ends, Venus moves into your 4th house, the house that Cancer rules, and you will truly feel at home, supported, and in tune this month.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
You are in a good space this month, Leo. You are feeling in harmony emotionally, and have a good balance between the give and take in your life. Not only is August the heart of Leo Season, but it’s also a time when new beginnings occur. On August 4, there is a New Moon in Leo, and this is really when you are going to be experiencing a fresh start in your life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your progress, confidence, and the way you see yourself or want to show up in the world. On the same day, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and this new beginning may come through by letting something go in the process.
Mercury will be retrograde from August 5 until August 28 and will be retrograde in your sign from August 14 until August 28. Take your time with what you are pushing forth right now, and be a little more cautious with what you are communicating and how you are expressing it. Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon in your opposite sign, Aquarius, and this is providing the healing and compassion in love that you have been looking for. This Supermoon is about letting go of your past relationships to honor the new ones that are blooming for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
August is a month of financial success for you, Virgo. You are receiving the energy you have put out there, and that means an increase of abundance, support, and balance in your life. Your intentions are manifesting for you, and this is a good month for feeling supported by the work you have done. Venus enters Virgo at the start of August and will be in your sign from August 4 until August 29, making love and financial matters more favorable for you during this time.
Extra support and love are here for you this month, and this is needed with Mercury going retrograde. Mercury retrograde begins in your sign and ends in Leo this month.
It will be retrograde in Virgo from August 5 until August 14, and your guidance for this time is to take things a little slower, trust your process, and not get ahead of yourself or the things you are bringing forth right now. Virgo Season officially begins on August 22 this year, and it’s your time to shine! Virgo Season this year is bringing a lot of transformation, and August is the perfect month to thrive and flourish before a change of energy comes into play.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
New beginnings are here for you emotionally this month, Libra. This month is bringing you a fresh start, but it’s coming through by putting in the work and taking time to listen to your heart more. August begins with Venus moving into Virgo from August 4 through August 29 until it enters your sign. While Venus is in Virgo, she is in your 12th house of closure, and you are letting go of the past in love in order to renew and enjoy the gifts of the present. Don’t bring what happened back then into what can happen for you in the future in love, and give yourself a clean slate this month.
Mercury goes retrograde in August and will be retrograde in your 11th house from August 14 until August 28. Give your friendships and your hopes and dreams some time to bloom without getting too caught up in perfection or the ego right now. Remember, everything happens for a reason this month, and that the universe is working with you and not against you. Venus officially enters your sign on August 29 where she will be until September 22, and you enter a month of love. The new beginnings you are seeing in your love life at the end of the month are here to stay, and you are getting the opportunity to experience a deeper connection to romance.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
August is about living a fulfilled life, Scorpio. Things are coming full circle for you, and you are growing immensely. The month begins with a New Moon in your 10th house of career and reputation, and this is a good time to set intentions for your dreams. Remember how supported and loved you are, and recognize where your skills and talents are and how you can capitalize and support yourself more here. This is a successful month for you, and you will feel these opportunities coming through during this New Moon.
Mercury goes retrograde for a few weeks this month and will be retrograde in your 10th house of career, and then your 11th house of friendship. Don’t lose sight of what you have been working towards and remember how hard you have worked to get here.
The people who are meant for you will support you along the way, and the people who are not will be made clear to you during this time. Venus enters your 12th house of endings, closure, dreams, and spirituality before the month ends, and you are ending August ready to heal, create, and understand your inner world better.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
This month is all about going at your own pace, Sagittarius. You are learning the importance of being a little kinder to yourself and showing yourself grace no matter who else is. August begins with Mercury going retrograde in your 10th house of career from August 5 until August 14, and you have a lot to think about right now. You may not be receiving the feedback you are looking for during this time, and it’s teaching you something about unwavering confidence. This isn’t the best time to start a new job or career or to push something out there, but it is a good time to think about your purpose in this area of your life, what you want to be known for, and how you want to shine in the world.
The Supermoon in Aquarius on August 19, is going to be a good time for you in regards to communication matters, and this is when you are feeling more clear-headed in the month. This Full Moon is about letting go of mental conflicts and confusion and being around people who make you feel safe, seen, and understood. Venus moves into your 11th house of friendship, community, and hopes and dreams on August 29, and you are leaving the month feeling more supported than you have been, which is reminding you how valuable and worthy you have been all along.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Life comes full circle for you in August, Capricorn. Financial success is flowing through your world, and there are a lot of opportunities and support in your life right now. The month begins with the Sun in your 8th house of intimacy, shared finances, spirituality, and transformation, and you are receiving some extra financial support and clarity this month. On August 5, Mercury goes retrograde in your 9th house until August 14, and this isn’t the best time to travel or overdo it. Take your time right now, and think things through before taking action.
The New Moon and Full Moon of the month are both highlighting your finances and are creating progress for you here. On August 4, the New Moon in your 8th house is a good time to set your intentions for what you want to do on a daily basis, and how you want to receive financial support and feedback by doing so.
On August 19, there is a Super Blue Moon in your 2nd house of income, and this is really when you are going to be experiencing some fortunate opportunities financially. This is a good month for financial matters, and it’s all about letting go of the idea that you are not worthy of the things you have been working toward.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
Happy outcomes are coming into your life in August, Aquarius. You have been working hard on creating and living the life you dream of, and you are seeing this energy flourish in your life this month. The happiness you are feeling is contagious, and you are attracting a lot of support and success in your life in August with the Sun and a lot of the energy in your sister sign, Leo, your heart, and your emotional world are where a lot of the action is now. This all begins with a New Moon in your 7th house on August 4, and this is a good time to set your intentions for romance, relationship matters, balance, and also your finances.
Mercury goes retrograde in this same area of your chart from August 14 until August 28, and your guidance for this time is not to lose sight of all the progress you have made in love when a few challenges arise. Take any miscommunications that may happen now as a learning ground for your relationships, and choose the high road when you can. At the end of August, there is a Super Blue Moon in your sign, and this is one of the more powerful Full Moons of 2024. With this energy being in your sign, you are the one in the spotlight right now, and it’s time to soak in the confidence, empowerment, and success you are feeling now.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This month is all about having patience with yourself and with love, Pisces. The month begins with the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routine, and with a New Moon occurring here on August 4 as well. With all of this energy in your 6th house, you are taking a look at your lifestyle, what works for you, and what makes you feel purposeful. On August 4, Venus also moves into your opposite sign, Virgo, and love is coming full circle for you now, and you are thriving in this energy.
Love this month is experiencing a renewal, and a lot of this is coming from the different choices you are making when it comes to your health and overall well-being in life.
Mercury will be retrograde in your 6th house from August 14 until Mercury goes direct on August 28, and what this means for you is a chance to rethink and restrategize. A lot of this month is guiding you towards what is best for you and your daily life, however, it’s up to you to choose for yourself. Be careful with overcommitting right now, but make sure you are doing the work to put yourself and your heart in a good place. Overall, there is a lot to think about this month, but if you can trust yourself and your process, you will see an evolution in your life.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Relationships aren’t for people who merely want to be catered to (or is it coddled?) all of the time. Relationships are for those who want to be transformed — and that requires being challenged to become a better version of yourself. And yes, that means being willing to give exactly what you want to receive.
Keeping that in mind, what is something that research says will cause a relationship to be a thriving success? Well, before we get into all-a-dat, I’ll just say that I’m not even sure how many therapists/counselors/life coaches would remain in business if people really put what I’m about to say into genuine and consistent practice — I’m not exaggerating either. Because, when I read an article not too long ago about the one thing that science says creates happy unions (although, I personally think that healthy should always trump happy), it made all the sense in the world why “it” would be the answer — and why so many folks struggle to do it.
Because although the answer is simple, easy? Well, that’s another matter entirely. If you keep reading, I think you’ll get where I’m coming from when I say that, too.
The Key to a Happy Relationship Is…
GiphyOkay, so this past winter, Newsweek published an article entitled, “Science Reveals the Simple Secret Behind Happy Relationships.” Before I share, do you first want to take a stab at what the secret is? Well, according to a particular popular study, something that can either help you to remain satisfied if you are currently in a relationship or can make you especially attractive if you are currently looking for one is the art of knowing — more specifically, being intentional about understanding your partner and communicating in a way where you are clearly understood (in walks, the famous quote by author Stephen R. Covey via his bookThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “First seek to understand, then to be understood.”).
My mind constantly has songs running through it (which I personally think is a good thing) and the one that immediately came to mind here is Xscape’s throwback “Understanding.” Sing it with me now: “What I need from you is understanding. How can we communicate, if you don’t hear what I say? What I need from you is understanding. So simple as 1, 2, 3. Understanding is what I need.”
And while, on the surface, this revelation might seem like the biggest “duh” to be shot around the world, the reality is that if understanding was so obvious, why aren’t more people actually being that way towards their partner? While it could be that some folks are either too emotionally immature or too selfish to be in a relationship, to begin with, I’d venture to say the far greater issue is a lot of people know what understanding looks like in theory but not fully and totally when it comes time to actually execute it.
So, allow me to take out a moment to explain six ways that understanding manifests itself in a relationship and then four ways that it…well, doesn’t.
Signs of an Understanding Partner
1. An Understanding Partner Is Empathetic
GiphyIf you are not just willing but as able as possible to put yourself into the shoes of another, this makes you a pretty empathetic individual. That’s because empathy is literally about trying to see things from another person’s perspective so that you can understand them — and what you may be going through with them — better. Empathetic people are good listeners (more on that in a sec). Empathetic people focus more on the present than the past or the future (which keeps them from nagging or worrying).
Empathetic people are good with their body language (no eye-rolling, finger-tapping, or shoulders crossed, which typically convey cynicism or detachment — check out “15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore”). Empathetic people think before they speak. Empathetic people seek clarity over passing blame. Yeah, can you just imagine how much happier and especially healthier relationships would be if folks simply strived to be more empathetic? Have mercy.
2. An Understanding Partner Is a Good Listener
GiphyThere is a married couple in my life who, when it comes to communication, I am absolutely floored that they have lasted as long as they have. The husband? He’s charming and extremely funny, oh, but he can’t be quiet long enough to let you complete a sentence to save his life. SMDH. Meanwhile, his wife? To this day, she is the best listener that I have ever known. So much, in fact, that sometimes, when I’m talking to her on the phone, she is so quiet that I think that the call has dropped. LOL. And yes, this clash in their communication styles has caused her to consider divorce court more than a few times. I get why, too.
Cutting people off, talking over them, telling folks what you interpreted from what they said over what was actually stated, gaslighting or making definitive statements over asking questions — all of these are signs of not only being a poor listener but being rude, arrogant, and dismissive as well.
Y’all, while once reading an article on what makes someone a good listener, I really liked that the author said that a good listener is sincere, open-minded, and they are curious — they want to be a “student” of the conversation and not a teacher (hell, some folks act like they are nothing but a self-appointed principal!). When it comes to your listening skills, can you say that you listen like this? Better yet, ask your partner (or friends if you are single) what they think…then LISTEN for their answer.
3. An Understanding Partner Is Considerate
GiphyOne of my clients? I’ve known him for about 20 years at this point, and he continues to hold the blue ribbon for being the politest person I know. Hmph. Ain’t it wild how we can be so hard on children for not displaying good manners, including basic things like saying “please” and “thank you,” when we can’t even do these things our damn selves? That said, a considerate person, yes, has great manners. They also care about not hurting other people’s feelings, will often put others’ needs before their own, are patient with people (bookmark that), and will take accountability for their actions; this includes apologizing when they are wrong.
This brings me to another married couple I know and how the husband tells me that his wife never apologizes. Ugh. The level of arrogance (and/or insecurity) that comes with not being able to humble oneself and admit when they are wrong? There is no way that I could even attempt to go the distance with the kind of person who rolls like that. Sadly, though, many do, and one study calls people who act like this “defiers.” It then went on to say that these types of individuals oftentimes cross boundaries, are apathetic, and tend to have a lower level of emotional intelligence than others do.
When I put my life coach cap on about this, I’d venture to say that a lot of people who suck at apologizing probably had parents who also sucked at modeling it to them. Either way, you can’t really love well if you’re not a considerate person (even the Bible says that love is not rude — I Corinthians 13:5 — AMPC), and a part of what comes with that is owning your mistakes, poor choices, and offenses. No wiggle room here.
4. An Understanding Partner Is Kind
GiphyOne day, I’m going to write a full article on the importance of wanting a kind man over a nice guy and why it’s also essential to be kind to that kind man as well. Like I say often, a nice person is agreeable while a kind person is benevolent — and yes, there is a big difference between the two. One of the reasons why I thought it was important to bring kindness into the chat as it relates to how to be a more understanding individual is because you don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, does, or even expects of you to be kind.
No, kindness is about being thoughtful in your approach. Kindness is about speaking in a way that you would want to be spoken to. Kindness is about being compassionate. Kindness is about finding ways to compromise so that both individuals can be happy.
Kindness shows humility. Kindness accepts that others are not like them — and that is okay. Kindness makes things easier instead of more difficult. In short, kind people like peace. And while that doesn’t mean that they are going to “lose their voice” in order to get it, at the same time, they are going to deliver everything that they do in a spirit of peacefulness…and that goes a really long way as far as any relationship is concerned.
5. An Understanding Partner Is Generous
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but when I’m in the relationship space on social media, mostly what I see and hear is pure and unadulterated selfishness. All folks are talking about is what someone should be doing for them (monetarily or otherwise), and being self-absorbed is a surefire way to sabotage a relationship (once again, even the Bible says that “love is not selfish” in certain translations of I Corinthians 13). So yeah, that being said, something else that an understanding partner does is show how much they care by being proactively generous.
A generous individual gives freely (meaning that they don’t just give to get; that is usually a form of manipulation); they also like to see what they can do to help those around them. However, some other cool things about generosity are it isn’t mean-spirited, it likes to motivate and inspire others (especially their partner), and it is quick to compliment, encourage, and also be grateful for what it receives. Know what else? Generosity knows how to be content. Most definitely, generous people live in a state of satisfaction because — get this — they plant so many seeds in so many ways that they trust in karma to take care of them…and typically…it does.
6. An Understanding Partner Is Forgiving
GiphyAnother type of person who should never get into a relationship: someone who doesn’t forgive. Forgiveness can be explained in a billion different ways and yet, at the end of the day, I think one of the easiest breakdowns is it’s granting someone the kind of mercy and grace that you know you need to receive. Whew, the hypocrisy of individuals who think that they should be pardoned for their offenses while holding forgiveness like a weapon over other folks’ heads? How delusional can they be?
Anyway, understanding people get that forgiveness is a key ingredient to a successful relationship. For everyone else, check out “Are You A 'Bad Forgiver'? Read This And See.” — if you see yourself in it, either apologize to your partner for being that way or pump the breaks on getting into a relationship until you can “refine that skill.” Because, if there’s one thing that you’re going to have to do, more than a lil’ bit, it’s forgive (and, if you’re really being real…you’re going to have to ask for forgiveness too).
Signs Your Partner Doesn't Understand You
1. A Misunderstanding Partner Is a Poor Communicator
GiphyWhile checking out an article on a lawyer’s website not too long ago, it stated that 70 percent of men said that nagging and complaining led to the ultimate breakdown in communication when it came to their marriage. And before anyone deflects or dismisses this, even the Good Book says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.” (Proverbs 21:9 — AMPC)
The article then went on to say that 60 percent of men stated that a lack of appreciation also caused communication issues. Meanwhile, 80 percent of women shared that they felt a disconnect in the communication department whenever their thoughts and feelings weren’t validated, while 60 percent were simply sick of their partner talking too much about himself.
And y’all, if one person feels nitpicked to death and the other feels unheard, how can there be any type of effective communication going on — and without that, no real connection can be made/nurtured/maintained.
This one right here? From the first date with someone, pay very close attention to if they are displaying any of these signs and if you are as well. Because there really is no point in trying to build with a person if poor communication is evident straight out the gate.
2. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Unappreciative
GiphyAt the end of the day, appreciation is really all about gratitude — about displaying an attitude of thankfulness. And when it comes to being appreciative, I’ve always liked the quote by author Eckhart Tolle that says, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance;” the quote by author and professor Sonja Lyubomirsky that says, “Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation;” the quote by actor Doris Day that says, “Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty;” the quote by author John Ortberg that says, "Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation” and the Vietnamese Proverb, “When eating fruit, remember the one who planted the tree.”
What all of these things mean to me is when you look at what you already have and acknowledge how grateful you are for it, that keeps you in the present moment so that you are putting less pressure on your partner and your relationship. And y’all, even though sometimes pressure produces diamonds, as Chad from Insecure once said, “Pressure busts pipes” — and not always in a good way. Balance is key. Appreciation helps to keep things in balance.
3. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Disrespectful
GiphyY’all want to talk now or later about how Scripture instructs husbands to love their wife and wives to respect their husband (Ephesians 5:33)? Respect is about esteeming someone, and if you really want to take it to church, the Classic Amplified Version of I Peter 3:2 says that husbands should also be reverenced and that should look like this: “…[for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].”
Yeah, there really is no telling how much marital relationships would improve if more husbands decided to love from a “nourish and cherish” perspective (Ephesians 5:29), and more wives actually put respecting their husbands into daily rotation.
Anyway, in general, no one really understands how to love someone properly if they are disrespectful towards them: yelling in conversations and/or belittling in arguments; being dismissive of boundaries; acting flippant about their partner’s needs; making commitments and then not honoring them; being hypercritical; acting abusively (on any level including mentally and emotionally); not valuing their partner’s thoughts and opinions — oh, I could go on and on with this one. Truly, words cannot express how many people ruin their relationship, and it’s all due to how disrespectful they actually are.
4. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Impatient
GiphyLove. Is. Patient. It’s Scriptural, too (I Corinthians 13:4). Being patient is about not only knowing how to wait but how to wait well. In fact, as I’ve shared in other articles on the platform before, patience is defined as “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Hmph. It’s a sermon series, all on its own, how many people don’t love as much as they think they do (and definitely not as well) because they don’t know how to deal with trials that come in relationships — and trials WILL come.
Signs of being an impatient person: you get irritated easily; you have a short temper; you find yourself competing with other people; you think “wait” means “no” (or never); you make snap decisions; you constantly put feelings over actual facts; your tongue moves ahead of your brain; you stress yourself and others out; you rush, and you don’t know how to handle delays in a calm and mature manner. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone like this? Okay, so why would you expect someone else to be fine with it? (Ouch.)
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The fun thing about writing articles like this one is, that although the study simply said that understanding is what’s required to have a great relationship, that means nothing if we don’t understand what understanding actually is.
Hopefully, now, you’ve got a bit more insight into it because, now that you see what comes with being an understanding individual, it should be more evident than ever why these kinds of couples are able to see the distance in their own relationship as they find themselves smiling and oh so very satisfied along the way. Salute.
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